Post by Will Washington on Mar 25, 2010 21:55:55 GMT -6
This second promo leading up to Sovereign opens up with Will Washington standing in a dimly lit gym. He is dressed in his traditional camouflage wrestling trunks, with his feet and hands taped up. To his left is a speed bag, his right a punching bag, and behind him a weight bench. You can tell it’s not a very expensive gym, but one where you can get done what needs to be done. No frills, just like Will this week. He slowly looks up towards the camera and prepares to cut another promo.
“In my last showing, I talked about the men in this match that I have respect for, and they just happened to be the two least experienced guys as well. Andrew Jacobsen and Paul Star felt my verbal wrath and now have some expectations of what will happen to them in the Coliseum. This time I’m focusing on the two guys I don’t respect. Arguably the most self-important wrestlers of all-time: Kristoff Liam Bates and James Jeffrey Zane.”
Will quickly moves towards the screen and grabs at it. He’s got a bad feeling about what’s happening at home right now.
“Wait, wait. I know you’re immediately looking to change channels at the very mention of those two names, but stick with me. What’s more fun than listening to me talk about how I’m going to cause ultimate destruction on the boys from Infamous? Well….watching me actually do it at Sovereign, but you’ve still got a few days to wait for that. So if you will, just bare with me for now, and suppress the vomit that is undoubtedly making it’s way into your mouth each time I talk about them. You‘ll have to fight through the pain, just like they‘ll have to if they want to win this weekend.”
He lets go of the camera and backs up. First target: Kristoff Bates, the world’s least intimidating human being.
“Krissy Bates. My god you’re lame. It’s one thing to say and/or do lame things, but you take it to a whole other level. You’ve taken the practice and made it into an art form. Never have I been so disgusted an bored at he same time. I want to punch you and take a nap simultaneously. I commented last week about your quest for undeniable creepiness and it seems as though you’re almost there. Turn on any Bates segment on nCw T.V. and you’re going to be instantly uncomfortable. It’s not even the good, intimidating kind of creepy. It’s the, ‘I hope this guy leaves’ kind of creepy. This Sunday I’ll do the fans a favor and make you leave their screens once and for all.
The ’Patriotic Punisher’ throws a hook at the speed bag, before headbutting it. Talking to Bates is like a stiff shot to the cerebellum, so he uses the speed bag to capture this feeling since Kristoff can’t talk back.
“You talk all you want about how nCw management overlooks you and doesn’t give you the shots you deserve. You say they don’t care about you and you’re out to make them take notice. Well let’s be honest….they’re not the only ones who don’t care. The fans don’t give a d*mn about any of the members of Infamous either, save for Rob Diamond. You just had a World Title match against Adam Knite, yet claim to be overlooked. You’re just embarrassing yourself. Why would management want to push you guys at all when it will only hurt the television ratings, and the company as a whole? You might want to inflict pain on yourself in some sort of self-loathing misadventure, but the fans don’t want to follow suit. They don’t want to pay their hard earned money to come to the arenas to see some guy who doesn’t care about them. Quite frankly they don’t even want to see you catch a beat down from the greatest stars we have to offer. No, you’d just drag down the match and make in un-enjoyable. So they get on the message boards and websites begging and pleading for you to stop torturing them with your embarrassing promos and half-*ssed matches. It only appears to fuel your thirst to enrage them even greater. The Kristoff Bates mission in life seems not only to achieve some sort of glory in wrestling and piss off everyone who can actually keep the company afloat. You can kill this company once and for all if you win that Coliseum Match, that number one contendership. I can’t let that happen. I love this company too d*mn much to let you ruin not only it, but my dreams as well. The ‘World’s Creepiest Man’ is not going to win this match.”
Will moves over to the punching bag and quickly fires off a series of stiff roundhouse kicks. The only thing harder than this bag is the head of an nCw wrestler who is stuck in his ways. Kicking this thing will prepare him for the impact that a stiff kick to the head of an accountant or a washed up wrestler will cause. He throws together and string of kicks and punches before stopping and continuing his anti-Bates rally cry.
“The greatest thing that I’ve seen all week is your little training promo Krissy. It was quite honestly the funniest bit of irony that any of us will ever experience. You managed to take an Ultimate Warrior impersonation from the hit late night talk show Up Late, and stretched it into much more than anyone else could. You took talk of getting ran over by running lawnmowers and turned it into your own training montage! My god you’re unnaturally stupid. The best part of the whole vaguely homoerotic thing was the fact that you were training to take a vicious beating, and that’s just what I’m training to do. That beatdown you’re preparing for? I’m the one who is going to administer it. That’s why I’m here today. To prepare to kick all thirty-plus of those yellow teeth right out of your face. I guess it is oddly brilliant of you to get ready for the brutality that is going to take place….For that’s all you’re going to find in that cage Bates. You don’t need to take the same steps I am for training. We’re walking a completely different path. Mine will lead to the glory and prestige of being THE Gladiator, and your’s will lead right back down the ladder. Back to where you started. The harpings of injustice and unfairness will become even louder from down at the bottom, but no one will be around to hear them. Only you and your other Infamous cohorts as you continue to dwell in the undertow of despair. If only you’d stop complaining long enough to realize that you could actually make moves in this company if you weren’t so pathetic….but you won’t. It’s a b*tches nature to b*tch. And like I said Batesy, you’re a b*tch.”
He connects with one final spinning back kick on the hanging punching bag and decides it’s time to move on to an even more ridiculous character: Jimmy Zane.
“Alright Zane. Can I just murder you already? I have never been more frustrated with anybody in the world than I am with you when I watch your mind-numbing promos. They really help me put my life in perspective. Maybe getting shot seven times wasn’t so bad after all. Sitting through the drabble that you put on television each and every week is so much worse. Why would you think that ANYBODY would care about your daddy issues, Jimmy? This is pro-wrestling, not the freaking Oprah Winfrey Show. ‘Oh, my daddy didn’t love me enough. He wasn’t there when I starred in Swan Lake. Wrestling….Infamous….BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.’ Nobody cares! You’re in a huge match on Sunday and all you can seem to talk about is your father. I’m going to put it out there right now Jimmy. Your father was nothing. Do you ever see him mentioned in the same breath as the all-time greats? Nope. You may recall during our first encounter, I talked up your father. I claimed he was a wrestling legend…..I believed the hype that you spewed. I actually started to think that there might be something to this Punisher you spoke of. Looking back at that now, I was an idiot. He amounted to nothing in New Championship Wrestling. You claim to hate the guy now, yet you still mention him like he actually accomplished something. We don’t care about what happened in other federations, we care about nCw. Newsflash James, nobody cares about that guy except for you. Daddy didn’t love you enough? He didn’t care? Nobody does, move on. May you keep bringing the overrated sack up because you’re trying to keep yourself distracted from the task at hand? This can only be described as either ignorance, or fear. Which is it Jimmy? Are you stupid or afraid? Ignorance is bliss, yet you‘ve got so much to be scared of.”
‘G.I. Jesus’ is really fuming now. Nothing gets his blood boiling like someone who doesn’t understand how idiotic he truly is. Jimmy Zane is that man. Throughout his life, Will has had to deal with many people who had this problem, but none as bad as Zane. He truly hates this guy for being so contradictory and pathetic.
“Now we get to my biggest problem with you. The one thing that absolutely sends me into a rage every time you speak. You constantly contradict yourself! Not only do you talk about your father constantly, but claim to not care about him….but look at yourself. You go on this big, pitch challenged rant about how I always talk about beating you. Do you not realize that I only talk about you when I face you? I don’t go into a match with Fergus Callaghan and talk about the multiple times I beat Jimmy Zane. I bring it up when we face each other, because it’s relevant. What else do I have to prove against you? I’ve beaten you THREE TIMES now. Sure it sounds like a repetitive statement, but the fact that you’ve never beaten me should tell you something. You can’t beat me! You can play it off however you want, but the truth is, it’s got to eat you alive. You play it off like it’s no big deal. So if it’s not a big deal, then how do we measure success here in the wrestling world? By the ability to induce hearing loss? If so, you’re the greatest. If you don’t believe wins and losses matter, then I guess I can understand you argument about how you deserve title shots. We’ll give you one, but not until we make sure Jason Lovegun gets the World Title shot he deserves.”
Truth be told, Lovegun probably does deserve a title shot more than Zane does. Atleast Jason does get some sort of a reaction when he comes out. It might be only from the fat, redneck women who have no idea what ‘sexy’ really is, but it’s a reaction nonetheless. Jimmy Zane on the other hand, doesn’t matter to anyone but himself. Will fights through these thoughts to make some more valid points about the sheer stupidity of Infamous.
“Everyone talks about the lack of success you’ve had in nCw. The fact that you’ve only ever had one X-Division Title reign comes up frequently, and you claim it plays into your entire angle. Management has been holding you down and not giving you title shots? I call bullsh*t. You said you don’t care that I beat you in the Road To The Gold tournament… Well guess what Jimmy! If you would have won there, you could gone on to getting a title shot. You were two steps away from facing Falcon for the nCw Title, and you blew it. You got destroyed by me. Your opportunity lost was my gain. Then, just 2 months ago at Metamorphisis, you had another Number One Contendership match against Gib. You lost that one too, didn’t you? They give you opportunity after opportunity and you keep losing. You point that fact about me, yet neglect to point that out about yourself. Sure, I’ve blown my fair share of chances, but I acknowledge that. You completely ignore your own failures. How many shots do you people need before you realize that it’s your own d*mn faults? Ace is a former nCw Champion on a massive losing streak. Rob Diamond has a World Tag Team Title shot coming up, and was X-Division Champion forever. Bates had and X-Division Title Shot against Jacobsen at Metamorphosis, and you’ve had more than your fair share of title opportunities. Eventually you’ve got to stop whining about not having title shots handed to you, and go out and make it happen yourself. That’s the chance you and Bates have coming up this weekend. Sadly for you, you’ve got four other men standing in your way. Notice I included Kristoff Bates there, because there’s only so long you can coexist before you realize you both can’t win. Well…you can‘t win anyway. I‘m in the match. Remember? Why haven‘t you realized what the rest of the world has realized Zane? You‘re not any good! Your dad wasn‘t any good! The only true ‘Punisher‘ is of the Patriotic variety. Big Punisher and Little Punisher are just a couple of over-hyped, never amount to anything, losers.”
He lets out a chuckle. The idea of beating Jimmy Zane once again is hilarious to him. At one point the guy has to realize that he’s just not cut-out for the elite level of competition. Doesn’t he? No one could be stupid enough to keep believing his own half-hearted hype after being dealt yet another loss. Could they?
“All things considered, you two have absolutely no chance this weekend. The week isn’t about constant whining, random shouting, or seeing how many times you can fit ‘Infamous’ and some form of insult with the ‘*ss’ into your promo. If you want to earn a nCw Title match at A Night To Remember, you’ve got to win the Coliseum, and if you want to win the Coliseum, you’ve got to have heart. Bates and Zane have the least heart out of anybody in the entire match. People with heart don’t sit around complaining and moaning about life every time they feel they’re shafted. They go back to the gym and try and make themselves better. I get better every day, and you just get more annoying. Putting me deaf from your incessant screaming isn’t going to help you when the Coliseum rolls around. Tonight before your go to sleep, I want you to drop down on your knees, and I want you to pray. Pray that you’re able to take out one of the other competitors before I’m able to enter the match. That will be the only way you can possibly come out with the victory, and your life. I’m prepared to beat the creep right out of you boys. I won‘t be dishing out insults come Sunday. Only deathblows. I might be brutally honest, but this weekend, I‘m only brutal.”
Will has to steamroll through the rest of this promo. Like the rest of the world, he could honestly not care less about the goings-on with this idiotic faction. Everyone knows that the only one people care about is Rob Diamond, and he’s not even in the match. He prepares to finish it up.
“If either one of you win this week, I can’t even fathom the pitch-challenged victory celebration promos will get between now and A Night To Remember, where you’ll be crushed by whoever is the champion. That’s why I can’t allow it. I‘m doing it for myself, America, and for all the people out there who are sick and tired of the whining. That’s why this week I kick *ss.”
He fires off yet another big kick to the punching back and smiles. He walks closer to the camera. Time to end this.
“I look forward to facing you this Sunday boys. Because fame is fleeting and infamy is useless. But the effects from a hellacious beating can last forever.”
Our anti-hero moves to the back of the room and does pull-ups as we fade to XW.
“In my last showing, I talked about the men in this match that I have respect for, and they just happened to be the two least experienced guys as well. Andrew Jacobsen and Paul Star felt my verbal wrath and now have some expectations of what will happen to them in the Coliseum. This time I’m focusing on the two guys I don’t respect. Arguably the most self-important wrestlers of all-time: Kristoff Liam Bates and James Jeffrey Zane.”
Will quickly moves towards the screen and grabs at it. He’s got a bad feeling about what’s happening at home right now.
“Wait, wait. I know you’re immediately looking to change channels at the very mention of those two names, but stick with me. What’s more fun than listening to me talk about how I’m going to cause ultimate destruction on the boys from Infamous? Well….watching me actually do it at Sovereign, but you’ve still got a few days to wait for that. So if you will, just bare with me for now, and suppress the vomit that is undoubtedly making it’s way into your mouth each time I talk about them. You‘ll have to fight through the pain, just like they‘ll have to if they want to win this weekend.”
He lets go of the camera and backs up. First target: Kristoff Bates, the world’s least intimidating human being.
“Krissy Bates. My god you’re lame. It’s one thing to say and/or do lame things, but you take it to a whole other level. You’ve taken the practice and made it into an art form. Never have I been so disgusted an bored at he same time. I want to punch you and take a nap simultaneously. I commented last week about your quest for undeniable creepiness and it seems as though you’re almost there. Turn on any Bates segment on nCw T.V. and you’re going to be instantly uncomfortable. It’s not even the good, intimidating kind of creepy. It’s the, ‘I hope this guy leaves’ kind of creepy. This Sunday I’ll do the fans a favor and make you leave their screens once and for all.
The ’Patriotic Punisher’ throws a hook at the speed bag, before headbutting it. Talking to Bates is like a stiff shot to the cerebellum, so he uses the speed bag to capture this feeling since Kristoff can’t talk back.
“You talk all you want about how nCw management overlooks you and doesn’t give you the shots you deserve. You say they don’t care about you and you’re out to make them take notice. Well let’s be honest….they’re not the only ones who don’t care. The fans don’t give a d*mn about any of the members of Infamous either, save for Rob Diamond. You just had a World Title match against Adam Knite, yet claim to be overlooked. You’re just embarrassing yourself. Why would management want to push you guys at all when it will only hurt the television ratings, and the company as a whole? You might want to inflict pain on yourself in some sort of self-loathing misadventure, but the fans don’t want to follow suit. They don’t want to pay their hard earned money to come to the arenas to see some guy who doesn’t care about them. Quite frankly they don’t even want to see you catch a beat down from the greatest stars we have to offer. No, you’d just drag down the match and make in un-enjoyable. So they get on the message boards and websites begging and pleading for you to stop torturing them with your embarrassing promos and half-*ssed matches. It only appears to fuel your thirst to enrage them even greater. The Kristoff Bates mission in life seems not only to achieve some sort of glory in wrestling and piss off everyone who can actually keep the company afloat. You can kill this company once and for all if you win that Coliseum Match, that number one contendership. I can’t let that happen. I love this company too d*mn much to let you ruin not only it, but my dreams as well. The ‘World’s Creepiest Man’ is not going to win this match.”
Will moves over to the punching bag and quickly fires off a series of stiff roundhouse kicks. The only thing harder than this bag is the head of an nCw wrestler who is stuck in his ways. Kicking this thing will prepare him for the impact that a stiff kick to the head of an accountant or a washed up wrestler will cause. He throws together and string of kicks and punches before stopping and continuing his anti-Bates rally cry.
“The greatest thing that I’ve seen all week is your little training promo Krissy. It was quite honestly the funniest bit of irony that any of us will ever experience. You managed to take an Ultimate Warrior impersonation from the hit late night talk show Up Late, and stretched it into much more than anyone else could. You took talk of getting ran over by running lawnmowers and turned it into your own training montage! My god you’re unnaturally stupid. The best part of the whole vaguely homoerotic thing was the fact that you were training to take a vicious beating, and that’s just what I’m training to do. That beatdown you’re preparing for? I’m the one who is going to administer it. That’s why I’m here today. To prepare to kick all thirty-plus of those yellow teeth right out of your face. I guess it is oddly brilliant of you to get ready for the brutality that is going to take place….For that’s all you’re going to find in that cage Bates. You don’t need to take the same steps I am for training. We’re walking a completely different path. Mine will lead to the glory and prestige of being THE Gladiator, and your’s will lead right back down the ladder. Back to where you started. The harpings of injustice and unfairness will become even louder from down at the bottom, but no one will be around to hear them. Only you and your other Infamous cohorts as you continue to dwell in the undertow of despair. If only you’d stop complaining long enough to realize that you could actually make moves in this company if you weren’t so pathetic….but you won’t. It’s a b*tches nature to b*tch. And like I said Batesy, you’re a b*tch.”
He connects with one final spinning back kick on the hanging punching bag and decides it’s time to move on to an even more ridiculous character: Jimmy Zane.
“Alright Zane. Can I just murder you already? I have never been more frustrated with anybody in the world than I am with you when I watch your mind-numbing promos. They really help me put my life in perspective. Maybe getting shot seven times wasn’t so bad after all. Sitting through the drabble that you put on television each and every week is so much worse. Why would you think that ANYBODY would care about your daddy issues, Jimmy? This is pro-wrestling, not the freaking Oprah Winfrey Show. ‘Oh, my daddy didn’t love me enough. He wasn’t there when I starred in Swan Lake. Wrestling….Infamous….BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.’ Nobody cares! You’re in a huge match on Sunday and all you can seem to talk about is your father. I’m going to put it out there right now Jimmy. Your father was nothing. Do you ever see him mentioned in the same breath as the all-time greats? Nope. You may recall during our first encounter, I talked up your father. I claimed he was a wrestling legend…..I believed the hype that you spewed. I actually started to think that there might be something to this Punisher you spoke of. Looking back at that now, I was an idiot. He amounted to nothing in New Championship Wrestling. You claim to hate the guy now, yet you still mention him like he actually accomplished something. We don’t care about what happened in other federations, we care about nCw. Newsflash James, nobody cares about that guy except for you. Daddy didn’t love you enough? He didn’t care? Nobody does, move on. May you keep bringing the overrated sack up because you’re trying to keep yourself distracted from the task at hand? This can only be described as either ignorance, or fear. Which is it Jimmy? Are you stupid or afraid? Ignorance is bliss, yet you‘ve got so much to be scared of.”
‘G.I. Jesus’ is really fuming now. Nothing gets his blood boiling like someone who doesn’t understand how idiotic he truly is. Jimmy Zane is that man. Throughout his life, Will has had to deal with many people who had this problem, but none as bad as Zane. He truly hates this guy for being so contradictory and pathetic.
“Now we get to my biggest problem with you. The one thing that absolutely sends me into a rage every time you speak. You constantly contradict yourself! Not only do you talk about your father constantly, but claim to not care about him….but look at yourself. You go on this big, pitch challenged rant about how I always talk about beating you. Do you not realize that I only talk about you when I face you? I don’t go into a match with Fergus Callaghan and talk about the multiple times I beat Jimmy Zane. I bring it up when we face each other, because it’s relevant. What else do I have to prove against you? I’ve beaten you THREE TIMES now. Sure it sounds like a repetitive statement, but the fact that you’ve never beaten me should tell you something. You can’t beat me! You can play it off however you want, but the truth is, it’s got to eat you alive. You play it off like it’s no big deal. So if it’s not a big deal, then how do we measure success here in the wrestling world? By the ability to induce hearing loss? If so, you’re the greatest. If you don’t believe wins and losses matter, then I guess I can understand you argument about how you deserve title shots. We’ll give you one, but not until we make sure Jason Lovegun gets the World Title shot he deserves.”
Truth be told, Lovegun probably does deserve a title shot more than Zane does. Atleast Jason does get some sort of a reaction when he comes out. It might be only from the fat, redneck women who have no idea what ‘sexy’ really is, but it’s a reaction nonetheless. Jimmy Zane on the other hand, doesn’t matter to anyone but himself. Will fights through these thoughts to make some more valid points about the sheer stupidity of Infamous.
“Everyone talks about the lack of success you’ve had in nCw. The fact that you’ve only ever had one X-Division Title reign comes up frequently, and you claim it plays into your entire angle. Management has been holding you down and not giving you title shots? I call bullsh*t. You said you don’t care that I beat you in the Road To The Gold tournament… Well guess what Jimmy! If you would have won there, you could gone on to getting a title shot. You were two steps away from facing Falcon for the nCw Title, and you blew it. You got destroyed by me. Your opportunity lost was my gain. Then, just 2 months ago at Metamorphisis, you had another Number One Contendership match against Gib. You lost that one too, didn’t you? They give you opportunity after opportunity and you keep losing. You point that fact about me, yet neglect to point that out about yourself. Sure, I’ve blown my fair share of chances, but I acknowledge that. You completely ignore your own failures. How many shots do you people need before you realize that it’s your own d*mn faults? Ace is a former nCw Champion on a massive losing streak. Rob Diamond has a World Tag Team Title shot coming up, and was X-Division Champion forever. Bates had and X-Division Title Shot against Jacobsen at Metamorphosis, and you’ve had more than your fair share of title opportunities. Eventually you’ve got to stop whining about not having title shots handed to you, and go out and make it happen yourself. That’s the chance you and Bates have coming up this weekend. Sadly for you, you’ve got four other men standing in your way. Notice I included Kristoff Bates there, because there’s only so long you can coexist before you realize you both can’t win. Well…you can‘t win anyway. I‘m in the match. Remember? Why haven‘t you realized what the rest of the world has realized Zane? You‘re not any good! Your dad wasn‘t any good! The only true ‘Punisher‘ is of the Patriotic variety. Big Punisher and Little Punisher are just a couple of over-hyped, never amount to anything, losers.”
He lets out a chuckle. The idea of beating Jimmy Zane once again is hilarious to him. At one point the guy has to realize that he’s just not cut-out for the elite level of competition. Doesn’t he? No one could be stupid enough to keep believing his own half-hearted hype after being dealt yet another loss. Could they?
“All things considered, you two have absolutely no chance this weekend. The week isn’t about constant whining, random shouting, or seeing how many times you can fit ‘Infamous’ and some form of insult with the ‘*ss’ into your promo. If you want to earn a nCw Title match at A Night To Remember, you’ve got to win the Coliseum, and if you want to win the Coliseum, you’ve got to have heart. Bates and Zane have the least heart out of anybody in the entire match. People with heart don’t sit around complaining and moaning about life every time they feel they’re shafted. They go back to the gym and try and make themselves better. I get better every day, and you just get more annoying. Putting me deaf from your incessant screaming isn’t going to help you when the Coliseum rolls around. Tonight before your go to sleep, I want you to drop down on your knees, and I want you to pray. Pray that you’re able to take out one of the other competitors before I’m able to enter the match. That will be the only way you can possibly come out with the victory, and your life. I’m prepared to beat the creep right out of you boys. I won‘t be dishing out insults come Sunday. Only deathblows. I might be brutally honest, but this weekend, I‘m only brutal.”
Will has to steamroll through the rest of this promo. Like the rest of the world, he could honestly not care less about the goings-on with this idiotic faction. Everyone knows that the only one people care about is Rob Diamond, and he’s not even in the match. He prepares to finish it up.
“If either one of you win this week, I can’t even fathom the pitch-challenged victory celebration promos will get between now and A Night To Remember, where you’ll be crushed by whoever is the champion. That’s why I can’t allow it. I‘m doing it for myself, America, and for all the people out there who are sick and tired of the whining. That’s why this week I kick *ss.”
He fires off yet another big kick to the punching back and smiles. He walks closer to the camera. Time to end this.
“I look forward to facing you this Sunday boys. Because fame is fleeting and infamy is useless. But the effects from a hellacious beating can last forever.”
Our anti-hero moves to the back of the room and does pull-ups as we fade to XW.