Post by Joe Everyman on Feb 5, 2011 13:37:35 GMT -6
The water's gone, and the grain is back
It's not exactly where you wanna be
But we're the only true friends you've ever had
This company loves your misery
It's not exactly where you wanna be
But we're the only true friends you've ever had
This company loves your misery
Alright... look here you stupid, little motherf*cker! Yes, you Hexx. I know how you can be a retard sometimes and not realize what in the hell is going on around you. What exactly are you trying to prove this week? I know you... you and Happy somehow have pull over Leonard. How the hell did you get this match against me? Huh?! Tell me you stupid f*ck!
Ok, that may have been a little harsh... wait, screw that. I f*cking hate you two. I honestly can't think of anyone in nCw who I despise more than you two... well, maybe Kelly Knite, but that's a different story. But you two... you ungrateful little sh*ts, are going to pay this week. I am sick and f*cking tired of all of these jokes. Not just at me, but every joke you make. I am sick of it. They are not funny, they are just completely wasted air. But then again, you two are a complete waste of air as it is, so I can see how it fits. but you two need to be shown first hand how you two are trying to ruin the lives of others. But, I'm going to be serious face here for a second. I need to talk from the heart before I put on my try hard pants and kick the sh*t out of you two.
There is no f*cking way you two will get even close to beating me this week. I am an accomplished wrestler who can do anything I put my mind to... you two are nothing more than jobbers who just show up to get the crowd a rise. If Hornswoggle was somehow split into two, was twice the size and three times the retard, it'd be you two. I am a three time nCw National Champion and a one time Xtreme Champion. What exactly have you two done that is worthy of anything? Nothing... just as I thought. You two will never get near any championships. You will never get near the main event. You two will never accomplish anything short of being caught hiding in the womens locker room... again. I have beaten World Champions, Hall of Famers, legends of this company and of this industry. Who's the best guy you two have beaten? Me? F*ck, everyone's done that at least once by now. It's not as special as you'd think.
And the bad thing is... the same thing comes of me this week. Beating you two will mean literally nothing to my career. Just another wasted pay per view doing some stupid jurtain cerking match. We go out first to get the crowd pumped... sure we do. We're put on the main card but at the beginning to just get us out of the way. Metamorphosis is bullsh*t this year. I should be in the World Heavyweight Championship match! Or at the very least, the National Championship match. Management putting me against these two... ingrates, is just disrespectful towards everything I have ever accomplished. But, I guess I'll make the best of it. I may as well go out there and beat the f*cking hell out of Hexx and Happy... maybe that will jeer them enough to see what they're doing. I'm going to put an end to this dream of theirs. But, I'll leave you with this. Hexx, Happy, if you two are going to be like the real Spike and Brad Kane, you need to both do something. Hexx, you need to be more disrespected and have more holes in your hands. Happy, you need to retire every week and come back the next. Otherwise, you'll never get their persona down.
The scene opens up in the parking lot a Starbucks in downtown Detroit. Joe's Escalade is nowhere to be seen. After a few moments, a scream is heard off in the distance as a Panzer IV comes rolling around the corner. The Panzer clicks on a turn signal on the outside and rolls into the parking lot, parking in three compact car spots. After a few seconds, the hatch on top pops open and Joe sticks his head out.
Joe Everyman: Stupid compact cars... I'll show them to have tiny, insignificant cars.
Joe then climbs out and is followed closely by Lex Sense.
Lex Sense: Ok... this tank is effin' awesome!
Joe Everyman: I thought you would like it. I haven't taken it out in a while, and I thought today was as good a day as any. And maybe we'll make the news and get Metamorphosis a little more exposure.
Lex Sense: I'll exposure all over your face!
Joe Everyman: ...what?
Lex Sense: Oh... uh, nothing. Let's go inside...
Joe and Lex stand next to the Panzer and Joe hits his clicker and locks it with a loud beep. Joe and Lex then walk into the Starbucks. Joe and Lex stand at the counter and look over to see three nerdy looking me... let's say, boys, who are all tapping away at their laptops.
Lex Sense: What a bunch of geeks!
Joe Everyman: Now hold on... the chubby one is wearing one of my shirts. The exact shirt I'm wearing...
Joe unzips his hoodie and looks at his 'I Believe In Joe Everyman' shirt, the same one the kid is wearing.
Joe Everyman: Well that's... odd. Get the coffees, Lex. I'm going to go talk to him for a second.
Joe walks over to the corner of the Starbucks where the three kids are sitting again. Joe looks over at the chubby one's computer again... he's playing World of Warcraft.
Joe Everyman: Excuse me.
The three continue to play away on their computers.
Joe Everyman: Excuse me?
The three don't break their gaze.
Joe Everyman: HEY!!
The three are startled and look up at Joe. All of their eyes get wide as they see who's standing in front of them.
Manboy 1: Oh my god... is that Joe Everyman?!
Manboy 2: I think it is... I must be dreaming!
Manboy 3: Where's Joe? I can't see him anywhere...
The third giggles under his breath. Joe gets an annoyed look on his face and hits him in the back of the head with his hand.
Manboy 3: Ouch!
Manboy 1: What are you doing here, Joe? In this lowly Starbucks.
Joe Everyman: Just getting out of the arena for a bit... needed a breather. So, what is your name?
Manboy 1: My name is Adrian Colston. This is Eddy Donovan, and that's Martin St. Louis.
Joe Everyman: Martin St. Louis? That sounds made up.
Martin St. Louis: ...your name sounds made up.
Joe Everyman: ...touche.
Adrian Colston: Oh my god... I still can't believe you're here, Joe! You're my all time favorite wrestler!
Just then, Lex walks over holding the coffees and hands one to Joe.
Lex Sense: Who's this fat little... whatever he is.
Adrian Colston: I am a man, dammit! I'm twenty seven!
Lex Sense: Twenty seven? And you're hanging out in a Starbucks playing Everquest?
Eddy Donovan: World of Warcraft!
Lex Sense: Oh, excuse me!
Joe Everyman: Are any of you married then? Kids that watch wrestling too?
Adrian Colston: Kids? Wife? Oh no, I've never even had sex...
Lex Sense: I'll sex all over your face!
Joe looks over at Lex with an irritated look.
Joe Everyman: You've got to stop doing that.
Lex Sense: Sorry...
Joe Everyman: Really? None of you have ever had sex? Oh god... please don't tell me you LARP too...
Adrian tried to not smile, but can't help it.
Joe Everyman: Oh god...
Adrian Colston: I LARP as Zelda, the mystical elven warrior!
Lex Sense: Zelda?
Joe Everyman: A... girl?
Eddy Donovan: Of course, we all LARP as girls. All of our characters on here are female too!
Lex Sense: Why in God's name would you do that?
Martin St. Louis: I like looking at her butt as she walks in front of me.
Joe looks at Martin blankly.
Joe Everyman: You like... looking at... Adrian's...
Martin St. Louis: No!! I mean my character on the screen!
Lex Sense: Yeah... because that makes it so much better...
Joe laughs under his breath and motions to Lex.
Joe Everyman: Well guys, we've got to get going. Be sure to show up tomorrow night if there's any tickets left, or get it in pay per view at least.
Lex Sense: Why did you say that to them?
Joe Everyman: We're out in the public... we have to plug nCw while we're out here.
Lex Sense: ...
Joe Everyman: What?
Lex Sense: ...I'll plug all over your face.
Joe Everyman: Ok then, let's get going.
Joe pats Adrian on the back as him and Lex walk out of the Starbucks. The camera stays inside for a second.
Adrian Colston: Oh my god, I can't believe we met Joe Everyman and Lex Sense! That's almost as exciting as when I hit my twelfth level eight five on WoW!
Eddy Donovan: Or when I touched that girl's boob at the dance! That was the greatest moment in my life until now.
Martin St. Louis: I want to grow up to be like Joe someday!
The camera then shifts to the outside of the Starbucks.
Joe Everyman: Is that really what my fans are like?
Lex Sense: God, I hope not.
Joe Everyman: Same here... but let's go. The arena only has like one parking spot where I can park this thing. We need to hurry and get it.
Joe and Lex climbs back into the Panzer as the scene slowly fades to black...
But, after a few moments, it fades back into Joe Everyman's hotel room after the sun has gone down. Joe is standing next to the window, looking out across the city and towards the arena where the 'nCw Metamorphosis - Tomorrow Night!' sign can still be seen lit up. Joe has a puzzled look on his face as Maria walks out of the bathroom holding Aurora in her arms. Maria walks over and sits on the bed behind Joe.
Joe Everyman: Maria, dear... why did you have to bring 'it'?
Maria Williams: What do you mean, Joe?
Joe Everyman: That!
Joe turns around and points at a plastic cage sitting on the dresser holding Joe's pet hamster, Jack.
Maria Williams: Aurora loves playing with Jack, though.
Joe Everyman: True, but she can barely talk now. I doubt she would remember if the hamster just disappeared...
Maria Williams: Joe... we need to make Aurora happy. And Jack does. But Joe... I don't think that's what's really bothering you.
Joe sighs out loud and walks over to the bed and sits down next to Maria and Aurora.
Joe Everyman: Lex and I were at a Starbucks today and met these three fans of ours... they were all these geeky guys who were playing WoW. One was kind of chubby too... but he was wearing one of my shirts too.
Maria Williams: So?
Joe Everyman: Is that really what my fan base consists of? Life's rejects?
Maria Williams: I'm sure they live a life that they enjoy. Everyone has to.
Joe Everyman: I guess... I'm just to the breaking point in my career. I hate to say it... but the jokes that Hexx, Happy, Venom, Charlie, everyone... all of the jokes that they say are completely true.
Maria Williams: Hunny, you can't think like that.
Joe Everyman: I try not to... but what they say is true. I may never be good enough to get any gold around my waist again. In this business, that's all that truly matters. If you don't accomplish that, you don't achieve anything at all.
Maria Williams: You just need to find the center of your problem and fix it. If you do that, you'll be back on top in no time!
Joe Everyman: Yeah... you're right.
Joe then stands up and kneels down in front of Jack's cage. Jack comes running over to the side of the cage to see his owner. Jack is looking happy to see Joe now. Joe looks at the hamster with an almost demented look on his face.
Joe Everyman: QUIT RUINING MY CAREER!!!
Joe then pushes the cage against the back wall and storms out of the room. As Joe leaves, Maria walks over to the cage to make sure Jack is ok. She then lifts the lid and pulls him out and hands him to Aurora who holds him snuggly.
Maria Williams: Sorry Jack... Joe is just stressed about alot of things. He didn't mean it, I swear.
Aurora Everyman: Jack!
Maria Williams: I know, sweetie. Jack loves you.
Maria stops for a second and looks down at the hamster.
Maria Williams: Now I'm talking to the hamster too...
Maria just shakes her head and sits down on the bed with Aurora and Jack as the seen fades to black.
The acid burns and it takes its toll
But we all get used to it
There's no give and take
It's just push and pull
It only hurts for a bit
But we all get used to it
There's no give and take
It's just push and pull
It only hurts for a bit