Post by Jack Hammond on Mar 11, 2010 18:23:42 GMT -6
In a surprising twist from the norm, it appears as though a Hammond promo is appearing nCw screens well before the final deadline for once. However, it appears to have a more professional look about it, Hammond himself dressed smartly in a suit as he sits behind what appears to be a newsroom desk. A flashy set of titles pop up, along with a 'serious news' jingle as he rotates in his chair, fixing the camera with the most professional gaze he can muster, speaking up in his best newsreader style voice as the jingle stops.
"Good evening and welcome to nCw news, I'm your anchor, Jack Hammond. Our top story tonight; mayhem and carnage brought to an arena cafeteria as hoodlums go an a destructive rampage that has caused literally some dollars worth of damage. We go to our reporter in the field; me, who made this in-depth report into what's being known now as the 'Food-Hall Massacre', earlier."
A cut from the newsdesk to the inside of an arena cafeteria, tables, chairs and food stewn messily all over the floor, Hammond now in more reporter-stule casual gear as he surveys the horrific scene. He shakes his head sadly as he grips at the microphone in his hand.
"Only a few hours ago, anyone wanting to eat here would have been able to sample the many fine dishes that had been cooked and put on offer to the nCw Superstars, free for them to eat before and after the house shows this past weekend. However, three hoodlums decided to take advantage of the kind hospitality that had been laid on, and promptly destroyed this peaceful cafeteria."
A grim look is fixed on Hammond's face as he looks down, the scene cordoned off by what appears to be police tape, a couple of forensic profilers pacing around behind him, taking photos of the fallen foodstuffs, also shaking their heads sadly.
"As you can see behind me, they left nothing untouched. Tables have been left overturned, with salad leaves, potato chips and scattered sandwiches left to soak up the spilled gatorade and root beer. Most worryingly of all is the apparent non-discriminatory method in the attack. The snack foods suffered the same fate as the prepared hot meals, like the stake pie I've nearly stepped in. I'm not ashamed to admit I had to fight back the tears when I saw this scene you see behind me for the first time, the horror of all of this food being wasted."
Hammond looks down sadly, kneeling down beside a cracked bowl, cheesy Doritos scattered around it.
"Some of these chips could have found themselves being happily consumed by several people, found a good home to be digested and turned into productive energy. Instead, three madmen decided to take away that future from them and here they now lie...until the janitor arrives."
The Hamster sighs, shaking his head as he stands up again, looking at the camera with accusation and anger burning in his eyes, despite his professional reporter demeanour.
"It is believed the two of the madmen in question were reported to have been in a furious rage, according to some witnesses. Speculation is rife, many people wondering what could have brought this turn of events around. A few people I spoke to said that it was due to the loss of a title that used to be in their possession and they were simply 'venting their frustrations'. Another person I spoke to said that this whole incident was due to the fact there was no proper food to appease the men, the lack of roadkill apparently sparking their anger. We have no firm leads to the cause, all we know is the result."
He looks again to the chaotic scene as the forensic investigators appear to be sampling some of the mashed potato, dipping fingers into the pile.
"It is believed that no charges are being brought against these men, let alone the cleaning bill or the cheque they owe for the food they so carelessly wasted. It is believed that one man, a Jack Hammond will be facing one of the suspects in question, Curtis Kanyon this Friday. Whether or not the subject of the wrecked cafeteria has anything to do with it has not been confirmed, but according to Mister Hammond he will 'not be looking to start a simple food fight'. There was a pun mentioned about 'spilt milk' and 'crying' but this reporter deemed it too horrible to even worth mentioning. From the scene of an admittedly tasty crime scene, I'm Jack Hammond."
The camera cuts back to the studio, the 'Anchor Hammond' looking at the screen for a few uncomfortable seconds, apparently drooling and licking his lips hungrily before he manages to shake himself free of his hunger-induced trance, looking up again.
"As a follow-up to that report, we've managed to secure a few bits of information about this reported 'match' for this Friday, thanks to an exclusive interview with Mister Hammond himself, who had this to say."
Another cut shows Hammond sitting in a studio, the lights down fairly low as he smiles aimiably at the camera.
"So I may not be that great as a news reporter or a host, and so it seems that I may not even be that good a wrestler considering my recent record; four straight losses in a row. And now I have to deal with a pissed-off redneck who takes food fights a little too far. Forget throwing toys out of the pram because you lost, Curtis will throw the whole damn bistro at you if you dare mention he's no longer one half of the tag-team champions."
He shrugs his shoulder nonchalantly, apparently unfazed at the prospect of angering Curtis any further than he already has.
"So, Curtis. We're both coming into this match to try to save a bit of face. You're wanting to make an example out of me to let everyone else know that you're nowhere near done and that you should still be a champion, and I'm wanting not to suck anymore. Swings and roundabouts, I'll admit, but it makes this match no less important. You want to pound me into much, to beat up until you can't lift your arms anymore. You say you're going to bring your top-level A-game to the table for me, which does make feel that little more special than I already do."
Hammond chuckles, shaking his head slowly as he reclines a little further in his seat.
"I really wouldn't expect anything less from an-ex champ. So I suppose you wouldn't have any problems with me promising the same. Sure, I may not have the burning rage that you do, nor the desire to toss the biscuits and gravy around because things aren't going all that great for me, but I have to get myself back on my feet somehow. So perhaps beating one-half of the longest-reigning Tag-Team champions in nCw will be just the ticket."
Another chuckle passes the Hamster's lips as he leans forward, staring into the camera little more intensely.
"But you're not in a tag match, Curtis. No Ron there for you to tag in and take a break, nobody watching your back. Sure, I've no doubt that you'll need your moral support with you and he'll be ringside...I've even got a sneaking suspicion that he'll be more than just an eyesore and perhaps interject himself somewhere, somehow. But I can't dwell on that and neither should you, Curtis; it'll be just you and me. Now, I really hope you don't come charging down, seeing red and hoping to squish me. Many have tried that tactic after I get up their chuff with a few snide insults, and many have fallen because of it. You underestimate what I'm capable of and in all probability, there's going to be another cafeteria getting wrecked. I just hope this time I can save myself a bowl of crisps before you do; it'll be hungry work kicking you around the ring after all."
Hammond smirks confidently, nodding at the camera as he clasps his hands together tightly, his knuckles whitening slightly as he gets himself amped up at the thought of facing Curtis down.
"So good luck, Curtis. Your little plan to take your belts back starts with me...I'm sure that you don't want it to end so quickly. But beating up an overconfident and raging redneck? How hard can that be?"
There's a cut back to 'Anchor Hammond' who nods before looking back at his own camera, arching an eyebrow as he cuts into his anchor-voice.
"As always we will be following that report through the night, ready to bring you updates as soon as they happen. But coming up after the break, a shocking report into how difficult it can be to hide a camera in the nCw Women's Shower Area."
There's a quick cut to a shot of 'Reporter Hammond' standing outside a locker room, wincing as he tends to a very pronounced red hand mark from where he's apparently been slapped on the cheek, before it cuts back to the news desk.
"And we will also be asking the burning question on every nCw fan's lips in tonight's debate; how much more annoying can Angel's facial hair get?"
The scene finally cuts away to the fake station's logo, the camera swinging away a little, 'Anchor-Hammond' shuffling his papers on his desk as all news reporters do as the promo cuts out to commercial.
"Good evening and welcome to nCw news, I'm your anchor, Jack Hammond. Our top story tonight; mayhem and carnage brought to an arena cafeteria as hoodlums go an a destructive rampage that has caused literally some dollars worth of damage. We go to our reporter in the field; me, who made this in-depth report into what's being known now as the 'Food-Hall Massacre', earlier."
A cut from the newsdesk to the inside of an arena cafeteria, tables, chairs and food stewn messily all over the floor, Hammond now in more reporter-stule casual gear as he surveys the horrific scene. He shakes his head sadly as he grips at the microphone in his hand.
"Only a few hours ago, anyone wanting to eat here would have been able to sample the many fine dishes that had been cooked and put on offer to the nCw Superstars, free for them to eat before and after the house shows this past weekend. However, three hoodlums decided to take advantage of the kind hospitality that had been laid on, and promptly destroyed this peaceful cafeteria."
A grim look is fixed on Hammond's face as he looks down, the scene cordoned off by what appears to be police tape, a couple of forensic profilers pacing around behind him, taking photos of the fallen foodstuffs, also shaking their heads sadly.
"As you can see behind me, they left nothing untouched. Tables have been left overturned, with salad leaves, potato chips and scattered sandwiches left to soak up the spilled gatorade and root beer. Most worryingly of all is the apparent non-discriminatory method in the attack. The snack foods suffered the same fate as the prepared hot meals, like the stake pie I've nearly stepped in. I'm not ashamed to admit I had to fight back the tears when I saw this scene you see behind me for the first time, the horror of all of this food being wasted."
Hammond looks down sadly, kneeling down beside a cracked bowl, cheesy Doritos scattered around it.
"Some of these chips could have found themselves being happily consumed by several people, found a good home to be digested and turned into productive energy. Instead, three madmen decided to take away that future from them and here they now lie...until the janitor arrives."
The Hamster sighs, shaking his head as he stands up again, looking at the camera with accusation and anger burning in his eyes, despite his professional reporter demeanour.
"It is believed the two of the madmen in question were reported to have been in a furious rage, according to some witnesses. Speculation is rife, many people wondering what could have brought this turn of events around. A few people I spoke to said that it was due to the loss of a title that used to be in their possession and they were simply 'venting their frustrations'. Another person I spoke to said that this whole incident was due to the fact there was no proper food to appease the men, the lack of roadkill apparently sparking their anger. We have no firm leads to the cause, all we know is the result."
He looks again to the chaotic scene as the forensic investigators appear to be sampling some of the mashed potato, dipping fingers into the pile.
"It is believed that no charges are being brought against these men, let alone the cleaning bill or the cheque they owe for the food they so carelessly wasted. It is believed that one man, a Jack Hammond will be facing one of the suspects in question, Curtis Kanyon this Friday. Whether or not the subject of the wrecked cafeteria has anything to do with it has not been confirmed, but according to Mister Hammond he will 'not be looking to start a simple food fight'. There was a pun mentioned about 'spilt milk' and 'crying' but this reporter deemed it too horrible to even worth mentioning. From the scene of an admittedly tasty crime scene, I'm Jack Hammond."
The camera cuts back to the studio, the 'Anchor Hammond' looking at the screen for a few uncomfortable seconds, apparently drooling and licking his lips hungrily before he manages to shake himself free of his hunger-induced trance, looking up again.
"As a follow-up to that report, we've managed to secure a few bits of information about this reported 'match' for this Friday, thanks to an exclusive interview with Mister Hammond himself, who had this to say."
Another cut shows Hammond sitting in a studio, the lights down fairly low as he smiles aimiably at the camera.
"So I may not be that great as a news reporter or a host, and so it seems that I may not even be that good a wrestler considering my recent record; four straight losses in a row. And now I have to deal with a pissed-off redneck who takes food fights a little too far. Forget throwing toys out of the pram because you lost, Curtis will throw the whole damn bistro at you if you dare mention he's no longer one half of the tag-team champions."
He shrugs his shoulder nonchalantly, apparently unfazed at the prospect of angering Curtis any further than he already has.
"So, Curtis. We're both coming into this match to try to save a bit of face. You're wanting to make an example out of me to let everyone else know that you're nowhere near done and that you should still be a champion, and I'm wanting not to suck anymore. Swings and roundabouts, I'll admit, but it makes this match no less important. You want to pound me into much, to beat up until you can't lift your arms anymore. You say you're going to bring your top-level A-game to the table for me, which does make feel that little more special than I already do."
Hammond chuckles, shaking his head slowly as he reclines a little further in his seat.
"I really wouldn't expect anything less from an-ex champ. So I suppose you wouldn't have any problems with me promising the same. Sure, I may not have the burning rage that you do, nor the desire to toss the biscuits and gravy around because things aren't going all that great for me, but I have to get myself back on my feet somehow. So perhaps beating one-half of the longest-reigning Tag-Team champions in nCw will be just the ticket."
Another chuckle passes the Hamster's lips as he leans forward, staring into the camera little more intensely.
"But you're not in a tag match, Curtis. No Ron there for you to tag in and take a break, nobody watching your back. Sure, I've no doubt that you'll need your moral support with you and he'll be ringside...I've even got a sneaking suspicion that he'll be more than just an eyesore and perhaps interject himself somewhere, somehow. But I can't dwell on that and neither should you, Curtis; it'll be just you and me. Now, I really hope you don't come charging down, seeing red and hoping to squish me. Many have tried that tactic after I get up their chuff with a few snide insults, and many have fallen because of it. You underestimate what I'm capable of and in all probability, there's going to be another cafeteria getting wrecked. I just hope this time I can save myself a bowl of crisps before you do; it'll be hungry work kicking you around the ring after all."
Hammond smirks confidently, nodding at the camera as he clasps his hands together tightly, his knuckles whitening slightly as he gets himself amped up at the thought of facing Curtis down.
"So good luck, Curtis. Your little plan to take your belts back starts with me...I'm sure that you don't want it to end so quickly. But beating up an overconfident and raging redneck? How hard can that be?"
There's a cut back to 'Anchor Hammond' who nods before looking back at his own camera, arching an eyebrow as he cuts into his anchor-voice.
"As always we will be following that report through the night, ready to bring you updates as soon as they happen. But coming up after the break, a shocking report into how difficult it can be to hide a camera in the nCw Women's Shower Area."
There's a quick cut to a shot of 'Reporter Hammond' standing outside a locker room, wincing as he tends to a very pronounced red hand mark from where he's apparently been slapped on the cheek, before it cuts back to the news desk.
"And we will also be asking the burning question on every nCw fan's lips in tonight's debate; how much more annoying can Angel's facial hair get?"
The scene finally cuts away to the fake station's logo, the camera swinging away a little, 'Anchor-Hammond' shuffling his papers on his desk as all news reporters do as the promo cuts out to commercial.