Post by Tara Fenix on Jun 3, 2010 14:55:33 GMT -6
Note: Happens BEFORE Angel's "I love you." RP.
I sat at the hotel lobby for hours, just waiting for Angel to arrive so that I could finally talk to him. After what he said to me, I couldn’t believe that he still hasn’t made any attempt at trying to contact me. Did he mean it? It was the question that was racing through my mind, and keeping my focus from my opponents this week… While sitting inside of the lobby, someone unexpected walked in through the doors. A smile came to my face as I stared at her, and it was evident that she, too, had spotted me by her face lighting up and she lifted her arm into the air to wave to me.
Tara Fenix:
“What are you doing here, Jennie?”
My sister. Somehow, she was able to find her way to where we were at, but I still was wondering why… while she walked towards me, I heard her voice carry over to my ears, and the sweet tone of her voice gave them some comfort that I haven’t been able to feel for days, days of staying up just wondering where Angel was - not even preparing for my match, which I knew was unusual.
Jennie:
“I missed you, I wanted to see you! What reason do I need to come see my bigger sister?”
As she got right up to me, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. I returned the favor to her, seeing as it has been so long since we’ve seen each other, but she took my hands and took me to the couch in the lounging area of the lobby where we both sat down.
Jennie:
“So… Tell me about this Angel, Tara!”
Tara Fenix:
“Whoa…”
She caught me off guard with her suddenly bringing up Angel. I didn’t know that she was even watching NCW from wherever she had gone since leaving the house, ever since we got into a fight almost one year ago… My eyes stared directly at my sister, and I felt my face becoming hot leaving me to only believe that just the mere mentioning of Angel from others caused me to blush. Still I tried to keep it hidden, and played it off as if I didn’t know what she was talking about.
Tara Fenix:
“What about him?”
The look on her face gave it away that she knew I was just bullsh*tting.
Jennie:
“Tara, just by the look in your eyes, you know what I’m talking about… Tell me what attracted you to him. What he’s like when he’s not on the camera. Oh! Tell me about the sort of activities that he does with his daughter!”
She was persistent, there was no doubt about that… my face just became redder by the second, but I shook my head a moment and said something that I didn’t even know if it were a lie or not…
Tara Fenix:
“Seriously, Jennie, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
It was here that I stuttered, but spoke boldly as if to convince her - or to convince myself - that it was true.
Tara Fenix:
“There’s absolutely nothing going on between Angel and I. We’re friends. That’s how it’s going to stay.”
Jennie just shook her head at me, and screamed in my face one word that was already ringing in my head. Liar. Liar. Liar.
Jennie:
“LIAR!”
Her voice snapped me back into reality, and I tried to give off a sign that I was paying attention the whole time - I laughed at her comment, and she started to bounce up and down on the couch, her hands still holding mine as she spoke.
Jennie:
“You’re my sister, Tara! I know when you’re lying to me, and I know when you like someone… not to mention that you said it to the world. When he said that he loved you, you said it back. Don’t lie to me, Tara, just tell me what’s going on between you two - Chris said that he was worried you were getting into something that you didn’t really know, and I told him that I’d look after you so that he could focus on that Tommy Victor guy.”
I giggled under my breath just noticing my sister roll her eyes over the mentioning of Tommy Victor.
Jennie:
“So, tell me! Tell me everything!”
It seemed that there was no way to get it through to her… she wasn’t dumb, that’s for sure. There was no way that I could get her to drop the subject, so it was I that would have to figure out something else to talk about.
Tara Fenix:
“Listen, Jennie, I really appreciate you coming here just to try and talk to me…”
I needed someone to talk to.
Tara Fenix:
“But this isn’t exactly the best thing to talk about, at the moment.”
It was the only thing to talk about.
Tara Fenix:
“I don’t even know what’s going on with Angel… he hasn’t been returning my calls, he hasn’t even checked in at the hotel. I… don’t know what to tell you, Chris, or anyone for that matter.”
She finally nodded her head to me, which allowed me to finally smile. It was hard to tell whether my smile was real or not, because I really did need to talk to Angel…I needed to talk to someone to just let everything on my mind out, but I wasn’t even giving her that chance to be the one to listen. I didn’t know whether the smile on her face was whether she respected the fact that I didn’t want to talk about it, or whether she just knew that she wasn’t going to be able to change my mind.
Jennie:
“Okay, we don’t have to talk about him… Yet. Let’s talk about your match.”
And suddenly the mentioning of my match brought me back to where I should be. It made me think about my opponents, and just my opponents - it made me think of my career, and where I was going. More importantly; it made me forget Angel, for the time being. I let my mind shift from being in the hotel lobby, with my sister, to being in a dark room, locked in solitude… Whether it were real or not, I just knew that my mind had suddenly locked everyone out.
“Reborn… that’s the name of the event, although I would be on Wired. It’s really getting on my nerves when I come to see the pay-per-view, and see that I’m not on the actual show; but on Wired. Do you know what I have to do to fix this? …I have to win. I have to make things happen that will make all of administration turn their head in my direction, rather than away, and say that I will be part of the actual show. Taking on the likes of Zelda Knite, or maybe even Emma Danielson. Pending on who should win the Women’s World Championship this Sunday.
The short and simple fact is that I had to do something to get some sort of recognition… Creating historic matches, but walking out with a loss, was not enough to get their attention. Winning was everything! Winning IS everything!
It’s something that I learned a long time ago, and it’s what people will tell you in any sport that you do… It never matters how great the effort is; people remember winners.
Whenever I could get my mind on my match, like now, that’s all that I could really think about - I couldn’t even concentrate on trying to figure out what my opponents may try to do during the match… I just constantly remind myself that I can’t go out there, and leave with the words being said to me: “Good effort.” I need to go out to the ring and leave with my arm raised as the winner…
Nothing else matters.
That’s why I feel that I should think about my opponents, and figure out what they’re going to do… Torn, though. Torn at the fact that I was told by Angel that there was something else I should do, rather than worry about what my opponents can do. I should worry about what I can do.
It’s the only thing that’s more important for preparing for a match. Figuring out what it is that I can do inside of that ring, where my limits are - extending those limits. Passing… those limits. So, I’m saying it at this point, right here and right now; I’m not going to worry about what Freya can do. I’m not going to worry about what Joanne can do. What either one of them are capable of doing, I’m only going to make sure that I’m capable of doing that much more!
There was something else that crossed my mind, just now…
What am I fighting for?
There’s a reason that I continue to try to walk away from this industry, time after time, and try to just live my life with all the money that I’ve earned throughout the decade of being here. The reason that I want to walk away is simple; my son… I want to be there for him, I want to watch him grow. I want to be his mother.
Sacrifice…
While it is something that I want, it’s something that I know I can’t have; because I love my son… but I love getting into that ring, every night, and leaving everything in that ring so I can see what I’m made of.
The reason that I come back is because I have so much to fight for! I fight to show this world just what I’m made of, and live up to the name that I’ve been given… the greatest wrestler in the world. The greatest! Not second best, not third, not a random number below that; number one. I have a long way to go before I’ll finally be able to honestly tell everybody that I’m the best at what I do.
What can I say to Joanne and Freya? Nothing that they haven’t already heard.
Failure is not an option for me. When that bell sounds, you’ll learn all about what I’m fighting for. You’ll learn about what this all means to me. And when I get through both of you; I’m coming after that belt… that’s mine!”
Dwelling on the idea of winning not just this match, but the Women’s World Championship, I sat completely still. My voice, which had lifted with hope, desire, and confidence as I spoke about my match… About winning. I was snapped back into reality, once again, by the voice of my sister.
Jennie:
“That’s all… nice.”
She tried to act as if she were actually interested, but she stood up from the couch.
Jennie:
“Let’s go get Chris, and go out to lunch.”
I let out a sigh. Still no sign of Angel… I look up to Jennie, and nod my head before standing up. We walk toward the elevator, hoping that Chris was in his hotel room. The camera stopped.
I sat at the hotel lobby for hours, just waiting for Angel to arrive so that I could finally talk to him. After what he said to me, I couldn’t believe that he still hasn’t made any attempt at trying to contact me. Did he mean it? It was the question that was racing through my mind, and keeping my focus from my opponents this week… While sitting inside of the lobby, someone unexpected walked in through the doors. A smile came to my face as I stared at her, and it was evident that she, too, had spotted me by her face lighting up and she lifted her arm into the air to wave to me.
Tara Fenix:
“What are you doing here, Jennie?”
My sister. Somehow, she was able to find her way to where we were at, but I still was wondering why… while she walked towards me, I heard her voice carry over to my ears, and the sweet tone of her voice gave them some comfort that I haven’t been able to feel for days, days of staying up just wondering where Angel was - not even preparing for my match, which I knew was unusual.
Jennie:
“I missed you, I wanted to see you! What reason do I need to come see my bigger sister?”
As she got right up to me, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. I returned the favor to her, seeing as it has been so long since we’ve seen each other, but she took my hands and took me to the couch in the lounging area of the lobby where we both sat down.
Jennie:
“So… Tell me about this Angel, Tara!”
Tara Fenix:
“Whoa…”
She caught me off guard with her suddenly bringing up Angel. I didn’t know that she was even watching NCW from wherever she had gone since leaving the house, ever since we got into a fight almost one year ago… My eyes stared directly at my sister, and I felt my face becoming hot leaving me to only believe that just the mere mentioning of Angel from others caused me to blush. Still I tried to keep it hidden, and played it off as if I didn’t know what she was talking about.
Tara Fenix:
“What about him?”
The look on her face gave it away that she knew I was just bullsh*tting.
Jennie:
“Tara, just by the look in your eyes, you know what I’m talking about… Tell me what attracted you to him. What he’s like when he’s not on the camera. Oh! Tell me about the sort of activities that he does with his daughter!”
She was persistent, there was no doubt about that… my face just became redder by the second, but I shook my head a moment and said something that I didn’t even know if it were a lie or not…
Tara Fenix:
“Seriously, Jennie, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
It was here that I stuttered, but spoke boldly as if to convince her - or to convince myself - that it was true.
Tara Fenix:
“There’s absolutely nothing going on between Angel and I. We’re friends. That’s how it’s going to stay.”
Jennie just shook her head at me, and screamed in my face one word that was already ringing in my head. Liar. Liar. Liar.
Jennie:
“LIAR!”
Her voice snapped me back into reality, and I tried to give off a sign that I was paying attention the whole time - I laughed at her comment, and she started to bounce up and down on the couch, her hands still holding mine as she spoke.
Jennie:
“You’re my sister, Tara! I know when you’re lying to me, and I know when you like someone… not to mention that you said it to the world. When he said that he loved you, you said it back. Don’t lie to me, Tara, just tell me what’s going on between you two - Chris said that he was worried you were getting into something that you didn’t really know, and I told him that I’d look after you so that he could focus on that Tommy Victor guy.”
I giggled under my breath just noticing my sister roll her eyes over the mentioning of Tommy Victor.
Jennie:
“So, tell me! Tell me everything!”
It seemed that there was no way to get it through to her… she wasn’t dumb, that’s for sure. There was no way that I could get her to drop the subject, so it was I that would have to figure out something else to talk about.
Tara Fenix:
“Listen, Jennie, I really appreciate you coming here just to try and talk to me…”
I needed someone to talk to.
Tara Fenix:
“But this isn’t exactly the best thing to talk about, at the moment.”
It was the only thing to talk about.
Tara Fenix:
“I don’t even know what’s going on with Angel… he hasn’t been returning my calls, he hasn’t even checked in at the hotel. I… don’t know what to tell you, Chris, or anyone for that matter.”
She finally nodded her head to me, which allowed me to finally smile. It was hard to tell whether my smile was real or not, because I really did need to talk to Angel…I needed to talk to someone to just let everything on my mind out, but I wasn’t even giving her that chance to be the one to listen. I didn’t know whether the smile on her face was whether she respected the fact that I didn’t want to talk about it, or whether she just knew that she wasn’t going to be able to change my mind.
Jennie:
“Okay, we don’t have to talk about him… Yet. Let’s talk about your match.”
And suddenly the mentioning of my match brought me back to where I should be. It made me think about my opponents, and just my opponents - it made me think of my career, and where I was going. More importantly; it made me forget Angel, for the time being. I let my mind shift from being in the hotel lobby, with my sister, to being in a dark room, locked in solitude… Whether it were real or not, I just knew that my mind had suddenly locked everyone out.
“Reborn… that’s the name of the event, although I would be on Wired. It’s really getting on my nerves when I come to see the pay-per-view, and see that I’m not on the actual show; but on Wired. Do you know what I have to do to fix this? …I have to win. I have to make things happen that will make all of administration turn their head in my direction, rather than away, and say that I will be part of the actual show. Taking on the likes of Zelda Knite, or maybe even Emma Danielson. Pending on who should win the Women’s World Championship this Sunday.
The short and simple fact is that I had to do something to get some sort of recognition… Creating historic matches, but walking out with a loss, was not enough to get their attention. Winning was everything! Winning IS everything!
It’s something that I learned a long time ago, and it’s what people will tell you in any sport that you do… It never matters how great the effort is; people remember winners.
Whenever I could get my mind on my match, like now, that’s all that I could really think about - I couldn’t even concentrate on trying to figure out what my opponents may try to do during the match… I just constantly remind myself that I can’t go out there, and leave with the words being said to me: “Good effort.” I need to go out to the ring and leave with my arm raised as the winner…
Nothing else matters.
That’s why I feel that I should think about my opponents, and figure out what they’re going to do… Torn, though. Torn at the fact that I was told by Angel that there was something else I should do, rather than worry about what my opponents can do. I should worry about what I can do.
It’s the only thing that’s more important for preparing for a match. Figuring out what it is that I can do inside of that ring, where my limits are - extending those limits. Passing… those limits. So, I’m saying it at this point, right here and right now; I’m not going to worry about what Freya can do. I’m not going to worry about what Joanne can do. What either one of them are capable of doing, I’m only going to make sure that I’m capable of doing that much more!
There was something else that crossed my mind, just now…
What am I fighting for?
There’s a reason that I continue to try to walk away from this industry, time after time, and try to just live my life with all the money that I’ve earned throughout the decade of being here. The reason that I want to walk away is simple; my son… I want to be there for him, I want to watch him grow. I want to be his mother.
Sacrifice…
While it is something that I want, it’s something that I know I can’t have; because I love my son… but I love getting into that ring, every night, and leaving everything in that ring so I can see what I’m made of.
The reason that I come back is because I have so much to fight for! I fight to show this world just what I’m made of, and live up to the name that I’ve been given… the greatest wrestler in the world. The greatest! Not second best, not third, not a random number below that; number one. I have a long way to go before I’ll finally be able to honestly tell everybody that I’m the best at what I do.
What can I say to Joanne and Freya? Nothing that they haven’t already heard.
Failure is not an option for me. When that bell sounds, you’ll learn all about what I’m fighting for. You’ll learn about what this all means to me. And when I get through both of you; I’m coming after that belt… that’s mine!”
Dwelling on the idea of winning not just this match, but the Women’s World Championship, I sat completely still. My voice, which had lifted with hope, desire, and confidence as I spoke about my match… About winning. I was snapped back into reality, once again, by the voice of my sister.
Jennie:
“That’s all… nice.”
She tried to act as if she were actually interested, but she stood up from the couch.
Jennie:
“Let’s go get Chris, and go out to lunch.”
I let out a sigh. Still no sign of Angel… I look up to Jennie, and nod my head before standing up. We walk toward the elevator, hoping that Chris was in his hotel room. The camera stopped.