Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Apr 15, 2011 5:01:28 GMT -6
*We open on a clip of Joe Everyman, talking to the camera from last week. However, this time it's in a sepia tone with film grain and scratches.*
Anyone who has ever loved you. Anyone who has ever stuck their neck out for you... will burn. GQ and Obsidian were just the beginning. What about your brother, Chris? What about the rest of your old cronies? What about your partner... Adam Knite?
*The video skips a beat and cuts back a few seconds.*
What about your brother, Chris? What about the rest of your old cronies? What about your partner... Adam Knite?
*The video skips a beat and cuts back again.*
Whaaaat aabooout yoour brrooothhher, Chrrriiisss? *(That's slo-mo folks!)*
*The clip pauses. We cut to a TV screen. The camera pulls back to reveal DDK laying on the couch in the Knitely Bangs locker room presented by Burger King, as a man is sitting in a chair next to him holding a clipboard with a pen in hand.*
Man: Zo! How duzz zhis make you feel, mein friend?
DDK: I just, I can't believe Joe would say that, you know? I mean, what was he thinking?
Man: I wuzz hoping you would.
DDK: But you're the psychologist.
Man: No, I am just zee guy you found in zee hallway, whom happenz to zpeak zee Jerhman.
DDK: Yeah...
*DDK stands up out of the couch.*
DDK: I guess I don't need you.
*DDK charges and gives the guy a BANG!, knocking the chair over. DDK stands up and dusts himself off. He looks over to the camera.*
DDK: Joe, you're a sick son of a bitch, you know that!? It's one thing to attack those who love me. Because of you're threats, I have my wife and kids locked up in a panic room. It's another thing to threaten my partner! He can damn sure take care of himself. But to threaten my dead brother!? MY DEAD BROTHER!? You make me ****ing sick Joe. You had all the potential in the world. What has Lex done to you? What have you done to yourself? What were you planing to do Joe, dig him up? Make his bones dance like a puppet? Light his casket on fire and slam me through it? What? WHAT!? You knew what happened Joe, you know how I feel about my bro, how I've made myself a better person and a better athlete in honor of him. For you to stand there and attack a dead man, to speak ill of the dead, especially one so close to my heart, that is just indescribably stupid. Now the things I must do to you for penance. Why would you ask for that Joe? You are dumb. You are SO dumb!
*DDK wags his finger in the air.*
DDK: Then there's Lex Sense. You're crazy, you're dark, you're disturbing. I get that. In another life, we would be thick as theives, you and I. We would rock and roll and maim and massacre. However, that's not the case. That's not how the dice rolled. You offended me sir, and I will not stand for it. You took off my wig. MY WIG! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO--no, no, I'm not getting into that now. I'm saving the anger and pent up rage for the match. I mean, for you to touch my hair, it just sickens me. It took so much to get it untainted. You ass. You uncaring, unprofessional, unrefined ass! And you and your buddy went on and on about how Adam "attacked" you from behind the other week, now I'm getting attacked by you from behind. Now I'm not saying you're a bitch, I'm not trying to say you're evil for doing it. But what I am saying is, you're stealing what works from the master. And why shouldn't you? We do it, you do it. It's flattering, but c'mon, you can't beat the original. You steal our tactics, you steal my insanity schtick, you steal my good looks. Well listen boy, you're running with the devil, and you will not keep up. I'm a multi-time NCW tag team champion, I've ran with the best. Tag-wise, along with everything else Lex, you can't keep up.
*DDK pulls out his tag team title and places it over his shoulder.*
DDK: This gold, this signifies excellence in the tag team department. Not only that, it signifies the excellence of an awesome wrestler, myself. Now, I've had my share of singles gold as well, just like my partner. I mean, I beat Phillip Burns, the most boring, yet best pure athlete to ever hold that gold. And I beat him in a pure wrestling match, not only dethroning him of the belt, but of the title of best pure athlete, thus making DDK the best pure athlete in NCW. I sent him to the hospital with my skills. Other than being a bad ass story, why would I mention this boys? Because pure athletics...that's not my forte. That's not my home. I'm the King of Xtreme! I take to hardcore like a fish takes to water. So if I could be the best there is outside of my element, why the hell would you think fighting me in my element is any better? I mean, really? You challenged us to a hardcore match? Are you both really that stupid? I mean, not only am I proficient with chairs and tables, I've attacked people with motorcycles, beehives, sacks of bricks, even an entire wrestling ring. Anything in my hands is a deadly weapon. But I have a special one, that I'm going to bring out just for you. Lex almost got to taste it earlier, and I'd love to smack Joe upside the head with it for his disrespect. Well, let me show you guys. I shouldn't reveal my game plan, but why not a sneak peak.
*DDK goes over to his duffel bag and rummages around. He pulls out a lead pipe, stained with some blood.*
DDK: That's right, THE lead pipe. The one that I used to put Lance Ryan in a coma. He's still on life support. He's still a vegetable. I did that to a man who stood in my way. What do you think I'll do to some punks who are trying to take what's mine? Heh...now that I think about it, I see the irony. I put Lance in a coma, you put GQ in a coma. I suppose what goes around comes around? Well, before you go that deep, GQ was just a wuss who helped me manage day to day life for a small fee, he was my friend. Lance was a legend who was my enemy. Therefore, it's completely different and I'm going to destroy you for hurting my friend! I'm going to bash the both of you good. Just pulverize the hell out of you with this pipe. ****! I just gave away my game plan! Well, at least I didn't mention the parts where I BANG! you both for the icing on the cake! ...DAMNIT!
*Just then, Adam Knite walks in with Obsidian in tow.*
Adam: What are you yelling about?
Obsidian: You sure you don't want to share nachos?
Adam: For the last time, no!
DDK: Hey guys, just talking trash about Sunday. Letting EverySense know they have no chance.
Adam: You'd think they already would know that.
DDK: Yeah, I mean, I can't see them win. I mean, literally. The picture of them wearing the tag team belts would be worse than seeing that sex tape I saw once with Will Washington and Emma Danielson!
Adam: Oh yeah, that **** was gross.
*All three men shudder.*
Obsidian: I can't eat these anymore.
*Obsidian puts down the nachos. He notices the German.*
Obsidian: Hey, who's the dude on the ground?
DDK: He doesn't matter.
Adam: Another victim? That's like, the fifth one today.
DDK: It's been a slow day. Listen here EverySense, Adam and I are former world champs, and someday soon to be again. We are born for success. That's why we are kings of this profession. When all is said and done, when that fateful day comes that the boots hang up, we'll be done as acclaimed and accomplished champions, legends of the ring. You, well Lex, you will end up on the side of the road yelling with yourself while begging for change. And Joe, you're going to die alone. Your on and off thing with Maria, the fact that no one likes you, and when you do make friends, you stab them in the back! Yeah, you're going to die alone.
Adam: Harsh, but true.
DDK: So bring your A-game boys, I know you have it, I know it exists. Bring your blood, sweat, and tears. And when I say blood, I mean buckets of it, because that's how much will be spilled. I want a fight, I expect a fight. I will bring my hardcore vengence down upon you with furious anger! We will destroy you! I'm telling you right now, I now you have the moxy and drive to make this fight count, to make it worthy of a fight with the royalty you see before you. But I will tell you right now, it ain't easy to dethrone a king. You're dealing with two. Run 'tell dat, homeboys.
*DDK charges at the camera. He stops his charge on a dime and puts his face right up into the camera.*
DDK: ...BANG!
*DDK laughs as he steps back from the camera. Obsidian and Adam join in. As they're all laughing, DDK abruptly stops and gets a serious face, then charges and hits the camera man with a BANG!*
Anyone who has ever loved you. Anyone who has ever stuck their neck out for you... will burn. GQ and Obsidian were just the beginning. What about your brother, Chris? What about the rest of your old cronies? What about your partner... Adam Knite?
*The video skips a beat and cuts back a few seconds.*
What about your brother, Chris? What about the rest of your old cronies? What about your partner... Adam Knite?
*The video skips a beat and cuts back again.*
Whaaaat aabooout yoour brrooothhher, Chrrriiisss? *(That's slo-mo folks!)*
*The clip pauses. We cut to a TV screen. The camera pulls back to reveal DDK laying on the couch in the Knitely Bangs locker room presented by Burger King, as a man is sitting in a chair next to him holding a clipboard with a pen in hand.*
Man: Zo! How duzz zhis make you feel, mein friend?
DDK: I just, I can't believe Joe would say that, you know? I mean, what was he thinking?
Man: I wuzz hoping you would.
DDK: But you're the psychologist.
Man: No, I am just zee guy you found in zee hallway, whom happenz to zpeak zee Jerhman.
DDK: Yeah...
*DDK stands up out of the couch.*
DDK: I guess I don't need you.
*DDK charges and gives the guy a BANG!, knocking the chair over. DDK stands up and dusts himself off. He looks over to the camera.*
DDK: Joe, you're a sick son of a bitch, you know that!? It's one thing to attack those who love me. Because of you're threats, I have my wife and kids locked up in a panic room. It's another thing to threaten my partner! He can damn sure take care of himself. But to threaten my dead brother!? MY DEAD BROTHER!? You make me ****ing sick Joe. You had all the potential in the world. What has Lex done to you? What have you done to yourself? What were you planing to do Joe, dig him up? Make his bones dance like a puppet? Light his casket on fire and slam me through it? What? WHAT!? You knew what happened Joe, you know how I feel about my bro, how I've made myself a better person and a better athlete in honor of him. For you to stand there and attack a dead man, to speak ill of the dead, especially one so close to my heart, that is just indescribably stupid. Now the things I must do to you for penance. Why would you ask for that Joe? You are dumb. You are SO dumb!
*DDK wags his finger in the air.*
DDK: Then there's Lex Sense. You're crazy, you're dark, you're disturbing. I get that. In another life, we would be thick as theives, you and I. We would rock and roll and maim and massacre. However, that's not the case. That's not how the dice rolled. You offended me sir, and I will not stand for it. You took off my wig. MY WIG! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO--no, no, I'm not getting into that now. I'm saving the anger and pent up rage for the match. I mean, for you to touch my hair, it just sickens me. It took so much to get it untainted. You ass. You uncaring, unprofessional, unrefined ass! And you and your buddy went on and on about how Adam "attacked" you from behind the other week, now I'm getting attacked by you from behind. Now I'm not saying you're a bitch, I'm not trying to say you're evil for doing it. But what I am saying is, you're stealing what works from the master. And why shouldn't you? We do it, you do it. It's flattering, but c'mon, you can't beat the original. You steal our tactics, you steal my insanity schtick, you steal my good looks. Well listen boy, you're running with the devil, and you will not keep up. I'm a multi-time NCW tag team champion, I've ran with the best. Tag-wise, along with everything else Lex, you can't keep up.
*DDK pulls out his tag team title and places it over his shoulder.*
DDK: This gold, this signifies excellence in the tag team department. Not only that, it signifies the excellence of an awesome wrestler, myself. Now, I've had my share of singles gold as well, just like my partner. I mean, I beat Phillip Burns, the most boring, yet best pure athlete to ever hold that gold. And I beat him in a pure wrestling match, not only dethroning him of the belt, but of the title of best pure athlete, thus making DDK the best pure athlete in NCW. I sent him to the hospital with my skills. Other than being a bad ass story, why would I mention this boys? Because pure athletics...that's not my forte. That's not my home. I'm the King of Xtreme! I take to hardcore like a fish takes to water. So if I could be the best there is outside of my element, why the hell would you think fighting me in my element is any better? I mean, really? You challenged us to a hardcore match? Are you both really that stupid? I mean, not only am I proficient with chairs and tables, I've attacked people with motorcycles, beehives, sacks of bricks, even an entire wrestling ring. Anything in my hands is a deadly weapon. But I have a special one, that I'm going to bring out just for you. Lex almost got to taste it earlier, and I'd love to smack Joe upside the head with it for his disrespect. Well, let me show you guys. I shouldn't reveal my game plan, but why not a sneak peak.
*DDK goes over to his duffel bag and rummages around. He pulls out a lead pipe, stained with some blood.*
DDK: That's right, THE lead pipe. The one that I used to put Lance Ryan in a coma. He's still on life support. He's still a vegetable. I did that to a man who stood in my way. What do you think I'll do to some punks who are trying to take what's mine? Heh...now that I think about it, I see the irony. I put Lance in a coma, you put GQ in a coma. I suppose what goes around comes around? Well, before you go that deep, GQ was just a wuss who helped me manage day to day life for a small fee, he was my friend. Lance was a legend who was my enemy. Therefore, it's completely different and I'm going to destroy you for hurting my friend! I'm going to bash the both of you good. Just pulverize the hell out of you with this pipe. ****! I just gave away my game plan! Well, at least I didn't mention the parts where I BANG! you both for the icing on the cake! ...DAMNIT!
*Just then, Adam Knite walks in with Obsidian in tow.*
Adam: What are you yelling about?
Obsidian: You sure you don't want to share nachos?
Adam: For the last time, no!
DDK: Hey guys, just talking trash about Sunday. Letting EverySense know they have no chance.
Adam: You'd think they already would know that.
DDK: Yeah, I mean, I can't see them win. I mean, literally. The picture of them wearing the tag team belts would be worse than seeing that sex tape I saw once with Will Washington and Emma Danielson!
Adam: Oh yeah, that **** was gross.
*All three men shudder.*
Obsidian: I can't eat these anymore.
*Obsidian puts down the nachos. He notices the German.*
Obsidian: Hey, who's the dude on the ground?
DDK: He doesn't matter.
Adam: Another victim? That's like, the fifth one today.
DDK: It's been a slow day. Listen here EverySense, Adam and I are former world champs, and someday soon to be again. We are born for success. That's why we are kings of this profession. When all is said and done, when that fateful day comes that the boots hang up, we'll be done as acclaimed and accomplished champions, legends of the ring. You, well Lex, you will end up on the side of the road yelling with yourself while begging for change. And Joe, you're going to die alone. Your on and off thing with Maria, the fact that no one likes you, and when you do make friends, you stab them in the back! Yeah, you're going to die alone.
Adam: Harsh, but true.
DDK: So bring your A-game boys, I know you have it, I know it exists. Bring your blood, sweat, and tears. And when I say blood, I mean buckets of it, because that's how much will be spilled. I want a fight, I expect a fight. I will bring my hardcore vengence down upon you with furious anger! We will destroy you! I'm telling you right now, I now you have the moxy and drive to make this fight count, to make it worthy of a fight with the royalty you see before you. But I will tell you right now, it ain't easy to dethrone a king. You're dealing with two. Run 'tell dat, homeboys.
*DDK charges at the camera. He stops his charge on a dime and puts his face right up into the camera.*
DDK: ...BANG!
*DDK laughs as he steps back from the camera. Obsidian and Adam join in. As they're all laughing, DDK abruptly stops and gets a serious face, then charges and hits the camera man with a BANG!*