Post by Kathleen Conway on Apr 14, 2011 10:59:04 GMT -6
The scene opens and we see Kathy in the gym, obviously training for the battle royal this Sunday. She is running at a comfortable pace on the treadmill.
So, I've been back a few days now, really had a chance to settle in, took the time to settle in and reflect on why I'm here and what I hope to accomplish in my run here - however long that might actually be, and I've come to one inescapable conclusion:
Nobody cares.
Now if I had actually returned to nCw to have my ego satisfied, to achieve something other than self satisfaction and to prove something else other than the fact that I could bounce back from injuries that would have kept lesser women down and out, the fact that nobody cares might have actually bothered me, but you know what? It doesn't, and the reason it doesn't is because the things I'm setting out to prove are for nobody's benefit but my own. I am not wrestling for my husband's approval, I'm not wrestling to join the plethora of ego in the nCw locker-room and I'm not wrestling for global recognition. The world doesn't need to know how good I am, hell the world doesn't even care.
But I do.
I need this. I need to know that I've still got something left in me to compete in this man's world. I need to know that even after all the trials and tribulations I've been through in my life, after the birth of my two children, I am still the woman I once was. I need to know that I am still the tough, independent career woman I was before I made the decision to quit my job as a law enforcement officer to join Steve 'Sexy Jason' Evans in his new career as a professional wrestler...
A cut to Kathy sparring with a pun bag, in a rhythm that coincides with her train of thought. As it thunders along the steel rails of her mind, the blows she delivers echo in perfect harmony with its intense and relentless journey to a destination as yet unknown.
I'm pretty sure Steve made the transition to this business for reasons of vanity and ego, I however did it for reasons far more modest. I'd like to say I did it to support the man I loved at the time, but looking back on it all now, I'm not so sure I can anymore. Part of me knows that the real truth of the matter if I be completely honest with myself - and for the first time in a long time I can be - is simply that I had heard Jake had signed with the company and suddenly it all came flooding back. Like a flash fire, the candle I still held for him caught flame, and like a hurricane, my heart was caught up in a whirlwind of emotion.
Up until that point in my life, the only real reminder I had of our brief liason was our daughter Solitaire, a daughter I named as a reminder to myself that no matter what was on the cards for me in life, I would take a lesson from her father and just not quit the game no matter what anybody else thought about me.
I was determined not to be one of these fickle mistresses. For months whilst I was with Steve I agonised and I wrestled, not with opponents in the ring, but with the decisions in my head. Should I tell him that the baby he had known all along as my younger sister Tiffany's child was actually mine, and that the father was one of his new peers. I was afraid he'd think that I was only at his side to get another chance with Jake, and for a while I convinced myself that that was not the case at all. Ultimately I must have been pretty convincing because for a while it worked and for a while Steve and I were happy. I thought I was over Jake. I thought I was over watching him from a distance, teasing myself every day with the notion that today would be the day Steve would be enough for me.
Tiffany and I came up with the story and its a story we stuck to when she came to nCw to 'drop a bombshell' on Jake after their one night stand and tell him he had a child, maybe it was wrong, but a half truth is better than a whole lie right? In order to try and make it work with Steve, my baby sister and my baby gained all I had lost through my selfless sacrifice for his happiness. With closed eyes and a held tongue, I gave my sister my blessing to rekindle her relationship with Jake. I had no choice but to sell the story. Looking back on it all now, its not a chapter of my life that I'm particularly proud of, but I only did what I thought was best...
Judge me if you want to, laugh at me for not being able to resist the charms of a man who had already seduced my sister around the same time he found me. Both Jones' sisters had fallen for the same guy, something I'm sure at least Brad Kane can relate to after seeing Alysson Gardner riding off into the sunset on the back of his brother's motorcycle. Now I'd be a hypocrite if I judged her for that so I won't. I know all too well what its like to fall for the wrong kind of man...
I fell for Sexy Jason after all.
To a certain extent I can even understand your attraction to Spyke, after all before she met Jake, Tiffany had a relationship with him aswell, not to mention the man has made a career out of being psychologically unstable. I'm sure he can relate to your psychiatric issues, after all he is the cause of mine and its not something I'll ever forgive him for. To me both Kane brothers are scum, but I digress.
See what Mercedes 'Last Resort' Lewis needs to realise is that making light of my traumatic experiences three years ago doesn't matter, because its obvious that at least four of us in this match have had to deal with mental health issues at some point in our lives. There's Alysson with her issues, there's me with my disjointed mental history, there's Nexus, who will probably wind up doing my job for me this Sunday and ripping the dollface off of Stephanie Sullivan, because you know that's what she's good at. Then, there's you Mercedes. Call me a crazy meth-head all you want but I figure you're just mad because I got my man in the end and he loves me and I did it without having to fake a death or a bosom. So you see Mercedes, criticising my former mental state is about as significant as if I were to criticise you for being just another whore with a fascination over Steve Awesome's abs...
It's common.
It's overdone.
It's expected.
If everything I said was expected, this whole trash talking business would lose its effectiveness, and nobody would care. So you know what ladies, this Sunday at Sovereign, I won't need to talk trash, the only thing I need to do is to take it out, and that's exactly what I intend to do...
So, I've been back a few days now, really had a chance to settle in, took the time to settle in and reflect on why I'm here and what I hope to accomplish in my run here - however long that might actually be, and I've come to one inescapable conclusion:
Nobody cares.
Now if I had actually returned to nCw to have my ego satisfied, to achieve something other than self satisfaction and to prove something else other than the fact that I could bounce back from injuries that would have kept lesser women down and out, the fact that nobody cares might have actually bothered me, but you know what? It doesn't, and the reason it doesn't is because the things I'm setting out to prove are for nobody's benefit but my own. I am not wrestling for my husband's approval, I'm not wrestling to join the plethora of ego in the nCw locker-room and I'm not wrestling for global recognition. The world doesn't need to know how good I am, hell the world doesn't even care.
But I do.
I need this. I need to know that I've still got something left in me to compete in this man's world. I need to know that even after all the trials and tribulations I've been through in my life, after the birth of my two children, I am still the woman I once was. I need to know that I am still the tough, independent career woman I was before I made the decision to quit my job as a law enforcement officer to join Steve 'Sexy Jason' Evans in his new career as a professional wrestler...
A cut to Kathy sparring with a pun bag, in a rhythm that coincides with her train of thought. As it thunders along the steel rails of her mind, the blows she delivers echo in perfect harmony with its intense and relentless journey to a destination as yet unknown.
I'm pretty sure Steve made the transition to this business for reasons of vanity and ego, I however did it for reasons far more modest. I'd like to say I did it to support the man I loved at the time, but looking back on it all now, I'm not so sure I can anymore. Part of me knows that the real truth of the matter if I be completely honest with myself - and for the first time in a long time I can be - is simply that I had heard Jake had signed with the company and suddenly it all came flooding back. Like a flash fire, the candle I still held for him caught flame, and like a hurricane, my heart was caught up in a whirlwind of emotion.
Up until that point in my life, the only real reminder I had of our brief liason was our daughter Solitaire, a daughter I named as a reminder to myself that no matter what was on the cards for me in life, I would take a lesson from her father and just not quit the game no matter what anybody else thought about me.
I was determined not to be one of these fickle mistresses. For months whilst I was with Steve I agonised and I wrestled, not with opponents in the ring, but with the decisions in my head. Should I tell him that the baby he had known all along as my younger sister Tiffany's child was actually mine, and that the father was one of his new peers. I was afraid he'd think that I was only at his side to get another chance with Jake, and for a while I convinced myself that that was not the case at all. Ultimately I must have been pretty convincing because for a while it worked and for a while Steve and I were happy. I thought I was over Jake. I thought I was over watching him from a distance, teasing myself every day with the notion that today would be the day Steve would be enough for me.
Tiffany and I came up with the story and its a story we stuck to when she came to nCw to 'drop a bombshell' on Jake after their one night stand and tell him he had a child, maybe it was wrong, but a half truth is better than a whole lie right? In order to try and make it work with Steve, my baby sister and my baby gained all I had lost through my selfless sacrifice for his happiness. With closed eyes and a held tongue, I gave my sister my blessing to rekindle her relationship with Jake. I had no choice but to sell the story. Looking back on it all now, its not a chapter of my life that I'm particularly proud of, but I only did what I thought was best...
Judge me if you want to, laugh at me for not being able to resist the charms of a man who had already seduced my sister around the same time he found me. Both Jones' sisters had fallen for the same guy, something I'm sure at least Brad Kane can relate to after seeing Alysson Gardner riding off into the sunset on the back of his brother's motorcycle. Now I'd be a hypocrite if I judged her for that so I won't. I know all too well what its like to fall for the wrong kind of man...
I fell for Sexy Jason after all.
To a certain extent I can even understand your attraction to Spyke, after all before she met Jake, Tiffany had a relationship with him aswell, not to mention the man has made a career out of being psychologically unstable. I'm sure he can relate to your psychiatric issues, after all he is the cause of mine and its not something I'll ever forgive him for. To me both Kane brothers are scum, but I digress.
See what Mercedes 'Last Resort' Lewis needs to realise is that making light of my traumatic experiences three years ago doesn't matter, because its obvious that at least four of us in this match have had to deal with mental health issues at some point in our lives. There's Alysson with her issues, there's me with my disjointed mental history, there's Nexus, who will probably wind up doing my job for me this Sunday and ripping the dollface off of Stephanie Sullivan, because you know that's what she's good at. Then, there's you Mercedes. Call me a crazy meth-head all you want but I figure you're just mad because I got my man in the end and he loves me and I did it without having to fake a death or a bosom. So you see Mercedes, criticising my former mental state is about as significant as if I were to criticise you for being just another whore with a fascination over Steve Awesome's abs...
It's common.
It's overdone.
It's expected.
If everything I said was expected, this whole trash talking business would lose its effectiveness, and nobody would care. So you know what ladies, this Sunday at Sovereign, I won't need to talk trash, the only thing I need to do is to take it out, and that's exactly what I intend to do...