Post by Philip Burns on Jul 5, 2010 21:11:37 GMT -6
{The voice of Philip Burns is heard, talking low and direct as though he is narrating a story to someone close to him. We can barely see anything in the frame other than Burns' mouth and a window behind the silhouette of his head.}
I stroll down the hallway in the middle of the night. It must be two, maybe three in the morning. I don’t feel like myself. I cant sleep so I may as well get up and stay up. I pass by the bathroom an look in the mirror. “Who is this?” I ask myself as I enter the bathroom. My feet slide across the tiles and I turn on the hot water. I wash my face and stare into the drain. The hot water continues to run and eventually fogs up the room. My hand reaches down to shut it off and I wipe the fog away from the mirror. I looks away and start to leave but out of the corner of my eye I see something. My reflection peers at me, unchanged. I wave a hand but he does nothing. He peers into me so deep, almost through me.
“What are you doing?” the reflection asks.
I am stunned. At this point I am caught in between disbelief and concern. I humor myself by asking my reflection a question with a smirk on my face.
{Burns' voice changes tones to indicate which “him” is doing the talking, whether it be the mirror, the man in front of it, or him on the couch.}
'Who wants to know?'
I chuckle but “he” doesn’t think its very funny.
"Philip Burns the man wants to know. I want to know what Philip Burns the shell is doing with himself.”
'The shell? That’s big talk for the man in the mirror.'
I feel pretty silly going back and forth with myself. I am pretty sure by now that this is a dream. But I always believed that dreams mean something, even the crazy ones. So what does this one mean? Do I walk away or stay to find out?
“Man in the mirror? Good one. Michael Jackson would be proud. But he would be the only person. What would mom and dad think? Did they raise you to attack from behind or say and do things just to get under the skin of people more successful than you? What was it that Dad used to say? The lesser man takes to low road, right? “
'Yeah. Well Dad never knew the pressures that I know.'
The reflection rolls his eyes. I guess he thinks he knows me as well as I do. Ha. That sounds crazy.
“You’re right. A World Championship is so much more work than having two jobs to make up income when your wife gets cancer. Its pretty easy to make sure your sons get to school and back safely every day and have everything they need when your only have three hours of sleep every night. Dad didn’t have a tag team partner to relieve him after mom died. Dad WAS a world champion to me. He was your world champion back when you had respect for others, and yourself.”
Hearing someone talk openly about my dad isn’t something I am used to. I love that guy. Not a day goes by I don’t think of him. That’s really all I have left of who I was. The only time I am not a jerk is when I walk by a picture of him.
'Please, stop.'
“Did I hurt your feelings? Did I make you sad that you will never be a man like he was, that you are a lonely husk of a human?”
This damn reflection knows just how to push my buttons. I almost don’t even get mad because its silly but this was a deep wound that required and almost demanded a reaction.
'You know what? It does! You think I like looking around and seeing that everybody think I don’t even deserve to be in the main event? Do you think I am happy that I walk the halls to a chorus of snickers after three years of punching in to nCw? I can not even stand to look at my trophy room because it reminds me of the nothing I am!'
Tears well up in my eyes as I yell at a simple piece of reflective glass. Am I crazy for thinking I can win the World title, or am I crazy because even in my dreams I only keep company with myself?
“You need me. You are incomplete.”
'I don’t need anybody. I got where I am now by myself.'
“How long do you think I have been in this mirror? I don’t see any new furniture back here buddy. This is my new place. Don’t you get it? I created Up Late. I was best friends with Mike Honcho. I am the longest reigning tag champ in history. YOU are the new guy. The sooner you realize that you are only part of the Philip Burns puzzle, the sooner you stop living from shadow to shadow. You can crawl out from under the ego of men like Falcon, Angel, and Adam Knite. You were there equal until the day you claimed to be better than them.”
'I don’t live in anyone’s *** damn shadow. Your not real. You don’t exist. You don’t have a World Title Pay-Per-View main event. I do. I’m not going to stand here and defend myself to some weak daddy's boy behind a mirror. I’m a real person in a real world of problems. You know who else is real? World Champion Brad Kane. He is as real as they come. I cant beat him with heartwarming stories about a lonely dad's sacrifices or by reminiscing about how I never went without anything growing up. I have real chances to be something.'
“Not real? Me? You'll be asking help from this figment when you lose to Brad Kane.”
I grab the nearest object and shatter the mirror. The reflection is gone but the wounds it made with its words remain.
{The camera finally pulls back and reveals Burns in a small dim-lit office on a couch.}
Philip Burns: When was the last time I had a nightmare? Must be months, maybe a year.
{Sitting near Phil, is his trusted therapist Dr. Raymond. He is an older gentleman who has a very warm quality about him.}
Dr. Raymond: And why do you think that you are having them now?
Philip Burns: I don’t know. Maybe the way I have been acting. Maybe my soul cant atone with the sins of my body. I am always restless and in some state of euphoria. Like I am just passing through these matches and shows. The lights are on but nobodies home.
Dr. Raymond: Then why not accept help from this other you? What could it hurt? Nobody could ever know. Its a dream.
Philip Burns: Because, I don’t need help.
Dr. Raymond: don’t you? Aren’t you in a therapists office?
Philip Burns: You know what I mean. I’ve gotten further being this version of me than I ever gotten before. I don’t need a big goofy smile or a best friend to get what I want.
Dr. Raymond: Philip, we don’t have versions. One is you, one isn’t you. You need to figure out if the man in the mirror is Philip Burns or if the man who cheated to win last week in Philip Burns. I tell you this because if it is HIM, you need to reconcile the body and the soul or you will never win that world title. The psyche and the shell must become one in order for you to achieve that top level or success in your field. I had to do the same thing. That’s why this office is on the top floor and not in the basement. But I didn’t give up who I was to get it.
Philip Burns: If I decide its the other guy, can you forward him the bill?
Dr. Raymond: Gladly. Let me just leave you with this and we will wrap up for the day. I don’t want to cross any lines but we know each other very well. Would your dad rather have a trophy that said he was the best dad in the world, or would he rather know that he was, recognition or not, and that he got to that point the right way. I think you know what he would say.
{They share a quiet moment as Burns sits up and gathers himself. He shakes hands and exchanges goodbyes with the doctor. He gets in the elevator, humble and human. The elevator reaches the ground floor and opens. Burns steps out with smirk and swagger firmly in place, all traces of humility lost. He pulls out a pair of shades, straightens his dress shirt and walks out the door. Not phased at all, he walks right past a couple kids and their dad asking for autographs. He gets called a jerk but that doesn’t stop him. He knows that he has a World Title match and they are just ordinary people. Fade to black.}
I stroll down the hallway in the middle of the night. It must be two, maybe three in the morning. I don’t feel like myself. I cant sleep so I may as well get up and stay up. I pass by the bathroom an look in the mirror. “Who is this?” I ask myself as I enter the bathroom. My feet slide across the tiles and I turn on the hot water. I wash my face and stare into the drain. The hot water continues to run and eventually fogs up the room. My hand reaches down to shut it off and I wipe the fog away from the mirror. I looks away and start to leave but out of the corner of my eye I see something. My reflection peers at me, unchanged. I wave a hand but he does nothing. He peers into me so deep, almost through me.
“What are you doing?” the reflection asks.
I am stunned. At this point I am caught in between disbelief and concern. I humor myself by asking my reflection a question with a smirk on my face.
{Burns' voice changes tones to indicate which “him” is doing the talking, whether it be the mirror, the man in front of it, or him on the couch.}
'Who wants to know?'
I chuckle but “he” doesn’t think its very funny.
"Philip Burns the man wants to know. I want to know what Philip Burns the shell is doing with himself.”
'The shell? That’s big talk for the man in the mirror.'
I feel pretty silly going back and forth with myself. I am pretty sure by now that this is a dream. But I always believed that dreams mean something, even the crazy ones. So what does this one mean? Do I walk away or stay to find out?
“Man in the mirror? Good one. Michael Jackson would be proud. But he would be the only person. What would mom and dad think? Did they raise you to attack from behind or say and do things just to get under the skin of people more successful than you? What was it that Dad used to say? The lesser man takes to low road, right? “
'Yeah. Well Dad never knew the pressures that I know.'
The reflection rolls his eyes. I guess he thinks he knows me as well as I do. Ha. That sounds crazy.
“You’re right. A World Championship is so much more work than having two jobs to make up income when your wife gets cancer. Its pretty easy to make sure your sons get to school and back safely every day and have everything they need when your only have three hours of sleep every night. Dad didn’t have a tag team partner to relieve him after mom died. Dad WAS a world champion to me. He was your world champion back when you had respect for others, and yourself.”
Hearing someone talk openly about my dad isn’t something I am used to. I love that guy. Not a day goes by I don’t think of him. That’s really all I have left of who I was. The only time I am not a jerk is when I walk by a picture of him.
'Please, stop.'
“Did I hurt your feelings? Did I make you sad that you will never be a man like he was, that you are a lonely husk of a human?”
This damn reflection knows just how to push my buttons. I almost don’t even get mad because its silly but this was a deep wound that required and almost demanded a reaction.
'You know what? It does! You think I like looking around and seeing that everybody think I don’t even deserve to be in the main event? Do you think I am happy that I walk the halls to a chorus of snickers after three years of punching in to nCw? I can not even stand to look at my trophy room because it reminds me of the nothing I am!'
Tears well up in my eyes as I yell at a simple piece of reflective glass. Am I crazy for thinking I can win the World title, or am I crazy because even in my dreams I only keep company with myself?
“You need me. You are incomplete.”
'I don’t need anybody. I got where I am now by myself.'
“How long do you think I have been in this mirror? I don’t see any new furniture back here buddy. This is my new place. Don’t you get it? I created Up Late. I was best friends with Mike Honcho. I am the longest reigning tag champ in history. YOU are the new guy. The sooner you realize that you are only part of the Philip Burns puzzle, the sooner you stop living from shadow to shadow. You can crawl out from under the ego of men like Falcon, Angel, and Adam Knite. You were there equal until the day you claimed to be better than them.”
'I don’t live in anyone’s *** damn shadow. Your not real. You don’t exist. You don’t have a World Title Pay-Per-View main event. I do. I’m not going to stand here and defend myself to some weak daddy's boy behind a mirror. I’m a real person in a real world of problems. You know who else is real? World Champion Brad Kane. He is as real as they come. I cant beat him with heartwarming stories about a lonely dad's sacrifices or by reminiscing about how I never went without anything growing up. I have real chances to be something.'
“Not real? Me? You'll be asking help from this figment when you lose to Brad Kane.”
I grab the nearest object and shatter the mirror. The reflection is gone but the wounds it made with its words remain.
{The camera finally pulls back and reveals Burns in a small dim-lit office on a couch.}
Philip Burns: When was the last time I had a nightmare? Must be months, maybe a year.
{Sitting near Phil, is his trusted therapist Dr. Raymond. He is an older gentleman who has a very warm quality about him.}
Dr. Raymond: And why do you think that you are having them now?
Philip Burns: I don’t know. Maybe the way I have been acting. Maybe my soul cant atone with the sins of my body. I am always restless and in some state of euphoria. Like I am just passing through these matches and shows. The lights are on but nobodies home.
Dr. Raymond: Then why not accept help from this other you? What could it hurt? Nobody could ever know. Its a dream.
Philip Burns: Because, I don’t need help.
Dr. Raymond: don’t you? Aren’t you in a therapists office?
Philip Burns: You know what I mean. I’ve gotten further being this version of me than I ever gotten before. I don’t need a big goofy smile or a best friend to get what I want.
Dr. Raymond: Philip, we don’t have versions. One is you, one isn’t you. You need to figure out if the man in the mirror is Philip Burns or if the man who cheated to win last week in Philip Burns. I tell you this because if it is HIM, you need to reconcile the body and the soul or you will never win that world title. The psyche and the shell must become one in order for you to achieve that top level or success in your field. I had to do the same thing. That’s why this office is on the top floor and not in the basement. But I didn’t give up who I was to get it.
Philip Burns: If I decide its the other guy, can you forward him the bill?
Dr. Raymond: Gladly. Let me just leave you with this and we will wrap up for the day. I don’t want to cross any lines but we know each other very well. Would your dad rather have a trophy that said he was the best dad in the world, or would he rather know that he was, recognition or not, and that he got to that point the right way. I think you know what he would say.
{They share a quiet moment as Burns sits up and gathers himself. He shakes hands and exchanges goodbyes with the doctor. He gets in the elevator, humble and human. The elevator reaches the ground floor and opens. Burns steps out with smirk and swagger firmly in place, all traces of humility lost. He pulls out a pair of shades, straightens his dress shirt and walks out the door. Not phased at all, he walks right past a couple kids and their dad asking for autographs. He gets called a jerk but that doesn’t stop him. He knows that he has a World Title match and they are just ordinary people. Fade to black.}