Post by Mike Machado on Mar 25, 2010 0:08:59 GMT -6
Mike Machado: It smells funny in here. Half of them are passed out, the other half are senile. This isn't much better than Santa.[/color]
Jason Blair: Santa in March was the most idiotic attempt at gaining fans. You're lucky you didn't gain another restraining order. Nothing screams pedophile like trying to get kids to sit on your lap. Not to mention your track record with Chris Hansen..
MM: So clearly, the place to start is a retirement home. I doubt the doctors would even allow these people to watch Sovereign. The women would all have heart attacks when Steve Awesome took his pants off, and everyone would die in shock seeing me pull Charlie's head out of his own ass.
The two men stand face to face, speaking quietly on a small cheap stage in the recreational room of the Tampa Convalescent Center in Florida. Jason obviously doesn't appreciate Machado's thick sarcasm.. or maybe he doesn't appreciate the smell of human feces in Depends diapers..
JB: These people have relatives, and when word gets around that good 'ole “Triple M” is doing community service at the old folks home, you'll look like a genuinely good guy. Trust me. Nobody likes to be around old people, and if you can suck it up and tape your segment here, you're next in line for nCw's humanitarian of the year award.
MM: An award? I love awards. Alright, fine. But I'm reading the bingo numbers.. not you. Got it!? I am the special Bingo guest host, here.
JB: Whatever, just get it over with already. Bingo takes forever, and I really don't think anyone is coherent enough to mark their cards correctly.
Pan to the room in front of the two men. A handful of the elderly people are actually able to sit up-right in their chairs. Half of them are slumped. One of them is walking in the aisle like a zombie, staring at a watch on his wrist that doesn't exist. The man stops for a moment and a look of intense concentration overtakes his face. Shortly followed by a look of utter relief.
MM: He just shat.
Old Lady: Let's get this party started big-shot! I've got a damn date with one of the male nurses. Gonna get me a sponge bath!
Mike fights through the disgusting imagery and drags himself to the Bingo Callers table. He spins the cage and a ball falls out. He picks it up and speaks into a microphone – although the room is otherwise silent.
MM: B, 58!
Old Lady: Bingo Motherf***er. Let's get out of here.
The loud, spunky old lady stands up out of her chair and slowly walks out of the room. Machado stands there, stunned. Jason smirks, and then lets out a laugh as it turns into a full-blown smile. None of the other elderly bingo players object.. one of the old men gets up and follows the lady out. Presumably for three-way sponge bath action.
JB: Fantastic. I managed to get a couple good pictures, too.. so you'll definitely come out of this one looking like a hero. Great job, Mike. I'm going to head to the receptions office to make sure we aren't obligated to stick around here. Keep yourself busy, and for god's sake.. stay out of trouble. [/color]
Jason pats Machado on the shoulder on his way out of the recreational room. Machado stands in front of the 7 or 8 old people that are too out of it to realize it's over. He shakes his head and speaks directly to you... yes.. YOU.
MM: This just feels wrong.. Like something Charlie Velez himself would stoop to. Walking around, pretending to help old people to gain favor with fans. Fans are too smart for this. They'll see right through it. Just like they see right through you, Mr. Velez. Just like we all see right through you.
You hide behind this aura of “power” that you've built around yourself. You tell yourself that you're part of the solution, that you're somehow saving the world with your millions, and your limos, and your fancy white, cleaned teeth. A truly great person doesn't need to convince himself that he's doing great things. You aren't doing great things for this community, or any community for that matter.
I understand that you think he who dies with the most toys wins. Unfortunately I subscribe to a different world-view. It just so happens that actually being a genuinely good person gives me something you'll never have. The support of the people. You may support them, with your job opportunity's and thinly veiled tax right off charities.. but they will never support you.
And being the genuinely good person that I am, I'm going to go help that old lady with her hygienic exfoliating sponge bath. I'm sure that four hands is always better than one. [/color]
Mike steps off the stage and makes his way down a hallway marked “Residents Rooms”. Jason Blair steps into the rec room, confused and looking for Machado.
JB: I told him not to get into any trouble.. Anytime he goes off on his own it ends poorly.. [/color]
On cue Machado sprints from the background, past Blair and out the door. Screaming the entire way.
MM: WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CAN NEVER BE UNSEEN! IT WAS A BLACK HOLE OF ELDERLY PERVERSION! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE![/color]
Jason chuckles and puts his head in his hands. Walking slowly after him.
Jason Blair: Santa in March was the most idiotic attempt at gaining fans. You're lucky you didn't gain another restraining order. Nothing screams pedophile like trying to get kids to sit on your lap. Not to mention your track record with Chris Hansen..
MM: So clearly, the place to start is a retirement home. I doubt the doctors would even allow these people to watch Sovereign. The women would all have heart attacks when Steve Awesome took his pants off, and everyone would die in shock seeing me pull Charlie's head out of his own ass.
The two men stand face to face, speaking quietly on a small cheap stage in the recreational room of the Tampa Convalescent Center in Florida. Jason obviously doesn't appreciate Machado's thick sarcasm.. or maybe he doesn't appreciate the smell of human feces in Depends diapers..
JB: These people have relatives, and when word gets around that good 'ole “Triple M” is doing community service at the old folks home, you'll look like a genuinely good guy. Trust me. Nobody likes to be around old people, and if you can suck it up and tape your segment here, you're next in line for nCw's humanitarian of the year award.
MM: An award? I love awards. Alright, fine. But I'm reading the bingo numbers.. not you. Got it!? I am the special Bingo guest host, here.
JB: Whatever, just get it over with already. Bingo takes forever, and I really don't think anyone is coherent enough to mark their cards correctly.
Pan to the room in front of the two men. A handful of the elderly people are actually able to sit up-right in their chairs. Half of them are slumped. One of them is walking in the aisle like a zombie, staring at a watch on his wrist that doesn't exist. The man stops for a moment and a look of intense concentration overtakes his face. Shortly followed by a look of utter relief.
MM: He just shat.
Old Lady: Let's get this party started big-shot! I've got a damn date with one of the male nurses. Gonna get me a sponge bath!
Mike fights through the disgusting imagery and drags himself to the Bingo Callers table. He spins the cage and a ball falls out. He picks it up and speaks into a microphone – although the room is otherwise silent.
MM: B, 58!
Old Lady: Bingo Motherf***er. Let's get out of here.
The loud, spunky old lady stands up out of her chair and slowly walks out of the room. Machado stands there, stunned. Jason smirks, and then lets out a laugh as it turns into a full-blown smile. None of the other elderly bingo players object.. one of the old men gets up and follows the lady out. Presumably for three-way sponge bath action.
JB: Fantastic. I managed to get a couple good pictures, too.. so you'll definitely come out of this one looking like a hero. Great job, Mike. I'm going to head to the receptions office to make sure we aren't obligated to stick around here. Keep yourself busy, and for god's sake.. stay out of trouble. [/color]
Jason pats Machado on the shoulder on his way out of the recreational room. Machado stands in front of the 7 or 8 old people that are too out of it to realize it's over. He shakes his head and speaks directly to you... yes.. YOU.
MM: This just feels wrong.. Like something Charlie Velez himself would stoop to. Walking around, pretending to help old people to gain favor with fans. Fans are too smart for this. They'll see right through it. Just like they see right through you, Mr. Velez. Just like we all see right through you.
You hide behind this aura of “power” that you've built around yourself. You tell yourself that you're part of the solution, that you're somehow saving the world with your millions, and your limos, and your fancy white, cleaned teeth. A truly great person doesn't need to convince himself that he's doing great things. You aren't doing great things for this community, or any community for that matter.
I understand that you think he who dies with the most toys wins. Unfortunately I subscribe to a different world-view. It just so happens that actually being a genuinely good person gives me something you'll never have. The support of the people. You may support them, with your job opportunity's and thinly veiled tax right off charities.. but they will never support you.
And being the genuinely good person that I am, I'm going to go help that old lady with her hygienic exfoliating sponge bath. I'm sure that four hands is always better than one. [/color]
Mike steps off the stage and makes his way down a hallway marked “Residents Rooms”. Jason Blair steps into the rec room, confused and looking for Machado.
JB: I told him not to get into any trouble.. Anytime he goes off on his own it ends poorly.. [/color]
On cue Machado sprints from the background, past Blair and out the door. Screaming the entire way.
MM: WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CAN NEVER BE UNSEEN! IT WAS A BLACK HOLE OF ELDERLY PERVERSION! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE![/color]
Jason chuckles and puts his head in his hands. Walking slowly after him.