Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Jul 28, 2011 0:30:58 GMT -6
*We open in on Joe Everyman stepping out of the shower. Luckily, he has a towel on. It almost comes off in shock when he sees DDK sitting on his couch.*
Joe: Dude! I'm not ready to throw down right now.
DDK: It's cool, it's me. I ain't here to throw down, I'm here to help you destroy Curtis.
Joe: I think I did pretty good on Saturday.
DDK: You did. But there was another dude there. This is one on one. Last time, one on one, you didn't fair too well. So let me tell you, this right here, this is go time. Step up or step off.
Joe: Oh yeah, I'm definitely stepping up. No worries.
DDK: Well let me tell you, Curtis has gotten even more dangerous than ever before. Not more dangerous than I of course, because I'm DDK, I'm the freakin' man! But he, being me, but the other me, was dangerous before, but now, now me/he is even more so because he/me wants this body. You have to destroy me so that I may live!
Joe: I think I need to write this down to follow this.
DDK: Well, let me tell you a story about last weekend...see Curtis took his eldest son to this thing in San Diego...
*The scene gets wavy. We flash back to Friday in sunny San Diego. Curtis is walking with little Pedro around the crowded floor of Comic-con.*
Pedro: Papa! There is so many cool things here! And so many super heroes! Look, there's Spider-Man!
Curtis: Yep.
Pedro: And Green Lantern!
Curtis: I see him.
Pedro: And black Spider-Man!
Curtis: Son, you shouldn't be racist.
Pedro: You're silly.
Curtis: Wait! I see someone I know!
*They look over and a crowd of people are swarming someone. Curtis charges into the crowd and comes flying out the other end with a Dirty Demolition! He stands up.*
Curtis: Ha ha! Take that Megan! Report that to your dweeb husband! Megan? Wait a minute?
*The crowd is in shock and screaming at Curtis.*
Pedro: Papa, what did you do?
Curtis: I thought it was Megan Kane! But it's not. I think, is that Jennifer Love Chewitt?
Fan: It's Hewitt!
Curtis: No, it's a joke. See, because if it's edible, she'll chew it! Get it? Because she's all fat now! I didn't think Megan would let herself go this bad. Right fatty?
*The crowd starts booing Curtis. A man dressed as Elmo emerges from the crowd.*
Elmo: You're a jerk! Who goes around hitting women? You su--
*Curtis charges and hits Elmo with Dirty Demolition!*
Curtis: BA--wait, that's not me. But damn, that is catchy. Who else want's some?
*A little kid dressed as the Cookie Monster runs up and starts hitting his leg. Pedro runs at the kid and hits him with a Dirty Demolition!*
Curtis: That's my boy!
*Cut back to Joe and DDK.*
Joe: Wow, that is mean.
DDK: Tell me about it. And this other time, let me tell you, he did something so vile, so sick, so...evil...
*We wavy to see Curtis holding a 24 pack of Bud and walking into a locker room. He walks up and we see none other than Mark Evil! He's doing some sacrificial ritual with a rabbit or something.*
Curtis: Hey Mark! How's it going! It's me, your sponsor! Curtis!
Mark: DDK is my sponsor.
Curtis: Same difference, right! Let's celebrate your long amount of sobriety by kicking a few back!
Mark: I really shouldn't.
Curtis: You know you want it. And I need to let loose before whoopin' your brothers ass next weekend live on PPV!
*Curtis sets the box down and pulls a brew out and leans in towards Mark. His other hand stops his arm from progressing.*
DDK: I won't let you poison him!
Curtis: I will ruin your promise!
DDK: No! I will keep him clean even if I have to make us drink instead!
*DDK and Curtis struggle for supremacy as Mark Evil just looks on. DDK finally forces the cool refreshing brew to Curtis's lips and chugs away.*
Curtis: Damn! You got me this time, but I have twenty-three more chances!
Five Minutes Later
Curtis: Oookay! I have one more chance!
DDK: I'll neva letchoo win!
Mark: Actually, you drank all twenty-four.
Curtis: Ssshay what!
DDK: Yeah! Take that suckaaaa!
Curtis: Shut your filthy mouth!
DDK: I'm a former world champ! I do what I want!
Curtis: Hey, I'm a former world champ too!
Mark: Me too.
DDK: I won it!
Curtis: It's my body! I'm a former 1 and 1/8th world champ!
DDK: The 1/8th don't count, that was somewhere else.
Curtis: Oh, we ain't counting other feds now? Why? It's dead, it ain't gun do no harm! I was there, you were there, Mark was there, Joe was even there!
DDK: Dude, sssheriously, it ain't cool!
Curtis: I'm a world champ, I do what I want.
DDK: You're funny, I like you man, you coo.
Curtis: You coo too.
Lady Killer Curt: Not as coo as me home slice.
DDK: Who's that?
Curtis: Oh shnaps! It's Lady Killer Curt! He used to come out when I was reeeeeal drunk. Haven't needed him since the marriage and all that.
Lady Killer Curt: Where can we get some p**** around here?
Mark: Don't degrade women like that.
DDK: Don't be a prude Mark!
Curtis: Yeah, he's cool, he's with us!
Lady Killer Curt: Let's find some tail guys.
Hardcore Harry: Would you all shut up!
Curtis: What are you doing in my head?
Hardcore Harry: I just came by to tell you to stop stealing my gimmick asshole!
DDK: Hey, I was here long before you split your personality. Plus, I pull it off way better than you ever did.
Hardcore Harry: I hope Dan doesn't hear you say this or he might never come back.
DDK: Hey! Only I get to break the fourth wall around these parts!
Lady Killer Curt: Man, let's go find some sweet sweater puppies, why we sittin' around and all this jive?
Curtis: All of you stop! We need to get back to me destroying Mark Evil's life!
Mark: Hey...uh...no offense, but you're creeping me out. I'm going to go.
Curtis: Yeah, run off! Don't you have a preggers ex-girlfriend to take care of anyway!
DDK: Low blow jerkwad.
Curtis: **** you!
*Back to DDK and Joe.*
DDK: See what I mean, vicious and crazy! So head these tales my friend. Because I can only do so much on my end, I need you to pull your share.
Joe: Hey, you got a friend in me. I'll pull my load all night long for you.
DDK: ...too easy. Anyway, good luck buddy, Curtis is training hard, so I need you to be on your game.
Joe: I will as soon as you leave so I can put my clothes on.
DDK: You mean you're naked under that towel?
Joe: Yeah.
DDK: Eeeeeww! Gross! What the hell dude? That's not cool! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Joe: You busted in here.
DDK: I'm leaving now. Come find me when you're decent.
*DDK walks out of the room as Joe sits there perplexed. The scene fades.*
Joe: Dude! I'm not ready to throw down right now.
DDK: It's cool, it's me. I ain't here to throw down, I'm here to help you destroy Curtis.
Joe: I think I did pretty good on Saturday.
DDK: You did. But there was another dude there. This is one on one. Last time, one on one, you didn't fair too well. So let me tell you, this right here, this is go time. Step up or step off.
Joe: Oh yeah, I'm definitely stepping up. No worries.
DDK: Well let me tell you, Curtis has gotten even more dangerous than ever before. Not more dangerous than I of course, because I'm DDK, I'm the freakin' man! But he, being me, but the other me, was dangerous before, but now, now me/he is even more so because he/me wants this body. You have to destroy me so that I may live!
Joe: I think I need to write this down to follow this.
DDK: Well, let me tell you a story about last weekend...see Curtis took his eldest son to this thing in San Diego...
*The scene gets wavy. We flash back to Friday in sunny San Diego. Curtis is walking with little Pedro around the crowded floor of Comic-con.*
Pedro: Papa! There is so many cool things here! And so many super heroes! Look, there's Spider-Man!
Curtis: Yep.
Pedro: And Green Lantern!
Curtis: I see him.
Pedro: And black Spider-Man!
Curtis: Son, you shouldn't be racist.
Pedro: You're silly.
Curtis: Wait! I see someone I know!
*They look over and a crowd of people are swarming someone. Curtis charges into the crowd and comes flying out the other end with a Dirty Demolition! He stands up.*
Curtis: Ha ha! Take that Megan! Report that to your dweeb husband! Megan? Wait a minute?
*The crowd is in shock and screaming at Curtis.*
Pedro: Papa, what did you do?
Curtis: I thought it was Megan Kane! But it's not. I think, is that Jennifer Love Chewitt?
Fan: It's Hewitt!
Curtis: No, it's a joke. See, because if it's edible, she'll chew it! Get it? Because she's all fat now! I didn't think Megan would let herself go this bad. Right fatty?
*The crowd starts booing Curtis. A man dressed as Elmo emerges from the crowd.*
Elmo: You're a jerk! Who goes around hitting women? You su--
*Curtis charges and hits Elmo with Dirty Demolition!*
Curtis: BA--wait, that's not me. But damn, that is catchy. Who else want's some?
*A little kid dressed as the Cookie Monster runs up and starts hitting his leg. Pedro runs at the kid and hits him with a Dirty Demolition!*
Curtis: That's my boy!
*Cut back to Joe and DDK.*
Joe: Wow, that is mean.
DDK: Tell me about it. And this other time, let me tell you, he did something so vile, so sick, so...evil...
*We wavy to see Curtis holding a 24 pack of Bud and walking into a locker room. He walks up and we see none other than Mark Evil! He's doing some sacrificial ritual with a rabbit or something.*
Curtis: Hey Mark! How's it going! It's me, your sponsor! Curtis!
Mark: DDK is my sponsor.
Curtis: Same difference, right! Let's celebrate your long amount of sobriety by kicking a few back!
Mark: I really shouldn't.
Curtis: You know you want it. And I need to let loose before whoopin' your brothers ass next weekend live on PPV!
*Curtis sets the box down and pulls a brew out and leans in towards Mark. His other hand stops his arm from progressing.*
DDK: I won't let you poison him!
Curtis: I will ruin your promise!
DDK: No! I will keep him clean even if I have to make us drink instead!
*DDK and Curtis struggle for supremacy as Mark Evil just looks on. DDK finally forces the cool refreshing brew to Curtis's lips and chugs away.*
Curtis: Damn! You got me this time, but I have twenty-three more chances!
Five Minutes Later
Curtis: Oookay! I have one more chance!
DDK: I'll neva letchoo win!
Mark: Actually, you drank all twenty-four.
Curtis: Ssshay what!
DDK: Yeah! Take that suckaaaa!
Curtis: Shut your filthy mouth!
DDK: I'm a former world champ! I do what I want!
Curtis: Hey, I'm a former world champ too!
Mark: Me too.
DDK: I won it!
Curtis: It's my body! I'm a former 1 and 1/8th world champ!
DDK: The 1/8th don't count, that was somewhere else.
Curtis: Oh, we ain't counting other feds now? Why? It's dead, it ain't gun do no harm! I was there, you were there, Mark was there, Joe was even there!
DDK: Dude, sssheriously, it ain't cool!
Curtis: I'm a world champ, I do what I want.
DDK: You're funny, I like you man, you coo.
Curtis: You coo too.
Lady Killer Curt: Not as coo as me home slice.
DDK: Who's that?
Curtis: Oh shnaps! It's Lady Killer Curt! He used to come out when I was reeeeeal drunk. Haven't needed him since the marriage and all that.
Lady Killer Curt: Where can we get some p**** around here?
Mark: Don't degrade women like that.
DDK: Don't be a prude Mark!
Curtis: Yeah, he's cool, he's with us!
Lady Killer Curt: Let's find some tail guys.
Hardcore Harry: Would you all shut up!
Curtis: What are you doing in my head?
Hardcore Harry: I just came by to tell you to stop stealing my gimmick asshole!
DDK: Hey, I was here long before you split your personality. Plus, I pull it off way better than you ever did.
Hardcore Harry: I hope Dan doesn't hear you say this or he might never come back.
DDK: Hey! Only I get to break the fourth wall around these parts!
Lady Killer Curt: Man, let's go find some sweet sweater puppies, why we sittin' around and all this jive?
Curtis: All of you stop! We need to get back to me destroying Mark Evil's life!
Mark: Hey...uh...no offense, but you're creeping me out. I'm going to go.
Curtis: Yeah, run off! Don't you have a preggers ex-girlfriend to take care of anyway!
DDK: Low blow jerkwad.
Curtis: **** you!
*Back to DDK and Joe.*
DDK: See what I mean, vicious and crazy! So head these tales my friend. Because I can only do so much on my end, I need you to pull your share.
Joe: Hey, you got a friend in me. I'll pull my load all night long for you.
DDK: ...too easy. Anyway, good luck buddy, Curtis is training hard, so I need you to be on your game.
Joe: I will as soon as you leave so I can put my clothes on.
DDK: You mean you're naked under that towel?
Joe: Yeah.
DDK: Eeeeeww! Gross! What the hell dude? That's not cool! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Joe: You busted in here.
DDK: I'm leaving now. Come find me when you're decent.
*DDK walks out of the room as Joe sits there perplexed. The scene fades.*