Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Apr 30, 2010 22:58:15 GMT -6
*We open in on the parking lot of Madison Square Garden. A crowd has gathered around a little stage next to a van with "101.9 RXP" written on it. On the stage is a guy with a mic and headphones.*
DJ: We're here at MSG celetratin' for NCW's big show THIS WEEKEND! GIVE IT UP Y'ALL! It's DJ Gabriel in tha HOOOUUUUUSE!
*The crowd erupts in screams and cheers.*
DJ: We gonna kick this party right! RXP 101.9 has got all the goods for you to have a great weekend. We're gonna give out tickets, we're gonna give out prizes, we may even give out phone numbers! But first we go--
*Suddenly, a blur comes from the side and the DJ goes down his headphones hanging in the air for a second before falling themselves. Up from behind the table stands DDK! His entourage follows as DDK raises his arms in the air in a daimond shape. He then breakes them apart and screams:*
DDK: BANG!
*The crowd is screaming. GQ grabs the mic.*
GQ: Ladies and gentlemen! Let me present to you, the People's Champ! The King of Xtreme! The Immitator of Violence! Diamond Dallas Kanyon!
*Some fans cheer and some boo. DDK grabs the mic.*
DDK: I heard there was some crazy **** going down here today! And I thought, who better to bring the violence to the people than the people's champ!? You think this guy has the balls to even mention the name NCW? Hell to the no! I got this! I can do prizes. Let's do one now! A pair of tickets to the first pair a **** I see!
*Suddenly the crowd goes into a censored blur. Obsidian's jaw drops.*
DDK: Wow...that was...easier than I thought. Well, I can't really say who was first, but I was looking straight at Triple D over here, and she showed 'em, so she gets 'em.
*Russell grabs the tickets and takes them to the lady.*
DDK: Let's see what we got here? Xavier William bandanas, yeah, that'll sell. Kelly Knight contraceptive, I doubt that works. A Gib nose hair trimmer? Really? Okay, this crap is lame.
*DDK tosses it all into the crowd. They ravage the prizes.*
DDK: While you're all occupied, I should take this time to tell you about the best damn match on the card this weekend. The Showcase match. You'll get to see me, DDK, taking on five other punk ass bitches. So really, you should only be watching me. Because I'm the best part of the best match. Don't get me wrong, Brad's all right. The rest, meh. But compared to me, c'mon. I mean...c'mmmmmooooon! Right?
GQ: DDK is the man! He's going to run circles around his opponents!
DDK: That's right, I'm going to be--
Man in the crowd: PLAY A SONG ALREADY!
DDK: What?
Man in the crowd: THIS IS A RADIO SPONSORED EVENT, THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MUSIC!
DDK: Sir. I can barely here you, get up here.
*DDK looks at the camera and winks. The guy heads up to the stage.*
Man from the crowd: I was sa--
*He quickly gets gored with the BANG! and goes flying off stage.*
DDK: BANG!
*DDK laughs.*
DDK: Anyone else want to hear some music? Huh!? Huh!? ...cause, I mean, it's cued up right there, let's play some music.
*GQ starts operating the DJ booth. "Aww Skeet Skeet" starts to play. DDK bounces his head. The crowd starts jumping around and then a mosh pit starts. Obsidian starts breaking it down, and then Russell tries to, but he's not that great at it. Amber just stands there. Obsidian comes up to her dancing, and she starts to booty dance. Finally, the song fades out.*
DDK: AWW SKEET SKEET! That's my jam! This Sunday, I'm gonna skeet skeet all over my oppo--
*Obsidian whispers in his ear.*
DDK: Wait, what? Really? It means that? EEEEEEWWWWW! I will not be doing that to my opponents! GROSS! WHAT THE ****!
Obsidian: Of course GQ would play that song, he loves when guys ske--
GQ: I AM NOT GAY!
DDK: My DDKanites! Does this man look gay to you!?
Crowd: YEAH!
GQ: I AM NOT GAY!
DDK: THEY HAVE SPOKEN! So shut up ya fairy!
GQ: Screw you guys!
*GQ drops the headphones and walks away. Obsidian takes over.*
DDK: So my peeps! Would you like to see me kick some ass this Sunday!?
Crowd: YEAH!
DDK: Would you like to see me win a championship!?
Crowd: YEAH!
DDK: WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ME KILL WHITEY!?
Crowd: YE--wha?
DDK: I thought you'd say yeah to anything. Just making sure you're really behind me here. I mean, I have been giving out stuff. Anyway, I'm taking on a Nathan, a Chris, a Brad, a Tommy, and a Jason. Those guys are all pretty boring. I mean, why not have a kick ass first name, like Diamond! It shows I've got class. And there middle names...well, I don't know. But I got Dallas, and that was a hell of a TV show. Also, I hear the city is nice...but not as nice as NEW YORK CITY!
Crowd: *Cheap pop reaction.*
DDK: And there last names, I don't care to go through, but I'm a Kanyon. And Kanyon's are known to be damn good wrestlers who can give damn good beatings. I plan to live up to my name. I don't know about the rest of the gang. This match is the match to watch. This match, is the match to win. This match...is mine! So tell me, how should I win? Maybe with the Boston Crab?
Crowd: Booooo!
DDK: Yeah, too simple. Maybe the 619?
Crowd: BOOOOOO!
Random guy: California sucks!
DDK: Perhaps the Alabama Slam!?
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!
DDK: Or perhaps it'll be the...Manhattan Drop!
Crowd: WHOOOOOOO! YEAH!
DDK: Nah, nah, nah. Ladies. Gentlemen. Skanks. We all know what it's going to be. If we're lucky, it's what they'll all feel. The match is ending...with a...
DDK & Crowd: BANG!!!
*DDK staggers back and wipes away a fake tear.*
DDK: That...that was just beautiful.
*DDK then charges and stage dives into the crowd. He laughs maniacally as he rides the wave of hands. The scene fades out.*
DJ: We're here at MSG celetratin' for NCW's big show THIS WEEKEND! GIVE IT UP Y'ALL! It's DJ Gabriel in tha HOOOUUUUUSE!
*The crowd erupts in screams and cheers.*
DJ: We gonna kick this party right! RXP 101.9 has got all the goods for you to have a great weekend. We're gonna give out tickets, we're gonna give out prizes, we may even give out phone numbers! But first we go--
*Suddenly, a blur comes from the side and the DJ goes down his headphones hanging in the air for a second before falling themselves. Up from behind the table stands DDK! His entourage follows as DDK raises his arms in the air in a daimond shape. He then breakes them apart and screams:*
DDK: BANG!
*The crowd is screaming. GQ grabs the mic.*
GQ: Ladies and gentlemen! Let me present to you, the People's Champ! The King of Xtreme! The Immitator of Violence! Diamond Dallas Kanyon!
*Some fans cheer and some boo. DDK grabs the mic.*
DDK: I heard there was some crazy **** going down here today! And I thought, who better to bring the violence to the people than the people's champ!? You think this guy has the balls to even mention the name NCW? Hell to the no! I got this! I can do prizes. Let's do one now! A pair of tickets to the first pair a **** I see!
*Suddenly the crowd goes into a censored blur. Obsidian's jaw drops.*
DDK: Wow...that was...easier than I thought. Well, I can't really say who was first, but I was looking straight at Triple D over here, and she showed 'em, so she gets 'em.
*Russell grabs the tickets and takes them to the lady.*
DDK: Let's see what we got here? Xavier William bandanas, yeah, that'll sell. Kelly Knight contraceptive, I doubt that works. A Gib nose hair trimmer? Really? Okay, this crap is lame.
*DDK tosses it all into the crowd. They ravage the prizes.*
DDK: While you're all occupied, I should take this time to tell you about the best damn match on the card this weekend. The Showcase match. You'll get to see me, DDK, taking on five other punk ass bitches. So really, you should only be watching me. Because I'm the best part of the best match. Don't get me wrong, Brad's all right. The rest, meh. But compared to me, c'mon. I mean...c'mmmmmooooon! Right?
GQ: DDK is the man! He's going to run circles around his opponents!
DDK: That's right, I'm going to be--
Man in the crowd: PLAY A SONG ALREADY!
DDK: What?
Man in the crowd: THIS IS A RADIO SPONSORED EVENT, THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MUSIC!
DDK: Sir. I can barely here you, get up here.
*DDK looks at the camera and winks. The guy heads up to the stage.*
Man from the crowd: I was sa--
*He quickly gets gored with the BANG! and goes flying off stage.*
DDK: BANG!
*DDK laughs.*
DDK: Anyone else want to hear some music? Huh!? Huh!? ...cause, I mean, it's cued up right there, let's play some music.
*GQ starts operating the DJ booth. "Aww Skeet Skeet" starts to play. DDK bounces his head. The crowd starts jumping around and then a mosh pit starts. Obsidian starts breaking it down, and then Russell tries to, but he's not that great at it. Amber just stands there. Obsidian comes up to her dancing, and she starts to booty dance. Finally, the song fades out.*
DDK: AWW SKEET SKEET! That's my jam! This Sunday, I'm gonna skeet skeet all over my oppo--
*Obsidian whispers in his ear.*
DDK: Wait, what? Really? It means that? EEEEEEWWWWW! I will not be doing that to my opponents! GROSS! WHAT THE ****!
Obsidian: Of course GQ would play that song, he loves when guys ske--
GQ: I AM NOT GAY!
DDK: My DDKanites! Does this man look gay to you!?
Crowd: YEAH!
GQ: I AM NOT GAY!
DDK: THEY HAVE SPOKEN! So shut up ya fairy!
GQ: Screw you guys!
*GQ drops the headphones and walks away. Obsidian takes over.*
DDK: So my peeps! Would you like to see me kick some ass this Sunday!?
Crowd: YEAH!
DDK: Would you like to see me win a championship!?
Crowd: YEAH!
DDK: WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ME KILL WHITEY!?
Crowd: YE--wha?
DDK: I thought you'd say yeah to anything. Just making sure you're really behind me here. I mean, I have been giving out stuff. Anyway, I'm taking on a Nathan, a Chris, a Brad, a Tommy, and a Jason. Those guys are all pretty boring. I mean, why not have a kick ass first name, like Diamond! It shows I've got class. And there middle names...well, I don't know. But I got Dallas, and that was a hell of a TV show. Also, I hear the city is nice...but not as nice as NEW YORK CITY!
Crowd: *Cheap pop reaction.*
DDK: And there last names, I don't care to go through, but I'm a Kanyon. And Kanyon's are known to be damn good wrestlers who can give damn good beatings. I plan to live up to my name. I don't know about the rest of the gang. This match is the match to watch. This match, is the match to win. This match...is mine! So tell me, how should I win? Maybe with the Boston Crab?
Crowd: Booooo!
DDK: Yeah, too simple. Maybe the 619?
Crowd: BOOOOOO!
Random guy: California sucks!
DDK: Perhaps the Alabama Slam!?
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!
DDK: Or perhaps it'll be the...Manhattan Drop!
Crowd: WHOOOOOOO! YEAH!
DDK: Nah, nah, nah. Ladies. Gentlemen. Skanks. We all know what it's going to be. If we're lucky, it's what they'll all feel. The match is ending...with a...
DDK & Crowd: BANG!!!
*DDK staggers back and wipes away a fake tear.*
DDK: That...that was just beautiful.
*DDK then charges and stage dives into the crowd. He laughs maniacally as he rides the wave of hands. The scene fades out.*