Post by Philip Burns on May 1, 2010 22:26:34 GMT -6
{The scene opens with Chad Lights, clad in his typical suit and tie, holding a microphone in front of an nCw backdrop. He is standing next to Philip Burns who is dressed in high quality jeans and a button down white shirt the a tribal design on the shoulder.}
Chad Lights: I am here backstage at Madison Square Garden. The crew is here working over time setting up the stage and the ring and we are just hours away from A Night to Remember and my guest at this time is number one contender for the Tag Team titles, Philip Burns. Phil, on Collision last week you announced your partner after several auditions. Despite these tryouts you went with someone you haven't been linked to for some time, Falcon. Why even have these tryout matches?
{Phil speaks directly, with purpose, and with a tone indicating that he is in no mood for lighthearted chat.}
Philip Burns: Chad, thanks for having me. You know, the simple explanation is that Falcon is a great wrestler. His accomplishments speak for themselves and his reputation precedes him to no end. Thats the simple answer.
To give a bit more detail, of course I would choose Falcon. Sure I tried out a few partners and they were all impressive enough. I could have chosen either one of them. In fact I had settled on a partner. That is, until Sunday when I was backstage at Collision and there was a knock at my door. And it wasn't Land Shark.
Now don't think I have forgotten about my history with Falcon. We have stood as allies, we have done battle in the ring, and all the while we have been professionals who leave it all at work. There seems to be some implication by Jimmy Zane that Falcon and I are some random pairing which simply isn't true. Anyone with a DVD player, a computer, or even a short-term memory would know that Harvey Birdman and I go way back. But I never pegged Jimmy as being "intelligent" or having any higher brain function so no surprise there.
Chad Lights: Is the irony of what happened at last years Pay-Per-View of the same name lost on you at all or have you even considered it?
{Cue footage:
Date: Sunday April 26th, 2009
Location: Quicken Loans Arena; Cleveland, Ohio
Match: Team nCw vs. Team Revolution
"Falcon gets a knee to the gut and doubles AJ over and kicks him hard in the head. Falcon is looking good and Philip Burns offers up a high five. Falcon obliges but in a shocking twist Philip Burns punches him!"
Cut back to Burns looking at the monitor behind him and Chad.}
Philip Burns: Yea its something I have thought about. Team nCw versus Team Revolution. Angel and I turned on Falcon. We turned on the Revolution. The irony is too great to ignore. But I did discuss it with Falcon and we both seem to think that business, especially old business, belongs in the past and we are going to leave it there. As wrestlers and entertainers if we held grudges like that we would never be able walk down a hallway without getting into a fight. I call Freakke gay every time I see him but he still parks my car for me. We are professionals.
Chad Lights: Is this match your chance to finally redeem yourself after losing the belts to Dirty Deal several months ago?
Philip Burns: Chad, as a journalist and broadcaster I can recognize a loaded question when its thrown my way. The implication was that I needed redeeming anyway. The common mistake that people around here seem to be making is just assuming I am just a small part of the success of Burning Angels, that I was the weak link. I expect that kind of ignorance from "Infamous." I expect that a tag team who fails to do anything but whine and complain about their spot. Any good tag team, stable, or person with a first grade level spelling education knows there is no "I" in TEAM. Sure its a tired old expression but if the shoe fits, wear it. See there went another one. I guess after watching listening to Jimmy Zane for a while tired old things seem to become no different than regular events. Maybe my senses are a little numb to what is entertaining or not at the moment. Its the same effect that you would get from watching Best of Golf on ESPN.
Chad Lights: So you are refuting the claims we have been hearing for so long by several of your peers?
Philip Burns: Chad, I'm not trying to say I didn't lose the titles for my team. I'm not going to say that the majority of our losses weren't as a result of my shoulders being down on the mat. Both statements are true. I don't have to lie to make myself feel better like those guys. If you just look at who Angel is you know he was so selfish he couldn't be bothered to share the spotlight any longer. How many pin falls did I break up for him? How many times did I drag someone off of him when I was on the ring apron watching him get pummeled? I needed him there one time. And he didn't come through. We didn't have the chemistry I thought we had. With our team seemingly imploding at unraveling every week we were bound to lose.
For a while I thought I was his best friend. Then I learned his best friend was a bigger strap of gold than the one I could give him.
I'm not hurt because I don't live in the past. Sure there are still times when someone gets under my skin with it but then I just remind myself that if they wanted to see whether I was being carried or not then they can meet me in the ring. I have a singles victory over Angel in nCw record books and that is proof enough to me that my critics are wrong.
Chad Lights: Does it make a difference at all that you have history with both of your opponents or is that all in the past for you?
Philip Burns: Its hit and miss. Sometimes I look at these guys as the same ones I knew back then. Its been about two years since I welcomed Jimmy Zane to nCw and its been only about a year since Bates' wife got a little too close for comfort at ringside. On the other hand so much has happened since then it is hard to hang onto it. Or at least it is for me. I cant speak for them. I still don't like either one of the guys though.
Chad Lights: Any final words for your opponents before stepping into the ring with them?
Philip Burns: The only thing I can think to say is that no man has ever carried Philip Burns. I'm putting that rumor to rest tomorrow. Falcon and I are in this to win it. We have something to settle in our own way tomorrow and one way or another, its going to be settled. After Sunday I will command respect no matter where I go. The locker room, the ring, the hotel, my back yard. It wont matter. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my career and I don't need Jimmy Zane or KLB's permission to take those titles. In fact I welcome them to try and stop me. I'm not counting on you guys turning on each other and handing them over like you had. I plan on winning the old fashioned way.
So bring your tires ass rhetoric about how Angel is better than me. I welcome it.
{Burns walks away abruptly and punches the door open, leaving Chad to nervously sign off}
{Philip Burns is seated in a fine Italian restaurant. Across from him is his friend, 90s R&B fan, and Up Late producer, Ronald. Thanks to special provisions in every nCw contract we listen in on them.}
Philip Burns: Ducking into a restaurant that requires a suit to be worn is the only way to ensure Mike and Mike do not rear their ugly squirrel pelted heads. Sorry about the hefty price tag we are going to end up paying for the pasta.
Ronald: It ain't nothin my man. Ronald don't spend much of the top notch salary I get from working for nCw.
{Burns is still amused at Ronald's use of double negatives and constant referral to himself in the third person.}
Ronald don't mind splurging for a night out on the town with the most happenin host who pays me the most.
Philip Burns: I don't pay you as much as you think I do ya know. Prices on things have went up since '93. inflation and all.
Ronald: Ronald doesn't see what airin things up has to do with nothing. 'less you plan on takin this party to the pool later. Ronald isn't tan enough for that.
Philip Burns: ...No. Never mind. Any way I needed to talk to someone who isn't really involved in my wrestling career. The 'stache brothers, talented as they are, are not the people to turn to when I need advice about anything. I was wondering what your take is on my choice of tag team partner.
Ronald: You got those titles in the bag with a partner like that. On a talent level he is like having Angel on your team again, minus all the bull crap that made Angel being on your team a bad thing. Ronald is a big fan of the potential here.
Philip Burns: Good, I'm afraid to check my voice mail cause I'm sure some very opinionated people have been trying to yell at me. I made my choice for a reason and there's nothing that anyone is going to say that will change it.
{The server arrives with the guys' meals. She hands a chicken alfredo pasta to Burns, and a vegetable lasagna to Ronald. They thank her as she refills their drinks and leaves}
Philip Burns: I still cant believe you eat that stuff. Vegetable lasagna... sounds like the worst oxymoron ever. Lasagna is about meat. Delicious meat.
Ronald: You know my friend normally I would agree but I had this on an airplane on time because they were out of chicken and I got hooked.
Philip Burns: that's sick. Lets dig in and get outta here though. I don't think I can count on Mmmmm being distracted for too long.
{Just then the mustache machine crashes though the glass at the front of the eating establishment and Honcho exits the driver door. He doesn't spot Burns who has grabbed Ronald and slipped out the back door during the commotion. Mike screams at the top of his lungs.}
Honcho: You hurt my feelings broseph! We could have made sweet sweet matches together. I could have been the best partner ever!
{Just then a police officers grabs Honcho from behind and cuffs him, pushing him down to the ground in the process.}
Officer: We all have personal problems but you cant drive through a restaurant just because you are having a lovers quarrel.
Honcho: What? No I ain't gay! Were just friends!
Officer: Tell it to the judge, buddy.
{scene fades as Honcho is face down defending his hetero street cred.}
Chad Lights: I am here backstage at Madison Square Garden. The crew is here working over time setting up the stage and the ring and we are just hours away from A Night to Remember and my guest at this time is number one contender for the Tag Team titles, Philip Burns. Phil, on Collision last week you announced your partner after several auditions. Despite these tryouts you went with someone you haven't been linked to for some time, Falcon. Why even have these tryout matches?
{Phil speaks directly, with purpose, and with a tone indicating that he is in no mood for lighthearted chat.}
Philip Burns: Chad, thanks for having me. You know, the simple explanation is that Falcon is a great wrestler. His accomplishments speak for themselves and his reputation precedes him to no end. Thats the simple answer.
To give a bit more detail, of course I would choose Falcon. Sure I tried out a few partners and they were all impressive enough. I could have chosen either one of them. In fact I had settled on a partner. That is, until Sunday when I was backstage at Collision and there was a knock at my door. And it wasn't Land Shark.
Now don't think I have forgotten about my history with Falcon. We have stood as allies, we have done battle in the ring, and all the while we have been professionals who leave it all at work. There seems to be some implication by Jimmy Zane that Falcon and I are some random pairing which simply isn't true. Anyone with a DVD player, a computer, or even a short-term memory would know that Harvey Birdman and I go way back. But I never pegged Jimmy as being "intelligent" or having any higher brain function so no surprise there.
Chad Lights: Is the irony of what happened at last years Pay-Per-View of the same name lost on you at all or have you even considered it?
{Cue footage:
Date: Sunday April 26th, 2009
Location: Quicken Loans Arena; Cleveland, Ohio
Match: Team nCw vs. Team Revolution
"Falcon gets a knee to the gut and doubles AJ over and kicks him hard in the head. Falcon is looking good and Philip Burns offers up a high five. Falcon obliges but in a shocking twist Philip Burns punches him!"
Cut back to Burns looking at the monitor behind him and Chad.}
Philip Burns: Yea its something I have thought about. Team nCw versus Team Revolution. Angel and I turned on Falcon. We turned on the Revolution. The irony is too great to ignore. But I did discuss it with Falcon and we both seem to think that business, especially old business, belongs in the past and we are going to leave it there. As wrestlers and entertainers if we held grudges like that we would never be able walk down a hallway without getting into a fight. I call Freakke gay every time I see him but he still parks my car for me. We are professionals.
Chad Lights: Is this match your chance to finally redeem yourself after losing the belts to Dirty Deal several months ago?
Philip Burns: Chad, as a journalist and broadcaster I can recognize a loaded question when its thrown my way. The implication was that I needed redeeming anyway. The common mistake that people around here seem to be making is just assuming I am just a small part of the success of Burning Angels, that I was the weak link. I expect that kind of ignorance from "Infamous." I expect that a tag team who fails to do anything but whine and complain about their spot. Any good tag team, stable, or person with a first grade level spelling education knows there is no "I" in TEAM. Sure its a tired old expression but if the shoe fits, wear it. See there went another one. I guess after watching listening to Jimmy Zane for a while tired old things seem to become no different than regular events. Maybe my senses are a little numb to what is entertaining or not at the moment. Its the same effect that you would get from watching Best of Golf on ESPN.
Chad Lights: So you are refuting the claims we have been hearing for so long by several of your peers?
Philip Burns: Chad, I'm not trying to say I didn't lose the titles for my team. I'm not going to say that the majority of our losses weren't as a result of my shoulders being down on the mat. Both statements are true. I don't have to lie to make myself feel better like those guys. If you just look at who Angel is you know he was so selfish he couldn't be bothered to share the spotlight any longer. How many pin falls did I break up for him? How many times did I drag someone off of him when I was on the ring apron watching him get pummeled? I needed him there one time. And he didn't come through. We didn't have the chemistry I thought we had. With our team seemingly imploding at unraveling every week we were bound to lose.
For a while I thought I was his best friend. Then I learned his best friend was a bigger strap of gold than the one I could give him.
I'm not hurt because I don't live in the past. Sure there are still times when someone gets under my skin with it but then I just remind myself that if they wanted to see whether I was being carried or not then they can meet me in the ring. I have a singles victory over Angel in nCw record books and that is proof enough to me that my critics are wrong.
Chad Lights: Does it make a difference at all that you have history with both of your opponents or is that all in the past for you?
Philip Burns: Its hit and miss. Sometimes I look at these guys as the same ones I knew back then. Its been about two years since I welcomed Jimmy Zane to nCw and its been only about a year since Bates' wife got a little too close for comfort at ringside. On the other hand so much has happened since then it is hard to hang onto it. Or at least it is for me. I cant speak for them. I still don't like either one of the guys though.
Chad Lights: Any final words for your opponents before stepping into the ring with them?
Philip Burns: The only thing I can think to say is that no man has ever carried Philip Burns. I'm putting that rumor to rest tomorrow. Falcon and I are in this to win it. We have something to settle in our own way tomorrow and one way or another, its going to be settled. After Sunday I will command respect no matter where I go. The locker room, the ring, the hotel, my back yard. It wont matter. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my career and I don't need Jimmy Zane or KLB's permission to take those titles. In fact I welcome them to try and stop me. I'm not counting on you guys turning on each other and handing them over like you had. I plan on winning the old fashioned way.
So bring your tires ass rhetoric about how Angel is better than me. I welcome it.
{Burns walks away abruptly and punches the door open, leaving Chad to nervously sign off}
EARLIER THIS WEEK
{Philip Burns is seated in a fine Italian restaurant. Across from him is his friend, 90s R&B fan, and Up Late producer, Ronald. Thanks to special provisions in every nCw contract we listen in on them.}
Philip Burns: Ducking into a restaurant that requires a suit to be worn is the only way to ensure Mike and Mike do not rear their ugly squirrel pelted heads. Sorry about the hefty price tag we are going to end up paying for the pasta.
Ronald: It ain't nothin my man. Ronald don't spend much of the top notch salary I get from working for nCw.
{Burns is still amused at Ronald's use of double negatives and constant referral to himself in the third person.}
Ronald don't mind splurging for a night out on the town with the most happenin host who pays me the most.
Philip Burns: I don't pay you as much as you think I do ya know. Prices on things have went up since '93. inflation and all.
Ronald: Ronald doesn't see what airin things up has to do with nothing. 'less you plan on takin this party to the pool later. Ronald isn't tan enough for that.
Philip Burns: ...No. Never mind. Any way I needed to talk to someone who isn't really involved in my wrestling career. The 'stache brothers, talented as they are, are not the people to turn to when I need advice about anything. I was wondering what your take is on my choice of tag team partner.
Ronald: You got those titles in the bag with a partner like that. On a talent level he is like having Angel on your team again, minus all the bull crap that made Angel being on your team a bad thing. Ronald is a big fan of the potential here.
Philip Burns: Good, I'm afraid to check my voice mail cause I'm sure some very opinionated people have been trying to yell at me. I made my choice for a reason and there's nothing that anyone is going to say that will change it.
{The server arrives with the guys' meals. She hands a chicken alfredo pasta to Burns, and a vegetable lasagna to Ronald. They thank her as she refills their drinks and leaves}
Philip Burns: I still cant believe you eat that stuff. Vegetable lasagna... sounds like the worst oxymoron ever. Lasagna is about meat. Delicious meat.
Ronald: You know my friend normally I would agree but I had this on an airplane on time because they were out of chicken and I got hooked.
Philip Burns: that's sick. Lets dig in and get outta here though. I don't think I can count on Mmmmm being distracted for too long.
{Just then the mustache machine crashes though the glass at the front of the eating establishment and Honcho exits the driver door. He doesn't spot Burns who has grabbed Ronald and slipped out the back door during the commotion. Mike screams at the top of his lungs.}
Honcho: You hurt my feelings broseph! We could have made sweet sweet matches together. I could have been the best partner ever!
{Just then a police officers grabs Honcho from behind and cuffs him, pushing him down to the ground in the process.}
Officer: We all have personal problems but you cant drive through a restaurant just because you are having a lovers quarrel.
Honcho: What? No I ain't gay! Were just friends!
Officer: Tell it to the judge, buddy.
{scene fades as Honcho is face down defending his hetero street cred.}