Post by Mike Machado on Feb 23, 2010 14:34:49 GMT -6
”Mediocre” Mike Machado: Soo, what exactly are we doing in Mobile, Alabama?
Mike stands next to Jason Blair in a quiet, normal looking city street. Normal looking business men walk the street, presumably on their lunch breaks, or headed to a meeting. Blair looks confused, but not quite as confused as Machado.
”Sensational” Jason Blair: Two things, Mike. First is to learn heart. All we need to do is find an ignorant and self-absorbed redneck.. they always have way more confidence and conviction than intelligence.
MM: Yeah, I dunno man.. it looks pretty much like every other city I've ever been to...
JB: I realize that. It's really not working out how I anticipated. But, give it time, I say. We'll skip to number 2.
Blair begins to walk down the street toward the 2008 Honda Accord the two men are traveling in. Machado follows him without thought.
MM: Good. Because this Southern cookin' really does a number on my stomach.
JB: A poop joke. Fantastic. No, my friend, the second thing on our list for Mobile, Alabama is to visit the home of one Forrest Gump. Where we'll talk about endurance, and overcoming odds.
MM: ..And this is supposed to help me in my match again 7 other men, including Brad Kane, how?
Jason stops walking and looks at Machado, perturbed.
JB: See there you go. You're underestimating yourself, undervaluing important qualities like determination and conviction. Mike, listen to me. Sunday, in Memphis, you will absolutely be walking into a crossroad of your career. You have the chance to leapfrog yourself into the short list of contenders for gold, here. For Brad Kane and Jack Hammond, this is just another match.. another footnote in the summary of a fantastic hall of fame career. For you, this is your big break.. this could very quickly, and very easily put us on the map.
Machado ponders this for a moment as they begin to walk down the street again.
MM: You may have a point. To be honest, it looks like Brad Kane doesn't even want to be here anymore..
JB: He doesn't, Mike. He's waiting for someone like you to show him that he doesn't belong anymore. Hold on, I'm going in here to see if I can find our redneck.
Blair quickly turns into a bar on the side of the street. Machado rests against the wall of the place and addresses the nCw.
MM: I understand how you can see me as a sacrifice, Brad. Just something to hold you over while the “man” holds you down; or some such nonsense. I understand how you can see me as a distraction.. something taking your precious time and attention away from your gorgeous wife.. your family.
But I don't want you to see me as either of those things. I want you to see me as motivation. When you look at me, I want you to see the hope and the promise of a career to come. I want you to see that you aren't done here, you can beat this young punk. I don't have half the wrestling talent that you do, but I do have something that you seem to have lost.. and that's simply purpose. I don't just want to win this 8-man elimination match Sunday at Crossroads. I need the win. I need something to rest my hat on, something to build a career on.. something I can point to and say: “hey, look what I did. I beat 7 other men, including the legendary Brad Kane.” What do you need, Brad? Do you need to defend your reputation as a flawless, terrifyingly competitive force? 'Cause from where I'm standing, it seems like you need is a muzzle and a leash.
Blair walks out of the bar, alone. He continues down the street, unwavering in his search for the stereotypical redneck.
MM: Maybe Larry the Cable Guy doesn't exist in real life.. ya know? Maybe people down here are more or less the same as the people we run into on the east coast every day.
Mike pushes himself off the wall and hurries to catch up with his mentor.
MM: So I was thinking, maybe I should get on some sort of workout regimen, some kind of.. system. You know, to bulk up?
JB: Up to you, man. Let me be the first to tell you, at 5'7” you aren't going to be intimidating too many people physically no matter how big you get.
MM: Yeaah, you know I was thinking more along the lines of impressing the lady-fans. I was thinking about maybe starting the sexy system!
Blair stops walking and restrains himself from bitch-slapping machado.
JB: No. Jason Lovegun is not what you aspire to be. Women love winning, Mike. Women love fame and money. First you get the title, then you get the power, then you get the women. The only thing I want you to be thinking about Jason Lovegun is how embarrassed he's going to be when you eliminate him on Sunday.
Jason Blair begins walking again, Machado following close behind like a puppy.
MM: So.. then.. no Sexy System..
JB: No Sexy System. Besides, you're already in a self-improvement program. The Sensational Situation.
MM: Like the guy from Jersey Shore?
Blair stops again, and this time pulls his hand back before restraining himself from hitting his pupil.
JB: No. Not like the guy from the Jersey Shore. I told you, Mike. Right now you are to live and breathe wrestling. You don't worry about anything except what goes on in that ring. The rest will come in time. Here we go! I see a mechanical bull! There's gotta be a redneck in here!
Blair again takes a sharp turn into a bar. Mike stays outside, peering through the window.
MM: ”Sexy” Jason Lovegun.. are you a wrestler, or a porn star? I'm pretty confident sodomy is still illegal in Tennessee, so I'm going to give you this tip for free: Don't “unleash” the “Lovegun” on anyone in public on Sunday. I don't think you could be more homo-erotic without a penis in your mouth. Normally, this wouldn't be so much of an issue. I mean, I'm not homophobic. But it does make me slightly uneasy when a man that calls him self “Sexy Jason” is talking about giving me the “Lovegun” so that I'll “feel the power”.
Suddenly Jason Blair bursts through the doors of the bar and moves quickly in the direction of the car. He motions to Machado, hoping to convey the urgency with which they must depart.
MM: Whats up man? No luck on the redneck?
Before Machado can realize his mistake a humungous hand lands on his shoulder. The camera pans up slowly to reveal a giant, tattooed man in a leather biker jacket. Behind him are 5 slightly less monstrous, but still very large bikers.
Scary Man: You two lookin' for a fight in my bar, I'll be happy to oblige.
At this point we can't be sure that Mike has shat his pants.. but the look on his face sure says he did.
MM: Um.. no, no sir.. I was just, seeing.. if.. you wanted a Direct TV package upgrade.. for free...
Scary Man: Get out.
The man pushes Machado lightly, and Mike almost falls over. He catches himself and hurries to Jason Blair's side. The two men make their way to the car with great haste. They reach it and hop in.
MM: About that number 2...
JB: Right, we're going to go ahead and skip Forrest Gump's. I'm not too fond of this city anymore.
The Accord begins to slowly pull out of the parking spot.
JB: What the hell is that smell!?
MM: ...When we get a second, I need to change my pants.
Cut to black
Mike stands next to Jason Blair in a quiet, normal looking city street. Normal looking business men walk the street, presumably on their lunch breaks, or headed to a meeting. Blair looks confused, but not quite as confused as Machado.
”Sensational” Jason Blair: Two things, Mike. First is to learn heart. All we need to do is find an ignorant and self-absorbed redneck.. they always have way more confidence and conviction than intelligence.
MM: Yeah, I dunno man.. it looks pretty much like every other city I've ever been to...
JB: I realize that. It's really not working out how I anticipated. But, give it time, I say. We'll skip to number 2.
Blair begins to walk down the street toward the 2008 Honda Accord the two men are traveling in. Machado follows him without thought.
MM: Good. Because this Southern cookin' really does a number on my stomach.
JB: A poop joke. Fantastic. No, my friend, the second thing on our list for Mobile, Alabama is to visit the home of one Forrest Gump. Where we'll talk about endurance, and overcoming odds.
MM: ..And this is supposed to help me in my match again 7 other men, including Brad Kane, how?
Jason stops walking and looks at Machado, perturbed.
JB: See there you go. You're underestimating yourself, undervaluing important qualities like determination and conviction. Mike, listen to me. Sunday, in Memphis, you will absolutely be walking into a crossroad of your career. You have the chance to leapfrog yourself into the short list of contenders for gold, here. For Brad Kane and Jack Hammond, this is just another match.. another footnote in the summary of a fantastic hall of fame career. For you, this is your big break.. this could very quickly, and very easily put us on the map.
Machado ponders this for a moment as they begin to walk down the street again.
MM: You may have a point. To be honest, it looks like Brad Kane doesn't even want to be here anymore..
JB: He doesn't, Mike. He's waiting for someone like you to show him that he doesn't belong anymore. Hold on, I'm going in here to see if I can find our redneck.
Blair quickly turns into a bar on the side of the street. Machado rests against the wall of the place and addresses the nCw.
MM: I understand how you can see me as a sacrifice, Brad. Just something to hold you over while the “man” holds you down; or some such nonsense. I understand how you can see me as a distraction.. something taking your precious time and attention away from your gorgeous wife.. your family.
But I don't want you to see me as either of those things. I want you to see me as motivation. When you look at me, I want you to see the hope and the promise of a career to come. I want you to see that you aren't done here, you can beat this young punk. I don't have half the wrestling talent that you do, but I do have something that you seem to have lost.. and that's simply purpose. I don't just want to win this 8-man elimination match Sunday at Crossroads. I need the win. I need something to rest my hat on, something to build a career on.. something I can point to and say: “hey, look what I did. I beat 7 other men, including the legendary Brad Kane.” What do you need, Brad? Do you need to defend your reputation as a flawless, terrifyingly competitive force? 'Cause from where I'm standing, it seems like you need is a muzzle and a leash.
Blair walks out of the bar, alone. He continues down the street, unwavering in his search for the stereotypical redneck.
MM: Maybe Larry the Cable Guy doesn't exist in real life.. ya know? Maybe people down here are more or less the same as the people we run into on the east coast every day.
Mike pushes himself off the wall and hurries to catch up with his mentor.
MM: So I was thinking, maybe I should get on some sort of workout regimen, some kind of.. system. You know, to bulk up?
JB: Up to you, man. Let me be the first to tell you, at 5'7” you aren't going to be intimidating too many people physically no matter how big you get.
MM: Yeaah, you know I was thinking more along the lines of impressing the lady-fans. I was thinking about maybe starting the sexy system!
Blair stops walking and restrains himself from bitch-slapping machado.
JB: No. Jason Lovegun is not what you aspire to be. Women love winning, Mike. Women love fame and money. First you get the title, then you get the power, then you get the women. The only thing I want you to be thinking about Jason Lovegun is how embarrassed he's going to be when you eliminate him on Sunday.
Jason Blair begins walking again, Machado following close behind like a puppy.
MM: So.. then.. no Sexy System..
JB: No Sexy System. Besides, you're already in a self-improvement program. The Sensational Situation.
MM: Like the guy from Jersey Shore?
Blair stops again, and this time pulls his hand back before restraining himself from hitting his pupil.
JB: No. Not like the guy from the Jersey Shore. I told you, Mike. Right now you are to live and breathe wrestling. You don't worry about anything except what goes on in that ring. The rest will come in time. Here we go! I see a mechanical bull! There's gotta be a redneck in here!
Blair again takes a sharp turn into a bar. Mike stays outside, peering through the window.
MM: ”Sexy” Jason Lovegun.. are you a wrestler, or a porn star? I'm pretty confident sodomy is still illegal in Tennessee, so I'm going to give you this tip for free: Don't “unleash” the “Lovegun” on anyone in public on Sunday. I don't think you could be more homo-erotic without a penis in your mouth. Normally, this wouldn't be so much of an issue. I mean, I'm not homophobic. But it does make me slightly uneasy when a man that calls him self “Sexy Jason” is talking about giving me the “Lovegun” so that I'll “feel the power”.
Suddenly Jason Blair bursts through the doors of the bar and moves quickly in the direction of the car. He motions to Machado, hoping to convey the urgency with which they must depart.
MM: Whats up man? No luck on the redneck?
Before Machado can realize his mistake a humungous hand lands on his shoulder. The camera pans up slowly to reveal a giant, tattooed man in a leather biker jacket. Behind him are 5 slightly less monstrous, but still very large bikers.
Scary Man: You two lookin' for a fight in my bar, I'll be happy to oblige.
At this point we can't be sure that Mike has shat his pants.. but the look on his face sure says he did.
MM: Um.. no, no sir.. I was just, seeing.. if.. you wanted a Direct TV package upgrade.. for free...
Scary Man: Get out.
The man pushes Machado lightly, and Mike almost falls over. He catches himself and hurries to Jason Blair's side. The two men make their way to the car with great haste. They reach it and hop in.
MM: About that number 2...
JB: Right, we're going to go ahead and skip Forrest Gump's. I'm not too fond of this city anymore.
The Accord begins to slowly pull out of the parking spot.
JB: What the hell is that smell!?
MM: ...When we get a second, I need to change my pants.
Cut to black