Post by Freakke on Jun 3, 2010 14:18:43 GMT -6
A beaten down old green van was driving down the highway and the camera crew happened to be in it. The camera man sat in the passenger seat, strapped down as tight as he could get. In the driver’s seat was nCw’s own evil clown, Freakke. The vehicle didn’t have a cd player, but he had a tape deck (how it sill worked no one is quite sure) and was blaring an old Meat Loaf tape. He seemed to be in a generally good mood. He didn’t show signs of wanting to talk though.
Time passed, mile markers passed, the van didn’t stop. Eventually there was a shuffling in the back and the camera turned to view a large burlap sack. The sack was moving. The sound man helped the sack open and there lay Jason Dunn, nCw’s brown nosing interviewer. He crawled out of the bag and looked around. At first was confused but realized immediately what was going on and glared at Freakke.
“I should have known. As soon as Mr. Fox hears about this you’re gonna be fired. You might be some sort of self proclaimed prank master but this time you’ve done it. Kidnapping is actually illegal in this country. Stop the vehicle and let me out now!”
”Alright…”
Freakke shrugged and hit his turn signals.
”I just thought you wanted to get the scoop on this Sunday’s X-Division Reborn match. I can always go get Chad or Carly.”
Dunn stopped and pushed the sound man out of the way. He got up in between the driver and passenger seats.
“So, what are you’re plans for winning the match?”
”Hold on there skippy, I happen to like this song.”
“What? You have it on tape.”
”Just chill out a minute.”
The song played for another five minutes before ending. Freakke pressed the pause button and looked back to Dunn.
”Now, are we ready?”
“It’s about time…how can you listen to that crap?”
”Crap?! That’s great music right there!”
“Uh-huh…lets just get this over with. Your last promo you did nothing but poke fun at your opponents and it seems to have had a good deal of backlash. Anything you want to say back?”
”Ummm, what now? I was just screwing around last promo. I had virtually nothing; it was all done on the fly. I’m flattered that it had any effect at all.”
“Oh, haha, that’s pretty funny but seriously…”
Freakke stared at Dunn for a few moments. He turned his attention back to the road and swerved to miss a sedan that was going ten miles per hour under the speed limit, while going twenty above it himself.
“Alright then, so I’m guessing you don’t know what to say next, right?”
”Actually I do know what to say next. I thought it up when we tossed you in the back of the van.”
“I see…”
Dunn’s eye twitched.
”Anyhow, I really wanted to talk more about juicy little secrets and other dirt I caught on my opponents but I don’t think you want to hear all that.”
Dunn was about to object but Freakke continued.
”So I thought we’d talk about my opinions in regards to my opponent’s alleged wrestling talent and chances at winning Sunday.”
“Alright then….so, what are your opinions?”
Freakke looked at him and paused for a moment. Then, he threw his head back and laughed hard. Jason looked to the camera man and then back at Freakke.
”Hold on, I’m not done.”
He continued to laugh for another few seconds and then wiped an imaginary tear from his eye, smirking the whole time.
”That’s my general opinion…heh…but allow me to elaborate.”
Dunn got closer and held the microphone closer to Freakke.
”Shawn isn’t gonna win. He’s got talent, but talent isn’t enough to win. He’s unfocused and doesn’t have the determination to win this week. He’s probably still riding the adrenaline from his revenge last week. That feeling can make you think you’re invincible if you let it carry you away. If you use it right though, concentrate on what you’re doing, it can help you succeed. If not, it only burns you in the end.”
“So you don’t think he’s focused enough?”
”Pretty much.”
“Anything else?”
”For Shawn? Nope.”
“OK, what about Stefan Rzany? You seemed to piss him off a great deal with not being able to pronounce his name.”
”Oh, you mean Bob? I gave up trying to pronounce whatever that psycho’s name is.”
“Wait, I thought you were a psycho?”
”I am, but I’m not denying that I have split personality syndrome or huge denial problems. Lance Rzany or Stefan Ryan or whatever his actual name is, is just trying to deny who he really is. He’s got a similar problem to what Shawn has but Shawn isn’t doing it on purpose, he’s just a little inexperienced is all. Bob’s doing it to himself for some unknown reason. People try to claim all the time that I’m hiding behind my face paint when in truth I’m actually opening up and letting people see who I am by doing this.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
”In part it’s just me ranting. In another train of thought, it’s that ‘What’s His Name’ is trying to deny who he was and is willing to give up so much to do it that he’s lost sight of everything else. That’s just as bad as losing focus. Having so much focus on one thing blinds you just as badly as not paying attention to whats going on.”
“You mean like paying more attention to the interview than the road?”
”Pffft, no, I can drive this thing with my eyes closed. Wanna see?”
“No.”
Freakke shrugged and turned back to the road. He swerved again and the van squealed into the next lane, barely avoiding running into a truck. Only the clown seemed unfazed by this.
”So, where were we? Oh yeah, Stefan Pansy. Well, aside from being a complete moron and completely being obsessed with killing his old identity, he’s another wrestler stepping in my way. He thinks it’s the other way ‘round. Ain’t that sad?”
“I suppose, although he has a pretty impressive…err had an impressive record.”
”He still has it. You can’t erase the past. Actually I’ve been watching a lot of his old tapes. I’m really confident he’s not a problem.”
“OK, how about we talk about Jones. You have to have at least some fear he’ll retain his championship.”
”Nope. His reign ends Sunday. Yours truly is gonna up and kick his ass, rest assured.”
“How are you so sure? I mean, he didn’t get to be X-Division Champ for nothing.”
”In my last promo, I called ‘the Pheonix’ a loud, arrogant duck. I realize now, this was not a very real depiction of AJ. He’s more than the loud miserable duck. He’s more like the dog from Duck Hunt.”
“The dog…from Duck Hunt? As in the Nintendo game?”
”Yeah, that one. It’s annoying, it doesn’t do much, and everyone wants to ring its neck. Well, Sunday, I get to ring the Duck Hunt dog’s neck. Sort of. I mean I get to beat Alex Jones and take his title. Its an awkward allegory, or whatever they’re called.”
“The dog…from Duck Hunt…”
”You already said that. Any way you look at it, AJ is just annoying. Sunday, I’m gonna prove it. Sunday I’m gonna clip ‘the Pheonix’’s wings and then I’m gonna strip him of his belt.”
“I have to ask though, what makes you so confident you can beat all three of these men this weekend?”
Freakke thought about this for a second and then looked back at Dunn.
”I just am. That’s always the first step to doing anything. Knowing you can. I know I can beat them. I know I can win. I know I will be the X-Divison Champion. The next step is to open up six cans of Whoop Ass and hand them each a double shot.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard…What fairy tale book did you pull that out of? The Little Engine that could?”
Freakke’s happy demeanor turned sour and he glared at Dunn.
The van screeched to a stop and the side door came open. Jason Dunn was tossed out of the vehicle and it sped off. Dunn got up and looked around. There was nothing but highway in either direction. That and a sign.
“Wisconsin?”
Time passed, mile markers passed, the van didn’t stop. Eventually there was a shuffling in the back and the camera turned to view a large burlap sack. The sack was moving. The sound man helped the sack open and there lay Jason Dunn, nCw’s brown nosing interviewer. He crawled out of the bag and looked around. At first was confused but realized immediately what was going on and glared at Freakke.
“I should have known. As soon as Mr. Fox hears about this you’re gonna be fired. You might be some sort of self proclaimed prank master but this time you’ve done it. Kidnapping is actually illegal in this country. Stop the vehicle and let me out now!”
”Alright…”
Freakke shrugged and hit his turn signals.
”I just thought you wanted to get the scoop on this Sunday’s X-Division Reborn match. I can always go get Chad or Carly.”
Dunn stopped and pushed the sound man out of the way. He got up in between the driver and passenger seats.
“So, what are you’re plans for winning the match?”
”Hold on there skippy, I happen to like this song.”
“What? You have it on tape.”
”Just chill out a minute.”
The song played for another five minutes before ending. Freakke pressed the pause button and looked back to Dunn.
”Now, are we ready?”
“It’s about time…how can you listen to that crap?”
”Crap?! That’s great music right there!”
“Uh-huh…lets just get this over with. Your last promo you did nothing but poke fun at your opponents and it seems to have had a good deal of backlash. Anything you want to say back?”
”Ummm, what now? I was just screwing around last promo. I had virtually nothing; it was all done on the fly. I’m flattered that it had any effect at all.”
“Oh, haha, that’s pretty funny but seriously…”
Freakke stared at Dunn for a few moments. He turned his attention back to the road and swerved to miss a sedan that was going ten miles per hour under the speed limit, while going twenty above it himself.
“Alright then, so I’m guessing you don’t know what to say next, right?”
”Actually I do know what to say next. I thought it up when we tossed you in the back of the van.”
“I see…”
Dunn’s eye twitched.
”Anyhow, I really wanted to talk more about juicy little secrets and other dirt I caught on my opponents but I don’t think you want to hear all that.”
Dunn was about to object but Freakke continued.
”So I thought we’d talk about my opinions in regards to my opponent’s alleged wrestling talent and chances at winning Sunday.”
“Alright then….so, what are your opinions?”
Freakke looked at him and paused for a moment. Then, he threw his head back and laughed hard. Jason looked to the camera man and then back at Freakke.
”Hold on, I’m not done.”
He continued to laugh for another few seconds and then wiped an imaginary tear from his eye, smirking the whole time.
”That’s my general opinion…heh…but allow me to elaborate.”
Dunn got closer and held the microphone closer to Freakke.
”Shawn isn’t gonna win. He’s got talent, but talent isn’t enough to win. He’s unfocused and doesn’t have the determination to win this week. He’s probably still riding the adrenaline from his revenge last week. That feeling can make you think you’re invincible if you let it carry you away. If you use it right though, concentrate on what you’re doing, it can help you succeed. If not, it only burns you in the end.”
“So you don’t think he’s focused enough?”
”Pretty much.”
“Anything else?”
”For Shawn? Nope.”
“OK, what about Stefan Rzany? You seemed to piss him off a great deal with not being able to pronounce his name.”
”Oh, you mean Bob? I gave up trying to pronounce whatever that psycho’s name is.”
“Wait, I thought you were a psycho?”
”I am, but I’m not denying that I have split personality syndrome or huge denial problems. Lance Rzany or Stefan Ryan or whatever his actual name is, is just trying to deny who he really is. He’s got a similar problem to what Shawn has but Shawn isn’t doing it on purpose, he’s just a little inexperienced is all. Bob’s doing it to himself for some unknown reason. People try to claim all the time that I’m hiding behind my face paint when in truth I’m actually opening up and letting people see who I am by doing this.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
”In part it’s just me ranting. In another train of thought, it’s that ‘What’s His Name’ is trying to deny who he was and is willing to give up so much to do it that he’s lost sight of everything else. That’s just as bad as losing focus. Having so much focus on one thing blinds you just as badly as not paying attention to whats going on.”
“You mean like paying more attention to the interview than the road?”
”Pffft, no, I can drive this thing with my eyes closed. Wanna see?”
“No.”
Freakke shrugged and turned back to the road. He swerved again and the van squealed into the next lane, barely avoiding running into a truck. Only the clown seemed unfazed by this.
”So, where were we? Oh yeah, Stefan Pansy. Well, aside from being a complete moron and completely being obsessed with killing his old identity, he’s another wrestler stepping in my way. He thinks it’s the other way ‘round. Ain’t that sad?”
“I suppose, although he has a pretty impressive…err had an impressive record.”
”He still has it. You can’t erase the past. Actually I’ve been watching a lot of his old tapes. I’m really confident he’s not a problem.”
“OK, how about we talk about Jones. You have to have at least some fear he’ll retain his championship.”
”Nope. His reign ends Sunday. Yours truly is gonna up and kick his ass, rest assured.”
“How are you so sure? I mean, he didn’t get to be X-Division Champ for nothing.”
”In my last promo, I called ‘the Pheonix’ a loud, arrogant duck. I realize now, this was not a very real depiction of AJ. He’s more than the loud miserable duck. He’s more like the dog from Duck Hunt.”
“The dog…from Duck Hunt? As in the Nintendo game?”
”Yeah, that one. It’s annoying, it doesn’t do much, and everyone wants to ring its neck. Well, Sunday, I get to ring the Duck Hunt dog’s neck. Sort of. I mean I get to beat Alex Jones and take his title. Its an awkward allegory, or whatever they’re called.”
“The dog…from Duck Hunt…”
”You already said that. Any way you look at it, AJ is just annoying. Sunday, I’m gonna prove it. Sunday I’m gonna clip ‘the Pheonix’’s wings and then I’m gonna strip him of his belt.”
“I have to ask though, what makes you so confident you can beat all three of these men this weekend?”
Freakke thought about this for a second and then looked back at Dunn.
”I just am. That’s always the first step to doing anything. Knowing you can. I know I can beat them. I know I can win. I know I will be the X-Divison Champion. The next step is to open up six cans of Whoop Ass and hand them each a double shot.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard…What fairy tale book did you pull that out of? The Little Engine that could?”
Freakke’s happy demeanor turned sour and he glared at Dunn.
The van screeched to a stop and the side door came open. Jason Dunn was tossed out of the vehicle and it sped off. Dunn got up and looked around. There was nothing but highway in either direction. That and a sign.
“Wisconsin?”