Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Mar 11, 2011 19:15:30 GMT -6
*We open on Adamn and DDK in the Burger King sponsored locker room of Knightley Bangs.*
Adam: What are you doing?
*DDK is dragging a giant light green box.*
DDK: I made a box to stand on.
*DDK tries to stand on the box and it slips around.*
DDK: This is tough.
*DDK goes to stand on it and tries to do a balancing act. Finally it works. It works just long enough before it collapses in on itself from his weight.*
Adam: Don't tell me you made a soap box out of soap.
DDK: What else do you make it with?
Adam: Why would you even make one to begin with.
DDK: We're fighting the Rat Pack. Those assholes are always on a soap box, so I figured I'd beat them to the punch. You know, let them know who's boss. Let them know I eat bitches like them for breakfast.
Adam: Well, now you don't have a box.
DDK: I can stand on my shattered soap box. I can shout at them from the wrecked remains of my hard work, by which I mean Obsidian's, which is probably why this didn't work to begin with.
Adam: Well, I'm just going to do my stretches while you do that.
DDK: That's why we're the champs!
*DDK stops and gets himself together, finding his inner strength as Adam pulls out a roll out mat to get set up. DDK turns to look at the camera.*
DDK: Here's the deal, Adam and I just beat the world champion and the national champion. I kicked out of the Closure and a V-Nominal, back to back. Adam just pinned Charlie. Why did the main event NOT get changed to us versus them with their belts on the line? I don't know. That's money. That's the way you treat kings. What you see before you, is some mother ****ing kings right here. That's the deal. Instead, we're fighting Andrew and Ander. The "Ands." Or I could mix their name and call them Andrerw. Whatever. They're lame. They're losers. Ander lost the tag belts to second rate losers, then broke up with his BFF, then teamed up with a third rate loser, and now we have to fight them. That's just fantastic. Both of the "Ands" have felt the power of the BANG! So they know what to expect. But every time I BANG! I BANG! harder and harder! I've felt the "BOOM!" I know what that crap is. I've built an immunity. Speaking of immunity, I've also built an immunity to the diseases in Andrew's mom's cavernous vagina.
Adam: Hey! Don't talk about Kel--oh wait, you didn't. Sorry, force of habit.
DDK: I'm sorry, I forgot that Andrew was a mommas boy. I shouldn't talk about his mother who has herpi-gono-sypha-litas all over her nethers. Not that I've touched it, but I know plenty of people who have, and having that slight contact, you build an immunity. But let me tell you something good about her, I've heard the twenty-five cent piggy back rides she gives out on Quarter-mania Mondays are top-notch from many reviewers. And I say piggy because she's an oinker, and by oinker, I mean fat. Just wanted to make sure that was clear. Oh also, by back rides, I mean she gets it from behind. Mondays are really busy, it's quicker that way. It helps she can contain so many at a time. I mean, it's like a circus because she can have as many riders at once as a clown car. It helps with how huge it is. I mean, that cavernous womb that Andrew most likely walked out of, it literally looks like a stage with the curtains drawn open, literally.
Adam: Dude...that's gross. Don't you think that's enough of that.
DDK: Of course...not. Because dude, did you know this? The movie Inception was inspired by and loosely based on Andrew's mom.
Adam: How so?
DDK: Because for her to feel anything, you have to...go deeper. At least four levels deep. Also, the movie Dirty Harry was loosely based on her...for obvious reasons.
Adam: Dude!
DDK: What? Okay, that's enough of Andrew's mom. However, everything I said about her, can also be applied to Roxxxie. I mean, c'mon! Triple x is in her name! That screams "whore."
*Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.*
DDK: Come in!
*An African-American fellow with a mohawk and a lot of gold chains walk in.*
Man: I heard some people dissing a mama! Don't you know you have to treat your mother right!
Adam: Is that really who I think it is?
Man: I pity the foo who don't know who I am!
DDK: Listen mister, I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it! I'll also BANG! you!
Man: Whachoo sayin' f--
*DDK delivers the BANG! to the guy, busting him through the door.*
Adam: Not another door! Damnit!
*DDK walks back in and stands in the soap rubble.*
DDK: Sorry about that. Where was I?
Adam: You just finished talking about some ladies.
DDK: Yeah, enough of that, we're not fighting ladies. Let's see, there's Andrew, got some athletics, I'll give him that, but he pails in comparison to the likes of us. As everyone in the roster does. But him even more so. I mean...just look at him. He looks like an idiot. His voice is annoying. He smells. His skin is dry and rough. He's constantly sweaty so probably taste's like piss. He's literally an assault on all the senses. It is my hope that we keep Ander in the ring the whole time and just beat them as fast as possible, because I don't even want to touch that. It's gross. But hey, he's got some good athleticism.
*Adam is rocking with the stretches as DDK paused for a response, but Adam's just into it. DDK shrugs.*
DDK: Then there's Ander. What can I say, other than that he's a Nazi sympathizer. I mean, the dude loves Hitler. He's just like him with his long winded speeches and hand gestures. Also, I think he has started growing the Hitler 'stache. Not only is Ander pro-Nazis, he's also pro-miscarriages. That's right, not pro-abortion, at least that's something controlled, he's pro-miscarriage! He will punch a woman in the stomach if he thinks she's pregnant. I've seen it, it's true. Worst of all, the dude has to wear gloves in order to eat hot-wings. That's right, it's so hot for him, he can't even touch them bare-skinned. "If that's so, why would he even eat them," you ask? Good question, he doesn't. What he does do with them...you don't want to know. You really, really don't. Also, I'm pretty sure he stole the Lindbergh baby.
Adam: That's great dude!
*Adam is just too into these stretches.*
DDK: Now, to be super serious you guys, I'm telling you, Adam and I, we run this show. We run this place. The spotlight is on us. So in effect, it's also on you this Sunday. You two are lucky as hell that you instantly got put in the match of the night. Can you take the heat? Can you feel the pressure? Because it's going to be on, and you will lose, make no mistake, you will lose. But do you lose like champs, or do you lose like chumps? This loss could make or break your career guys, so try and give us a bit of a challenge would you? Maybe if it's close, we'll give you a rematch in the confines of Andrew's mom's va-jay-jay.
Adam: Dude, sick. You're going to make me wretch.
DDK: If you can't stand the heat, ge--
*Just then, the dude with the mohawk busts through the wall next to the door.*
Man: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET RID OF ME FOO!? I AM IMMORTAL! I TAUGHT WALKER EVERYTHING HE KNOWS!
*DDK just charges and delivers the BANG! Through another part of the wall.*
Adam: Man, you are paying for that.
Obsidian: Don't you hate when he does property damage?
Adam: AAAHHH!
*Obsidian is sitting next to Adam doing the exact same stretch.*
Adam: Where did you come from!?
Obsidian: Just chillin' here buddy! Thought I'd join you in a little work out.
Adam: I was almost done.
Obsidian: Oh. Want to order some take out and watch a movie?
Adam: Uh...I'm good. Thanks pal.
*Adam pats him on the shoulder and stands up, then goes over to his bag of stuff.*
Obsidian: He does think I'm cool! I'm never washing the shoulder again. Best buds for life!
*Obsidian watches Adam a little creepily as DDK comes back into the room through another part of the wall with another BANG! on that dude.*
Adam: Son of a--!
DDK: HE WON'T DIE!
Man: Foo!
*The scene fades out.*
Adam: What are you doing?
*DDK is dragging a giant light green box.*
DDK: I made a box to stand on.
*DDK tries to stand on the box and it slips around.*
DDK: This is tough.
*DDK goes to stand on it and tries to do a balancing act. Finally it works. It works just long enough before it collapses in on itself from his weight.*
Adam: Don't tell me you made a soap box out of soap.
DDK: What else do you make it with?
Adam: Why would you even make one to begin with.
DDK: We're fighting the Rat Pack. Those assholes are always on a soap box, so I figured I'd beat them to the punch. You know, let them know who's boss. Let them know I eat bitches like them for breakfast.
Adam: Well, now you don't have a box.
DDK: I can stand on my shattered soap box. I can shout at them from the wrecked remains of my hard work, by which I mean Obsidian's, which is probably why this didn't work to begin with.
Adam: Well, I'm just going to do my stretches while you do that.
DDK: That's why we're the champs!
*DDK stops and gets himself together, finding his inner strength as Adam pulls out a roll out mat to get set up. DDK turns to look at the camera.*
DDK: Here's the deal, Adam and I just beat the world champion and the national champion. I kicked out of the Closure and a V-Nominal, back to back. Adam just pinned Charlie. Why did the main event NOT get changed to us versus them with their belts on the line? I don't know. That's money. That's the way you treat kings. What you see before you, is some mother ****ing kings right here. That's the deal. Instead, we're fighting Andrew and Ander. The "Ands." Or I could mix their name and call them Andrerw. Whatever. They're lame. They're losers. Ander lost the tag belts to second rate losers, then broke up with his BFF, then teamed up with a third rate loser, and now we have to fight them. That's just fantastic. Both of the "Ands" have felt the power of the BANG! So they know what to expect. But every time I BANG! I BANG! harder and harder! I've felt the "BOOM!" I know what that crap is. I've built an immunity. Speaking of immunity, I've also built an immunity to the diseases in Andrew's mom's cavernous vagina.
Adam: Hey! Don't talk about Kel--oh wait, you didn't. Sorry, force of habit.
DDK: I'm sorry, I forgot that Andrew was a mommas boy. I shouldn't talk about his mother who has herpi-gono-sypha-litas all over her nethers. Not that I've touched it, but I know plenty of people who have, and having that slight contact, you build an immunity. But let me tell you something good about her, I've heard the twenty-five cent piggy back rides she gives out on Quarter-mania Mondays are top-notch from many reviewers. And I say piggy because she's an oinker, and by oinker, I mean fat. Just wanted to make sure that was clear. Oh also, by back rides, I mean she gets it from behind. Mondays are really busy, it's quicker that way. It helps she can contain so many at a time. I mean, it's like a circus because she can have as many riders at once as a clown car. It helps with how huge it is. I mean, that cavernous womb that Andrew most likely walked out of, it literally looks like a stage with the curtains drawn open, literally.
Adam: Dude...that's gross. Don't you think that's enough of that.
DDK: Of course...not. Because dude, did you know this? The movie Inception was inspired by and loosely based on Andrew's mom.
Adam: How so?
DDK: Because for her to feel anything, you have to...go deeper. At least four levels deep. Also, the movie Dirty Harry was loosely based on her...for obvious reasons.
Adam: Dude!
DDK: What? Okay, that's enough of Andrew's mom. However, everything I said about her, can also be applied to Roxxxie. I mean, c'mon! Triple x is in her name! That screams "whore."
*Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.*
DDK: Come in!
*An African-American fellow with a mohawk and a lot of gold chains walk in.*
Man: I heard some people dissing a mama! Don't you know you have to treat your mother right!
Adam: Is that really who I think it is?
Man: I pity the foo who don't know who I am!
DDK: Listen mister, I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it! I'll also BANG! you!
Man: Whachoo sayin' f--
*DDK delivers the BANG! to the guy, busting him through the door.*
Adam: Not another door! Damnit!
*DDK walks back in and stands in the soap rubble.*
DDK: Sorry about that. Where was I?
Adam: You just finished talking about some ladies.
DDK: Yeah, enough of that, we're not fighting ladies. Let's see, there's Andrew, got some athletics, I'll give him that, but he pails in comparison to the likes of us. As everyone in the roster does. But him even more so. I mean...just look at him. He looks like an idiot. His voice is annoying. He smells. His skin is dry and rough. He's constantly sweaty so probably taste's like piss. He's literally an assault on all the senses. It is my hope that we keep Ander in the ring the whole time and just beat them as fast as possible, because I don't even want to touch that. It's gross. But hey, he's got some good athleticism.
*Adam is rocking with the stretches as DDK paused for a response, but Adam's just into it. DDK shrugs.*
DDK: Then there's Ander. What can I say, other than that he's a Nazi sympathizer. I mean, the dude loves Hitler. He's just like him with his long winded speeches and hand gestures. Also, I think he has started growing the Hitler 'stache. Not only is Ander pro-Nazis, he's also pro-miscarriages. That's right, not pro-abortion, at least that's something controlled, he's pro-miscarriage! He will punch a woman in the stomach if he thinks she's pregnant. I've seen it, it's true. Worst of all, the dude has to wear gloves in order to eat hot-wings. That's right, it's so hot for him, he can't even touch them bare-skinned. "If that's so, why would he even eat them," you ask? Good question, he doesn't. What he does do with them...you don't want to know. You really, really don't. Also, I'm pretty sure he stole the Lindbergh baby.
Adam: That's great dude!
*Adam is just too into these stretches.*
DDK: Now, to be super serious you guys, I'm telling you, Adam and I, we run this show. We run this place. The spotlight is on us. So in effect, it's also on you this Sunday. You two are lucky as hell that you instantly got put in the match of the night. Can you take the heat? Can you feel the pressure? Because it's going to be on, and you will lose, make no mistake, you will lose. But do you lose like champs, or do you lose like chumps? This loss could make or break your career guys, so try and give us a bit of a challenge would you? Maybe if it's close, we'll give you a rematch in the confines of Andrew's mom's va-jay-jay.
Adam: Dude, sick. You're going to make me wretch.
DDK: If you can't stand the heat, ge--
*Just then, the dude with the mohawk busts through the wall next to the door.*
Man: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET RID OF ME FOO!? I AM IMMORTAL! I TAUGHT WALKER EVERYTHING HE KNOWS!
*DDK just charges and delivers the BANG! Through another part of the wall.*
Adam: Man, you are paying for that.
Obsidian: Don't you hate when he does property damage?
Adam: AAAHHH!
*Obsidian is sitting next to Adam doing the exact same stretch.*
Adam: Where did you come from!?
Obsidian: Just chillin' here buddy! Thought I'd join you in a little work out.
Adam: I was almost done.
Obsidian: Oh. Want to order some take out and watch a movie?
Adam: Uh...I'm good. Thanks pal.
*Adam pats him on the shoulder and stands up, then goes over to his bag of stuff.*
Obsidian: He does think I'm cool! I'm never washing the shoulder again. Best buds for life!
*Obsidian watches Adam a little creepily as DDK comes back into the room through another part of the wall with another BANG! on that dude.*
Adam: Son of a--!
DDK: HE WON'T DIE!
Man: Foo!
*The scene fades out.*