Post by Alex Jones on Apr 17, 2011 4:41:06 GMT -6
“Failure...”
“That one word spoken can evoke such strong feelings within me...”
“Anger”
“Hatred”
“Sorrow”
“What has become of me?...”
“Once a bright light in a world full of darkness...”
“Now I stand a dark glow in the world I once hated...”
“Who am I now?...”
“A champion?”
“Or a chump?”
“A legend?”
“Or a has-been?”
“A success?”
“Or a failure?”
“That one word spoken can evoke such strong feelings within me...”
“Anger”
“Hatred”
“Sorrow”
“What has become of me?...”
“Once a bright light in a world full of darkness...”
“Now I stand a dark glow in the world I once hated...”
“Who am I now?...”
“A champion?”
“Or a chump?”
“A legend?”
“Or a has-been?”
“A success?”
“Or a failure?”
2 days ago........
I sat alone in my study. My computer open to facebook as I messaged a few old school friends who had just found out I was living my life as a professional wrestler. I field their questions about my life, about my career, about my family. Most are happy to hear that I’m doing what I love, what I’ve always loved. Some are the usual mocking morons they were in high school....oh well I live my life doing a job I was born to do, living my life with passion and fire. They live their lives in suits fielding insurance claims forms and answering phones to talk to clients about home equity. Some are even police officers...bullies in high school become police officers it seems.....
“Alex...are you ok babe?...”
Shelly’s hand slides down my shoulder across my chest, I turn and look up at her. Her beautiful brown eyes enchanting me, haunting me like they always have. I smile up at her and laugh a little.
“I’m fine...just trying to relax......I have no idea how many years of my career I’m about to sacrifice this week....”
I laugh trying to pass it off as a joke. Shelly shakes her head knowing me well enough to realise I’m nervous. Yes me, Alex f’n Jones nervous. One of the most arrogant, cocky, confident bastards in NCW is nervous......
“You know, you and Angel....you are cut from the same cloth. You’ll do anything till you get that title...a piece of gold Alex that’s all it is....”
I look away and sigh deeply. She doesn’t understand. Unless you’re in “the biz” you don’t.......
“It’s more than that Shell....being the world champion says something....it says you’re the best there is at that moment, it puts you in a very elite group. Since NCW opened there have been seventeen world champions......seventeen that’s it.....”
Shelly shakes her head....
“You know you’re one of the best Alex, even your detractors know the truth, Steve Awesome, Paul Star, Falcon, Charlie Velez....even my brother knows that deep down you are one of the best in NCW. Why do you need to almost kill yourself to get a shot at it?...and I know you Alex..I know that you’ll sacrifice your career, your body and even your life for that damn piece of gold....it won’t bring you what you think it will Alex..it won’t...I stood by and watched it take Angel and take him from being a loving husband and father to a cold heartless monster...and I’ll be damned if I’m going to watch it happen to you to.....”
Shelly tries to walk pass me, her eyes filled with tears, I grab her arm and pull her back to me into my arms....
“You think that’ll happen to me?. Shell..Angel lost himself, he lost who he was and I know he regrets his actions. I will never become that monster, I won’t let it over take me. But that title, it means more to me than you’ll ever know Shell. That title will show that all the sacrifices I made, all the decisions, all the pain, everything was worth it because when I hold that title it will say that I am the best. I am everything I’ve ever said I was. I always used to tell the world how good I was but that belt will validate it...it will FORCE people to see that I am the best in the world....and until I hold it I can’t stop..I won’t stop......But I won’t let it ruin me babe....I promise....”
I see the trepidation in her eyes, I know she has fears and doubts and honestly, I can’t blame her. She watched her first husband turn into a monster and she’s worried I’ll be the same. But while Angel and I are alike, I’m my own man.....and this is my destiny...my story....not his....
“Apparently I’m a has-been.....At least according to Paul Star I am. Twenty Six years old and I’m a has-been, past my prime, in the twilight of my career it seems. Well that really is news to me, it’s nice to know that twenty six is retirement age now, maybe I should cash in my 401k and retire in South Beach or Orlando, maybe take in the sights or travel around in an RV until I finally die of old age.....”
“Or maybe, just maybe, Paul Star should shut the **** up. Past my prime?, REALLY PAUL?. It amazes me when guys like you, who have been around NCW for a few years start to become bigger, they tell everyone in front of them to “step aside”. Step aside?. Paul the only “stepping” I’m going to do, is stepping over the broken, battered and bruised bodies of you and the other four chumps I have to beat on Sunday to get to my world title shot. You treat me like I’m some kind of old man with a cane and fake teeth, but what you have to realise is that I had lots of success very early in my career. Now I stand here still young and still healthy while guys like you, who are the same age as me, in the same generation start to rise and consider me “old” and “past it”......”
“But hey, I guess I can forgive you just this once, I mean it’s not like your opinion actually matters. And speaking of douche bags that don’t matter, Steve Awesome and Xander “I wish I was my daddy” Famularo have also been sounding off on me as of late. I’m actually quite happy about it since I was being looked at as the forgotten one of this little party. But Xander, with all this hero worship you have with your father, talking about how in his “prime” he would have destroyed us all and how he’s better than you, you’ve forgotten one VERY important thing.......I beat your dear old daddy. He came into NCW and was destroying everyone left and right, putting guys through tables, through the ring, basically creating chaos. Adam Knite used him to try and stop me because Adam knew that I was going to take his world title....”
“And your father, your dear old dad, who everyone respects and admires so much, fell before me. He fell to his knees and I saw the realisation in his face that he had just faced the future of NCW. He had just faced a future legend in this business. He knew it, he saw it and he accepted it. Something you and the others in this match have trouble understanding. I tell you what, why don’t you all go ask Angel, Adam Knite and even Spike Kane what kind of man you’re dealing with, and you ask them if they were the same after they faced me and after I got done beating the living hell out of them. I am the most talented man to never hold the NCW world title....but people seem to forget..I have been A WORLD CHAMPION.....”
“Well not everyone forgets do they Steve?. After all Mr Awesome, you decided to bring up and mention my title reign at our former employers. A belt you were never good enough to win, a belt you were never WORTHY to hold. You stepped up your game in NCW and became champion here, but your overblown ego has refused to remember or acknowledge that in our former employers record books it states that I was a world champion...and you were a chump....”
“But it’s ok Steve continue believing whatever fake, half truth you decide to believe to get you through the night and give you the confidence to actually step in the ring with me. When it’s all over and you’re laying at my feet, in a pool of your own blood and tears, staring at the mat watching your dreams and hopes fade away, you’ll know that you had no chance in hell of beating me and going on to face the world champion.”
“It amazes me how people have forgotten what I’ve done, who I’ve beaten, who I am. All people seem to focus on is that I LOST the world title in a match that I could have won. People have selective memories and selective versions of the past.....but this Sunday is all about the future, this Sunday is all about me and all about my time. Mark Evil, Ander Carvetti, Paul Star, Steve Awesome and Xander Famularo, the five of you have a chance to win this match just like I do. But in the end, I’m willing to shorten my career and my life for this...can you honestly say the same?...because if you can’t you have no right being in that ring with me, I will leave you on your back contemplating a new career choice.....”
“See you on Sunday ****ers....”