Post by Drake Tyson on Jun 6, 2010 4:55:15 GMT -6
The promo opens with an outside shot of a solid oak door. On it a sign reads:
A hand is seen knocking on the door.
“Come in.”
The door opens and we see Drake Tyson sitting behind a desk with his feet up on it and a big Cuban cigar sticking out of his mouth. He holds it in his hand while talking.
“Welcome, welcome. Or to those of you who speak Spanish, ‘Welcomo amigos.’ Now get out from in front of Best Buy and trim my hedges! Rapido!”
He takes the cigar and puts it in an ash tray.
“Kimbo Shazam….You actually challenged me to a fight? Really? Seriously? No joke? Excuse me for a second..”
Drake busts out into laughter…very annoying laughter.
“You actually think you stand a chance with me? Listen up boy…You don’t know what you’re in for. You look like the kid who bags my grandmother’s groceries. What are you? A buck fifty? I’m born and raised on the oil fields of Texas, not some prissy-ass punk from the North. I’ll beat you within an inch of your life you pathetic excuse for authority. My daddy always told me that hands are for three things: Workin’, fightin’. and lovin’ a woman. I’ve done my fair share of all three, but I’ll never waste an opportunity to do any of the three. I’m going to give you the beating your father should have given you a long time ago.”
“Actually…maybe that explains it. Maybe Klepto Shaquille didn’t have a daddy growing up. You didn’t have two moms did you boy? Is that why you’re all pro-lesbo all of a sudden? Because your mommies raised you that way? That’s cute. I was racking my brain for weeks trying to figure out why you’ve been acting the way you have and this explains it all. Hell, you’re pretty much a girl as it is ain’tcha?”
“The thing that I love the most is that little ol’ Kimmi is trying to be the big protector for that Asian chick and her porn star girlfriend. Ha-Ha! It’s like the blind leading the blind. They’ve all got their period panties in a bunch because I’ve got morals. You claim you’re doing it all for ‘free speech.’ No speech is free. You pay for it one way or the other. If the Scissor Sisters want to play finger puppets on their own time, then whatever. God’s here to judge them for that. But when they’re doing it on Leonard Fox’ show, then we have a problem. We’ve got advertisers and investors that don’t want to see them playing Melissa Etheridge on our programming every week. Just look at the ratings Simbad. When they’re on the screen, one million televisions in the Bible Belt go off. If it’s bad for business, then it’s bad for me.”
“I’m a fair man, I always have been. I give change to bums and I go guard the Mexican border every Wednesday. That’s why I accepted this match…I mean this beating. Leonard and I have our view on this issue, and you and the lesbians have your’s. So we’ll settle it in the ring. If by hook or crook you manage to get me down for a three count, then they can continue their ungodly ways and get away with it scott-free. The company will suffer and probably crash, but as long as they get to make out on T.V. then it’s all fine and dandy for you. That’s why I can’t let it happen. I’m not only fighting for decency and the family, I’m fighting for nCw….and damn it I’m fighting for America!”
“I represent everything that is right in this country. I work hard, I go to church, and I fight for what is right. Some preppy little snot isn’t going to stop me from purifying this company of all it’s filth. First the lesbians go….then the vampire, the zombie, the late night talk show host, the anti-government soldier, and the face painted devil. I will strike down on the dirt and decay that society has put on this company, and they can either choose to be cleansed, or leave, I don’t care which. This is only the start Keyshawn. You kicked the sleeping dog. You jumpstarted the plans of complete roster salvation.”
“Say that I’m ignorant all you want…Call me stupid. The only one ignorant around here is you. You have no idea what is in store for nCw. Stand up for the little man all you want. You can only attempt to delay the inevitable. And to think…It all started with Shabaz and a couple of lesbians….”
“I bet he’s written more than a few ‘Dear Penthouse’ letters like that.”
Tyson has a sly smirk across his face as he removes his feet from his desk and leans forward.
“Come this Sunday, Keybo stands up for what you think is right. He’ll walk into that ring and stare destiny right in the face. He will show no fear, display no cowardice. But deep inside, he knows what’s coming.”
Drake looks down at his Rolex.
“It’s been a pleasure.”
The cameraman backs out the door as Drake shuffles through some papers. We fade out.
Executive...
Assistant to the GM
Drake Tyson
Assistant to the GM
Drake Tyson
A hand is seen knocking on the door.
“Come in.”
The door opens and we see Drake Tyson sitting behind a desk with his feet up on it and a big Cuban cigar sticking out of his mouth. He holds it in his hand while talking.
“Welcome, welcome. Or to those of you who speak Spanish, ‘Welcomo amigos.’ Now get out from in front of Best Buy and trim my hedges! Rapido!”
He takes the cigar and puts it in an ash tray.
“Kimbo Shazam….You actually challenged me to a fight? Really? Seriously? No joke? Excuse me for a second..”
Drake busts out into laughter…very annoying laughter.
“You actually think you stand a chance with me? Listen up boy…You don’t know what you’re in for. You look like the kid who bags my grandmother’s groceries. What are you? A buck fifty? I’m born and raised on the oil fields of Texas, not some prissy-ass punk from the North. I’ll beat you within an inch of your life you pathetic excuse for authority. My daddy always told me that hands are for three things: Workin’, fightin’. and lovin’ a woman. I’ve done my fair share of all three, but I’ll never waste an opportunity to do any of the three. I’m going to give you the beating your father should have given you a long time ago.”
“Actually…maybe that explains it. Maybe Klepto Shaquille didn’t have a daddy growing up. You didn’t have two moms did you boy? Is that why you’re all pro-lesbo all of a sudden? Because your mommies raised you that way? That’s cute. I was racking my brain for weeks trying to figure out why you’ve been acting the way you have and this explains it all. Hell, you’re pretty much a girl as it is ain’tcha?”
“The thing that I love the most is that little ol’ Kimmi is trying to be the big protector for that Asian chick and her porn star girlfriend. Ha-Ha! It’s like the blind leading the blind. They’ve all got their period panties in a bunch because I’ve got morals. You claim you’re doing it all for ‘free speech.’ No speech is free. You pay for it one way or the other. If the Scissor Sisters want to play finger puppets on their own time, then whatever. God’s here to judge them for that. But when they’re doing it on Leonard Fox’ show, then we have a problem. We’ve got advertisers and investors that don’t want to see them playing Melissa Etheridge on our programming every week. Just look at the ratings Simbad. When they’re on the screen, one million televisions in the Bible Belt go off. If it’s bad for business, then it’s bad for me.”
“I’m a fair man, I always have been. I give change to bums and I go guard the Mexican border every Wednesday. That’s why I accepted this match…I mean this beating. Leonard and I have our view on this issue, and you and the lesbians have your’s. So we’ll settle it in the ring. If by hook or crook you manage to get me down for a three count, then they can continue their ungodly ways and get away with it scott-free. The company will suffer and probably crash, but as long as they get to make out on T.V. then it’s all fine and dandy for you. That’s why I can’t let it happen. I’m not only fighting for decency and the family, I’m fighting for nCw….and damn it I’m fighting for America!”
“I represent everything that is right in this country. I work hard, I go to church, and I fight for what is right. Some preppy little snot isn’t going to stop me from purifying this company of all it’s filth. First the lesbians go….then the vampire, the zombie, the late night talk show host, the anti-government soldier, and the face painted devil. I will strike down on the dirt and decay that society has put on this company, and they can either choose to be cleansed, or leave, I don’t care which. This is only the start Keyshawn. You kicked the sleeping dog. You jumpstarted the plans of complete roster salvation.”
“Say that I’m ignorant all you want…Call me stupid. The only one ignorant around here is you. You have no idea what is in store for nCw. Stand up for the little man all you want. You can only attempt to delay the inevitable. And to think…It all started with Shabaz and a couple of lesbians….”
“I bet he’s written more than a few ‘Dear Penthouse’ letters like that.”
Tyson has a sly smirk across his face as he removes his feet from his desk and leans forward.
“Come this Sunday, Keybo stands up for what you think is right. He’ll walk into that ring and stare destiny right in the face. He will show no fear, display no cowardice. But deep inside, he knows what’s coming.”
Drake looks down at his Rolex.
“It’s been a pleasure.”
The cameraman backs out the door as Drake shuffles through some papers. We fade out.