Post by Lord Dominicus on Apr 29, 2010 10:45:41 GMT -6
*We open on a nice sunny afternoon as Lord Dominicus, Lady Dominicus, Conejo, and Domina all stand around waiting for something. Lord Dominicus looks at his watch as he’s getting more and more frustrated.*
LD: What is taking him so long?
Lady D: Who?
LD: Oh the new henchman, he was supposed to be here ten minutes ago.
Lady D: I feel like we’re missing somebody.
Conejo: Where’s the loser who usually takes care of this crap?
LD: Warren? He seems to have sided with my other half, which puts me in charge of henchmen issues.
Conejo: So who’s the second in command now?
LD: Me.
Domina: Then who’s in first?
LD: I don’t feel like doing Abbot and Costello jokes right now.
*Finally after a few more moments of silence, a man runs up, who appears to be a little on the round side, maybe not so good in the face. Both of these are probably due to a little too much time in front of the computer. Also said man is wearing a dress and carrying a sword, we’ll get to that in a moment.*
Guy: Reporting for duty sir!
LD: Ok, who are you?
Guy: You don’t know?
LD: Of course not, I’m a busy evil mastermind.
Domina: I thought my job was to be the mastermind.
*Lord Dominicus turns around to Cleo…er…Domina*
LD: Hey, girly, I got this, ok?
*He turns back to the new henchman.*
LD: Anyway, name and gimmick please, let’s just get this out of the way so we can get on with our mission.
Guy: *Clears throat.* My name is Alex “The Black Knight” Wolf.
LD: Gimmick?
Alex: I am a knight.
LD: A real knight?
Alex: No, but I LARP as one.
LD: You what as huh?
Alex: LARP, Live Action Role Play.
LD: Ah…..why are you in a dress?
Alex: My character is a woman.
LD: So wait, you role play as a girl knight?
Alex: Yes.
LD: Hmmm, odd.
Lady D: I don’t see anything wrong with it.
LD: Oddly unsurprising.
*There’s a pause as we let the joke sink in.*
LD: Oooook, so here’s the plan, Alex, you’re going to accost that little girl over there, take her cookies, and force her to take this pile of money.
*The camera pans over to show a girl scout with several boxes of cookies. We listen to the others as she happily tries to sell her cookies.*
Alex: So…basically, we’re buying cookies.
LD: With dirty money- how evil is that!?
Conejo: The money isn’t dirty, we made it at the bake sale that I was in charge of yesterday.
LD: Yeah, but it was ill gotten due to the fact that the cakes we sold were OLD AND ROTTEN!
*Domina clears her throat.*
Domina: Um, two days ago you told me to have my servants bake some cakes that you needed to be fresh and delicious for some sort of evil event.
LD: And? The bake sale was evil.
Domina: How was the bake sale evil?
LD: Who was in charge of the bake sale?
Conejo: I was!
LD: Exactly, Computer Emperor was in charge, and he’s as evil as they come.
Conejo: Darn right.
LD: So there you go, evil bake sale.
Domina: I think we should go back to following my plans.
LD: You’re plans always end in people getting hurt, and by people I mean Cracker Eater.
Conejo: Even the henchmen avoid harm!
Domina: One time, ONE TIME!
LD: Either way, this week, we’re doing things my way.
Domina: Fine fine.
LD: Ok Alex, she’s primed for the taking, GO!
*Alex runs off camera as the Master of Darkness looks at the camera.*
LD: You know, my opponent has been saying many things, he is a man of many words, I know. He is evil, I know. He is filled with the black seething hatred that could only be quelled by coldest planets on the deepest regions of the solar system, I know. How do I know? Because he is me, and I am he.
*In the background the other members of the crew watch Alex trying to do his mission.*
Conejo: I think the Girl Scout might be at a higher level than him.
LD: See, Dominicus, you can talk about burying me, putting me into the casket, or making sweet sweet love to me like your latest promo suggested. And that’s fine, because if you follow the ancient texts’ theories on the origin of love, you’d see that we are looking for our other half at all times. You know exactly where he is. But I digress, you can talk about these things all you want, but when it comes down to it, you can’t put me into a coffin. You can’t close the lid on Lord Dominicus.
Domina: Hey, is that “Dirty” Jason Stungun? Why is he here?
LD: You tried to put the Dominicus lifestyle on the shelf. You tried to hide the mask. You tried to end us. But you can’t. You don’t have the heart. You say you want this dance to go on forever, then how can you put me away on Sunday? You can’t. I question my own ability to do so, though I shall try with all of my evil powers.
*The crew, watching, all make disgusted faces.*
Lady D: Aww, that’s just dirty.
LD: When you fight me, you touch yourself. I am you. It’s like that movie with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton.
Conejo: Fight Club.
LD: Thank you.
Conejo: I have a lot of free time.
LD: Yeah, it’s like Fight Club. We’ve met, I’ve been abrasive, then we got along, then we got successful and people joined us. Now we’re a cult and you’ve gotten your hands dirty with InFamous. There’s one last boom left, and you know all about it. There’s only one way to get me to go away though, and that’s to put the bullet through your own brain. Can you do it?
Domina: You know Fight Club was a book before it was a movie.
LD: So, Edward Norton, Ed, if I may be so bold. Can you do it? I’m your other half, the fun part- The part that doesn’t give a crap about anything and people love me. You’re just the same old guy you were before I came back; I made you into something with us. I saved your career from continuously feuding X-Division guys with not real plan to get to the top of the food chain. I helped you get new titles, and a new crew. I even got you back in touch with your former friend, Warren.
*Lord Dominicus holds his hand to his head as though it were a gun.*
LD: Ed, what are you gonna do? Can you pull the trigger knowing that by putting me in that casket, you might be damning us both? Things are much simpler on my end since I’m Brad Pitt: if you’re the one that goes down, I can just take you over completely, and then there will only need to be one Lord Dominicus. But you risk the downfall of both Dominci. Can you risk that? You said that we are like yin and yang. From your standpoint that’s true, but it’s not the same on my end. I’m Brad Pitt, I can kill you off easy and then go home and bang Jennifer Aniston.
Lady D: He’s with Angelina Jolie now.
LD: I know. I’m just trying to fit things into the context of the time.
Lady D: Also, you didn’t make any sense.
LD: Sense is for the sensible, I know villainy.
Domina: I really question that.
LD: Yeah, well, let’s see you come up with a better plan.
Domina: Fine, I will.
LD: Good. Anyway, the point is this, Dominicus, this Sunday I will bring WRATH and HELLFIRE upon thee. Because my friend- no- me. What’s more evil than sticking it to yourself for the sake of carnage and dark spectacle? Nothing probably.
*Alex runs up with a bunch of boxes of cookies.*
Alex: I did it boss!
LD: Did you give her the money?
Alex: Yeah boss, I gave her the money hard. Now what?
*Lord Dominicus takes the boxes and starts walking off.*
LD: I have to go increase my evil.
*LD walks away as the rest of the crew confusedly watches. Eventually we hear his voice one last time.*
“Samoas? Lame.”
Conejo: OOH! SAVE THOSE FOR ME!
*Conejo runs after Lord Dominicus as we fade out.*
LD: What is taking him so long?
Lady D: Who?
LD: Oh the new henchman, he was supposed to be here ten minutes ago.
Lady D: I feel like we’re missing somebody.
Conejo: Where’s the loser who usually takes care of this crap?
LD: Warren? He seems to have sided with my other half, which puts me in charge of henchmen issues.
Conejo: So who’s the second in command now?
LD: Me.
Domina: Then who’s in first?
LD: I don’t feel like doing Abbot and Costello jokes right now.
*Finally after a few more moments of silence, a man runs up, who appears to be a little on the round side, maybe not so good in the face. Both of these are probably due to a little too much time in front of the computer. Also said man is wearing a dress and carrying a sword, we’ll get to that in a moment.*
Guy: Reporting for duty sir!
LD: Ok, who are you?
Guy: You don’t know?
LD: Of course not, I’m a busy evil mastermind.
Domina: I thought my job was to be the mastermind.
*Lord Dominicus turns around to Cleo…er…Domina*
LD: Hey, girly, I got this, ok?
*He turns back to the new henchman.*
LD: Anyway, name and gimmick please, let’s just get this out of the way so we can get on with our mission.
Guy: *Clears throat.* My name is Alex “The Black Knight” Wolf.
LD: Gimmick?
Alex: I am a knight.
LD: A real knight?
Alex: No, but I LARP as one.
LD: You what as huh?
Alex: LARP, Live Action Role Play.
LD: Ah…..why are you in a dress?
Alex: My character is a woman.
LD: So wait, you role play as a girl knight?
Alex: Yes.
LD: Hmmm, odd.
Lady D: I don’t see anything wrong with it.
LD: Oddly unsurprising.
*There’s a pause as we let the joke sink in.*
LD: Oooook, so here’s the plan, Alex, you’re going to accost that little girl over there, take her cookies, and force her to take this pile of money.
*The camera pans over to show a girl scout with several boxes of cookies. We listen to the others as she happily tries to sell her cookies.*
Alex: So…basically, we’re buying cookies.
LD: With dirty money- how evil is that!?
Conejo: The money isn’t dirty, we made it at the bake sale that I was in charge of yesterday.
LD: Yeah, but it was ill gotten due to the fact that the cakes we sold were OLD AND ROTTEN!
*Domina clears her throat.*
Domina: Um, two days ago you told me to have my servants bake some cakes that you needed to be fresh and delicious for some sort of evil event.
LD: And? The bake sale was evil.
Domina: How was the bake sale evil?
LD: Who was in charge of the bake sale?
Conejo: I was!
LD: Exactly, Computer Emperor was in charge, and he’s as evil as they come.
Conejo: Darn right.
LD: So there you go, evil bake sale.
Domina: I think we should go back to following my plans.
LD: You’re plans always end in people getting hurt, and by people I mean Cracker Eater.
Conejo: Even the henchmen avoid harm!
Domina: One time, ONE TIME!
LD: Either way, this week, we’re doing things my way.
Domina: Fine fine.
LD: Ok Alex, she’s primed for the taking, GO!
*Alex runs off camera as the Master of Darkness looks at the camera.*
LD: You know, my opponent has been saying many things, he is a man of many words, I know. He is evil, I know. He is filled with the black seething hatred that could only be quelled by coldest planets on the deepest regions of the solar system, I know. How do I know? Because he is me, and I am he.
*In the background the other members of the crew watch Alex trying to do his mission.*
Conejo: I think the Girl Scout might be at a higher level than him.
LD: See, Dominicus, you can talk about burying me, putting me into the casket, or making sweet sweet love to me like your latest promo suggested. And that’s fine, because if you follow the ancient texts’ theories on the origin of love, you’d see that we are looking for our other half at all times. You know exactly where he is. But I digress, you can talk about these things all you want, but when it comes down to it, you can’t put me into a coffin. You can’t close the lid on Lord Dominicus.
Domina: Hey, is that “Dirty” Jason Stungun? Why is he here?
LD: You tried to put the Dominicus lifestyle on the shelf. You tried to hide the mask. You tried to end us. But you can’t. You don’t have the heart. You say you want this dance to go on forever, then how can you put me away on Sunday? You can’t. I question my own ability to do so, though I shall try with all of my evil powers.
*The crew, watching, all make disgusted faces.*
Lady D: Aww, that’s just dirty.
LD: When you fight me, you touch yourself. I am you. It’s like that movie with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton.
Conejo: Fight Club.
LD: Thank you.
Conejo: I have a lot of free time.
LD: Yeah, it’s like Fight Club. We’ve met, I’ve been abrasive, then we got along, then we got successful and people joined us. Now we’re a cult and you’ve gotten your hands dirty with InFamous. There’s one last boom left, and you know all about it. There’s only one way to get me to go away though, and that’s to put the bullet through your own brain. Can you do it?
Domina: You know Fight Club was a book before it was a movie.
LD: So, Edward Norton, Ed, if I may be so bold. Can you do it? I’m your other half, the fun part- The part that doesn’t give a crap about anything and people love me. You’re just the same old guy you were before I came back; I made you into something with us. I saved your career from continuously feuding X-Division guys with not real plan to get to the top of the food chain. I helped you get new titles, and a new crew. I even got you back in touch with your former friend, Warren.
*Lord Dominicus holds his hand to his head as though it were a gun.*
LD: Ed, what are you gonna do? Can you pull the trigger knowing that by putting me in that casket, you might be damning us both? Things are much simpler on my end since I’m Brad Pitt: if you’re the one that goes down, I can just take you over completely, and then there will only need to be one Lord Dominicus. But you risk the downfall of both Dominci. Can you risk that? You said that we are like yin and yang. From your standpoint that’s true, but it’s not the same on my end. I’m Brad Pitt, I can kill you off easy and then go home and bang Jennifer Aniston.
Lady D: He’s with Angelina Jolie now.
LD: I know. I’m just trying to fit things into the context of the time.
Lady D: Also, you didn’t make any sense.
LD: Sense is for the sensible, I know villainy.
Domina: I really question that.
LD: Yeah, well, let’s see you come up with a better plan.
Domina: Fine, I will.
LD: Good. Anyway, the point is this, Dominicus, this Sunday I will bring WRATH and HELLFIRE upon thee. Because my friend- no- me. What’s more evil than sticking it to yourself for the sake of carnage and dark spectacle? Nothing probably.
*Alex runs up with a bunch of boxes of cookies.*
Alex: I did it boss!
LD: Did you give her the money?
Alex: Yeah boss, I gave her the money hard. Now what?
*Lord Dominicus takes the boxes and starts walking off.*
LD: I have to go increase my evil.
*LD walks away as the rest of the crew confusedly watches. Eventually we hear his voice one last time.*
“Samoas? Lame.”
Conejo: OOH! SAVE THOSE FOR ME!
*Conejo runs after Lord Dominicus as we fade out.*