Post by Steve Awesome on May 22, 2011 7:58:54 GMT -6
“You know….for someone who just got done telling me they weren’t really trying that hard the other day….
You really pulled out all the stops for that little diddy didn’t you.
Was that what Trent Helms calls his best work? A promo where he just makes MORE celebrity and TV references more rapidly? I mean seriously Trent, how is anyone ever supposed to take you seriously when all you ever do is name drop celebrities like some little girl watching TMZ. Oh wait, that’s the trick isn’t it. You lure them in with stupidity, and then you dazzle them with the serious promo. Wich is more rambling and bull ****ting then the celebrity crap.
He positions himself to look more like Trent. Which means dropping down to his knees and talking in a nasally annoying voice.
“I have a dark side too, Steve. It sounded cool when you said it, so I’m gonna say it too. I have a super dark being in me, I have an evil darkness inside me Steve….”
Steve quickly reaches up and snatches his sunglasses.
“You had better be talking about a black guy raping you in the butt, homeslice, because you ain’t got no dark side. Your not evil Trent, you’re my own personal whipping boy. I’ve beaten your ass bloody Trent, and all you ever want to do is play dress up like pop stars in your promos. I’m not sure wich is more creepy, the fact that you dress up like Kesha even when there are no cameras around, or the fact that the likeness is uncanny.”
Steve grimaces in disgust before shaking out all the bad mental images.
“You know what…cut….”
Steve shakes his head and runs his hand across his throat to motion to cut and the screen transitions from a monitor to “real life” and Steve walks off the set. He walks past the camera man and over to the refreshment table and grabs a water. He takes a sip as Crystal walks up to him.
“What’s a matter? That was going good babe.”
Steve shrugs.
“I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling it.”
“I liked “black guy raping you in the butt”…..now that was clever.”
Steve and Crystal look over to see Rob Diamond standing there with his cool leather jacket. May as well have Rob in this thing since I leech off him and stuff, I can’t survive without Rob like Trent can’t survive without Kesha and Lady GaGa.
“You should stick with it dude.”
Steve shakes his head.
“I don’t know man. I mean, how do you respond to something like that? I’m screwed. The people who watch these things have way to low of A.D.D to enjoy anything I have to say, not with Captain Retard over there dropping every celebrity this side of Dakota Fanning.”
Rob reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone.
“Give me the word and I’ll have The Hulks here in two minutes, we will out retard his ass.”
Steve shakes his head no and waves the idea away.
“Nah, that’s impossible. Nobody beats Trent Helms in being a retard. That’s just ridiculous. I need to think of something better.”
Steve thinks about it for a few seconds before he snaps his fingers and points into the camera.
“I got it. I can make fun of him over how bad he wants you to like him, but you really don’t.”
Rob leans in and covers the side of his mouth with his hand.
“Truth is, I only tolerate him because Z seems to like him.”
“Ooh, I got one…”
Crystal chimes in.
“Let’s make fun of him because he’s pushing thirty and tries to creep on Zelda all the time. He’s like that weird old guy who tries to play cool with the young kids on his block.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cut to some kids playing on the sidewalk. When an old man with purple hair and one of those helicopter propeller baseball caps on comes rolling by on a skateboard.
Old man Trent: Hey kids, do you wanna have a light saber battle?”
Kids: Uh….no….
Old Man Trent: Come on, I have a comic collection in my space ship.
Kid: You mean that van over there?
Old Man Trent: Space ship, rape van, what’s the difference?”
Suddenly the cops roll up and arrest him, after beating him mercilessly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We cut back to Crystal who squeals with delight.
“Oh my God, I got my very first cut scene! That was awesome.”
She claps and giggles. Suddenly you hear some type of rumbling in the background. Rob looks around.
“What in the hell is that?”
Steve and Crystal turn and look at each other. There Hollywood senses were tingling hard.
“Paparazzi.”
Awesome shakes his head.
“This doesn’t make sense. How do they know we were going to be here?”
Crystal begins playing around with her fingers.
“I may have posted something about it on Facebook.”
Awesome face plams.
“NO!”
Rob steps forward.
“I don’t get it, what’s the deal?”
“The worst thing ever Rob. Even worse then a herd of fat people when the McRib comes out. Way worse then a group of Goth Girls led by Mercedes Lewis on the day Twilight releases. Even worse, then the group of lawyers attempting to sue Trent Helms after every promo…..
Camer zooms in on Rob’s face. A look of shear terror.
“Dear….God…..”
The rumbling gets louder.
“RUN!”
Steve, Crystal, and Rob take off running as the wall behind them bursts into white dust. After the smoke has cleared a group of people with camera’s come running through the wall. Our heroes run as fast as they can.
“I Don’t WANNA DIE STEVE!”
Crystal yells.
“You won’t die babe!”
Rob nods.
“She might, because I’m about to trip her so I can get away easier.”
Rob moves toward her but something Steve says stops Rob.
“Hold that thought, I have an idea.”
Rob glances at him.
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“Then trip her.”
“WHAT!?”
“I mean….”
Steve rubs her back very gently.
“Luuuv you…..”
Steve pulls out a piece of paper and quickly signs his name on it as the herd of paparazzi come near.
“Look, it’s my autograph! Sell it on e-bay!”
He tosses the paper up in the air and watches as it floats down to the ground. The herd of paparazzi scramble in the middle of to try and get it and a big cloud of dust forms around them as they battle.
“That oughta handle that situation.”
All of a sudden there was a big explosion. Trent Helm’s fans everywhere are completely amazed. What happens next shocks our heroes.
“What…..
The….
“hell?”
Rita Repulsa shows up and throws her staff to the ground and all of a sudden all the paparazzi form together as one giant camera monster! Rob and Crystal get behind Steve and Steve looks back.
“You guys know what to do…”
The Power Rangers theme begins to play.
“It’s MORPHIN TIME!”
Crystal holds her power coin in the air.
“Hollywood Starlet!”
Suddenly she morphs into a pink ranger with Cameran Diaz’s face on the helmet. Rob holds his chip up.
“Shear bad ass!”
Rob morphs into a Deadpool outfit and then Steve raises his.
“Giant Penis!”
Steve morphs into a green ranger with Ron Jeremy’s face on his chest. Suddenly Zelda Knite comes in out of nowhere and raises her chip.
“ZELDABERG!”
Suddenly she turns into a yellow colored ranger with Goldbergs face on the helmet! Hey all begin to shout in unison as they do cool karate moves.
“We need super cool, EMF/INFAMOUS megazord power! A bunch of giant robots that fit in with the theme of there respective ranger comes flying in. Yes that means a giant cock and balls for Steve. They all form together into the megazord and then jump in.
“Nice stereo.”
Awesome turns back to look at his crew.
“You guys know what to do.”
The giant robot hauls back and kicks the Giant Camera monster in the nuts and it explodes into a giant fireball. Trent Helm’s fans everywhere hail it as there new God. The megazord stands in an epic pose as the credits begin to roll down the screen.
“You know, I’ve been through a lot in this company. I’ve seen a lot of wars go down, I’ve pissed off a lot of people but it’s never really affected me before. Who could forget my epic battle against Homeless Harold and how I had to come back from the brink of extermination to unmask the monster and humble him in front of the world.
Then there was Adam Knite. I tried to take the man’s very reason for breathing. His everything, his whole world. I wrestled the “king” of nCw for sixty grueling minutes even though all the man ever wanted was to set my own tombstone.
“Who could forget about the time I challenged Hardcore Harry, the schizophrenic hardcore maniac in a death cage. This dude was so wacked out in the head he faced me with a brick as his partner and effing won! He slammed me back first into a pile of thumbtacks and left me for dead and that was before we even locked horns where things exploded and barbed wire had over a thousand new uses.
I remember once, I put my whole career on the line against Falcon in a ladder match. Everything that I had worked for was hanging above the ring on a hook and the funny thing was, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t fear anything. None of it. I still walked in with that cocky demeanor of mine and laughed in the face of adversity like it was trying to tell me a joke. That’s how it is most of the time. I’ve never been the type of person to recognize fear in any sense of the word. But today, this week….this match….it’s different…..
There’s this underlying presence I feel in the back of my mind when I think about this match. This overwhelming feeling that no matter what I do, it just won’t be good enough. I can’t compete with all those celebrity references. What are you supposed to say to the guy whose main promo consists of Justin Bieber turning into a robot and destroying the world or whatever the hell he does. I can’t compete with that, and the horrible thing is, I know everyone thought that **** was good. There like, wow this guy has talent when all he really does is dress up like Kesha and act like a jackass all the time. I guess what I’m trying to say is…..unlike every single other person in this entire world…..I actually “fear” Trent Helms.”
He sighs deep.
“I fear that stupid bastard and he’s only five foot seven. I fear that name dropping, riddilin taking, spaz monkey, with the stupid aliases and all that other crap Trent is known for. I don’t fear him in a physical sense though, I outweigh him, I outsize him, and I know I outclass him in the ring but the dude…..he just finds a way. Somehow, someway, he figures it out. And that scares me. Because I fear that tomorrow night when we lock horns inside that Dragon’s Den, when we come face to face, I’m going to realize that my whole career had been a sham. It can’t come to that…
His voice cracks.
“It WONT come to that. I can’t allow it too Trent. Not after everything I’ve been through. You asked me how I would feel if after everything is said and done, you walk out of A Night to Remember the winner, you asked me if I could handle it and the answer is no. I won’t be able to handle it. I wont be able to take it, because if it does come down to your hand being raised in victory then that means that I died. That means I’m dead, laying in the middle of the ring just completely flat lined out because I gave two hundred percent inside that hellish structure.
“And that scares me. Because this moment right here, the battle were about to embark upon in a few days Trent, it’s worth everything. You can sit around and dress up like Kesha, make fun of how I get laid way more then you have in your whole life, and you can make a mockery of everything I am. You can sit there and act like your some kind of martyr for the roster, but I know what’s at stake in a day Trent. I know what’s about to go down and I’m scared for the both of us.
But I’m not the only one that’s scared. Oh no, see I can tell when I look into your eyes Trent, that your just as scared, just as nervous as I am. But of course you wouldn’t show it. Your scared Trent, because you worry that you stayed gone for too long. Tell me, when you were finally getting ready to come back you didn’t get that feeling in the back of your mind like “what if I can’t cut it anymore”? What if I get back and it’s nothing like it was back in two thousand eight? Your worried that nobody likes you and that’s why you spew a bunch of celebrity, robot chicken, nonsense all the time so people will laugh at you because underneath all that you never really have any idea what your saying. And your afraid people will call you on that Trent. Your afraid people will start to realize that you only wrestle against guys like Joe Everyman and Davey Ortega because you know you can beat them and it keeps your rep up. But now that it’s a guy like me, you have no idea what to do.
That’s why you told me you were half assing it one day, and then turn around and jam pack as many celebrities as you could into the next promo just to hope you had a chance. But I’m going to tell you something Trent, and I want you to listen closely. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter what happens, I am the Face of the Franchise Trent. Even if you beat me at A Night to Remember, I’m still nCw. It still bleeds within me. That ring Trent, I’ve been staining it with my blood for years, I’ve been battling inside that ring for years and wether the fans loved me or hated me, they know that I EARNED that name by giving them the best damn show each and every week and each and every year. Without me, I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, that nCw would NOT be here today. Can you say that Mr. three year absence? Can you say that Mr. I get my ass kicked by Steve and do nothing about it?
He slowly shakes his head.
“No….you can’t. Trent, this Sunday your going to be dealing with something that’s far bigger then you. No, not my penis, your dealing with something that you can’t begin to fathom, again not my penis. You like to talk about dark sides, well mine is well documented Trent, I have a dark side that few men haven’t recovered from. But it’s not evil. It’s passion. It’s the heart of the warrior. The wrath of the dragon. I fight with the thought of destroying my opponent until he can’t stay up or else I become destroyed. This Sunday Trent, your dealing with what nCw is all about. The heart, the soul, the cut throat, chew you up and spit you out nature of nCw. This is my legacy. This is my company, and you think you can just waltz in here after years and just take it all from me? You think you can walk in, make a few stupid jokes that South Park wouldn’t even use, and expect to take my spot?”
He chuckles. He found the thought idiotic to say the least.
“Your just an alien Trent. And outsider looking in. And this Sunday, your going to realize that I have become something more then you ever could imagine. While you were gone licking your wounds for years in an alley way, I was here conquering the world. I was here taking over the planet just like we talked about all those years ago when we jumped Manson, Ortega, Lance and Spike. I never forgot the master plan Trent, I kept going even when you couldn’t and I made nCw my own. And now Trent you find out that all this time that you’ve been pledging allegiance to Galactus….
DUN DUN DUN
“I AM Galactus bitch! I AM the destroyer of worlds bitch! And this Sunday I will rise up and I will destroy Planet Helms. I will eat that **** with some chipotle mayo because that stuff tastes amazing. And I will break you down just like I did to Xavior Cross, just like I did to Jacobsen’s dad, just like I did to you once before. I rise up and break your frail insulate body and your stupid, reference filled planet….
He raises up his hand into the air and slowly closes it into a fist.
“…into NOTHING!”
He slides his sunglasses back onto his face.
“Now that’s how you steal a catchphrase.”
End.
You really pulled out all the stops for that little diddy didn’t you.
Was that what Trent Helms calls his best work? A promo where he just makes MORE celebrity and TV references more rapidly? I mean seriously Trent, how is anyone ever supposed to take you seriously when all you ever do is name drop celebrities like some little girl watching TMZ. Oh wait, that’s the trick isn’t it. You lure them in with stupidity, and then you dazzle them with the serious promo. Wich is more rambling and bull ****ting then the celebrity crap.
He positions himself to look more like Trent. Which means dropping down to his knees and talking in a nasally annoying voice.
“I have a dark side too, Steve. It sounded cool when you said it, so I’m gonna say it too. I have a super dark being in me, I have an evil darkness inside me Steve….”
Steve quickly reaches up and snatches his sunglasses.
“You had better be talking about a black guy raping you in the butt, homeslice, because you ain’t got no dark side. Your not evil Trent, you’re my own personal whipping boy. I’ve beaten your ass bloody Trent, and all you ever want to do is play dress up like pop stars in your promos. I’m not sure wich is more creepy, the fact that you dress up like Kesha even when there are no cameras around, or the fact that the likeness is uncanny.”
Steve grimaces in disgust before shaking out all the bad mental images.
“You know what…cut….”
Steve shakes his head and runs his hand across his throat to motion to cut and the screen transitions from a monitor to “real life” and Steve walks off the set. He walks past the camera man and over to the refreshment table and grabs a water. He takes a sip as Crystal walks up to him.
“What’s a matter? That was going good babe.”
Steve shrugs.
“I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling it.”
“I liked “black guy raping you in the butt”…..now that was clever.”
Steve and Crystal look over to see Rob Diamond standing there with his cool leather jacket. May as well have Rob in this thing since I leech off him and stuff, I can’t survive without Rob like Trent can’t survive without Kesha and Lady GaGa.
“You should stick with it dude.”
Steve shakes his head.
“I don’t know man. I mean, how do you respond to something like that? I’m screwed. The people who watch these things have way to low of A.D.D to enjoy anything I have to say, not with Captain Retard over there dropping every celebrity this side of Dakota Fanning.”
Rob reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone.
“Give me the word and I’ll have The Hulks here in two minutes, we will out retard his ass.”
Steve shakes his head no and waves the idea away.
“Nah, that’s impossible. Nobody beats Trent Helms in being a retard. That’s just ridiculous. I need to think of something better.”
Steve thinks about it for a few seconds before he snaps his fingers and points into the camera.
“I got it. I can make fun of him over how bad he wants you to like him, but you really don’t.”
Rob leans in and covers the side of his mouth with his hand.
“Truth is, I only tolerate him because Z seems to like him.”
“Ooh, I got one…”
Crystal chimes in.
“Let’s make fun of him because he’s pushing thirty and tries to creep on Zelda all the time. He’s like that weird old guy who tries to play cool with the young kids on his block.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cut to some kids playing on the sidewalk. When an old man with purple hair and one of those helicopter propeller baseball caps on comes rolling by on a skateboard.
Old man Trent: Hey kids, do you wanna have a light saber battle?”
Kids: Uh….no….
Old Man Trent: Come on, I have a comic collection in my space ship.
Kid: You mean that van over there?
Old Man Trent: Space ship, rape van, what’s the difference?”
Suddenly the cops roll up and arrest him, after beating him mercilessly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We cut back to Crystal who squeals with delight.
“Oh my God, I got my very first cut scene! That was awesome.”
She claps and giggles. Suddenly you hear some type of rumbling in the background. Rob looks around.
“What in the hell is that?”
Steve and Crystal turn and look at each other. There Hollywood senses were tingling hard.
“Paparazzi.”
Awesome shakes his head.
“This doesn’t make sense. How do they know we were going to be here?”
Crystal begins playing around with her fingers.
“I may have posted something about it on Facebook.”
Awesome face plams.
“NO!”
Rob steps forward.
“I don’t get it, what’s the deal?”
“The worst thing ever Rob. Even worse then a herd of fat people when the McRib comes out. Way worse then a group of Goth Girls led by Mercedes Lewis on the day Twilight releases. Even worse, then the group of lawyers attempting to sue Trent Helms after every promo…..
Camer zooms in on Rob’s face. A look of shear terror.
“Dear….God…..”
The rumbling gets louder.
“RUN!”
Steve, Crystal, and Rob take off running as the wall behind them bursts into white dust. After the smoke has cleared a group of people with camera’s come running through the wall. Our heroes run as fast as they can.
“I Don’t WANNA DIE STEVE!”
Crystal yells.
“You won’t die babe!”
Rob nods.
“She might, because I’m about to trip her so I can get away easier.”
Rob moves toward her but something Steve says stops Rob.
“Hold that thought, I have an idea.”
Rob glances at him.
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“Then trip her.”
“WHAT!?”
“I mean….”
Steve rubs her back very gently.
“Luuuv you…..”
Steve pulls out a piece of paper and quickly signs his name on it as the herd of paparazzi come near.
“Look, it’s my autograph! Sell it on e-bay!”
He tosses the paper up in the air and watches as it floats down to the ground. The herd of paparazzi scramble in the middle of to try and get it and a big cloud of dust forms around them as they battle.
“That oughta handle that situation.”
All of a sudden there was a big explosion. Trent Helm’s fans everywhere are completely amazed. What happens next shocks our heroes.
“What…..
The….
“hell?”
Rita Repulsa shows up and throws her staff to the ground and all of a sudden all the paparazzi form together as one giant camera monster! Rob and Crystal get behind Steve and Steve looks back.
“You guys know what to do…”
The Power Rangers theme begins to play.
“It’s MORPHIN TIME!”
Crystal holds her power coin in the air.
“Hollywood Starlet!”
Suddenly she morphs into a pink ranger with Cameran Diaz’s face on the helmet. Rob holds his chip up.
“Shear bad ass!”
Rob morphs into a Deadpool outfit and then Steve raises his.
“Giant Penis!”
Steve morphs into a green ranger with Ron Jeremy’s face on his chest. Suddenly Zelda Knite comes in out of nowhere and raises her chip.
“ZELDABERG!”
Suddenly she turns into a yellow colored ranger with Goldbergs face on the helmet! Hey all begin to shout in unison as they do cool karate moves.
“We need super cool, EMF/INFAMOUS megazord power! A bunch of giant robots that fit in with the theme of there respective ranger comes flying in. Yes that means a giant cock and balls for Steve. They all form together into the megazord and then jump in.
“Nice stereo.”
Awesome turns back to look at his crew.
“You guys know what to do.”
The giant robot hauls back and kicks the Giant Camera monster in the nuts and it explodes into a giant fireball. Trent Helm’s fans everywhere hail it as there new God. The megazord stands in an epic pose as the credits begin to roll down the screen.
“You know, I’ve been through a lot in this company. I’ve seen a lot of wars go down, I’ve pissed off a lot of people but it’s never really affected me before. Who could forget my epic battle against Homeless Harold and how I had to come back from the brink of extermination to unmask the monster and humble him in front of the world.
Then there was Adam Knite. I tried to take the man’s very reason for breathing. His everything, his whole world. I wrestled the “king” of nCw for sixty grueling minutes even though all the man ever wanted was to set my own tombstone.
“Who could forget about the time I challenged Hardcore Harry, the schizophrenic hardcore maniac in a death cage. This dude was so wacked out in the head he faced me with a brick as his partner and effing won! He slammed me back first into a pile of thumbtacks and left me for dead and that was before we even locked horns where things exploded and barbed wire had over a thousand new uses.
I remember once, I put my whole career on the line against Falcon in a ladder match. Everything that I had worked for was hanging above the ring on a hook and the funny thing was, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t fear anything. None of it. I still walked in with that cocky demeanor of mine and laughed in the face of adversity like it was trying to tell me a joke. That’s how it is most of the time. I’ve never been the type of person to recognize fear in any sense of the word. But today, this week….this match….it’s different…..
There’s this underlying presence I feel in the back of my mind when I think about this match. This overwhelming feeling that no matter what I do, it just won’t be good enough. I can’t compete with all those celebrity references. What are you supposed to say to the guy whose main promo consists of Justin Bieber turning into a robot and destroying the world or whatever the hell he does. I can’t compete with that, and the horrible thing is, I know everyone thought that **** was good. There like, wow this guy has talent when all he really does is dress up like Kesha and act like a jackass all the time. I guess what I’m trying to say is…..unlike every single other person in this entire world…..I actually “fear” Trent Helms.”
He sighs deep.
“I fear that stupid bastard and he’s only five foot seven. I fear that name dropping, riddilin taking, spaz monkey, with the stupid aliases and all that other crap Trent is known for. I don’t fear him in a physical sense though, I outweigh him, I outsize him, and I know I outclass him in the ring but the dude…..he just finds a way. Somehow, someway, he figures it out. And that scares me. Because I fear that tomorrow night when we lock horns inside that Dragon’s Den, when we come face to face, I’m going to realize that my whole career had been a sham. It can’t come to that…
His voice cracks.
“It WONT come to that. I can’t allow it too Trent. Not after everything I’ve been through. You asked me how I would feel if after everything is said and done, you walk out of A Night to Remember the winner, you asked me if I could handle it and the answer is no. I won’t be able to handle it. I wont be able to take it, because if it does come down to your hand being raised in victory then that means that I died. That means I’m dead, laying in the middle of the ring just completely flat lined out because I gave two hundred percent inside that hellish structure.
“And that scares me. Because this moment right here, the battle were about to embark upon in a few days Trent, it’s worth everything. You can sit around and dress up like Kesha, make fun of how I get laid way more then you have in your whole life, and you can make a mockery of everything I am. You can sit there and act like your some kind of martyr for the roster, but I know what’s at stake in a day Trent. I know what’s about to go down and I’m scared for the both of us.
But I’m not the only one that’s scared. Oh no, see I can tell when I look into your eyes Trent, that your just as scared, just as nervous as I am. But of course you wouldn’t show it. Your scared Trent, because you worry that you stayed gone for too long. Tell me, when you were finally getting ready to come back you didn’t get that feeling in the back of your mind like “what if I can’t cut it anymore”? What if I get back and it’s nothing like it was back in two thousand eight? Your worried that nobody likes you and that’s why you spew a bunch of celebrity, robot chicken, nonsense all the time so people will laugh at you because underneath all that you never really have any idea what your saying. And your afraid people will call you on that Trent. Your afraid people will start to realize that you only wrestle against guys like Joe Everyman and Davey Ortega because you know you can beat them and it keeps your rep up. But now that it’s a guy like me, you have no idea what to do.
That’s why you told me you were half assing it one day, and then turn around and jam pack as many celebrities as you could into the next promo just to hope you had a chance. But I’m going to tell you something Trent, and I want you to listen closely. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter what happens, I am the Face of the Franchise Trent. Even if you beat me at A Night to Remember, I’m still nCw. It still bleeds within me. That ring Trent, I’ve been staining it with my blood for years, I’ve been battling inside that ring for years and wether the fans loved me or hated me, they know that I EARNED that name by giving them the best damn show each and every week and each and every year. Without me, I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, that nCw would NOT be here today. Can you say that Mr. three year absence? Can you say that Mr. I get my ass kicked by Steve and do nothing about it?
He slowly shakes his head.
“No….you can’t. Trent, this Sunday your going to be dealing with something that’s far bigger then you. No, not my penis, your dealing with something that you can’t begin to fathom, again not my penis. You like to talk about dark sides, well mine is well documented Trent, I have a dark side that few men haven’t recovered from. But it’s not evil. It’s passion. It’s the heart of the warrior. The wrath of the dragon. I fight with the thought of destroying my opponent until he can’t stay up or else I become destroyed. This Sunday Trent, your dealing with what nCw is all about. The heart, the soul, the cut throat, chew you up and spit you out nature of nCw. This is my legacy. This is my company, and you think you can just waltz in here after years and just take it all from me? You think you can walk in, make a few stupid jokes that South Park wouldn’t even use, and expect to take my spot?”
He chuckles. He found the thought idiotic to say the least.
“Your just an alien Trent. And outsider looking in. And this Sunday, your going to realize that I have become something more then you ever could imagine. While you were gone licking your wounds for years in an alley way, I was here conquering the world. I was here taking over the planet just like we talked about all those years ago when we jumped Manson, Ortega, Lance and Spike. I never forgot the master plan Trent, I kept going even when you couldn’t and I made nCw my own. And now Trent you find out that all this time that you’ve been pledging allegiance to Galactus….
DUN DUN DUN
“I AM Galactus bitch! I AM the destroyer of worlds bitch! And this Sunday I will rise up and I will destroy Planet Helms. I will eat that **** with some chipotle mayo because that stuff tastes amazing. And I will break you down just like I did to Xavior Cross, just like I did to Jacobsen’s dad, just like I did to you once before. I rise up and break your frail insulate body and your stupid, reference filled planet….
He raises up his hand into the air and slowly closes it into a fist.
“…into NOTHING!”
He slides his sunglasses back onto his face.
“Now that’s how you steal a catchphrase.”
End.