Post by Ander Carvetti on Feb 6, 2011 4:17:32 GMT -6
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” - Keri Russell
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Two weeks ago, I walked into a match that I quite honestly saw no future in. It wouldn't matter what I did. It wouldn't really prove anything.
It was merely something that could satiate my hunger for a short time.
I hated Paul Star and I hated DDK. I hated one because he cost me something that I worked my ass off to attain. I hated the other because he profited from that assist, and instead of honestly assessing it for what it was, tried to claim it as his own doing.
I hated the fact that eventually these two would be fighting over a set of titles that they never should have had in the first place. I hated the fact that because my own partner, someone whom I trusted and respected, decided to walk away, I would not be getting my opportunity to get revenge. It angered me. It raged inside of me.
So I did something about it.
Some called it luck. Others an aberration. If you were to ask me what I thought... well, I'd call it a change. I made a change in my life. I lost the albatross on our team and my world felt lighter. I won that match, quite decisively I might add, and I got a second shot at my titles, but I would have to find someone to back me up. Someone to step in that ring with me.
For a moment, I couldn't even find that. The only two people within proximity that I would have been perfectly willing to call “partner” were either not signed to wrestle or not allowed to because of gender. It wasn't an issue to me. This is what I wanted. I was ready to walk the path on my own. One way or another, I'd make my impact.
And you know what? For a good part of that match, I did. Two “champions” were having a tough time putting me down. They couldn't kill the prey that they had antagonized and angered.
Still, I'm not arrogant. Maybe I could have done the deed on my own, but it wasn't likely. I can beat two guys with their own agendas, but two working together? I'm ballsy enough to try, but I'm not stupid. Eventually, I was going to need aid and there wasn't going to be someone to save me.
Except someone did come to my aid.
An ally I didn't expect or even consider. And oddly enough, someone who has legitimately had my number in this company more times than I'd like to admit.
Andrew Jacobsen made a change in his own personal direction. He didn't have to assist me. He didn't have to come and try and help me. He had his own problems, his own demons, his own troubles, and they even manifested in our match. The point being, he made a change in himself. A change in his own agenda.
Did we win?
No.
It was okay though. For the first time, something felt right.
I sat in that locker room after the match, and for the first time, I wasn't angry about defeat. I didn't punch a locker, scream at people about failure, and in all actuality, feel like I let myself down most of all.
Let's be realistic. For a period of time, on my own, I worked over Starhunter. I went into a bag of tricks that I hadn't touched in years and I made them look like amateurs, no matter how much they want to dispute it. The so-called best tag team in the company got tooled by little ole' me.
When Andrew came down, him and I had never tagged together before. We had no true knowledge of how we would mesh or co-exist, but we didn't do so bad. Maybe without the interference; the story of my life, we would be champions right now.
Maybe we will be very soon.
Instead of Johnny, we have Andrew. The Rat Pack made a change in the line-up. Not the first time this has happened, but maybe this one was necessary. Maybe this is what we really needed.
Maybe this is what I needed. A change in attitude, a change in present company, even a change in how I conduct business.
Maybe I needed a change.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
(Consider my situation at the moment. And I really need to look back on what transpired that possibly could have led to this moment happening...)
”....So get over it.”
(I had already watched as one of my closest friends had self-destructed. I'd say he went out with a bang, but that would make me a liar, and I tend to frown on that. With a whimper, my partner faded away. I watched as she blew up, not unlike how I did not too long ago. Before I had dumped the dead weight. Before I had made the changes I needed to...)
C'mon, don't do this to yourself. It happens.
(As I whispered this to her, I could see that same kind of self-destruction manifesting itself. That same anger, same frustration, almost that same feeling of not knowing what to do and how to change your situation. I remembered when I stood by her when her old “employer” harassed her and saw her lose her cool. I remember seeing that frustration as she laid into him. This was no different...)
Something had to give.
Something had to break.
Something had to change.
(So she kissed me and I stand here in shock, not really knowing how to handle this situation. I can't say I'm bothered by this. I can't say this is painful. But as these seconds pass by like a *** damned eternity, I'm at a loss. I have no idea where Ayako and I stand at this point. She's all business right now. How would she react if she saw this? What's going through Roxxxie's mind? Is this something she's repressed? What about me for that matter? Why can't I even figure out what to say about this?)
Hey, is everything okay?
(In any other lifetime, I'm fairly certain that this would have ended badly. I'm convinced that everything that I have worked for up to this point would have sank knee deep into the dead. Yet somehow... things work out. Roxxxie pulled away at just the right time. Right before Ayako opened the door. I stood there stunned and almost flushed. Roxxxie kept herself composed, as though all of that frustration had worked into a brief release for her. She walked out and I let out a sigh of relief. Ayako looked at me confused.)
What happened?
(I looked around and smiled. Things were okay. I was okay. Roxxxie seemed okay. Ayako appeared okay. Everything, at least for the moment, would be okay.)
Nothing at all. She was just blowing off a little steam and she went for my problem solving approach.
So beating up on metal, inanimate objects?
(For the first time in awhile, I laughed. I think it even threw Ayako off guard. That hadn't happened in awhile.)
Haha, yeah. That was it.
(Ayako grinned. She began to walk out the door...)
I'm going to go track down Roxxxie. Let her know that we're going to speak with Jacobsen soon. Are you okay with that?
(I nodded back to her...)
It's fine by me. I'll meet you all there.
Alright. Just get yourself ready. I'll see you in a bit.
(She walked through the doors and I sat back down. Between this kiss, my potential new partner, and possibly a new direction for things to go down, both personally and professionally...)
A lot had begun to change.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
If there's one thing that goes hand in hand with Metamorphosis, it's change.
We're all changing.
This a turning point for a lot of people in their careers. A chance to potentially evolve from the state we're currently in. A chance to take a step forward in the right direction.
From the day I stepped foot into this company, I've had to change myself to compete adequately here. I've had to consistently step up my game and improve myself day in and day out.
Really, I could say that I've been trying to do that my whole life, but it certainly doesn't hurt when you have something that forces your evolution. When you're not at the top of the food chain, you have to find new ways to survive and even thrive in your environment. You have to change or you will die.
Within my own clan, I've had to purge that which has made us weak. It wasn't an easy thing to do, and I'm still trying to come to grips with the repercussions of those actions. If you think getting rid of your best friend is an easy thing, you'd be wrong.
But still... I want to live.
I want to survive.
So I have to change.
I'm not the only one who's trying to change in an effort to thrive. My partner, Roxxxie, is doing the same. She's grown tired of falling just short of being the matriarch of the food chain. She wants something more. Her frustration is building and it's pushing her forward to do what needs to be done to survive.
Maybe in her actions, specifically for this match, it's allowed her to develop a small bond with me. By having the bond, she'll feel the need to measure up and carry her own. She can't afford to be the weak link. I can't afford to be the weak link either. So we'll watch out for each other. We'll make sure the other doesn't falter. We'll make sure we hold together and thrive.
We are partners after all.
Friends even.
That gives us an undeniable strength that even our opposition doesn't possess.
Ricky and Portia...
Portia, you aren't my opposite number. Roxxxie will handle you. She can be your problem, and rest assured, she's going to make your life a living hell.
Ricky, I'm much more interested in you.
I'm a hell of a lot more interested in someone who has the gall to go around and insinuate they're the Gold Standard of this company.
“Gold is MY middle name”, right?
Congrats, you've held some championships here in your time. I'll give the devil his due. You've accomplished a bit here. A lot more than me and my single tag title reign.
That being said, I just want to know what you've done lately that warrants merit and acknowledgment on my end, because I have to tell you that there isn't anything you've done that's got me impressed, worried, or running scared.
You've been a champion before. That's great. Impressive. If you were against anyone else, I'm sure that would carry some weight going into this match and would have them worried.
Then I remind myself that I'm not them. I've pinned some of the best athletes that this company has had to offer, and that includes a couple of world champions.
In my short tenure here, I've fought some of the elite and more often than not, I've come out ahead. I've shown that I'm willing to step up my game to call myself one of the best.
No, better yet.
The best.
I'm not going to settle for less. I'm not going to just be okay with a single tag title reign and a catchy nickname or two.
I want to be the single, de-facto, numero uno that has an nCw contract and this means that I have to pin you and bring my partner and I the victory. I have to step myself up higher than I already have and show you just how far down the totem pole you really are.
Gold? Have fun being gold. Have fun being just mediocre or average. Anyone can claim gold as their own. Even poor prospectors can find gold somewhere.
You know what I want to be?
A Diamond.
I want to be the finest out there. I want to be flawless. I want there to be no comparison.
And I might not be there just yet. I'm in the rough right now, still finding my own. Still building myself. Still being refined.
But I'm going to be there soon.
At Metamorphosis, I'm going to be worth a lot more than gold. I'm going to do what needs to be done to prove just that. I'm going to kick you, punish you, and show just how weak gold really is. How mediocre it can be. I'm going to become something more. I'm going increase my value and send yours plummeting.
I'm going to change myself. Change from a flawed diamond in the rough...
To the shining standard that I deserve to be.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
Two weeks ago, I walked into a match that I quite honestly saw no future in. It wouldn't matter what I did. It wouldn't really prove anything.
It was merely something that could satiate my hunger for a short time.
I hated Paul Star and I hated DDK. I hated one because he cost me something that I worked my ass off to attain. I hated the other because he profited from that assist, and instead of honestly assessing it for what it was, tried to claim it as his own doing.
I hated the fact that eventually these two would be fighting over a set of titles that they never should have had in the first place. I hated the fact that because my own partner, someone whom I trusted and respected, decided to walk away, I would not be getting my opportunity to get revenge. It angered me. It raged inside of me.
So I did something about it.
Some called it luck. Others an aberration. If you were to ask me what I thought... well, I'd call it a change. I made a change in my life. I lost the albatross on our team and my world felt lighter. I won that match, quite decisively I might add, and I got a second shot at my titles, but I would have to find someone to back me up. Someone to step in that ring with me.
For a moment, I couldn't even find that. The only two people within proximity that I would have been perfectly willing to call “partner” were either not signed to wrestle or not allowed to because of gender. It wasn't an issue to me. This is what I wanted. I was ready to walk the path on my own. One way or another, I'd make my impact.
And you know what? For a good part of that match, I did. Two “champions” were having a tough time putting me down. They couldn't kill the prey that they had antagonized and angered.
Still, I'm not arrogant. Maybe I could have done the deed on my own, but it wasn't likely. I can beat two guys with their own agendas, but two working together? I'm ballsy enough to try, but I'm not stupid. Eventually, I was going to need aid and there wasn't going to be someone to save me.
Except someone did come to my aid.
An ally I didn't expect or even consider. And oddly enough, someone who has legitimately had my number in this company more times than I'd like to admit.
Andrew Jacobsen made a change in his own personal direction. He didn't have to assist me. He didn't have to come and try and help me. He had his own problems, his own demons, his own troubles, and they even manifested in our match. The point being, he made a change in himself. A change in his own agenda.
Did we win?
No.
It was okay though. For the first time, something felt right.
I sat in that locker room after the match, and for the first time, I wasn't angry about defeat. I didn't punch a locker, scream at people about failure, and in all actuality, feel like I let myself down most of all.
Let's be realistic. For a period of time, on my own, I worked over Starhunter. I went into a bag of tricks that I hadn't touched in years and I made them look like amateurs, no matter how much they want to dispute it. The so-called best tag team in the company got tooled by little ole' me.
When Andrew came down, him and I had never tagged together before. We had no true knowledge of how we would mesh or co-exist, but we didn't do so bad. Maybe without the interference; the story of my life, we would be champions right now.
Maybe we will be very soon.
Instead of Johnny, we have Andrew. The Rat Pack made a change in the line-up. Not the first time this has happened, but maybe this one was necessary. Maybe this is what we really needed.
Maybe this is what I needed. A change in attitude, a change in present company, even a change in how I conduct business.
Maybe I needed a change.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
(Consider my situation at the moment. And I really need to look back on what transpired that possibly could have led to this moment happening...)
”....So get over it.”
(I had already watched as one of my closest friends had self-destructed. I'd say he went out with a bang, but that would make me a liar, and I tend to frown on that. With a whimper, my partner faded away. I watched as she blew up, not unlike how I did not too long ago. Before I had dumped the dead weight. Before I had made the changes I needed to...)
C'mon, don't do this to yourself. It happens.
(As I whispered this to her, I could see that same kind of self-destruction manifesting itself. That same anger, same frustration, almost that same feeling of not knowing what to do and how to change your situation. I remembered when I stood by her when her old “employer” harassed her and saw her lose her cool. I remember seeing that frustration as she laid into him. This was no different...)
Something had to give.
Something had to break.
Something had to change.
(So she kissed me and I stand here in shock, not really knowing how to handle this situation. I can't say I'm bothered by this. I can't say this is painful. But as these seconds pass by like a *** damned eternity, I'm at a loss. I have no idea where Ayako and I stand at this point. She's all business right now. How would she react if she saw this? What's going through Roxxxie's mind? Is this something she's repressed? What about me for that matter? Why can't I even figure out what to say about this?)
Hey, is everything okay?
(In any other lifetime, I'm fairly certain that this would have ended badly. I'm convinced that everything that I have worked for up to this point would have sank knee deep into the dead. Yet somehow... things work out. Roxxxie pulled away at just the right time. Right before Ayako opened the door. I stood there stunned and almost flushed. Roxxxie kept herself composed, as though all of that frustration had worked into a brief release for her. She walked out and I let out a sigh of relief. Ayako looked at me confused.)
What happened?
(I looked around and smiled. Things were okay. I was okay. Roxxxie seemed okay. Ayako appeared okay. Everything, at least for the moment, would be okay.)
Nothing at all. She was just blowing off a little steam and she went for my problem solving approach.
So beating up on metal, inanimate objects?
(For the first time in awhile, I laughed. I think it even threw Ayako off guard. That hadn't happened in awhile.)
Haha, yeah. That was it.
(Ayako grinned. She began to walk out the door...)
I'm going to go track down Roxxxie. Let her know that we're going to speak with Jacobsen soon. Are you okay with that?
(I nodded back to her...)
It's fine by me. I'll meet you all there.
Alright. Just get yourself ready. I'll see you in a bit.
(She walked through the doors and I sat back down. Between this kiss, my potential new partner, and possibly a new direction for things to go down, both personally and professionally...)
A lot had begun to change.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
If there's one thing that goes hand in hand with Metamorphosis, it's change.
We're all changing.
This a turning point for a lot of people in their careers. A chance to potentially evolve from the state we're currently in. A chance to take a step forward in the right direction.
From the day I stepped foot into this company, I've had to change myself to compete adequately here. I've had to consistently step up my game and improve myself day in and day out.
Really, I could say that I've been trying to do that my whole life, but it certainly doesn't hurt when you have something that forces your evolution. When you're not at the top of the food chain, you have to find new ways to survive and even thrive in your environment. You have to change or you will die.
Within my own clan, I've had to purge that which has made us weak. It wasn't an easy thing to do, and I'm still trying to come to grips with the repercussions of those actions. If you think getting rid of your best friend is an easy thing, you'd be wrong.
But still... I want to live.
I want to survive.
So I have to change.
I'm not the only one who's trying to change in an effort to thrive. My partner, Roxxxie, is doing the same. She's grown tired of falling just short of being the matriarch of the food chain. She wants something more. Her frustration is building and it's pushing her forward to do what needs to be done to survive.
Maybe in her actions, specifically for this match, it's allowed her to develop a small bond with me. By having the bond, she'll feel the need to measure up and carry her own. She can't afford to be the weak link. I can't afford to be the weak link either. So we'll watch out for each other. We'll make sure the other doesn't falter. We'll make sure we hold together and thrive.
We are partners after all.
Friends even.
That gives us an undeniable strength that even our opposition doesn't possess.
Ricky and Portia...
Portia, you aren't my opposite number. Roxxxie will handle you. She can be your problem, and rest assured, she's going to make your life a living hell.
Ricky, I'm much more interested in you.
I'm a hell of a lot more interested in someone who has the gall to go around and insinuate they're the Gold Standard of this company.
“Gold is MY middle name”, right?
Congrats, you've held some championships here in your time. I'll give the devil his due. You've accomplished a bit here. A lot more than me and my single tag title reign.
That being said, I just want to know what you've done lately that warrants merit and acknowledgment on my end, because I have to tell you that there isn't anything you've done that's got me impressed, worried, or running scared.
You've been a champion before. That's great. Impressive. If you were against anyone else, I'm sure that would carry some weight going into this match and would have them worried.
Then I remind myself that I'm not them. I've pinned some of the best athletes that this company has had to offer, and that includes a couple of world champions.
In my short tenure here, I've fought some of the elite and more often than not, I've come out ahead. I've shown that I'm willing to step up my game to call myself one of the best.
No, better yet.
The best.
I'm not going to settle for less. I'm not going to just be okay with a single tag title reign and a catchy nickname or two.
I want to be the single, de-facto, numero uno that has an nCw contract and this means that I have to pin you and bring my partner and I the victory. I have to step myself up higher than I already have and show you just how far down the totem pole you really are.
Gold? Have fun being gold. Have fun being just mediocre or average. Anyone can claim gold as their own. Even poor prospectors can find gold somewhere.
You know what I want to be?
A Diamond.
I want to be the finest out there. I want to be flawless. I want there to be no comparison.
And I might not be there just yet. I'm in the rough right now, still finding my own. Still building myself. Still being refined.
But I'm going to be there soon.
At Metamorphosis, I'm going to be worth a lot more than gold. I'm going to do what needs to be done to prove just that. I'm going to kick you, punish you, and show just how weak gold really is. How mediocre it can be. I'm going to become something more. I'm going increase my value and send yours plummeting.
I'm going to change myself. Change from a flawed diamond in the rough...
To the shining standard that I deserve to be.