Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Sept 14, 2010 6:10:05 GMT -6
*We open in on a shakey cam. We see the back of bandaged DDK as he walks down a hallway towards a door.*
GQ: *From behind the camera.* Dude, I don't think people do promos right after a show. Everyone is packing up.
DDK: Fine, just record it and we'll send it in a little later. I need to do this now that Collision has just ended.
Obsidian: What are you going to do?
DDK: If Phil is making this my last shot at the title then I'm taking it fuller force than I took it last time. What better way for my voice to be heard then by also getting the voice of the people?
*DDK kicks open the door and walks outside into the night sky. He walks right out in front of the arena where fans are currently piling out after the amazing episode of Collision has just finished.*
DDK: HEY! HEY FANS! THE PEOPLE'S CHAMP IS HERE!
*The wrestling fans look over and slowly realize they're being called out by the one and only Diamond Dallas Kanyon. They rush over, but Obsidian steps in front like a sort of security, keeping them at bay. DDK reaches behind the camera and pulls a megaphone from GQ.*
DDK: NCW fans!
*Crowd cheers.*
DDK: HOW MANY DDKANIACS IN THE HOUSE!
*About half the crowd cheers, and the other half boos.*
DDK: That's fine, it's a free country. In fact, I have something for this. But we need to separate, DDKaniacs to the right, Burnaholics to the left!
*DDK goes back behind the camera as Obsidian directs traffic. After a minute or so, the fans are divided accordingly. The DDKaniac side is a little smaller than the Burnaholics, but it's mostly filled with the rowdier, more rabid fans. DDK walks back on front of the camera and shoots a cannon into the DDKaniacs. One guy gets hit in the gut and goes down. Some fans help him up and he's holding a shirt that reads "Team DDK." DDK shoots more off into his crowd, but in the air. He then turns and tosses some cruddy, ripped shirts at the Burns side that have "Team Burns" written in Sharpie.*
DDK: I figured I should have both shirts, you know, honor rules!
*DDK winks at the camera.*
DDK: People! In one weeks time I will fight Philip Burns, and I will become you're world champion! I am a fighter, and there's nothing in the honor rules against fighting, so don't worry. I'll admit, the rules are more tailored to Burns style, but lets face it, he's boring, that's why he picked a boring match, but I will entertain you! I will make you believe in me! DDK will win!
*The Burns people boo loudly. The DDKaniacs give them fingers and other obscene gestures that get blurred out. Obsidian tries to keep the peace.*
DDK: Oh really? None of you think I can beat him!? Fact, I beat myself last month. Why the hell do you think I can't beat him? Huh? Someone tell me! You there!
*DDK points at a kid in the Burns crowd. DDK walks up and GQ follows with the camera to get in close.*
Kid: Burns is the champ! He's awesome! You suck!
DDK: NO! YOU SUCK! That's not even a real reason!
Dad: Don't tell my kid he sucks! I'll give you a reason! Burns is a better wrestler than you! He's going to ground you and beat you!
DDK: I may be a brawler, but that doesn't make Burns a better wrestler pal! Sure, he's a great technical wrestler, but there's nothing in the honor rule book that says I can't throw a punch! There's nothing that says I can't piledrive him! There's nothing that says I can't BANG! him!
Random fan: Burns is an honorable man! You're just an animal that needs to be put down!
DDK: Oh, Burns is an honorable man!? Just because he made an honor rules match, that doesn't make him that type of man. He's just giving you all a pack of lies and deceit. I tell it like it is! Did I retire Lance Ryan with a pipe? Hell yeah! Did I just destroy some noob in a hardcore match? Hell yeah! I also went the distance with two world champs when Philip Burns left me alone when he was supposed to be my partner! Instead he sat at ringside! Is that a man? Is he a man when I told him to come down to the ring and watch my match up close and he didn't even show up!? Yeah, that's real honorable. Let's face it, Burns is the most hypocritical champion we've had yet. A guy who's barely on TV as it is. A guy who's been in one match since Ascension, and it was a tag match at that. A match he lost because I was reading a book. A match he didn't do much work in anyway. And why was he too busy to show up tonight? He was supposed to be in a studio and work on that "talk show" that got canceled after three episodes the first time. Apparently this time it didn't even make it to air! But that's fine! Just fine. He can rest up while I go out and I give you people a show. I'll beat him in his own match, and I'll do it after he's been resting all month, so he will have no excuses!
*A few Burnaholics look around, then walk over to the DDKaniacs side. The DDKaniacs cheer there new comrades.*
DDK: If I'm going to be an animal, I'll be an animal. I'll be a great white, roaming around ready to strike, being vicious, precise, and trying to take Burns out piece by piece. Legally of course, honor rules you know. Burns though, he's like a narwhal. A happy little narwhal. Looks interesting, but that's about it. Doesn't really go anywhere, kinda fat, and easy to spear!
GQ: Congratulations, I don't think anyone has ever used a narwhal in a promo.
DDK: I do, cause I'm crazy bitch!
Another random fan: That's why you'll lose! You're too crazy!
DDK: Actually buddy boy, that's why I'll win. I am crazy. I'm the imitator of violence! I can watch a ton of honor matches and figure out how to fight within the rules. I'm just crazy enough to stay in the box by thinking outside of it! Burns acts cool, but I see the rage festering inside of him. I see his hatred on the rise! I took out his good buddy Lance, I stole his belt that should have been mine, I won't leave him alone! He wants to hurt me bad. If he gets DQed, he loses the belt, and I can tell he wants to hurt me bad enough to get DQed! Can he keep his rage contained? You all better hope so! But even if he does boys and girls, he will still feel...the...
*DDK puts his hands in the air in a diamond shape.*
DDK: ...BANG!
*He breaks his hands apart. Right when he does, a Burnsaholic throws their soda cup at DDK. It beans him in the head.*
Random DDKaniac: Hey! You don't do that to the next world champ!
Random Burnaholic: He won't be!
DDK: Gentlemen! Settle this the honorable way. With a fight!
*They charge at each other and start crappily throwing nerd punches. But it's enough rage to get the whole crowd going and the DDKaniacs and Burnaholics rush at each other with Obsidian trapped in the middle! A giant fan brawl has erupted!
GQ: This is not good!
DDK: THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!! This is the type of energy we need! This is faction warfare at it's best! Screw the other guys!
*DDK winks to the camera.*
DDK: Now time to get up in this!
*DDK charges and delivers the BANG! to a random person in the middle of the brawl as the scene fades out.*
GQ: *From behind the camera.* Dude, I don't think people do promos right after a show. Everyone is packing up.
DDK: Fine, just record it and we'll send it in a little later. I need to do this now that Collision has just ended.
Obsidian: What are you going to do?
DDK: If Phil is making this my last shot at the title then I'm taking it fuller force than I took it last time. What better way for my voice to be heard then by also getting the voice of the people?
*DDK kicks open the door and walks outside into the night sky. He walks right out in front of the arena where fans are currently piling out after the amazing episode of Collision has just finished.*
DDK: HEY! HEY FANS! THE PEOPLE'S CHAMP IS HERE!
*The wrestling fans look over and slowly realize they're being called out by the one and only Diamond Dallas Kanyon. They rush over, but Obsidian steps in front like a sort of security, keeping them at bay. DDK reaches behind the camera and pulls a megaphone from GQ.*
DDK: NCW fans!
*Crowd cheers.*
DDK: HOW MANY DDKANIACS IN THE HOUSE!
*About half the crowd cheers, and the other half boos.*
DDK: That's fine, it's a free country. In fact, I have something for this. But we need to separate, DDKaniacs to the right, Burnaholics to the left!
*DDK goes back behind the camera as Obsidian directs traffic. After a minute or so, the fans are divided accordingly. The DDKaniac side is a little smaller than the Burnaholics, but it's mostly filled with the rowdier, more rabid fans. DDK walks back on front of the camera and shoots a cannon into the DDKaniacs. One guy gets hit in the gut and goes down. Some fans help him up and he's holding a shirt that reads "Team DDK." DDK shoots more off into his crowd, but in the air. He then turns and tosses some cruddy, ripped shirts at the Burns side that have "Team Burns" written in Sharpie.*
DDK: I figured I should have both shirts, you know, honor rules!
*DDK winks at the camera.*
DDK: People! In one weeks time I will fight Philip Burns, and I will become you're world champion! I am a fighter, and there's nothing in the honor rules against fighting, so don't worry. I'll admit, the rules are more tailored to Burns style, but lets face it, he's boring, that's why he picked a boring match, but I will entertain you! I will make you believe in me! DDK will win!
*The Burns people boo loudly. The DDKaniacs give them fingers and other obscene gestures that get blurred out. Obsidian tries to keep the peace.*
DDK: Oh really? None of you think I can beat him!? Fact, I beat myself last month. Why the hell do you think I can't beat him? Huh? Someone tell me! You there!
*DDK points at a kid in the Burns crowd. DDK walks up and GQ follows with the camera to get in close.*
Kid: Burns is the champ! He's awesome! You suck!
DDK: NO! YOU SUCK! That's not even a real reason!
Dad: Don't tell my kid he sucks! I'll give you a reason! Burns is a better wrestler than you! He's going to ground you and beat you!
DDK: I may be a brawler, but that doesn't make Burns a better wrestler pal! Sure, he's a great technical wrestler, but there's nothing in the honor rule book that says I can't throw a punch! There's nothing that says I can't piledrive him! There's nothing that says I can't BANG! him!
Random fan: Burns is an honorable man! You're just an animal that needs to be put down!
DDK: Oh, Burns is an honorable man!? Just because he made an honor rules match, that doesn't make him that type of man. He's just giving you all a pack of lies and deceit. I tell it like it is! Did I retire Lance Ryan with a pipe? Hell yeah! Did I just destroy some noob in a hardcore match? Hell yeah! I also went the distance with two world champs when Philip Burns left me alone when he was supposed to be my partner! Instead he sat at ringside! Is that a man? Is he a man when I told him to come down to the ring and watch my match up close and he didn't even show up!? Yeah, that's real honorable. Let's face it, Burns is the most hypocritical champion we've had yet. A guy who's barely on TV as it is. A guy who's been in one match since Ascension, and it was a tag match at that. A match he lost because I was reading a book. A match he didn't do much work in anyway. And why was he too busy to show up tonight? He was supposed to be in a studio and work on that "talk show" that got canceled after three episodes the first time. Apparently this time it didn't even make it to air! But that's fine! Just fine. He can rest up while I go out and I give you people a show. I'll beat him in his own match, and I'll do it after he's been resting all month, so he will have no excuses!
*A few Burnaholics look around, then walk over to the DDKaniacs side. The DDKaniacs cheer there new comrades.*
DDK: If I'm going to be an animal, I'll be an animal. I'll be a great white, roaming around ready to strike, being vicious, precise, and trying to take Burns out piece by piece. Legally of course, honor rules you know. Burns though, he's like a narwhal. A happy little narwhal. Looks interesting, but that's about it. Doesn't really go anywhere, kinda fat, and easy to spear!
GQ: Congratulations, I don't think anyone has ever used a narwhal in a promo.
DDK: I do, cause I'm crazy bitch!
Another random fan: That's why you'll lose! You're too crazy!
DDK: Actually buddy boy, that's why I'll win. I am crazy. I'm the imitator of violence! I can watch a ton of honor matches and figure out how to fight within the rules. I'm just crazy enough to stay in the box by thinking outside of it! Burns acts cool, but I see the rage festering inside of him. I see his hatred on the rise! I took out his good buddy Lance, I stole his belt that should have been mine, I won't leave him alone! He wants to hurt me bad. If he gets DQed, he loses the belt, and I can tell he wants to hurt me bad enough to get DQed! Can he keep his rage contained? You all better hope so! But even if he does boys and girls, he will still feel...the...
*DDK puts his hands in the air in a diamond shape.*
DDK: ...BANG!
*He breaks his hands apart. Right when he does, a Burnsaholic throws their soda cup at DDK. It beans him in the head.*
Random DDKaniac: Hey! You don't do that to the next world champ!
Random Burnaholic: He won't be!
DDK: Gentlemen! Settle this the honorable way. With a fight!
*They charge at each other and start crappily throwing nerd punches. But it's enough rage to get the whole crowd going and the DDKaniacs and Burnaholics rush at each other with Obsidian trapped in the middle! A giant fan brawl has erupted!
GQ: This is not good!
DDK: THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!! This is the type of energy we need! This is faction warfare at it's best! Screw the other guys!
*DDK winks to the camera.*
DDK: Now time to get up in this!
*DDK charges and delivers the BANG! to a random person in the middle of the brawl as the scene fades out.*