Post by Rob Diamond on May 20, 2011 17:32:50 GMT -6
Moments before the BOSS BATTLES!!!
[/color]{ Rob sat with his head in his hands in the hospital waiting room. }
What the hell is wrong with me?
{ He sighed and looked around. Generally he hates inner monologuing, unless of course he's making fun of some douche bag for using it in place of actual scene description like Bates used too... God I hate that guy. And miss him all at the same time. }
All I had to do was not kick someone in the balls. That's it. And Zelda would be fine. But NO! I had to go and make a statement. I'm the world champion bitch! HA! Suck it!...
I'm such an idiot...
{ He slammed his fist on the table in front of him, startling a nurse who was trying to get a soda. Rob looks up and smirks at her before going back to inner monologuing. }
I don't know... Maybe Xander was right... Maybe I'm just a selfish prick who used Zelda to save my own ass... Maybe...
No! That's total bull****! I would never use Zelda for anything, least of all a human shield... Whatever. I've had about enough of his petty mind games, trying to get in my head? Yeah right, fat chance. I'm not the one sitting in a bar doubting my abilities! I know I can kick Xander's piddly ass!
{ Did he just say... }
YEAH! I said piddly ass! Screw you Ace, I'm jacking yo line bitch! I will kick Xander's piddly ass like I kicked his piddly ass every other time I faced that piddly bitch loving ass!
"Did you just inner monologue say 'piddly'?"
"Huh??"
{ Rob looks up to see Zelda with her arms crossed leaning against the over sized door frame of the waiting room grinning like a little kid on Christmas. }
"Zelda!"
{ Rob leaps out of the chair and springs across the room grabbing Zelda around the waist and lifting her off her feet and swinging her around in a big circle before placing her gently down and kissing her on the forehead, then slowly but way more passionately he kisses her on the lips. }
"I missed you. They wouldn't let me see you. Are you ok??"
{ She giggles at him and looks in his eyes, smiling and biting her lip all at the same time. }
"I'm fine Rob. No one can mess with Zeldaberg!"
{ She stands back and flexes, Rob laughs. He takes her by both cheeks and pulls her in again, noting with a grin she doesn't have a giant bruise on her face, simply a little one. }
"Your face? It's like it never even happened?"
"Must be my mutant healing factor."
"Must be."
{ They both laugh as Rob pulls her in again for another hug. }
"I'm sorry."
"You don't owe me an apology Rob. You don't owe me anything. I love you."
{ They kiss again, just two young people in love, isn't it sweet? }
"DIE!!!!!!!!!"
{ Maybe not to everyone... }
Now.[/color]
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
{ Say hello to my little friend. }
"Bravo Xander. Bravo."
{ He annoyingly continues his slow clap for another round before stopping and just looking affectionately at you. }
"You have managed to make absolutely no sense in record time."
{ He reaches down. }
"And for that feat alone..."
{ And picks up... }
"I have baked you this delicious chocolate chip cookie."
{ A cookie, which he promptly hands to the screen and despite the fact he's standing on the other end of an electrical signal you still some how reach out and take the cookie. What a good boy you are. Yes you are. Good boy. }
"So your whole goal of that first promo was to piss me off? Wow, way to go buddy, cause mission accomplished. Not only am I mad, I'm tear my shirt and beat up inanimate objects in my locker room mad!"
{ Rob looks over to a table, grabs a coffee mug and promptly drops it on the ground, it breaks. }
"Grrrrr."
{ Then smirks. }
"Seriously Xander, I was already coming at you 100%, I was already planning on putting aside our friendship and respect long enough to beat your bitch ass into a bloody pulp before tucking you in for Sweet Dreams and laughing maniacally as you would have no other choice but to tap out quicker than Andrew Jacobsen in the middle of an uphill battle."
{ Which is every battle he's in FYI. }
"But then you had to go and try and make it personal. Then you had to throw up the facade of having more to fight for then you do. You had to drag me and Zelda through the mud and for what? Dramatic effect? Like a world title match needs any more emotion attached to it you had to go that extra mile and lie through clenched teeth about how I feel for Zelda? Way to go Xander because I'm not coming at you with 100% or 150%, I'm not even coming at you with a power level over 9000..."
{ His smirk widens ever so slightly. }
"I'm coming at you with every f*cking thing I've got."
{ You can see it now, that glint he gets in his eye from time to time when he spots a wounded animal and can't help but take it down. }
"And you have to know by now Xander, everything I've got is a hell of allot more than you could ever handle. Granted, you beat up Chris and sent him packing from nCw... FOR NOW! But let me ask you Xander, the week before you squashed Maniac in the center of the ring who was it that beat the holy hell out of him?"
{ He pauses, lets you research it for a moment... Done? }
"Me."
"See, as impressive as you'd like to think putting a temporary halt to Maniac's path of destruction is, all you were really doing was picking at the table scraps of Rob Diamond. Congratulations though, watching you get an easy win over an already beaten down Maniac was pretty cool and it sure did help your career. But let's not make it out to be more than it is."
"I killed the monster."
"You simply cleaned up the mess."
{ Must be hard living a lie. }
"So way to go man, nice job finishing what I started, it's definitely something to build an entire career off of, you know, riding my coat tails. Hell, Jacobsen has made a whole heel turn out of trying to be just like me. No but seriously, thanks for doing something I was gonna do anyways. Pretty awesome. But that doesn't really prove anything to me Xander. I've injured tons of people In my career, drove men out of nCw your father couldn't even touch inside that ring. So while you have that one single bragging right, I have hundreds. And while I'd like to stand here and show you exactly how much more impressive it is to be me than it is to be you, I honestly have better things to do Xander."
{ Must be even harder trying so desperately to best Rob at his own game. }
"For example, I have to actually get ready to defend my title while you wallow away in self pity at a bar and slowly becoming the "new age failure" Xander Famularo."
{ Catchy. }
"But can I ask you something?"
{ It's not really a question because he's gonna ask anyway. }
"Do you enjoy being a total hypocrite?"
{ I bet you do. }
"Do you enjoy telling the world your going to make me pay for what I did to Zelda then turn around in the same exact breathe and declare to the heaven's that you respect me and wait with baited breathe to battle me while at the same time trying to reprimand me for building my career of the destruction of others?? Is it fun for you to completely change your position from promo to promo because I called you out on your bull****? Or maybe back pedaling is just something your good at. Like how you can stand there and tell me I'm horrible for what YOU did to Zelda and yet what you did to her and Gib and myself in the name of your own career... Well that was perfect acceptable in every way because hey you never kicked anyone in the junk..."
{ PFFT! }
"Must be nice to be able to look yourself in the mirror everyday and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter what you say or what you do you can always just retcon that bitch like Spiderman's marriage to Mary Jane later and pretend it never happened."
{ EFF YOU MARVEL! }
"Fact of the matter is this Xander, I can't be the scum of the earth for kicking you in the balls and loving your sister while you get a free pass for all the things you did under the guise of Homeless Harold, not to mention the millions of life's you've ruined by talking incessantly about the same old nonsense week in and week out. WE GET IT! YOUR A GLADIATOR AND A BOOGEYMAN AND A WARRIOR AND A FIGHTER AND WHATEVER OTHER CLEVER NAME YOU WANNA GIVE YOURSELF THIS WEEK! God, your worse than Trent Helms sometimes, at least he attempts to keep my attention while you just drone on like a goddam machine about nothing in particular trying ever so desperately to come to a point which even then gets lost in all the other bull**** you said... So your a boogey man??? Just not a very good one... Nice... Way to be mediocer... Honestly it's sad to think people used to be afraid of you with promos like that man, I'm surprised your not reducing yourself to reciting pre school rhymes yet in a vein attempt to be humorous..."
{ ;-) }
"Honestly Xander, you've made me a little bit sad. When you won that match I was hoping my first title defense would be a real challenge. When I saw you standing tall over the fallen, I thought this match was going to be awesome, I thought it was going to be one for the ages, I thought it was going to be the match to solidify our careers... But now? After listening to you basically retcon your entire first promo and decide to be a friendlier, nicer Xander Famularo who just wants to give me his all and prove he belongs I know this match is gonna be little more than..."
"A massacre."
{ Fade on the sinister grin. }
BOSS BATTLE!!!![/color]
{ Rob ushers Zelda behind him as Gib takes a fighting stance and appears to be charging up. }
"What the hell is about to happen?"
"You ever see "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World"?"
"Uhhh... No."
{ Zelda sighs as Gib begins to glow with a red energy. }
"I'll sum it up... You need to boss battle my dad for my heart."
{ Wasn't it her seven evil exes? }
"We only had the budget for one battle."
{ ****ing Trent Helms. }
"I got this."
"PREPARE TO DIE!"
"Not today old man."
{ Gib charges at Rob, he rears back his right hand and all the energy he'd been charging up heads into that fist. Rob reaches behind him and pulls out the hammer of Thor. Gib swings and so does Rob, the two objects meet and the shock wave that comes after is crotch grabbingly awesome as it just levels the entire floor of the hospital. Rob lays motionless on the ground, the hammer shattered. Gib laughs. }
"You want my daughter's hand? Then you have to prove yourself worthy!"
{ Rob looks to the hammer and tosses it aside, he still has his Green Lantern power ring. Rob aims his ring at Gib but Gib grabs his fist and rips Rob off the ground with it, he squeezes and Rob screams like a little girl as the ring shatters around his finger. }
"**** your ring."
{ Rob is baffled, unsure of what to do. Gib rears up. }
"I wanna rock!"
{ ROCK! And Rob is flying across the hospital, crashing through walls and orderlies and old people and dying people and I'm pretty sure he just flew through a women's vagina and up and out her mouth. He finally crash lands in a pile of rubble. Gib approaches all slow and menacingly like. }
"You will never have my daughter's hand just like you will never defeat my son. You will be a transitional champion Rob. You will fall before my mighty gonads and you will find yourself less of a man for testing yourself against my family."
{ Rob looks up from the rubble and smirks. }
"You dare smirk in the face of death!?"
"Nah... But you... Can totally... SUCK IT!"
{ Rob punts Gib in the balls and lunges up from the ground and upper cuts the big man. }
"This is my story!"
{ Right hook. }
"This is my title!"
{ Left hook. }
"And this is my fight!"
{ Right cross and Gib stumbles against the remains of a wall. }
"You all want to treat me like I'm the beginning of Xander's story! You want to cover your eyes and pretend this has all been about him and his rise! But when are you going to learn this isn't his beginning!? It's his END!"
{ Rob rears back now. }
"And there ain't nothing you can do to stop me!"
{ Zelda enters the room and Rob holds back. He looks at her and she just nods her head for him to follow her. }
"Sorry Gibbers, I like you and all but your punk ass son has bitten off more than he can chew. Next time you give him a pep talk you may want to consider giving him an exit strategy because I plan on spilling his brains like he was Osama Bin Laden."
{ AMERICA! F*CK YEAH! }
"Come on Rob, let's go."
{ The two of them begin to walk away as Gib slowly gets back to his feet. Gib reaches behind his back now and whips out the Muramasa blade. }
"WE ARE NOT FINISHED!"
{ And he begins to glow red again as the debris around him rises off the ground. }
"What's going on??"
"His final form!"
{ Suddenly in a rush of light Gib is transformed into the monster known as Homeless Harold who now wields a seven foot long katana. He breaths slowly as he steps forward toward Rob and Zelda, but Rob just smirks as he looks at Zelda. }
"Z, you might wanna get outta here."
"I'll stand by your side until the end."
{ Rob just grins as the two of them prepare for one final battle.... Fade... }
You had your chance to make this a fair and honorable battle Xander. You had your chance to make this a straight up wrestling match. You had your chance to just wrestle me like a man. But like the bitch I know you are you had to try and get inside my head. You had to pick and gnaw away at my insides trying to get me off my game...
And you f*cked up.
You should of left well enough alone. You should of let this stay a dull and boring match up. You shouldn't of tried to get the light off Steve and Trent because now Xander... Now all you've done is paint a giant target right on your head and wake up the mother loving monster inside of me. Sure, before, when this was just about my world title, I'd of gone pretty far to keep my belt, hell, I'd probably kick you in the balls to keep this belt... Before...
Now?
Keeping my world title is no longer the first thing on my mind anymore. Trust me Xander, it's up there, I still care about walking out with this belt, but now? Now I just want to bash your f*cking head into the ring post until your brains begin to leak out all over the mat. Now? I just want to hear you scream for mercy while I rip your goddam head off your fat f*cking neck. Now? I just want to see your lifeless body laying in the middle of the ring.
I'm not crazy...
I'm not Angel or anything...
I know when wrestling has gone too far...
But this time, you took it too far. You pushed us to this point. You had to try and make this match out to be something other than what it was. You imposed yourself on MY STORY! And now you stand there a little dumbfounded by the fact I'm ready to end your miserable little career before it even has a chance to really get started.
I love Zelda.
Adam is pretty cool.
And Gib isn't half bad...
But I have no problem what so ever taking you away from them Xander.
None.
You claim you've followed me? You claim you know so much about me? Then you know what I'll do in that ring to win. You know how far I'll go. You know the level I'll take things to.
And you know that I can and will put an end to you...
What? Oh I'm sorry, were you expecting me to give you a blow job back? Sorry Xander, not today. Maybe a few weeks ago before you decided sucker punching me was a good idea I'd totally of dropped down onto my knees and just sucked that python raw...
But honestly the only thing I have on my mind right now...
How to apologize to Zelda.
For what?
Heh... Open your mouth again and find the f*ck out.
No games.
No jokes.
No smiles.
I'm coming for blood.
This isn't about beating you for me. This isn't about keeping my title. This is about me showing you and everyone else that...
You do not f*ck with Rob Diamond.
{ We fade back in to where the hospital was, I say was because it is no longer there. All that is left is flames and destruction as Rob Diamond and Zelda Knite slowly walk away all bad ass like from the hospital, hand in hand. Zelda lays her head against Rob's shoulder as they walk. }
"Let's give'em something to remember."
{ She smiles devilishly as the two of them brush past the camera and toward A Night to Remember. The mother loving end! Fade. }
All of us have a little evil inside...
Most of us do not need a mask to let it out...
I've seen your monster...
And beat his bitch ass...
So tell me Xander...
Whatcha gonna do brother...
When Rob MOTHER LOVING Diamond...
Unleashes his monster on you?
SUCK IT![/center]