Post by Philip Burns on Aug 14, 2010 22:57:56 GMT -6
Well it has been a long day of fighting and giving away cars to homeless orgy partakers. Now the reward. Little did I know Tod was the abusive ex boyfriend of a hot little blonde number named Belle. I beat the daylights out of him and his thugs with a subtle assist from Mister Honcho and then rode off into the sunset with the girl on my arm.
Belle: You talking to me Philip?
{Belles calls out from the bathroom down the hall. Burns is sitting on the edge of the bed, in his boxer briefs.}
Philip Burns: No, sorry. My inner monologue has trouble staying in ever since I won the title.
Belle: an eccentric champion I see.
Philip Burns: I guess. I also have this thing where I spend unusual amounts of money on gadgetry.
{Burns then looks at his watch which has a full, albeit tiny, qwerty keyboard on it. He types something in.}
Belle: Well if I had that kind of paycheck rolling in I would buy big TVs and game systems too.
Philip Burns: yea, That’s totally what I was talking about.
{Belle walks into the room. She is wearing nothing but her underwear and Burns' eyebrows raise. She is in great shape. Her legs are long and shapely and her breasts are artwork in and of themselves.}
Belle: well what now? Want to grab some food or rent a movie?
Philip Burns: You know I am just in town for a show, right?
Belle: But you live in Dallas. That’s about five hours away at most. We can see each other.
{Burns stands up and begins getting dressed.}
Philip Burns: look. If you decide to move to Dallas then maybe there is something here. But I am on the road all the time and the likelihood of me passing through these parts regularly (pun intended) is pretty slim. I’m glad I could take care of your crazy ex for you and everything but as smoking hot as you are I must inform you that I have to go now.
Belle: But-
{Just then Burns, now fully dressed, steps out the window onto a fire escape. He then hopes several levels down into the alley where his impala is waiting, already started and with Mike Honcho in the passenger seat.}
Belle: Well, that IS the coolest way I have ever been blown off.
{Back in the car, Burns lays rubber as he speeds off down the alley, narrowly missing the dumpsters and trash cans. They speed by an eerily familiar El Camino that no longer has wheels and is rocking back and forth.}
Mike Honcho: I think that was Dirty Mike and the Boys!
Philip Burns: you’re damn right it was. That car looks like hell.
Mike Honcho: You know That’s right. Dirty Deal got what they deserved with that car. I still would have liked to have it.
{They exchange knowing glances as they tear past the unfortunate orgy site.}
Philip Burns: You know what I am in the mood for?
Mike Honcho: Please say a late night super kicking contest with a certain retired wrestler that resides here in San Antonio.
Philip Burns: Yes. I mean exactly that.
{Three hours later they stumble out of a doorway. A gritty southern voice tells them the come back any time they want to test if he still “has it”. They both rub their heads in pain as they get into the Impala.}
Mike Honcho: That wasnt as good an idea as I thought it was.
Philip Burns: you’re telling me. I feel like I just had my ass kicked.
Mike Honcho: Did you find it weird that he kept telling us that he loved us right before delivering some chin music of a sweet, yet copyrighted nature?
Philip Burns: No, I’ve come to expect a lot of emotion from the guy. I wish DDK had come with us. But then again he would have just found another wrestler to rip off.
Mike Honcho: Please tell me we aren’t going to Florida to get in a leg dropping contest.
Philip Burns: No, although I think I could actually win that one I will have to say I have decided to just grab a bite.
Mike Honcho: Oh thank god.
{They go down a long winding driveway, leaving the huge house from whence they came far in the background. After a lengthy drive they pull off. It still bothers Phil that Mike has lost his mustache. Its been weeks and not so much as stubble.}
Philip Burns: Mike, are we ready to talk about the stache?
Mike Honcho: I, I gave it up. That’s all I need to say.
Philip Burns: But why? Why would you get rid of something that has made you so famous?
Mike Honcho: For you Phil. My Uncle told me in North Dakota that if I wanted to come home and stay with you that I had to give up my powers.
Philip Burns: You did this for me?
Mike Honcho: I sure did Broseph. you’re my best friend.
{Mike had said that to Phil thousands of time but this time Phil felt he actually meant it. The guy gave up his one meaningful attribute to come home to his friend and make sure he succeeds as world champ.
They walk into the diner and Mike goes to the mens room. Burns saves a seat. A big trucker comes up and sits in it although it is taken. Mike comes back.}
Mike Honcho: Excuse me mister, I think you’re sitting in my seat.
Earl: I don’t see your name on it.
Mike Honcho: That’s the Arnold Palmer my buddy ordered for me right there in front of it.
Earl: Listen pal. Get out of my face.
Mike Honcho: Would you like to step outside?
{Earl gets up and towers above Mike. Earl socks him in the stomach and Honcho double over in pain. Earl then throws him across the room. Glass shatters and Honcho is bleeding. Burns stands up for him and helps him outside ad Earl laughs and sits down. }
Philip Burns: You want me to kick that guys ass?
Mike Honcho: No, its my fault. I’m not as strong as I used to be. When I had my powers.
{Burns feels guilty as Honcho cleans himself up with a towel they grabbed on the way out.}
...TO BE CONCLUDED!
Belle: You talking to me Philip?
{Belles calls out from the bathroom down the hall. Burns is sitting on the edge of the bed, in his boxer briefs.}
Philip Burns: No, sorry. My inner monologue has trouble staying in ever since I won the title.
Belle: an eccentric champion I see.
Philip Burns: I guess. I also have this thing where I spend unusual amounts of money on gadgetry.
{Burns then looks at his watch which has a full, albeit tiny, qwerty keyboard on it. He types something in.}
Belle: Well if I had that kind of paycheck rolling in I would buy big TVs and game systems too.
Philip Burns: yea, That’s totally what I was talking about.
{Belle walks into the room. She is wearing nothing but her underwear and Burns' eyebrows raise. She is in great shape. Her legs are long and shapely and her breasts are artwork in and of themselves.}
Belle: well what now? Want to grab some food or rent a movie?
Philip Burns: You know I am just in town for a show, right?
Belle: But you live in Dallas. That’s about five hours away at most. We can see each other.
{Burns stands up and begins getting dressed.}
Philip Burns: look. If you decide to move to Dallas then maybe there is something here. But I am on the road all the time and the likelihood of me passing through these parts regularly (pun intended) is pretty slim. I’m glad I could take care of your crazy ex for you and everything but as smoking hot as you are I must inform you that I have to go now.
Belle: But-
{Just then Burns, now fully dressed, steps out the window onto a fire escape. He then hopes several levels down into the alley where his impala is waiting, already started and with Mike Honcho in the passenger seat.}
Belle: Well, that IS the coolest way I have ever been blown off.
{Back in the car, Burns lays rubber as he speeds off down the alley, narrowly missing the dumpsters and trash cans. They speed by an eerily familiar El Camino that no longer has wheels and is rocking back and forth.}
Mike Honcho: I think that was Dirty Mike and the Boys!
Philip Burns: you’re damn right it was. That car looks like hell.
Mike Honcho: You know That’s right. Dirty Deal got what they deserved with that car. I still would have liked to have it.
{They exchange knowing glances as they tear past the unfortunate orgy site.}
Philip Burns: You know what I am in the mood for?
Mike Honcho: Please say a late night super kicking contest with a certain retired wrestler that resides here in San Antonio.
Philip Burns: Yes. I mean exactly that.
{Three hours later they stumble out of a doorway. A gritty southern voice tells them the come back any time they want to test if he still “has it”. They both rub their heads in pain as they get into the Impala.}
Mike Honcho: That wasnt as good an idea as I thought it was.
Philip Burns: you’re telling me. I feel like I just had my ass kicked.
Mike Honcho: Did you find it weird that he kept telling us that he loved us right before delivering some chin music of a sweet, yet copyrighted nature?
Philip Burns: No, I’ve come to expect a lot of emotion from the guy. I wish DDK had come with us. But then again he would have just found another wrestler to rip off.
Mike Honcho: Please tell me we aren’t going to Florida to get in a leg dropping contest.
Philip Burns: No, although I think I could actually win that one I will have to say I have decided to just grab a bite.
Mike Honcho: Oh thank god.
{They go down a long winding driveway, leaving the huge house from whence they came far in the background. After a lengthy drive they pull off. It still bothers Phil that Mike has lost his mustache. Its been weeks and not so much as stubble.}
Philip Burns: Mike, are we ready to talk about the stache?
Mike Honcho: I, I gave it up. That’s all I need to say.
Philip Burns: But why? Why would you get rid of something that has made you so famous?
Mike Honcho: For you Phil. My Uncle told me in North Dakota that if I wanted to come home and stay with you that I had to give up my powers.
Philip Burns: You did this for me?
Mike Honcho: I sure did Broseph. you’re my best friend.
{Mike had said that to Phil thousands of time but this time Phil felt he actually meant it. The guy gave up his one meaningful attribute to come home to his friend and make sure he succeeds as world champ.
They walk into the diner and Mike goes to the mens room. Burns saves a seat. A big trucker comes up and sits in it although it is taken. Mike comes back.}
Mike Honcho: Excuse me mister, I think you’re sitting in my seat.
Earl: I don’t see your name on it.
Mike Honcho: That’s the Arnold Palmer my buddy ordered for me right there in front of it.
Earl: Listen pal. Get out of my face.
Mike Honcho: Would you like to step outside?
{Earl gets up and towers above Mike. Earl socks him in the stomach and Honcho double over in pain. Earl then throws him across the room. Glass shatters and Honcho is bleeding. Burns stands up for him and helps him outside ad Earl laughs and sits down. }
Philip Burns: You want me to kick that guys ass?
Mike Honcho: No, its my fault. I’m not as strong as I used to be. When I had my powers.
{Burns feels guilty as Honcho cleans himself up with a towel they grabbed on the way out.}
...TO BE CONCLUDED!