Post by Jimmy Zane on Jul 27, 2011 11:45:21 GMT -6
*BAM BAM*
{Damn this stupid thing!}
*SLAM*
*THWACK*
{Dude! Quit hitting it.}
*BAM*
{Make the damn thing work!}
*DIAL. TWIST. KNOBTURN*
(The screen rolls a few times before coming in crystal clear again. There is an empty chair in front of the camera with a box in front of it. Behind the camera you hear voices.)
Did you bring like the oldest damn camera you could find or what?
Camera Man: I brought what we had available, sir.
Oh, I get it. Send the junk to Jimmy while the rest of the big shots have the nice HD cameras and crap. That's nice. Way to treat your employees, Leo!
Camera Man: Let's get goi...
Shut up! I will do what I gotta do when I gotta do it. You just stand there and keep your mouth shut!
(You suddenly see movement in front of the camera as Jimmy Zane/James Wolfe comes in front of it, sitting in the chair again. In front of him he has a box. He flips the top off of the box and then looks into the camera and begins speaking.)
OK, kiddies. I am back. You see, I had to go and get some things from storage. Some things I wanted to share with all of you. A little bit of history. A little bit of the past. They say you can't know where you are going if you don't know where you have been. I say they are correct. And with that said, let's take us a little walk down memory lane..
Shall we?
(Jimmy reaches into the box and pulls out a sealed and ducktaped large zip lock bag. In the bag appears to be a self stimulation device (aka Dildo) and a bottle of lube and what appears to be used condoms and tissues.)
See this? This is the bane of my existence. This is the root of every kick in the gut, backhanded compliment, jab, shot, and whatever else you want to call it. This is all thats left from the "brown eye" promo, aside from the shame and humiliation I wear like a red badge of courage every single day. Every corner I turn, the brown eye is there waiting for me. In someone's stares, comments, laughter...
EVERYWHERE!
It's like a bad ****ing case of herpes. Just when you think you got rid of it...
BAM!
That **** comes back on you and ruins your good time. Someone asked me once why I keep all that disgusting **** in this bag. Well, the answer is quite simple really. Its a reminder of things that could have and should have been done better. It's a reminder of what happens when good intentions go horribly wrong. It pains a picture of a time when it was OK to be funny, but sometimes funny wasn't enough to cover up the incredibly gay **** done in this promo. It's a reminder of the worst moment of my professional career. A moment I never want to relive again. That's why I keep it. Not for some faggy, homoerotic, wack off time. Well, there was that one time, but I was really lonely, and the internet was down, and the hotel didn't have Skinamax, and....
(Jimmy realizes what he is saying, and that he is rambling, and stops for a moment.)
HEY! DON'T JUDGE ME!
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, I keep this crap to remind me to never make that same mistake again. The mistake of pushing the envelope. The mistake of being so incredibly gay in a promo that I get taken to court by the gay community for ruining the strides they have made for equality in this country. By the way, sorry about that gays...err...guys. It was a joke. Seriously. I never meant for everyone to hold onto that one like it was their last will and testament. I think I have heard more people mention that promo than any other promo in NCW history. I don't know whether to cry or laugh. In a way, its pretty flattering. I mean, if nothing else, I will be INFamous forever. So to speak.
*WAVES AT ROB & STEVE*
[/i]
Like I was saying. It's a piece of history. Good, bad or otherwise, it's a part of my history in NCW. It's the one thing that every opponent will pull out of their ass and point and laugh and say "Oh my Gawd, you are so gay!". It gets old, but what are you going to do, right? I mean, most of these guys around here can't think for themselves long enough to have an original thought. They try and try, but then they smell smoke and can't move forward. That's when they throw their hands in the air and just say
**** IT!
And then they just use the same, tired, bull**** that the last guy said with the hopes of getting under my skin. Fair warning to Todd, Simon, and anyone else who wants to talk about it. Go ahead. Because I could give a rat's ass about it anymore. I have brought it up. I admit it. It happened.
TWO YEARS AGO.
But it happened. I did it knowingly and willingly. I put the whole idea together and we aired it on NCW Television. Like any bad review, I took it in stride. I still do. So, say what you want to say about the brown eye, but you aren't going to say anything about the brown eye that I don't already know. Bottom line...
The brown eye stunk!
(Jimmy pauses for a moment, trying not to laugh.)
Ha Ha! Get it?
(Jimmy breaks off into a full blown laugh for a few moments before trying to compose himself. He can't and eventually falls out of the chair laughing. After a few minutes, he climbs back into the chair, almost straight faced, as he reaches into the box and pulls out a dusty NCW X Division Championship with his name on the front. His smile goes away as he brushes the dust off the front.)
I remember winning this. Way back in 2008, I beat Angel for this championship on pay per view. That was a better time in my career. When I was a promising, upstart kid from New Orleans trying to make an impact in NCW. But a month later I lost it to Nelly Angel. Beating Angel, who is now a two time World Champion and General Manager of this company, was the highlight of my career. It can also be pinpointed as the last high moment in my career here. Sure, I have been tag team champion twice at this point. But that is not an individual honor. As an individual, I have lost some huge matches that would have propelled me into super stardom. But, alas, it wasn't meant to be. I choked. Plan and simple.
I CHOKED.
You don't know how long I have wanted to say that out loud. It feels good to say it, but man it sure hurts the pride. This was the last time that I felt worthy of anything in my entire life. It's funny how things changed around here after that match, isn't it? I went on to be the "Brian Bosworth" of NCW and Angel went skyrocketing up the rankings and to the World Championship. I think every athlete has a moment in their careers that they can look back and point to a moment and say "Had I worked harder at that moment, things could have been different." For me, it would have been my title defense against Nelly Angel. Maybe had Angel worked a little harder, and defeated me that day, things could have went in a different direction for me.
Who the hell knows?
But I can guarantee that from this day forward. Everything that I do, and everyone I face, will be to lead me into the promised land. Even at my advanced age, by professional wrestling standards, I believe I can become the best there is in the world today. I believe I can climb that mountain and become the NCW World Champion. Will be it next week, next month, next year? I have no idea, but I am willing to work my ass off to make it happen. I heard one member of management called me a time bomb just waiting to go off at any time. And they may be right, I may be crazy...
BUT IT JUST MAY BE A LUNATIC YOUR LOOKING FOR!
Todd Williams, I am sure you are going to have a few witty things to say. Some entertaining things. You may even wow the crowd to sleep with one of your long winded promos. That's fine. That's OK with me. But come Sunday night at Picture Perfect, I am committed to being the best this company has to offer, so don't let yourself get caught in the ring with me when this ticking time bomb finally goes off! Because it won't be pretty! It won't be all fun and games. It will be nothing short of destruction, Todd. I like you, Todd. I really do. You seem like an OK guy. This is just a case of..
Wrong place. Wrong time.
You just happen to be squaring off with me in a transitional phase. A phase in which I am telling everyone and everything to blow me and moving forward to the beat of my own drum. And my drum tells me that i need to crack your skull like a coconut. Your time is coming.
My time is now!
(Jimmy puts the belt down and then looks into the bottom of the box. His eyes widen as he reaches down into the box. He wraps his hands around whatever it is. He pulls out a box that appears to be steel in nature. He sits it on his lap and smiles a wicked smile before looking back at the camera.)[/color]
Oh Todd, how things just got worse for you.
(Jimmy begins to laugh as the scene fades to black.)
{Damn this stupid thing!}
*SLAM*
*THWACK*
{Dude! Quit hitting it.}
*BAM*
{Make the damn thing work!}
*DIAL. TWIST. KNOBTURN*
(The screen rolls a few times before coming in crystal clear again. There is an empty chair in front of the camera with a box in front of it. Behind the camera you hear voices.)
Did you bring like the oldest damn camera you could find or what?
Camera Man: I brought what we had available, sir.
Oh, I get it. Send the junk to Jimmy while the rest of the big shots have the nice HD cameras and crap. That's nice. Way to treat your employees, Leo!
Camera Man: Let's get goi...
Shut up! I will do what I gotta do when I gotta do it. You just stand there and keep your mouth shut!
(You suddenly see movement in front of the camera as Jimmy Zane/James Wolfe comes in front of it, sitting in the chair again. In front of him he has a box. He flips the top off of the box and then looks into the camera and begins speaking.)
OK, kiddies. I am back. You see, I had to go and get some things from storage. Some things I wanted to share with all of you. A little bit of history. A little bit of the past. They say you can't know where you are going if you don't know where you have been. I say they are correct. And with that said, let's take us a little walk down memory lane..
Shall we?
(Jimmy reaches into the box and pulls out a sealed and ducktaped large zip lock bag. In the bag appears to be a self stimulation device (aka Dildo) and a bottle of lube and what appears to be used condoms and tissues.)
See this? This is the bane of my existence. This is the root of every kick in the gut, backhanded compliment, jab, shot, and whatever else you want to call it. This is all thats left from the "brown eye" promo, aside from the shame and humiliation I wear like a red badge of courage every single day. Every corner I turn, the brown eye is there waiting for me. In someone's stares, comments, laughter...
EVERYWHERE!
It's like a bad ****ing case of herpes. Just when you think you got rid of it...
BAM!
That **** comes back on you and ruins your good time. Someone asked me once why I keep all that disgusting **** in this bag. Well, the answer is quite simple really. Its a reminder of things that could have and should have been done better. It's a reminder of what happens when good intentions go horribly wrong. It pains a picture of a time when it was OK to be funny, but sometimes funny wasn't enough to cover up the incredibly gay **** done in this promo. It's a reminder of the worst moment of my professional career. A moment I never want to relive again. That's why I keep it. Not for some faggy, homoerotic, wack off time. Well, there was that one time, but I was really lonely, and the internet was down, and the hotel didn't have Skinamax, and....
(Jimmy realizes what he is saying, and that he is rambling, and stops for a moment.)
HEY! DON'T JUDGE ME!
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, I keep this crap to remind me to never make that same mistake again. The mistake of pushing the envelope. The mistake of being so incredibly gay in a promo that I get taken to court by the gay community for ruining the strides they have made for equality in this country. By the way, sorry about that gays...err...guys. It was a joke. Seriously. I never meant for everyone to hold onto that one like it was their last will and testament. I think I have heard more people mention that promo than any other promo in NCW history. I don't know whether to cry or laugh. In a way, its pretty flattering. I mean, if nothing else, I will be INFamous forever. So to speak.
*WAVES AT ROB & STEVE*
[/i]
Like I was saying. It's a piece of history. Good, bad or otherwise, it's a part of my history in NCW. It's the one thing that every opponent will pull out of their ass and point and laugh and say "Oh my Gawd, you are so gay!". It gets old, but what are you going to do, right? I mean, most of these guys around here can't think for themselves long enough to have an original thought. They try and try, but then they smell smoke and can't move forward. That's when they throw their hands in the air and just say
**** IT!
And then they just use the same, tired, bull**** that the last guy said with the hopes of getting under my skin. Fair warning to Todd, Simon, and anyone else who wants to talk about it. Go ahead. Because I could give a rat's ass about it anymore. I have brought it up. I admit it. It happened.
TWO YEARS AGO.
But it happened. I did it knowingly and willingly. I put the whole idea together and we aired it on NCW Television. Like any bad review, I took it in stride. I still do. So, say what you want to say about the brown eye, but you aren't going to say anything about the brown eye that I don't already know. Bottom line...
The brown eye stunk!
(Jimmy pauses for a moment, trying not to laugh.)
Ha Ha! Get it?
(Jimmy breaks off into a full blown laugh for a few moments before trying to compose himself. He can't and eventually falls out of the chair laughing. After a few minutes, he climbs back into the chair, almost straight faced, as he reaches into the box and pulls out a dusty NCW X Division Championship with his name on the front. His smile goes away as he brushes the dust off the front.)
I remember winning this. Way back in 2008, I beat Angel for this championship on pay per view. That was a better time in my career. When I was a promising, upstart kid from New Orleans trying to make an impact in NCW. But a month later I lost it to Nelly Angel. Beating Angel, who is now a two time World Champion and General Manager of this company, was the highlight of my career. It can also be pinpointed as the last high moment in my career here. Sure, I have been tag team champion twice at this point. But that is not an individual honor. As an individual, I have lost some huge matches that would have propelled me into super stardom. But, alas, it wasn't meant to be. I choked. Plan and simple.
I CHOKED.
You don't know how long I have wanted to say that out loud. It feels good to say it, but man it sure hurts the pride. This was the last time that I felt worthy of anything in my entire life. It's funny how things changed around here after that match, isn't it? I went on to be the "Brian Bosworth" of NCW and Angel went skyrocketing up the rankings and to the World Championship. I think every athlete has a moment in their careers that they can look back and point to a moment and say "Had I worked harder at that moment, things could have been different." For me, it would have been my title defense against Nelly Angel. Maybe had Angel worked a little harder, and defeated me that day, things could have went in a different direction for me.
Who the hell knows?
But I can guarantee that from this day forward. Everything that I do, and everyone I face, will be to lead me into the promised land. Even at my advanced age, by professional wrestling standards, I believe I can become the best there is in the world today. I believe I can climb that mountain and become the NCW World Champion. Will be it next week, next month, next year? I have no idea, but I am willing to work my ass off to make it happen. I heard one member of management called me a time bomb just waiting to go off at any time. And they may be right, I may be crazy...
BUT IT JUST MAY BE A LUNATIC YOUR LOOKING FOR!
Todd Williams, I am sure you are going to have a few witty things to say. Some entertaining things. You may even wow the crowd to sleep with one of your long winded promos. That's fine. That's OK with me. But come Sunday night at Picture Perfect, I am committed to being the best this company has to offer, so don't let yourself get caught in the ring with me when this ticking time bomb finally goes off! Because it won't be pretty! It won't be all fun and games. It will be nothing short of destruction, Todd. I like you, Todd. I really do. You seem like an OK guy. This is just a case of..
Wrong place. Wrong time.
You just happen to be squaring off with me in a transitional phase. A phase in which I am telling everyone and everything to blow me and moving forward to the beat of my own drum. And my drum tells me that i need to crack your skull like a coconut. Your time is coming.
My time is now!
(Jimmy puts the belt down and then looks into the bottom of the box. His eyes widen as he reaches down into the box. He wraps his hands around whatever it is. He pulls out a box that appears to be steel in nature. He sits it on his lap and smiles a wicked smile before looking back at the camera.)[/color]
Oh Todd, how things just got worse for you.
(Jimmy begins to laugh as the scene fades to black.)