Post by Steve Awesome on Jan 30, 2010 14:58:44 GMT -6
“Do you know what a weird word is?”
“No….and I don’t care!!!”
The bulbous janitor known to the world as Jimmy Turner sits in the middle of a semi cabin, munching on a Leg of Lamb and taking up way more space in the middle then he really needed to. Steve Awesome sits on the passenger side with his body shoved up against door. He’s less than amused with this whole scenario and you can tell by the way he mouths the words “Help me” to passers by. In the driver’s side was Dave the crewman. He’s not all that important.
“Street.”
Jimmy rips a bite of Lamb off the bone.
“Weird word.”
Awesome groans out loud and starts hitting his head against the window. Apparently, this whole ride has been torture for the Face of the Franchise. Since five minutes from the start when Jimmy got them both caught after he had to feed his sudden craving for a “Cheez-It and Grape Jelly Burrito.”
Dave: “You guys wanna get some whores?”
Turner’s eyes widen and he gets all excited.
“I do! In fact, if you really wanna get freaky I know this trick with a donkey that Rob Diamond taught me once.”
Dave seems oddly intrigued by the proposal.
Dave: Well I’m down if you guys are down.
They both look at Steve who just shakes his head, growing more annoyed as the seconds pass.
“No! No whores!”
“Well what about the donkey thing?”
“What? No! Ewwww! Especially no donkeys. Just pull into that gas station man, I need some fresh air. I’m tired of getting the overwhelming smell of fart and bleach every time I breathe!”
Dave shrugs and gives the wheel a spin and they pull into a Gas Station. Jimmy rips off the last morsel of lamb from the bone and tosses it aside.
“I’m going in with you. I’m starving.”
Jimmy waddles out of the inside of the semi and jiggle runs toward the door. Awesome follows him inside and shuts the door behind him. Dave just sits and minds his own business when suddenly he notices a hot brunette in super skimpy clothing. I’m talking the kind of wardrobe Falcon’s mom wore back in her “hey day”. Dave does a triple take when he spots her coming near him. She motions for him to open the door and he does so.
Slut: “Hey there sailor. Looks like you got a mighty “big” rig.”
She reaches up and unzips her top a bit, revealing more cleavage.
Slut: Do you need somebody to help….”rev your engine”?
Dave smiles a perverts smile and invites the girl to climb on up into the truck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Before I was a big name in this company……”
Awesome sits alone on a giant rock. The background consists of trees and other little forest critters running around. This is obviously just a small stop along the road to L.A.
“….I was a Lance Ryan fan.”
He shrugs his shoulders and nods.
“I know, I know. Big shock…but the truth had to come out. I was working in indy feds and second class promotions, working my way up to the big time, and all I wanted to do with my career was be the next Lance Ryan. I’m not going to lie to myself, Lance is one of the main reasons I wanted to be a wrestler. I wanted to be the Icon, you know? I wanted the flashing lights, the commercial deals, the Hall of Fame spots, and most of all the respect that goes with all of it. I was just a fresh faced rookie, living my dream in this wrestling world but I would never miss a chance to see Lance compete. Whether I had to tape it, TIVO it, buy the DVD or whatever….I would sit cross legged in front of any TV that I could find and I’d watch in excitement as Lance Ryan wrestled a match. One day….I was going to be just like him….one day…I would be an Icon.”
“But now let’s fast forward to present day.”
He looks up into the camera and crosses his arms.
“I’m no longer that green rookie that studied tapes of his heroes. I’m a hero now myself. There’s probably kids out there fresh out of wrestling school that flip on a Steve Awesome DVD and there saying…”Man, I wanna be the “Face of the Franchise” myself. I’ve grown as a wrestler, as a person. I have synonymized my name with words like “the Innovator of Awesomeness”, The Face of the Franchise, the measuring stick, the gold standard. I took this company and I lifted it on my back and I carried it this far without even breaking a sweat Lance….you didn’t hand me the torch Icon…..I took it from you! I took it from you, and I helped turn nCw from it’s humble wrestling company beginning that you had a part in, and I transformed it into the greatest company going today. The competition hear has grown ten times past the level it was when you were hear last Lance, I’m sure you found that out when you lost to a guy like Joe Everyman three times in a row last year. And while you were gone Lance, spending time with your family, rusting up, losing that edge that made you a true icon, I was still hear, competing and beating the very best that nCw had to offer. Angel? Beat him. Falcon? Beat him more times than he’s beat me. Homeless “Gib” Harold? Beat him. Our battle earned us feud of the year. Jimmy Zane? Defeated? Joe Everyman? I put him down in his one hundredth match. Something you took three tries to fail at, took me one try. I even have a win over you in tag team action Lance. And I know, Gib pinned Zane, but if your as great as you like to say you are Lance….you should have been able to pull out the win. But guess what…..you didn’t.”
“All this talk about being the greatest Lance….it’s starting to get a little old. But what do I know? You pretend to give me credit by acknowledging what I’ve done in your absence as great things but yet when we start talking about you again….my achievements start to pail in comparison. Where’s your triple crown Lance? Where’s your victory over some of the toughest competitors in nCw today? I’ve beaten all the people you beat. I’ve done all the things you’ve done save for a second run as world champion….but that’s really only a three count away isn’t it Lance. The fact is Lance…..is that you seriously have no idea how this is going to go at Meta. You sit there and you talk about how great you are…and sure that might have worked on Joe and….oh wait….scratch that….It may have worked against Angel but…..um….hold on let me try this again……it may work some of the time against some of the roster but when you go up against people who don’t say there better…but prove it on a weekly basis in front of millions of people….your forced to choke on your words while your counting lights. And that right there is another major difference between an Icon and The Face of the Franchise……
He points into the camera.
“You say you’re the best to anybody who might be listening….
He points at himself.
“And I prove I’m the best to everyone who is watching!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cut back to the gas station. Steve Awesome comes walking out of the store, followed by Jimmy Turner with two arms full of munchies. Awesome looks back Jimmy who rips open an éclair and starts chowing down. Steve looks on with disgust.
“Haven’t you ever herd of “Cholesterol”?”
Jimmy shakes his head no as he chews.
“Is that some kind of new candy bar?”
Awesome just rolls his eyes and walks off, until he hears some random commotion coming from a nearby Taxi Cab.
“STAND BACK! There’s vomit coming through!”
*HURRI-RALPH!*
“These are five hundred dollar shoes ass-clown! I’m gonna kick your ass!”
The taxi cab starts shaking violently and Awesome reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone.
“I don’t like the looks of that….I’m going to call the cops. Better safe than sorry I always say.”
Jimmy nods as Steve dials 911. Fifteen minutes later police arrive and there dragging the Taxi Cab patrons into there cruisers. The guys…who look like “this” resist a little.
“Don’t you guys know I am a superhero! I don’t get intoxicated!”
“Your not a superhero, ass-clown!.”
“YES I AM!”
He tries to call upon his “Hurri-Powers” as they fight but the cops waste little time spraying pepper spray into his hurri-eyes and he falls to the ground screaming. They spray the other dude with the boy band hair cut as well and then the cops load him up along with the other guy and drive off. Leaving Awesome and Jimmy Turner alone. They walk back to where the semi was parked and notice that it’s not there!
“Um….I think Dave left without us.”
“Do you think?”
Awesome says with a sarcastic tone, kicking a rock as he does.
“Now how are we going to get to L.A?”
Suddenly, a truck with a trailer full of Donkeys pulls into the gas station. Jimmy’s eyes light up.
“”Talk about a gift from God!”
Jimmy waddle runs toward the donkeys as Awesome shudders in disgust.
“Why me?”
Fade on Steve…reluctantly walking toward a trailer filled with donkeys.
“No….and I don’t care!!!”
The bulbous janitor known to the world as Jimmy Turner sits in the middle of a semi cabin, munching on a Leg of Lamb and taking up way more space in the middle then he really needed to. Steve Awesome sits on the passenger side with his body shoved up against door. He’s less than amused with this whole scenario and you can tell by the way he mouths the words “Help me” to passers by. In the driver’s side was Dave the crewman. He’s not all that important.
“Street.”
Jimmy rips a bite of Lamb off the bone.
“Weird word.”
Awesome groans out loud and starts hitting his head against the window. Apparently, this whole ride has been torture for the Face of the Franchise. Since five minutes from the start when Jimmy got them both caught after he had to feed his sudden craving for a “Cheez-It and Grape Jelly Burrito.”
Dave: “You guys wanna get some whores?”
Turner’s eyes widen and he gets all excited.
“I do! In fact, if you really wanna get freaky I know this trick with a donkey that Rob Diamond taught me once.”
Dave seems oddly intrigued by the proposal.
Dave: Well I’m down if you guys are down.
They both look at Steve who just shakes his head, growing more annoyed as the seconds pass.
“No! No whores!”
“Well what about the donkey thing?”
“What? No! Ewwww! Especially no donkeys. Just pull into that gas station man, I need some fresh air. I’m tired of getting the overwhelming smell of fart and bleach every time I breathe!”
Dave shrugs and gives the wheel a spin and they pull into a Gas Station. Jimmy rips off the last morsel of lamb from the bone and tosses it aside.
“I’m going in with you. I’m starving.”
Jimmy waddles out of the inside of the semi and jiggle runs toward the door. Awesome follows him inside and shuts the door behind him. Dave just sits and minds his own business when suddenly he notices a hot brunette in super skimpy clothing. I’m talking the kind of wardrobe Falcon’s mom wore back in her “hey day”. Dave does a triple take when he spots her coming near him. She motions for him to open the door and he does so.
Slut: “Hey there sailor. Looks like you got a mighty “big” rig.”
She reaches up and unzips her top a bit, revealing more cleavage.
Slut: Do you need somebody to help….”rev your engine”?
Dave smiles a perverts smile and invites the girl to climb on up into the truck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Before I was a big name in this company……”
Awesome sits alone on a giant rock. The background consists of trees and other little forest critters running around. This is obviously just a small stop along the road to L.A.
“….I was a Lance Ryan fan.”
He shrugs his shoulders and nods.
“I know, I know. Big shock…but the truth had to come out. I was working in indy feds and second class promotions, working my way up to the big time, and all I wanted to do with my career was be the next Lance Ryan. I’m not going to lie to myself, Lance is one of the main reasons I wanted to be a wrestler. I wanted to be the Icon, you know? I wanted the flashing lights, the commercial deals, the Hall of Fame spots, and most of all the respect that goes with all of it. I was just a fresh faced rookie, living my dream in this wrestling world but I would never miss a chance to see Lance compete. Whether I had to tape it, TIVO it, buy the DVD or whatever….I would sit cross legged in front of any TV that I could find and I’d watch in excitement as Lance Ryan wrestled a match. One day….I was going to be just like him….one day…I would be an Icon.”
“But now let’s fast forward to present day.”
He looks up into the camera and crosses his arms.
“I’m no longer that green rookie that studied tapes of his heroes. I’m a hero now myself. There’s probably kids out there fresh out of wrestling school that flip on a Steve Awesome DVD and there saying…”Man, I wanna be the “Face of the Franchise” myself. I’ve grown as a wrestler, as a person. I have synonymized my name with words like “the Innovator of Awesomeness”, The Face of the Franchise, the measuring stick, the gold standard. I took this company and I lifted it on my back and I carried it this far without even breaking a sweat Lance….you didn’t hand me the torch Icon…..I took it from you! I took it from you, and I helped turn nCw from it’s humble wrestling company beginning that you had a part in, and I transformed it into the greatest company going today. The competition hear has grown ten times past the level it was when you were hear last Lance, I’m sure you found that out when you lost to a guy like Joe Everyman three times in a row last year. And while you were gone Lance, spending time with your family, rusting up, losing that edge that made you a true icon, I was still hear, competing and beating the very best that nCw had to offer. Angel? Beat him. Falcon? Beat him more times than he’s beat me. Homeless “Gib” Harold? Beat him. Our battle earned us feud of the year. Jimmy Zane? Defeated? Joe Everyman? I put him down in his one hundredth match. Something you took three tries to fail at, took me one try. I even have a win over you in tag team action Lance. And I know, Gib pinned Zane, but if your as great as you like to say you are Lance….you should have been able to pull out the win. But guess what…..you didn’t.”
“All this talk about being the greatest Lance….it’s starting to get a little old. But what do I know? You pretend to give me credit by acknowledging what I’ve done in your absence as great things but yet when we start talking about you again….my achievements start to pail in comparison. Where’s your triple crown Lance? Where’s your victory over some of the toughest competitors in nCw today? I’ve beaten all the people you beat. I’ve done all the things you’ve done save for a second run as world champion….but that’s really only a three count away isn’t it Lance. The fact is Lance…..is that you seriously have no idea how this is going to go at Meta. You sit there and you talk about how great you are…and sure that might have worked on Joe and….oh wait….scratch that….It may have worked against Angel but…..um….hold on let me try this again……it may work some of the time against some of the roster but when you go up against people who don’t say there better…but prove it on a weekly basis in front of millions of people….your forced to choke on your words while your counting lights. And that right there is another major difference between an Icon and The Face of the Franchise……
He points into the camera.
“You say you’re the best to anybody who might be listening….
He points at himself.
“And I prove I’m the best to everyone who is watching!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cut back to the gas station. Steve Awesome comes walking out of the store, followed by Jimmy Turner with two arms full of munchies. Awesome looks back Jimmy who rips open an éclair and starts chowing down. Steve looks on with disgust.
“Haven’t you ever herd of “Cholesterol”?”
Jimmy shakes his head no as he chews.
“Is that some kind of new candy bar?”
Awesome just rolls his eyes and walks off, until he hears some random commotion coming from a nearby Taxi Cab.
“STAND BACK! There’s vomit coming through!”
*HURRI-RALPH!*
“These are five hundred dollar shoes ass-clown! I’m gonna kick your ass!”
The taxi cab starts shaking violently and Awesome reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone.
“I don’t like the looks of that….I’m going to call the cops. Better safe than sorry I always say.”
Jimmy nods as Steve dials 911. Fifteen minutes later police arrive and there dragging the Taxi Cab patrons into there cruisers. The guys…who look like “this” resist a little.
“Don’t you guys know I am a superhero! I don’t get intoxicated!”
“Your not a superhero, ass-clown!.”
“YES I AM!”
He tries to call upon his “Hurri-Powers” as they fight but the cops waste little time spraying pepper spray into his hurri-eyes and he falls to the ground screaming. They spray the other dude with the boy band hair cut as well and then the cops load him up along with the other guy and drive off. Leaving Awesome and Jimmy Turner alone. They walk back to where the semi was parked and notice that it’s not there!
“Um….I think Dave left without us.”
“Do you think?”
Awesome says with a sarcastic tone, kicking a rock as he does.
“Now how are we going to get to L.A?”
Suddenly, a truck with a trailer full of Donkeys pulls into the gas station. Jimmy’s eyes light up.
“”Talk about a gift from God!”
Jimmy waddle runs toward the donkeys as Awesome shudders in disgust.
“Why me?”
Fade on Steve…reluctantly walking toward a trailer filled with donkeys.