Post by Jayson Matthews on Jul 11, 2010 6:48:30 GMT -6
“How do I get to Omaha from here?”
“Why in the hell would you wanna go to Omaha?”
“I have a job to take care of.”
“What? They need more people to sit around and do nothing?”
*Annoyed sigh*
We open to Johnny Rotten with his thumb and finger pinching the bridge of his nose. The smarmy restaurant host, bald thick rimmed glasses, just chews on a piece of gum in an annoying manner as Johnny tries to keep his cool.
“Just help me out here. Okay speed stick?”
The host nods his head, giving in and complying to what Johnny asked.
“Okay seriously………if you need work, There’s a forest out back that needs to be cut down.”
The host busts out laughing, and you can only assume that Johnny Rotten isn’t going to take that. So he reaches forward and grabs the guy by his shirt collar and pulls him in close. Suddenly, it wasn’t so funny anymore.
“Listen you little asstard. Today isn’t the day and I’m not the person for you to be cracking your little jokes. Now either you help me find my way or I’ll shove your head so far up your ass you’ll be eating your poop and pooping your food, ya understand me son?”
The host nods his head real fast and nervously grabs a nearby pen and begins drawing out a map. Meanwhile, Jayson Matthews seems to be entranced by a sign posted on the wall nearby. “America’s Got Talent auditions upstairs.” Johnny walks up next to him.
“Okay, come on let’s go.”
Jayson shakes his head.
“I’m not going.”
“Yes you are.”
Jayson points at the sign.
“DUDE! America’s Got Talent Auditions. This is a once in a lifetime chance to finally follow through with my dreams.”
“No. I don’t care about your stupid dream. We have a match to get too.”
“Come on Johnny. Don’t you have a dream?”
Johnny goes silent and the sides go hazy.
Cut to Rotten on a small piece of land separating a lake from an ocean. He raises his fist in the air.
“Jump Willy! JUMP!”
A giant Whale leaps from the Lake, slaps Johnny a high five with it’s fin and then lands in the ocean.
“Yeeeeeah!!!!!!!”
Then he suddenly runs over to a nearby harpoon gun and nails the giant beast right in the gills. Johnny laughs a conquering laugh.
We fade back and Johnny wipes a tear from his eye.
“Okay, you can try it. But we’re not staying long.”
Jayson takes off running upstairs.
“You know what’s weird?”
Jayson says, with a smile on his face.
“Those trailers for Inception. You know what doesn’t surprise me? Will Washington coming on TV and making fun of me because my parents couldn’t afford to send me to a fancy prep school like his. It’s not “retarded”, I prefer to be called blissfully unaware. Okay? So what if I don’t know the square root of stuff? Who in the heck cares if I don’t understand how a toaster works or that roman numerals scare me. I don’t care. I’m happy with myself. I’ve never went and took an I.Q test or anything but I honestly wouldn’t care if the numbers came back negative, I’d still lead a fulfilling life as a complete retard.”
Jayson flashes that mischievous grin.
“A retard that pinned your shoulders to the mat.”
He smiles and moves his eyebrows up and down.
“Oh but that’s luck right? Johnny and I got extremely lucky that night when he planted a boot square in your nose and I performed a shooting star elbow drop right into the center of your chest and got the pin. Oh look at me, I’m a lucky guy. Give me a break Will. Face it GI Bro, this is wrestling man. And I know you consider yourself a big deal around here ever since you clawed your way to the pinnacle of this company and became…”The number one Contender” a few times, but you need to realize that anything can….and will happen in nCw. And that includes a retard from Detroit pinning the gladiator of nCw. People get beat Will. And it doesn’t matter how many times you make fun of us, it’s not going to change the fact that we beat you. We must be at the top of our game, I mean in one of our only matches this month we made the tag team champions look like trash. You two just defeated Falcon and Burns only to turn around and get beat by us. Your just mad because the “supposed” worst team in the company handed you your all American ass live on television.”
“Well SUCK IT UP! Because this Sunday Will, you have a date with destiny. You have a date with the Jayson Matthews Experience. And I promise you that this date won’t be filled with flowers and awkward moments when I try to touch your boob because I thought you wanted me too but you really didn’t…..it’s going to be filled with pain. Because I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I’m not all that smart. So I don’t think a lot of things through and when you put me in the same ring as a ladder and a couple of ass jockeys that I don’t like….I’m liable to do something so crazy that I don’t even know what it is yet. And then I’m going to climb the ladder and I’m going to become nCw World Tag Team Champion for a second time. And then there won’t be any dispute…..that the team everybody thought was nothing….just whipped your camo whereing ass!”
“Ka-PLOW BITCH!”
“I’m sorry guys, but I can’t let you go through. Auditions are filled up.”
“Nick Cannon, your breaking my balls here. Come on, you can squeeze me in, right? I mean, I actually went and saw the movie Drumline, the least you can do is hook me up with this one little favor.”
Nick Cannon stands by the infamous curtains from the show, dressed in his salmon and white suit.
“I’m sorry guys, but I could lose my job.
Jayson lowers his head and just accepts fate.
“Alright…you win. Can I at least get a picture to show my friends? They are never going to believe I met Nick Cannon.”
Nick agrees and Jayson wraps his arm around him. Johnny pulls out a camera.
“Now I have to warn you Mr. Cannon, the flash on this camera is very strong. So you need to be careful not to get blinded by the light.”
“Wrapped up like a douche…..”
Johnny’s attention turns toward Jayson.
“Don’t do that.”
“…..another runner in the night.”
Johnny lunges out to strangle his partner but Nick Cannon blocks.
“Can we just get on with it? The show isn’t going to host itself you know?”
Johnny brings the camera up.
“Say cheese.”
And with that, Johnny tosses the camera and punches Nick Cannon square in the junk. He collapses to the ground as The Motor City Mafia take off running.
“Ian Kline…..shut your damn mouth you pre-pubescent bitch. I refuse to stand here and get made fun of by a worthless sumbitch who cant even grow facial hair. The thing is Kline, if were really pointing fingers at lower tier wrestlers, you’re the cream of the crop because without that rubber lipped bastard Washington, nobody would even give two tiny little mouse turds about you and your stupid corpse bull****. And if were trying to decide wich of the four of us suck the worst my vote goes to you, you little beady eyed piece of trash. You just sat somewhere and you let us beat your partner and win the match. You couldn’t even stand up and try to stop me. I always said fro-hawks were for pussies. Looks like you just proved it zombie boy.
“Let me tell you something Kline. I don’t like you. I haven’t since the moment you walked into those doors because you walk around here with a ridiculous sense of self worth. You think your some kind of big shot because you have the ability to beat The Academy or pin JFK? Let me ask you something. What if Reborn was your “nut”? What if beating Falcon and Burns was just your one and only day in the sun? What if, come Sunday night the Motor City Mafia whip your pathetic ass all over Omaha, take your belts, and everyone realizes your just a flash in the pan. Then what happens? Maybe Will decides he doesn’t need you anymore and moves on without you? Then you just fade away into the abyss with the rest of the douche bags with big dreams but no charisma to back it up.
“See the difference between us, is that we know our place in this company. We do the dirty work for Leonard Fox and Steve Awesome because they help grease the wheels for us. Without that, were just lost in the shuffle. And even still were only booked once a month. Am I a booker? Nope. I wrestle when I’m told and when I do get the chance, I go out there and give it my all and sometimes we lose. But then sometimes….we beat the world tag team champions in a one on one match and earn ourselves a title shot. I mean, at least we can admit it instead of pretending were not and hope nobody notices…..
“Like you.”
Cut to Jayson on the stage standing in front of the judges. The snooty male judge speaks up.
“Sharon: What’s your talent dear?”
“I’m going to do my impression of Falcon for you tonight.”
Howie: You mean the infamous pedophile?
“Exactly.”
Jayson turns around and when he turns back he has on the wings and the blinged out “beak”.
“CAW! CAW! You girls wanna watch movies in my basement? CAW CAW. Come on John Adams Middle School Cheerleading squad. This punch filled with Robitussen won’t hurt you. CAW CAW!”
The shows excuse for Simon Cowell speaks.
The jerky judge: I was literally frightened for any small children in a fifty mile radius. I think it’s safe to your going to Vegas!”
Jayson celebrates on the stage as the people clap for such a thrill.
End.
“Why in the hell would you wanna go to Omaha?”
“I have a job to take care of.”
“What? They need more people to sit around and do nothing?”
*Annoyed sigh*
We open to Johnny Rotten with his thumb and finger pinching the bridge of his nose. The smarmy restaurant host, bald thick rimmed glasses, just chews on a piece of gum in an annoying manner as Johnny tries to keep his cool.
“Just help me out here. Okay speed stick?”
The host nods his head, giving in and complying to what Johnny asked.
“Okay seriously………if you need work, There’s a forest out back that needs to be cut down.”
The host busts out laughing, and you can only assume that Johnny Rotten isn’t going to take that. So he reaches forward and grabs the guy by his shirt collar and pulls him in close. Suddenly, it wasn’t so funny anymore.
“Listen you little asstard. Today isn’t the day and I’m not the person for you to be cracking your little jokes. Now either you help me find my way or I’ll shove your head so far up your ass you’ll be eating your poop and pooping your food, ya understand me son?”
The host nods his head real fast and nervously grabs a nearby pen and begins drawing out a map. Meanwhile, Jayson Matthews seems to be entranced by a sign posted on the wall nearby. “America’s Got Talent auditions upstairs.” Johnny walks up next to him.
“Okay, come on let’s go.”
Jayson shakes his head.
“I’m not going.”
“Yes you are.”
Jayson points at the sign.
“DUDE! America’s Got Talent Auditions. This is a once in a lifetime chance to finally follow through with my dreams.”
“No. I don’t care about your stupid dream. We have a match to get too.”
“Come on Johnny. Don’t you have a dream?”
Johnny goes silent and the sides go hazy.
Cut to Rotten on a small piece of land separating a lake from an ocean. He raises his fist in the air.
“Jump Willy! JUMP!”
A giant Whale leaps from the Lake, slaps Johnny a high five with it’s fin and then lands in the ocean.
“Yeeeeeah!!!!!!!”
Then he suddenly runs over to a nearby harpoon gun and nails the giant beast right in the gills. Johnny laughs a conquering laugh.
We fade back and Johnny wipes a tear from his eye.
“Okay, you can try it. But we’re not staying long.”
Jayson takes off running upstairs.
“You know what’s weird?”
Jayson says, with a smile on his face.
“Those trailers for Inception. You know what doesn’t surprise me? Will Washington coming on TV and making fun of me because my parents couldn’t afford to send me to a fancy prep school like his. It’s not “retarded”, I prefer to be called blissfully unaware. Okay? So what if I don’t know the square root of stuff? Who in the heck cares if I don’t understand how a toaster works or that roman numerals scare me. I don’t care. I’m happy with myself. I’ve never went and took an I.Q test or anything but I honestly wouldn’t care if the numbers came back negative, I’d still lead a fulfilling life as a complete retard.”
Jayson flashes that mischievous grin.
“A retard that pinned your shoulders to the mat.”
He smiles and moves his eyebrows up and down.
“Oh but that’s luck right? Johnny and I got extremely lucky that night when he planted a boot square in your nose and I performed a shooting star elbow drop right into the center of your chest and got the pin. Oh look at me, I’m a lucky guy. Give me a break Will. Face it GI Bro, this is wrestling man. And I know you consider yourself a big deal around here ever since you clawed your way to the pinnacle of this company and became…”The number one Contender” a few times, but you need to realize that anything can….and will happen in nCw. And that includes a retard from Detroit pinning the gladiator of nCw. People get beat Will. And it doesn’t matter how many times you make fun of us, it’s not going to change the fact that we beat you. We must be at the top of our game, I mean in one of our only matches this month we made the tag team champions look like trash. You two just defeated Falcon and Burns only to turn around and get beat by us. Your just mad because the “supposed” worst team in the company handed you your all American ass live on television.”
“Well SUCK IT UP! Because this Sunday Will, you have a date with destiny. You have a date with the Jayson Matthews Experience. And I promise you that this date won’t be filled with flowers and awkward moments when I try to touch your boob because I thought you wanted me too but you really didn’t…..it’s going to be filled with pain. Because I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I’m not all that smart. So I don’t think a lot of things through and when you put me in the same ring as a ladder and a couple of ass jockeys that I don’t like….I’m liable to do something so crazy that I don’t even know what it is yet. And then I’m going to climb the ladder and I’m going to become nCw World Tag Team Champion for a second time. And then there won’t be any dispute…..that the team everybody thought was nothing….just whipped your camo whereing ass!”
“Ka-PLOW BITCH!”
“I’m sorry guys, but I can’t let you go through. Auditions are filled up.”
“Nick Cannon, your breaking my balls here. Come on, you can squeeze me in, right? I mean, I actually went and saw the movie Drumline, the least you can do is hook me up with this one little favor.”
Nick Cannon stands by the infamous curtains from the show, dressed in his salmon and white suit.
“I’m sorry guys, but I could lose my job.
Jayson lowers his head and just accepts fate.
“Alright…you win. Can I at least get a picture to show my friends? They are never going to believe I met Nick Cannon.”
Nick agrees and Jayson wraps his arm around him. Johnny pulls out a camera.
“Now I have to warn you Mr. Cannon, the flash on this camera is very strong. So you need to be careful not to get blinded by the light.”
“Wrapped up like a douche…..”
Johnny’s attention turns toward Jayson.
“Don’t do that.”
“…..another runner in the night.”
Johnny lunges out to strangle his partner but Nick Cannon blocks.
“Can we just get on with it? The show isn’t going to host itself you know?”
Johnny brings the camera up.
“Say cheese.”
And with that, Johnny tosses the camera and punches Nick Cannon square in the junk. He collapses to the ground as The Motor City Mafia take off running.
“Ian Kline…..shut your damn mouth you pre-pubescent bitch. I refuse to stand here and get made fun of by a worthless sumbitch who cant even grow facial hair. The thing is Kline, if were really pointing fingers at lower tier wrestlers, you’re the cream of the crop because without that rubber lipped bastard Washington, nobody would even give two tiny little mouse turds about you and your stupid corpse bull****. And if were trying to decide wich of the four of us suck the worst my vote goes to you, you little beady eyed piece of trash. You just sat somewhere and you let us beat your partner and win the match. You couldn’t even stand up and try to stop me. I always said fro-hawks were for pussies. Looks like you just proved it zombie boy.
“Let me tell you something Kline. I don’t like you. I haven’t since the moment you walked into those doors because you walk around here with a ridiculous sense of self worth. You think your some kind of big shot because you have the ability to beat The Academy or pin JFK? Let me ask you something. What if Reborn was your “nut”? What if beating Falcon and Burns was just your one and only day in the sun? What if, come Sunday night the Motor City Mafia whip your pathetic ass all over Omaha, take your belts, and everyone realizes your just a flash in the pan. Then what happens? Maybe Will decides he doesn’t need you anymore and moves on without you? Then you just fade away into the abyss with the rest of the douche bags with big dreams but no charisma to back it up.
“See the difference between us, is that we know our place in this company. We do the dirty work for Leonard Fox and Steve Awesome because they help grease the wheels for us. Without that, were just lost in the shuffle. And even still were only booked once a month. Am I a booker? Nope. I wrestle when I’m told and when I do get the chance, I go out there and give it my all and sometimes we lose. But then sometimes….we beat the world tag team champions in a one on one match and earn ourselves a title shot. I mean, at least we can admit it instead of pretending were not and hope nobody notices…..
“Like you.”
Cut to Jayson on the stage standing in front of the judges. The snooty male judge speaks up.
“Sharon: What’s your talent dear?”
“I’m going to do my impression of Falcon for you tonight.”
Howie: You mean the infamous pedophile?
“Exactly.”
Jayson turns around and when he turns back he has on the wings and the blinged out “beak”.
“CAW! CAW! You girls wanna watch movies in my basement? CAW CAW. Come on John Adams Middle School Cheerleading squad. This punch filled with Robitussen won’t hurt you. CAW CAW!”
The shows excuse for Simon Cowell speaks.
The jerky judge: I was literally frightened for any small children in a fifty mile radius. I think it’s safe to your going to Vegas!”
Jayson celebrates on the stage as the people clap for such a thrill.
End.