Post by Ricky Johnson on Mar 24, 2010 6:07:53 GMT -6
Good afternoon, members of the Press, Friends, Family, President of the Nike Corporation, CEO of Buick, Mom and fans across the world. I come before you today to answer for my actions, and I plan on doing that. I want to first thank you all for coming and supporting me during this, for the sake of argument, “difficult” time. All of your letters of encouragement have been very comforting, I guess.
I know all the parts that we’re supposed to play. You’re all doing an excellent job of being absolutely mortified that I’m human, and I’m supposed to come out and talk about how confused and profoundly damaged I must be. But instead of all that, I’d like to, for once, talk about an adult situation like an adult to a bunch of other adults. Hopefully, by the end of my speech, you’ll understand why I did what I did, and we’ll all be able to move passed this.
I’m Ricky Johnson
Think about that. Really let it sink in. You know who I am even if you probably can’t name a single other golfer (athletes/actors-turned wrestler and Steve Austin don’t count). I am Ricky Johnson. It takes giant balls to say to your friends one day, “Hey, from now on my name is ‘Dick’” and actually pull it off. And I did, because I have ‘em.
There are people out there, men, who say they would never do what they think I did. I appreciate your display of what you think is honor and integrity, but I’m going to be straight with you: You cannot make that claim until you’ve lived like Ricky Johnson for a few months. And, brother, you have not. I am the only person on this planet who knows what it’s like to be Ricky Johnson. It is a hard, lonely and, yes, ass-filled world. You might think you see temptation from coworkers, or friends or ex-girlfriends, and you may have resisted them all. But being Ricky Johnson enters you into a brand new world of temptation, things you couldn’t even imagine. I’m the captain of the football team of the universe.
I can’t stress how easy these women make incognito ****ing. I’ll find them waiting in my hotel room, already in my bed and swearing they’ll never tell anyone about this and they’ll be gone in the morning. A naked chick, in my bed, saying, “No one will find out, I just want to have sex with you one time and then I’ll be on my way.” You can’t even imagine a scenario where that happens for you, and it happens to me multiple times a day. Women break into my limo while it’s moving and try to have sex with me. Have you ever tried to push a half-naked 19-year-old out of the sun roof of a moving limousine? Of course you haven’t. One time on the golf course I reached into the hole to retrieve my ball and there was a titty in there. I still don’t know how she got in there, she must’ve been waiting underground for days. I mean, how did she even breathe?
But I’m straying. My point is, I’m in a culture that screams my name and elevates me to God-like status because I’m dynamite at golfing, and I’m surrounded by gorgeous women who make it so easy to have sex with them I’d almost be stupid not to. It’s easy for you to turn down hypothetical sex with a cute woman you see on the subway who might be flirting with you. 10,000 miles from home, could you turn that down? You don’t know how to answer because it isn’t part of your reality.
Of course you wouldn’t have made the same moves I made: We’re playing two different games.
I’ve Earned This
For two reasons. To begin with, you made me this way, America. You wanted a superstar, somebody to put on a pedestal. You don’t even want a really good wrestler, you want an inhumanly good wrestler, the best in history. I wanted to make a living doing something I liked, but you wanted me to be the greatest. So fine, I’ll do that. I’ve broken every golf record, I’m athlete of the year, athlete of the decade, hell, I got a hole-in-one in real golf. This stuff is certainly difficult but I do it. And I put up with how badly society wants me to be the Golf God, but there’s got to be a give and take, right? You want a superhero, so I’ll be one, fine. Just so long as I can get some ****ing done on the side. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. The media follows me every day to see what I’m doing. People come up to me on the street and tell me I’m the greatest. If I’m so great, shouldn’t I be ****ing something? I think you see my point.
Do you know how many sorority sisters were chasing after dudes who read Pro Wrestling Illustrated and idolized Hulk Hogan? ****ing zero. “Oooh, Ricky, your putting makes me so hot. Can you show me your X-Division Championship again?” Bull****. You think I had weird hobbies? Don’t tell me I didn’t earn as much porking as I can get my hands on.
My Marriage
Look, I’ll be straight with you. My marriage is… fine, sure. I don’t want to talk a lot of **** on my marriage, but at the end of the day, she’s a lady pro wrestler who married a professional wrestler worth over a hundred million dollars. Terrific girl. Would we have met and married if I wasn’t Ricky Johnson? Or if she wasn’t also a wrestler? I don’t know, but probably not. Do you know why she came to nCw? On the advice of a model who was married to a wrestler. It’s just sort of how things go. And to begin with, when your marriage lives and dies in the media, the sanctity of that marriage is ultimately, at best, shaky. There will always be doubt on both sides, because the circumstances by which we came together are so suspect. “He only likes me because I’m a redhead,” “She only likes me because I’m Ricky Johnson.”
And stop feeling sorry for her. She’s ****ing Ricky Johnson in one of her many luxurious mansions. She’s doing fine. And, at any rate, what does it matter? As far as your nCw-watching experience goes, what does it even matter? Did you watch me, buy my nCw merch and enjoy my commercials because I ruled ass at wrestling, or because you thought I was faithfully sticking it only to my wife?
Sex is Awesome and I’m Great At It
Look, we’re all adults here. This doesn’t need to turn into a farce. I know for a fact that if I claim this is a problem, and if I check into rehab for any period of time, every single person who is currently mad at me will forgive me unconditionally. Some of you will support me even harder, because our culture loves comeback stories. I know that all it takes is a few weeks in a resort-like rehab clinic. You don’t need a doctor to say I’m cured, you don’t need a report detailing my recovery, you don’t need to any kind of verifiable proof whatsoever that suggests I’ve changed in any way. You just need to physically see me walk in and out of a building that says “Rehab” on the side and that is literally all you’d need to forgive me.
As easy as that is, I’m not going to do it for two reasons. For one, it’s just a shallow, ridiculous play that I want no part of. It’s like a puppet show for adults. The reason puppet shows are entertaining when you’re a kid is because you can’t see the strings. Once you see the strings, the magic’s gone and you’re just watching a guy playing with dolls and going through the motions. How is that a rewarding experience?
And beyond that, I’m not a sex addict. I’m just not. It’s not a disease I suffer from, it’s not a problem, it’s never physically hurt in any way I didn’t want it to hurt. I just really, really like it.
And I’m really, really good at it. I don’t want to say I’m the best, just yet. A few people have been calling me “the Ricky Johnson of ****ing,” and that might be a bit premature, but I don’t think it’s too far off, either. I certainly want to be the best, and I won’t rest until I am, but for now I’m just a guy who really likes putting my dick in things. Any guy in the audience pretending he isn’t the exact same way is a dirty, filthy liar.
And finally,
I am Ricky Johnson
Seriously. Do you even get that? Ricky ****ing Johnson.
==============================================
The presser is over
Everyone is gone.
She will hate me for it.
But, if I may, I need to say this.
Roxi, I love you. You know it, I know it. I trust you. You know it, I know it. But you don't trust me. Not anymore. So I must ask "why?"
What have I done? Have you seen anything? No. You are believing anyone with camera time who comes on the air to talk about me. But you, of all people should know what is said about me isn't always true.
Have you ever done you wrong, Rox? No. I have been with you for 5 years. Even back when times were tough. Before we had anything. Because you knew I would make it, and share it with you. And I have. It could have been very easy to cheat all this time, and I haven't. It could have been easy to dump you on the corner when I made it big. and I didn't.
Why would I jepordize that now over some woman I haven't seen since High School? You know me better than that Rox. Sarah likes me, and I like her, but liking someone doesn't mean your screwing around on your wife or husband with them.
You have meant so much to me. You saved my life for god sake! You took a bullet to keep me alive. You almost died for me. And after all of that, I'm just going to up and cheat on you huh? Doesn't make much sense does it?
I trust you Roxi, I never doubted when you were taken from me by Bukakke Man. I never though you would develop Stockholm syndrome and up and screw him. I fought to get you back. I never doubted you for a second. Now, without any proof of anything close to it, I'm the bad guy? Come to think of it, I saved your life too! I-
...
You know what, I'm sorry for all of this.
I'm sorry for the pain I caused.
I'm sorry, and I love you.
==============================================
{He stands at the window of the mansion's bedroom, so often seen.}
Ricky - I feel I made my peace with all of you. But, to clarify and to drive home the point, I'll say it again. I DID NOT cheat on Roxi. But it seems all of you have made it a point, with no evidence whatsoever to jugde me. To stretch the truth and jump to conclusions. Congradualtions, you have accomplished your daily exercise and become to equivilent of Fox News.
{He turns, slightly}
Ricky - All of that aisde, I must prepare for my match this Sunday at the Coliseum. I've heard the comments from just about everyone, Bates, AJ, Paul Star, Zane. I'm sure there will be more to come, and that's to be expected. But I did notice a funny thing. Everyone who has put out promotional work this week in reguards to the match, have one thing in common....ME.
Now, They will all say they're just getting me out of the way, and they don't take me as a threat, or some other nonsense to attempt to kill the issue. But you, me, and all of them, know better. They all know how much of a threat I am. How dangerous I can be. My reputation is nothing to sneeze at, and they know it. But I'll wait for the amusing jokes about that, or how someone will actually sneeze at me talking about my rep, because its what they do. Yes children, have your fun.
Now, Mr. Jacobsen said that one slip could mean the end. Which is very true given the nature of this match. But, it's true for many things in life. We all live precarious lives don't we? If Adrian Peterson lands the wrong way on a run, his career is over. If a laywer misses his facts, he loses the case. We all live dangerously, AJ.
By the same token, The same statement is true for you as well. You bleed like everyone else. You feel pain, you feel anguish. If you don't remember, you shall be reaquainted with them on Sunday. And for the record, there are 208 bones in the body, not 206. Look it up. The sternum is three bones. But, it's like you said, one slip. It's just in this case, you look like an uneducated idiot, and your career is still intact. You may not be so lucky Sunday.
But the reason I start with you instead of everyone else is simple. You made this personal. My personal life is none of your concern. What you think I did, is irrelevent to this situation, AJ. You, like everyone else who's playing morality police, know the same: ZERO. You are speculating. And why? so you can insult me on the basis of character. Now, my record isn't clean AJ, I've done some things I'm not proud of. The same can be said for everyone. But that, has nothing to do with this match. So, you have made this a personal issue. Now, what I will agree with you on, suprisingly, is last week. We did not make a good team, and I wasn't 100% focused on this match. As you so cleverly pointed out, I had other issues on my mind. But rest assured Andrew, That's all over now. My soul is clean, no matter what you think or say about it.
Come to think of it, why should I even entertain your petty insults? What have you done? Because you won the X-Division title? You think you deserve some kind of respect for that? I've been there, done that, Kid. And the person who took that title from me was Angel, the current world champion not a nobody like someone I know.
{He chuckles to himself}
Ricky - Which brings me to Paul Star. The man who has fallen into the same category as so many others, they get a pinfall or some other type of win in a match with my name attached to it, and they never let it go. Why? Because I'm a big name. Nothing more, nothing less. Paul Star however, is a mere step up from them. He pinned me in a tag match. A triple threat tag match no less. With a partner I didn't trust. Impressive to say the least. It takes a whole lot skill of catch someone from behind doesn't it? But then again, by looking at you, I'd say you have plenty of practice catching men from behind.
But, I digress. Paul Star is the X-division champion, I said it before I'll say it again, been there, done that. Back when it meant something. Now, since you have it, it means very little. It used to mean you were on your way to the top. Now, it seems, the title means we'll give you this title some that we have a record of you being here. You are another man, like AJ, who have just seemed to hang around long enough to be noticed, but not long enough to be remembered. I have not seen a Paul Star match, besides beating AJ for the X-division title, to which I say "meh".
I wasn't off when I said that you were a Ricky Johnson clone. You are, in every way possible. It would be flattering and funny if it wasn't so sad. I feel like I should sue you for gimmick infringement, but I'm not one to kick a man while he's down. You Paul, you the biggest walking advertisement for birth control I've ever laid my eyes on. You get a cheap win in a tag match and all of a sudden you are some sort of great wrestler. Trust me on this one pally boy, I've seen better. I've fought better, I've beaten better. I am better. And for the record while it's nice to hear that you'll be paying special attention to my movements this Sunday, there is also something offputting about that too. Especially coming from you. At least you don't have make-up while doing it. Then I might be worried. But enough about Jimmy Zane.
{he turns to face the camera.}
Ricky - Jimmy Zane, one half of infamous. A tag team that has taken irony way too seriously. My webster's dictionary difines "Infamous" as "having an extremely bad reputation." So, in case you didn't catch the joke, they want to be famous for being Infamous.
{He laughs. A single "HA"}
Ricky - I get it. It's not funny, nor does it make any sense, but I can see that those things clearly don't stop you from running your mouth, either. But all you could muster was " I beat him before." Twice by my count, and never one on one. So you, like Paul Star fall into that category. But what have you done in nCw Jimmy? You also won the X-Division title? Are they just giving them away for free now? Aside from that? Oh that's right...
NOTHING.
See I can do it too. So by all accounts Jimmy, you are the Buffalo Bills of wrestling. You win a few matches here and there, you may even win an important match now and again. But when it really matters Jim, When it's all or nothing, you wind up with nothing. Always the bridemaid, never the bride, eh, Jimbo? I guess that's where you got the idea for infamous from huh? You are infamous for choking in big matches. Gib most recently. That's not something to be proud of Jim. But if you want to run with that, be my guest. But as I said, you choke in big matches, and this Sunday is a big match, You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what will happen to you. You just have to be smarter than Will Washington.
{He walks slowly towards the bed.}
Ricky - But I'm forgetting your partner, Bates. The man who thinks that being hit with a stick for a promo is A)impressive to anyone, and B) is really relevent to this match. Word to the unwise Bates, Being hit with a stick doesn't make you tough. It makes you soft. But for you, I'm sure it's a smooth transition. Your words are hallow Kris. By doing this "training" you are setting yourself up for dissapointment. And no, I'm not talking about me winning, because that's a given. I'm talking about Jimmy Zane betraying you. Now Jimmy said that it doesn't matter which one of you wins, I know this. But if you think for one second that he going to let you win, you are mistaken. You don't think choke artist Jimmy wants the same thing you want? do you think he has confidence that you can beat Angel? I doubt it.
But far be it from me to try to break up a couple, I'm just stating a fact. Kris, taking me out is much easier said that done. Even if you and Jimmy do work as a team, which I'm counting on. You want to take me out? It's gonna take more than you got to do it. More than you and Chokey's got. More than the whole damn Infamous stable's got. You must not know who I am. You'd best read the paper, ask somebody who knows, or at least watch a match. I do not retreat. I do not surrender. I have retired people better than you, have injured people better than you, and made people like you regret ever trying to take me out. Because I won't go away Kris. Once you start something with me, I will not stop until one of two things happens. 1)I win. or 2)I die. And someone like you can't kill me.
But, I can see there is no reaching you that way, so let me say this: I will challenge you on one thing you did say. I will be suprised when Kristoff Liam Bates win the world title at A Night to Remember. 100% Shocked. Because it's not going to happen. Why do I say this? Because it's going to be hard for you to win anything at A Night to Remember when I walk out of the Coliseum the winner, and you are rendered....Infamous, for letting your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass, Bates.
{He sits down on the bed.}
Ricky - So, we've now come to Will Washington. The Patriot. The only man not to speak so far. Will must know something we all don't. Or Will is nervous. Or, more logically, he's trying to find a way to fit "Patriot", "USA","America" or "Obamacare" into his promo. Will, I feel bad for people like you. Patriots today are not what they once were. But wouldn't know that, would you? You are uneducated, you blindly follow the small majority who don't care about facts on any subject, just that they are right, and everyone else is wrong. Those flag-waving, troop-supporting,knuckle-dragging mouth breathers who believe that Amercia is no.1 in everything, America single-handedly won every war, and those who disagree are un-american.
I love my country, probably more than you, Will. I love it so much, I can criticize it when it makes mistakes. No one person, place, or thing, is perfect, aside from one guy. And no, it's not you. I love this country, but people like you ruin it for everyone. If we're number 1, why are we #37 on Healthcare? Why are we #48 on Infant Mortality, Why are we #55 in literacy? Why are we #72 on Overall health? And by the way, that's WORLD rankings. Why is that Will? Because the "pariots" like you, don't care. As long as you're okay, everybody else is too.
Now, as I said, I love my country. I love it more than you, because I can look at those numbers I just pulled... and I'm ashamed. I expect more. It's the look I get when I see you too. I expect more from Will Washington, but I'm not going to get it am I? You'll just throw out some cheap, unispired drivell and expect me to take you seriously. Sorry Willie, This is chess, not checkers.
{He smiles as he brushes the hair from his face.}
Ricky - Now, I know you guys are angry at those comments, they have you seething. You want to take me apart for the truth don't you? Well, I'll be in the Coliseum on Sunday, waiting. Unlike all of you, as Mr. Bates smartly pointed out, I have played this game before. I've sat with these very thoughts about a different, much tougher group on individuals were in the same spot you five are in.I eagerly await you, Because believe you me, I haven't even started. So, I gladly await you're responses, with faded breath.
And...I'm waiting for your response too.
{Fade for now...}
I know all the parts that we’re supposed to play. You’re all doing an excellent job of being absolutely mortified that I’m human, and I’m supposed to come out and talk about how confused and profoundly damaged I must be. But instead of all that, I’d like to, for once, talk about an adult situation like an adult to a bunch of other adults. Hopefully, by the end of my speech, you’ll understand why I did what I did, and we’ll all be able to move passed this.
I’m Ricky Johnson
Think about that. Really let it sink in. You know who I am even if you probably can’t name a single other golfer (athletes/actors-turned wrestler and Steve Austin don’t count). I am Ricky Johnson. It takes giant balls to say to your friends one day, “Hey, from now on my name is ‘Dick’” and actually pull it off. And I did, because I have ‘em.
There are people out there, men, who say they would never do what they think I did. I appreciate your display of what you think is honor and integrity, but I’m going to be straight with you: You cannot make that claim until you’ve lived like Ricky Johnson for a few months. And, brother, you have not. I am the only person on this planet who knows what it’s like to be Ricky Johnson. It is a hard, lonely and, yes, ass-filled world. You might think you see temptation from coworkers, or friends or ex-girlfriends, and you may have resisted them all. But being Ricky Johnson enters you into a brand new world of temptation, things you couldn’t even imagine. I’m the captain of the football team of the universe.
I can’t stress how easy these women make incognito ****ing. I’ll find them waiting in my hotel room, already in my bed and swearing they’ll never tell anyone about this and they’ll be gone in the morning. A naked chick, in my bed, saying, “No one will find out, I just want to have sex with you one time and then I’ll be on my way.” You can’t even imagine a scenario where that happens for you, and it happens to me multiple times a day. Women break into my limo while it’s moving and try to have sex with me. Have you ever tried to push a half-naked 19-year-old out of the sun roof of a moving limousine? Of course you haven’t. One time on the golf course I reached into the hole to retrieve my ball and there was a titty in there. I still don’t know how she got in there, she must’ve been waiting underground for days. I mean, how did she even breathe?
But I’m straying. My point is, I’m in a culture that screams my name and elevates me to God-like status because I’m dynamite at golfing, and I’m surrounded by gorgeous women who make it so easy to have sex with them I’d almost be stupid not to. It’s easy for you to turn down hypothetical sex with a cute woman you see on the subway who might be flirting with you. 10,000 miles from home, could you turn that down? You don’t know how to answer because it isn’t part of your reality.
Of course you wouldn’t have made the same moves I made: We’re playing two different games.
I’ve Earned This
For two reasons. To begin with, you made me this way, America. You wanted a superstar, somebody to put on a pedestal. You don’t even want a really good wrestler, you want an inhumanly good wrestler, the best in history. I wanted to make a living doing something I liked, but you wanted me to be the greatest. So fine, I’ll do that. I’ve broken every golf record, I’m athlete of the year, athlete of the decade, hell, I got a hole-in-one in real golf. This stuff is certainly difficult but I do it. And I put up with how badly society wants me to be the Golf God, but there’s got to be a give and take, right? You want a superhero, so I’ll be one, fine. Just so long as I can get some ****ing done on the side. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. The media follows me every day to see what I’m doing. People come up to me on the street and tell me I’m the greatest. If I’m so great, shouldn’t I be ****ing something? I think you see my point.
Do you know how many sorority sisters were chasing after dudes who read Pro Wrestling Illustrated and idolized Hulk Hogan? ****ing zero. “Oooh, Ricky, your putting makes me so hot. Can you show me your X-Division Championship again?” Bull****. You think I had weird hobbies? Don’t tell me I didn’t earn as much porking as I can get my hands on.
My Marriage
Look, I’ll be straight with you. My marriage is… fine, sure. I don’t want to talk a lot of **** on my marriage, but at the end of the day, she’s a lady pro wrestler who married a professional wrestler worth over a hundred million dollars. Terrific girl. Would we have met and married if I wasn’t Ricky Johnson? Or if she wasn’t also a wrestler? I don’t know, but probably not. Do you know why she came to nCw? On the advice of a model who was married to a wrestler. It’s just sort of how things go. And to begin with, when your marriage lives and dies in the media, the sanctity of that marriage is ultimately, at best, shaky. There will always be doubt on both sides, because the circumstances by which we came together are so suspect. “He only likes me because I’m a redhead,” “She only likes me because I’m Ricky Johnson.”
And stop feeling sorry for her. She’s ****ing Ricky Johnson in one of her many luxurious mansions. She’s doing fine. And, at any rate, what does it matter? As far as your nCw-watching experience goes, what does it even matter? Did you watch me, buy my nCw merch and enjoy my commercials because I ruled ass at wrestling, or because you thought I was faithfully sticking it only to my wife?
Sex is Awesome and I’m Great At It
Look, we’re all adults here. This doesn’t need to turn into a farce. I know for a fact that if I claim this is a problem, and if I check into rehab for any period of time, every single person who is currently mad at me will forgive me unconditionally. Some of you will support me even harder, because our culture loves comeback stories. I know that all it takes is a few weeks in a resort-like rehab clinic. You don’t need a doctor to say I’m cured, you don’t need a report detailing my recovery, you don’t need to any kind of verifiable proof whatsoever that suggests I’ve changed in any way. You just need to physically see me walk in and out of a building that says “Rehab” on the side and that is literally all you’d need to forgive me.
As easy as that is, I’m not going to do it for two reasons. For one, it’s just a shallow, ridiculous play that I want no part of. It’s like a puppet show for adults. The reason puppet shows are entertaining when you’re a kid is because you can’t see the strings. Once you see the strings, the magic’s gone and you’re just watching a guy playing with dolls and going through the motions. How is that a rewarding experience?
And beyond that, I’m not a sex addict. I’m just not. It’s not a disease I suffer from, it’s not a problem, it’s never physically hurt in any way I didn’t want it to hurt. I just really, really like it.
And I’m really, really good at it. I don’t want to say I’m the best, just yet. A few people have been calling me “the Ricky Johnson of ****ing,” and that might be a bit premature, but I don’t think it’s too far off, either. I certainly want to be the best, and I won’t rest until I am, but for now I’m just a guy who really likes putting my dick in things. Any guy in the audience pretending he isn’t the exact same way is a dirty, filthy liar.
And finally,
I am Ricky Johnson
Seriously. Do you even get that? Ricky ****ing Johnson.
==============================================
The presser is over
Everyone is gone.
She will hate me for it.
But, if I may, I need to say this.
Roxi, I love you. You know it, I know it. I trust you. You know it, I know it. But you don't trust me. Not anymore. So I must ask "why?"
What have I done? Have you seen anything? No. You are believing anyone with camera time who comes on the air to talk about me. But you, of all people should know what is said about me isn't always true.
Have you ever done you wrong, Rox? No. I have been with you for 5 years. Even back when times were tough. Before we had anything. Because you knew I would make it, and share it with you. And I have. It could have been very easy to cheat all this time, and I haven't. It could have been easy to dump you on the corner when I made it big. and I didn't.
Why would I jepordize that now over some woman I haven't seen since High School? You know me better than that Rox. Sarah likes me, and I like her, but liking someone doesn't mean your screwing around on your wife or husband with them.
You have meant so much to me. You saved my life for god sake! You took a bullet to keep me alive. You almost died for me. And after all of that, I'm just going to up and cheat on you huh? Doesn't make much sense does it?
I trust you Roxi, I never doubted when you were taken from me by Bukakke Man. I never though you would develop Stockholm syndrome and up and screw him. I fought to get you back. I never doubted you for a second. Now, without any proof of anything close to it, I'm the bad guy? Come to think of it, I saved your life too! I-
...
You know what, I'm sorry for all of this.
I'm sorry for the pain I caused.
I'm sorry, and I love you.
==============================================
{He stands at the window of the mansion's bedroom, so often seen.}
Ricky - I feel I made my peace with all of you. But, to clarify and to drive home the point, I'll say it again. I DID NOT cheat on Roxi. But it seems all of you have made it a point, with no evidence whatsoever to jugde me. To stretch the truth and jump to conclusions. Congradualtions, you have accomplished your daily exercise and become to equivilent of Fox News.
{He turns, slightly}
Ricky - All of that aisde, I must prepare for my match this Sunday at the Coliseum. I've heard the comments from just about everyone, Bates, AJ, Paul Star, Zane. I'm sure there will be more to come, and that's to be expected. But I did notice a funny thing. Everyone who has put out promotional work this week in reguards to the match, have one thing in common....ME.
Now, They will all say they're just getting me out of the way, and they don't take me as a threat, or some other nonsense to attempt to kill the issue. But you, me, and all of them, know better. They all know how much of a threat I am. How dangerous I can be. My reputation is nothing to sneeze at, and they know it. But I'll wait for the amusing jokes about that, or how someone will actually sneeze at me talking about my rep, because its what they do. Yes children, have your fun.
Now, Mr. Jacobsen said that one slip could mean the end. Which is very true given the nature of this match. But, it's true for many things in life. We all live precarious lives don't we? If Adrian Peterson lands the wrong way on a run, his career is over. If a laywer misses his facts, he loses the case. We all live dangerously, AJ.
By the same token, The same statement is true for you as well. You bleed like everyone else. You feel pain, you feel anguish. If you don't remember, you shall be reaquainted with them on Sunday. And for the record, there are 208 bones in the body, not 206. Look it up. The sternum is three bones. But, it's like you said, one slip. It's just in this case, you look like an uneducated idiot, and your career is still intact. You may not be so lucky Sunday.
But the reason I start with you instead of everyone else is simple. You made this personal. My personal life is none of your concern. What you think I did, is irrelevent to this situation, AJ. You, like everyone else who's playing morality police, know the same: ZERO. You are speculating. And why? so you can insult me on the basis of character. Now, my record isn't clean AJ, I've done some things I'm not proud of. The same can be said for everyone. But that, has nothing to do with this match. So, you have made this a personal issue. Now, what I will agree with you on, suprisingly, is last week. We did not make a good team, and I wasn't 100% focused on this match. As you so cleverly pointed out, I had other issues on my mind. But rest assured Andrew, That's all over now. My soul is clean, no matter what you think or say about it.
Come to think of it, why should I even entertain your petty insults? What have you done? Because you won the X-Division title? You think you deserve some kind of respect for that? I've been there, done that, Kid. And the person who took that title from me was Angel, the current world champion not a nobody like someone I know.
{He chuckles to himself}
Ricky - Which brings me to Paul Star. The man who has fallen into the same category as so many others, they get a pinfall or some other type of win in a match with my name attached to it, and they never let it go. Why? Because I'm a big name. Nothing more, nothing less. Paul Star however, is a mere step up from them. He pinned me in a tag match. A triple threat tag match no less. With a partner I didn't trust. Impressive to say the least. It takes a whole lot skill of catch someone from behind doesn't it? But then again, by looking at you, I'd say you have plenty of practice catching men from behind.
But, I digress. Paul Star is the X-division champion, I said it before I'll say it again, been there, done that. Back when it meant something. Now, since you have it, it means very little. It used to mean you were on your way to the top. Now, it seems, the title means we'll give you this title some that we have a record of you being here. You are another man, like AJ, who have just seemed to hang around long enough to be noticed, but not long enough to be remembered. I have not seen a Paul Star match, besides beating AJ for the X-division title, to which I say "meh".
I wasn't off when I said that you were a Ricky Johnson clone. You are, in every way possible. It would be flattering and funny if it wasn't so sad. I feel like I should sue you for gimmick infringement, but I'm not one to kick a man while he's down. You Paul, you the biggest walking advertisement for birth control I've ever laid my eyes on. You get a cheap win in a tag match and all of a sudden you are some sort of great wrestler. Trust me on this one pally boy, I've seen better. I've fought better, I've beaten better. I am better. And for the record while it's nice to hear that you'll be paying special attention to my movements this Sunday, there is also something offputting about that too. Especially coming from you. At least you don't have make-up while doing it. Then I might be worried. But enough about Jimmy Zane.
{he turns to face the camera.}
Ricky - Jimmy Zane, one half of infamous. A tag team that has taken irony way too seriously. My webster's dictionary difines "Infamous" as "having an extremely bad reputation." So, in case you didn't catch the joke, they want to be famous for being Infamous.
{He laughs. A single "HA"}
Ricky - I get it. It's not funny, nor does it make any sense, but I can see that those things clearly don't stop you from running your mouth, either. But all you could muster was " I beat him before." Twice by my count, and never one on one. So you, like Paul Star fall into that category. But what have you done in nCw Jimmy? You also won the X-Division title? Are they just giving them away for free now? Aside from that? Oh that's right...
NOTHING.
See I can do it too. So by all accounts Jimmy, you are the Buffalo Bills of wrestling. You win a few matches here and there, you may even win an important match now and again. But when it really matters Jim, When it's all or nothing, you wind up with nothing. Always the bridemaid, never the bride, eh, Jimbo? I guess that's where you got the idea for infamous from huh? You are infamous for choking in big matches. Gib most recently. That's not something to be proud of Jim. But if you want to run with that, be my guest. But as I said, you choke in big matches, and this Sunday is a big match, You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what will happen to you. You just have to be smarter than Will Washington.
{He walks slowly towards the bed.}
Ricky - But I'm forgetting your partner, Bates. The man who thinks that being hit with a stick for a promo is A)impressive to anyone, and B) is really relevent to this match. Word to the unwise Bates, Being hit with a stick doesn't make you tough. It makes you soft. But for you, I'm sure it's a smooth transition. Your words are hallow Kris. By doing this "training" you are setting yourself up for dissapointment. And no, I'm not talking about me winning, because that's a given. I'm talking about Jimmy Zane betraying you. Now Jimmy said that it doesn't matter which one of you wins, I know this. But if you think for one second that he going to let you win, you are mistaken. You don't think choke artist Jimmy wants the same thing you want? do you think he has confidence that you can beat Angel? I doubt it.
But far be it from me to try to break up a couple, I'm just stating a fact. Kris, taking me out is much easier said that done. Even if you and Jimmy do work as a team, which I'm counting on. You want to take me out? It's gonna take more than you got to do it. More than you and Chokey's got. More than the whole damn Infamous stable's got. You must not know who I am. You'd best read the paper, ask somebody who knows, or at least watch a match. I do not retreat. I do not surrender. I have retired people better than you, have injured people better than you, and made people like you regret ever trying to take me out. Because I won't go away Kris. Once you start something with me, I will not stop until one of two things happens. 1)I win. or 2)I die. And someone like you can't kill me.
But, I can see there is no reaching you that way, so let me say this: I will challenge you on one thing you did say. I will be suprised when Kristoff Liam Bates win the world title at A Night to Remember. 100% Shocked. Because it's not going to happen. Why do I say this? Because it's going to be hard for you to win anything at A Night to Remember when I walk out of the Coliseum the winner, and you are rendered....Infamous, for letting your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass, Bates.
{He sits down on the bed.}
Ricky - So, we've now come to Will Washington. The Patriot. The only man not to speak so far. Will must know something we all don't. Or Will is nervous. Or, more logically, he's trying to find a way to fit "Patriot", "USA","America" or "Obamacare" into his promo. Will, I feel bad for people like you. Patriots today are not what they once were. But wouldn't know that, would you? You are uneducated, you blindly follow the small majority who don't care about facts on any subject, just that they are right, and everyone else is wrong. Those flag-waving, troop-supporting,knuckle-dragging mouth breathers who believe that Amercia is no.1 in everything, America single-handedly won every war, and those who disagree are un-american.
I love my country, probably more than you, Will. I love it so much, I can criticize it when it makes mistakes. No one person, place, or thing, is perfect, aside from one guy. And no, it's not you. I love this country, but people like you ruin it for everyone. If we're number 1, why are we #37 on Healthcare? Why are we #48 on Infant Mortality, Why are we #55 in literacy? Why are we #72 on Overall health? And by the way, that's WORLD rankings. Why is that Will? Because the "pariots" like you, don't care. As long as you're okay, everybody else is too.
Now, as I said, I love my country. I love it more than you, because I can look at those numbers I just pulled... and I'm ashamed. I expect more. It's the look I get when I see you too. I expect more from Will Washington, but I'm not going to get it am I? You'll just throw out some cheap, unispired drivell and expect me to take you seriously. Sorry Willie, This is chess, not checkers.
{He smiles as he brushes the hair from his face.}
Ricky - Now, I know you guys are angry at those comments, they have you seething. You want to take me apart for the truth don't you? Well, I'll be in the Coliseum on Sunday, waiting. Unlike all of you, as Mr. Bates smartly pointed out, I have played this game before. I've sat with these very thoughts about a different, much tougher group on individuals were in the same spot you five are in.I eagerly await you, Because believe you me, I haven't even started. So, I gladly await you're responses, with faded breath.
And...I'm waiting for your response too.
{Fade for now...}