Post by Brad Kane on Mar 26, 2010 22:37:14 GMT -6
"Trapped within your own apathy
Spiraling into a cycle of loss
Beaten mind with a bruised reflection
It's addiction to failure and substances
That ties you to your selfish punishment
In your eyes it's cursed
No fix, no cure, tortured with imperfection
Your hatred is aimless
This is my hatred, this is my vow,
Never to be broken"
"Three years ago, nearly to this day. I met her. I met her doing my job of training her little brother. During that time I was messed up as most people know. My addiction to various substances which go deeper then just alcoholism.
See I used to do things to my body. The pain killers, dabbled in speed and maybe even took a line or two in my day. All signs were pointing to a demise that I thought I had coming. Karma is a bitch we all know it. I knew and I was trying to force my way to the end of my life.
But it all changed that day. My life changed in that instant, Xavier. Usually someone knows the moment when they're destined to do something with themselves. For years I thought I meant to just travel the world, do things in a wrestling ring and then go party. That was my life after my son was taken away from me.
You know how you feel when you want to die sometimes? That feeling of hopelessness, sorrow among so many other emotions. It was slowly eating at me. The pain and misery that life was bringing me on a constant basis before I met her was at an unbelievable high.
In a year span my son was taken from me. My ex-wife gave me divorce papers on Christmas Eve no less. Everything that was thrown at me Xavier, it's been paid back so much now that I've finally realized there is so much more to life then the three things I mentioned earlier.
With your loss, its just another trial from some entity that determines how we are as people. Its just a test Xavier and so far you're handling it a lot better then how I would. If Megan was taken from me in such a manner, I'd probably grab a .45 and splatter my brains on the wall because I can't live without her.
Selfish I know but its the honest truth. Without my angel, I'd want to die and I'd pull the trigger. All my kids would end up somewhere, separated from one another and in the same misery that I was put through. Growing up in a broken home wasn't the great thing in a childhood.
I could've ended up as a murdered or some sort of other criminal but this is what I wanted to do. When it wore thin, she came into my life. Somehow my life has had this strange way of working out when things appear the bleakest.
Almost like that saying it's darkest before dawn. You'll find that out in due time Xavier. I wish you the best in your personal life and you and yours are always welcome here at the mansion if you need a place.
But my angel, my wife is still breathing. She's still at my side hoping that I defeat you at the pay per view this Sunday evening. Megan, my kids and my friends want me to bring that title back to Boston. That National Title that you've worked so hard for in your time of sorrow is not small task to overtake.
You've said yourself that you're different then before. I'd say smarter but you've done some dumbass things before. You've done some stupid things that we both know about. I believe you're past them now. The Xavier Cross that I step into the ring with on Sunday night is just different.
But you asked me a question that I still haven't been able to figure out. I've never had any single person to look up to like you have. I thought I had but then they'd reveal their true self and leave me by the way side. Spike and Lance both did that to me Xavier. So to say I have trust issues with anyone in this business in an understatement.
The one man that could push me to my limit is still on his expanding ass in Baltimore these days because he's done with wrestling now. That one man was the guy who pushed me to be better then I ever could be even though I beat him at every single turn. Weird how that turns out.
Xavier, I never needed anyone to look up to. I didn't need a hero to guide my way in this business. All you really need is yourself. You don't need me as a mentor anymore. You're ready to go to the top kid. Xavier Cross is ready to take the life of a top flight wrestler. This is your stepping stone in that direction.
I've been at the top and it gets hard, Xavier. Life at the top is hard on you and with your current state of mind, I don't know how it would effect you. Part of you wants me to beat me and the other thinks that it would completely destroy you.
I was a case of too much too early in my career and it warped me into the person you see today. First month in this business and I won a title. From then I thought everything should be handed to me and no one told me otherwise. That's where this attitude comes from. Why I seem to be a huge asshole most of the time.
On Sunday night, when we step into the ring. I want you to leave your personal problems at the door Xavier. I want your mind to forget about Cari, your kids and your friends. What I want from you is the best performance of your career. I want you to knock me on my ass. I want you to do hurt me.
Xavier, this is the pinnacle of my nCw career I think. Facing you, testing you to see how you are now. The titles, the accolades, I don't need them anymore. Wrestling is just something to pass my time until I start college in the fall.
This might be your only chance to prove to me Xavier. Don't let me down.
And just remember this kid."
"Cause you HATE yourself
And you HATE this world
And you HATE the fact
That you HATE every moment
i take this vow
I take this vow of hatred,
I take this, never be to broken "
Spiraling into a cycle of loss
Beaten mind with a bruised reflection
It's addiction to failure and substances
That ties you to your selfish punishment
In your eyes it's cursed
No fix, no cure, tortured with imperfection
Your hatred is aimless
This is my hatred, this is my vow,
Never to be broken"
"Three years ago, nearly to this day. I met her. I met her doing my job of training her little brother. During that time I was messed up as most people know. My addiction to various substances which go deeper then just alcoholism.
See I used to do things to my body. The pain killers, dabbled in speed and maybe even took a line or two in my day. All signs were pointing to a demise that I thought I had coming. Karma is a bitch we all know it. I knew and I was trying to force my way to the end of my life.
But it all changed that day. My life changed in that instant, Xavier. Usually someone knows the moment when they're destined to do something with themselves. For years I thought I meant to just travel the world, do things in a wrestling ring and then go party. That was my life after my son was taken away from me.
You know how you feel when you want to die sometimes? That feeling of hopelessness, sorrow among so many other emotions. It was slowly eating at me. The pain and misery that life was bringing me on a constant basis before I met her was at an unbelievable high.
In a year span my son was taken from me. My ex-wife gave me divorce papers on Christmas Eve no less. Everything that was thrown at me Xavier, it's been paid back so much now that I've finally realized there is so much more to life then the three things I mentioned earlier.
With your loss, its just another trial from some entity that determines how we are as people. Its just a test Xavier and so far you're handling it a lot better then how I would. If Megan was taken from me in such a manner, I'd probably grab a .45 and splatter my brains on the wall because I can't live without her.
Selfish I know but its the honest truth. Without my angel, I'd want to die and I'd pull the trigger. All my kids would end up somewhere, separated from one another and in the same misery that I was put through. Growing up in a broken home wasn't the great thing in a childhood.
I could've ended up as a murdered or some sort of other criminal but this is what I wanted to do. When it wore thin, she came into my life. Somehow my life has had this strange way of working out when things appear the bleakest.
Almost like that saying it's darkest before dawn. You'll find that out in due time Xavier. I wish you the best in your personal life and you and yours are always welcome here at the mansion if you need a place.
But my angel, my wife is still breathing. She's still at my side hoping that I defeat you at the pay per view this Sunday evening. Megan, my kids and my friends want me to bring that title back to Boston. That National Title that you've worked so hard for in your time of sorrow is not small task to overtake.
You've said yourself that you're different then before. I'd say smarter but you've done some dumbass things before. You've done some stupid things that we both know about. I believe you're past them now. The Xavier Cross that I step into the ring with on Sunday night is just different.
But you asked me a question that I still haven't been able to figure out. I've never had any single person to look up to like you have. I thought I had but then they'd reveal their true self and leave me by the way side. Spike and Lance both did that to me Xavier. So to say I have trust issues with anyone in this business in an understatement.
The one man that could push me to my limit is still on his expanding ass in Baltimore these days because he's done with wrestling now. That one man was the guy who pushed me to be better then I ever could be even though I beat him at every single turn. Weird how that turns out.
Xavier, I never needed anyone to look up to. I didn't need a hero to guide my way in this business. All you really need is yourself. You don't need me as a mentor anymore. You're ready to go to the top kid. Xavier Cross is ready to take the life of a top flight wrestler. This is your stepping stone in that direction.
I've been at the top and it gets hard, Xavier. Life at the top is hard on you and with your current state of mind, I don't know how it would effect you. Part of you wants me to beat me and the other thinks that it would completely destroy you.
I was a case of too much too early in my career and it warped me into the person you see today. First month in this business and I won a title. From then I thought everything should be handed to me and no one told me otherwise. That's where this attitude comes from. Why I seem to be a huge asshole most of the time.
On Sunday night, when we step into the ring. I want you to leave your personal problems at the door Xavier. I want your mind to forget about Cari, your kids and your friends. What I want from you is the best performance of your career. I want you to knock me on my ass. I want you to do hurt me.
Xavier, this is the pinnacle of my nCw career I think. Facing you, testing you to see how you are now. The titles, the accolades, I don't need them anymore. Wrestling is just something to pass my time until I start college in the fall.
This might be your only chance to prove to me Xavier. Don't let me down.
And just remember this kid."
"Cause you HATE yourself
And you HATE this world
And you HATE the fact
That you HATE every moment
i take this vow
I take this vow of hatred,
I take this, never be to broken "