Post by Jimmy Zane on Jul 30, 2011 8:40:32 GMT -6
(The camera fades in and we see Lex Sense, James Wolfe and Andrew Jacobsen walking through a semi-upscale portion of Minneapolis, Minnesota. The streets are clean, kids are playing in a park nearby. People are friendly and waving as the three men walk by. The camera closes in as AJ tells the others all about his hometown.)
AJ: This is my home, boys! SOUTHSIIIIIIIDE REPRESENT!
Lex: Representing what?
AJ: Man! Don't you know? This is the hood!
(Both Lex and Wolfe look at each other and then look around, ultimately looking back at AJ confused.)
Wolfe: Say what?
AJ: The hood. MY hood! Man, don't let this stuff fool you! In the evening, it starts gang banging around here like nobody's bidness!
Wolfe: Did you say gang banging?
Lex: Yeah! When does that start!
(Lex nudges Wolfe and they both start laughing. AJ leans into Lex but then looks straight up at him before continuing.)
AJ: This is mean streets holmes! The bigger they are, the harder they fall, my ...
Lex: Don't even say it!
AJ: Don't tempt a brutha!
Wolfe: What in the hell are you talking about?
AJ: Man! **** you fools! I'm as gangsta as they come!
Lex: Yeah! You are sooooo gangsta there, snowflake.
AJ: Was that a racial slur?
Wolfe: What?
AJ: You stay out of this! (turns to Lex) Was that....a.racial....slur?!
Lex: (Laughing) Calm down, homie g-dawg!
Wolfe: Niiiiice!
AJ: You fools are just bustas! Lets go up in hurrrr. I sho you foos!
(Lex and Wolfe look at each other in both laughter and amazement at the ridiculous transformation that AJ has made in front of them. They walk into a deli on the corner. AJ turns to tell them about the deli.)
AJ: this place is da bomb! They got sammiches of all kinds. And they name them after local celebrites and stuff!
Lex: (looking at the menu) Damn, Jimmy, check that out! They got a Northstar sandwich!
Wolfe: (To the clerk) Excuse me sir, I see you have a lot of sandwiches named after celebrities, and I couldn't help but notice the one at the top, what's the Northstar?
Sammich Guy: Oh, that's our best seller! About ten or twelve years ago there was this kid around here who was all mouth and no guts. I mean he talked up a storm and when it came down to it, the kid ran away faster than Carl Lewis in the Olympics, if you know what I mean. Then, he got into a scrape with some cats down the block who were looking to give him the beaten he deserved. Before they could, his momma up and moved to the other side of town.
Lex: So, what's on the sandwich.
Sammich Guy: Chicken, of course!
(Both Wolfe and Lex bust out laughing in the Deli as they look at AJ who appears unamused. The Sammich Guy looks AJ over and stops laughing for a minute.)
Sammich Guy: Hey! Wait a minute. Aren't you that kid I was just talking about? Andrew Jacobison or something like that?
AJ: Nah, man. You got me mixed up with someone else!
Sammich Guy: I dunno! You look just like that kid. What's your name?
AJ: Ummmmm, my name?
Sammich Guy: Yeah! Your name! You know, what people call you!
AJ: Jimmy...yeah... Jimmy Zane.
(Lex and Wolfe both look at him confused as they continue to keep laughing as they watch the whole scene play out. AJ nudges Wolfe as he and Lex almost fall the ground laughing hysterically. AJ just shakes his head and looks at them like the assholes that they are.)
AJ: You guys order, I am going to get us a table.
(AJ walks off and Lex and Wolfe continue to laugh as they both look at the Sammich Guy and say in unison)
Lex & Wolfe: THREE NORTHSTARS!
(They stand there laughing as they wait for their sammiches. The sammiches finally come and they take the tray and go to the dining area where they see AJ sitting there sulking. They drop the sammiches on the table and sit down.)
AJ: what did you guys order?
Wolfe: Duh!
Lex: Northstars all around!
AJ: You guys suck!
Lex: Hey Jimmy. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Wolfe: Why?
Lex: To get to the other side....of Minneapolis!
(AJ glares at both men as they bust out laughing again.)
Wolfe: Hey Lex, why is it so easy for chickens to talk?
Lex: Why?
Wolfe: Because talk is cheep cheep!
Lex: HA HA HA
AJ: HA HA HA I got one, i got one! Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
(Lex and Wolfe look at each other and shake their heads indicating they don't know.)
AJ: Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
(Lex and Wolfe sit in bewilderment, stonefaced. They look at AJ like his head is on backwards.)
Lex: I don't get it.
Wolfe: Me either, Chickens can't drive.
AJ: Your missing the damn point.
Lex: No, he is right, chickens can't drive man, it doesn't make sense.
(Finally AJ flies up from the table angry as can be. He slams his sammich down on the table, jerks the napkin from his shirt and tosses it on the table.)
AJ: That's it! Look man, I didn't want to move. My mom made me! I would never leave my turf! This is my hood, holmes! I run **** up in hurrrr! I ain't skeered of nobody. I ain't skeered at all.
(Wolfe grabs his sammich and holds it up.)
Wolfe: So what you are saying is, your not.....(holding it to AJs face) Chicken?
(Lex and Wolfe laugh hysterically as AJ is now the one that's stone faced. They continue to laugh and finally AJ interrupts them.)
AJ: **** you! **** you! Peace! I'm out!
(AJ storms out the door as Lex and Wolfe continue to laugh. As he exits, Lex throws one last verbal barb.)
Lex: What did you EGGspect?
(Wolfe and Lex continue to laugh at the table as the scene fades to black.)
*BAM*
*SLAP*
{DUDE! Stop hitting it!}
*BAM BAM BAM*
{Shut up technogeek and make this piece of **** work!}
*THWACK*
(After a few fuzzy moments the screen clears up and again the empty chair sits there. ZaneoWolfe comes around the camera and sits back in the chair. He sits down with what appears to be a silver case in his lap. He puts his elbows on it, leaning forward toward the camera.)
Oh Todd. How your humor makes me laugh. Theodore Coyote! Man, that's pretty epic! I gotta admit. When I heard that I thought to myself..
{What? Could this be something different?}
And guess what!? As I waited, and waited, and waited for something epic to escape your lips. As I sat in wonderment with baited breath to see what epic comeback you had. I wondered if you were going to come up with something so awesome that it would make me go crazy for it! But at this point..
I'M
STILL
WAITING!
You see, Todd, I heard the same thing out of you that I heard from every other opponent for the last two months. The same worn out, blown up rhetoric. So, I have to say good job. Good job at making yourself look like the average, middle of the road, slacker who just goes along with the crowd because he is too afraid to come up with his own thing. Because he is too afraid to be an original.
LIKE ME!
Sure, I changed my gimmick a million times for no apparent reason. It hurt me more than it hurt anyone else. Hell, I forgot who I was because I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I was trying to be what "the man" wanted me to be. And it took all this time, all this heartache, embarrassment, drama, and downright frustration to make me realize one thing. The very idea that I had to change at all is absurd. You see, I wasn't comfortable with who I was because I wanted to fit in. I wanted to get in line with everyone else and be a part of the family.
Be a part of the harmony.
Be a part of the in crowd.
But now, after everything I have been through, at my own hands or otherwise, I have realized that I don't have to be anyone else but me. I don't care if Leonard Fox likes it, or Brent Sampson, or Angel, or Gib, or Wes Fox, or most importantly to my match this week...
YOU.
(Jimmy turns around in the chair as he places the case in front of him. What exactly is in the box is unviewable as its contents are blocked by Jimmy. He unsnaps the case and starts pulling things out as he leans forward. The only image on the screen is Jimmy's back. His hands move frantically around as he continues to talk.)
That's right, Todd. I have finally come to grips with the ultimate reality, and that reality is I don't have to be anything but me. I don't have to pretend anymore for anything. You see, I am at my best when I am just me. So say what you want about the past. You focus on that all you want, because I am focusing on the future. While you are busy looking backwards, I am looking and pushing forwards, and the more you try to be humorous and mock me, the further behind me you get. Your humor will only get you so far, but then actual skill and determination need to take over.
Just ask Gib!
His promos were hilarious for years. He had to become the monster known as Homeless Harold before he could reach the success he desired. He figured out that funny just doesn't cut it in this world. It just makes you the Santino Marella of NCW. A humor bit used to make the fans laugh because you aren't good enough for anything else. But I am. I always have been. I couldn't see it. And since I couldn't see it, I couldn't make anyone else see it. My ridiculousness is all they saw because I screwed myself by getting down and trying things I never should have tried. And right now, I am making another change. Yes, another change. But this change, Todd. Isn't good for anyone else but me. Because honestly,
I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS!
So strap up your chinstrap. Pull on your big boy pants and get ready for a fight at Picture Perfect because it's coming in spades. Your demise is already been written, and from this day forward, I am going to be just me.
The old me.
The REAL me.
And when its all said and done, its not only you I am beating. It's all of them. All of the assholes who made me feel not good enough. All the people who held me down because I couldn't decide who I was. Because I couldn't see that the real me is all I need. I am talented, driven, and I have more than enough skill to get the job done. They knew it, they just wanted me to figure it out on my own. And sadly, it took all these years to figure it out. But now that I have, nothing is going to be the same.
NOTHING!
The path before me used to be written for me. It was laid out in front of me as a path I just followed and I followed it to my own detriment. Now, the path is gone. My future is for my making. The future is based on my choices, and I choose to start by crushing you and your dreams come Sunday. And when I do, I will have set myself back on the righteous path. And when you lay down Sunday night after you have been beaten, and you are just about to close your eyes, one thing will go through your head over and over.
(Jimmy spins around real quick in the chair and looks directly into the camera.)
You just got your ass kicked by a
2ND GENERATION WRESTLER...
A 5 STAR ATHLETE..
AND SOMEONE WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN 10 TIMES BETTER THAN YOU!
(Jimmy stands up and kicks the camera over. He stands over it and begins to laugh hysterically as the screen goes fuzzy then fades to black.)
AJ: This is my home, boys! SOUTHSIIIIIIIDE REPRESENT!
Lex: Representing what?
AJ: Man! Don't you know? This is the hood!
(Both Lex and Wolfe look at each other and then look around, ultimately looking back at AJ confused.)
Wolfe: Say what?
AJ: The hood. MY hood! Man, don't let this stuff fool you! In the evening, it starts gang banging around here like nobody's bidness!
Wolfe: Did you say gang banging?
Lex: Yeah! When does that start!
(Lex nudges Wolfe and they both start laughing. AJ leans into Lex but then looks straight up at him before continuing.)
AJ: This is mean streets holmes! The bigger they are, the harder they fall, my ...
Lex: Don't even say it!
AJ: Don't tempt a brutha!
Wolfe: What in the hell are you talking about?
AJ: Man! **** you fools! I'm as gangsta as they come!
Lex: Yeah! You are sooooo gangsta there, snowflake.
AJ: Was that a racial slur?
Wolfe: What?
AJ: You stay out of this! (turns to Lex) Was that....a.racial....slur?!
Lex: (Laughing) Calm down, homie g-dawg!
Wolfe: Niiiiice!
AJ: You fools are just bustas! Lets go up in hurrrr. I sho you foos!
(Lex and Wolfe look at each other in both laughter and amazement at the ridiculous transformation that AJ has made in front of them. They walk into a deli on the corner. AJ turns to tell them about the deli.)
AJ: this place is da bomb! They got sammiches of all kinds. And they name them after local celebrites and stuff!
Lex: (looking at the menu) Damn, Jimmy, check that out! They got a Northstar sandwich!
Wolfe: (To the clerk) Excuse me sir, I see you have a lot of sandwiches named after celebrities, and I couldn't help but notice the one at the top, what's the Northstar?
Sammich Guy: Oh, that's our best seller! About ten or twelve years ago there was this kid around here who was all mouth and no guts. I mean he talked up a storm and when it came down to it, the kid ran away faster than Carl Lewis in the Olympics, if you know what I mean. Then, he got into a scrape with some cats down the block who were looking to give him the beaten he deserved. Before they could, his momma up and moved to the other side of town.
Lex: So, what's on the sandwich.
Sammich Guy: Chicken, of course!
(Both Wolfe and Lex bust out laughing in the Deli as they look at AJ who appears unamused. The Sammich Guy looks AJ over and stops laughing for a minute.)
Sammich Guy: Hey! Wait a minute. Aren't you that kid I was just talking about? Andrew Jacobison or something like that?
AJ: Nah, man. You got me mixed up with someone else!
Sammich Guy: I dunno! You look just like that kid. What's your name?
AJ: Ummmmm, my name?
Sammich Guy: Yeah! Your name! You know, what people call you!
AJ: Jimmy...yeah... Jimmy Zane.
(Lex and Wolfe both look at him confused as they continue to keep laughing as they watch the whole scene play out. AJ nudges Wolfe as he and Lex almost fall the ground laughing hysterically. AJ just shakes his head and looks at them like the assholes that they are.)
AJ: You guys order, I am going to get us a table.
(AJ walks off and Lex and Wolfe continue to laugh as they both look at the Sammich Guy and say in unison)
Lex & Wolfe: THREE NORTHSTARS!
(They stand there laughing as they wait for their sammiches. The sammiches finally come and they take the tray and go to the dining area where they see AJ sitting there sulking. They drop the sammiches on the table and sit down.)
AJ: what did you guys order?
Wolfe: Duh!
Lex: Northstars all around!
AJ: You guys suck!
Lex: Hey Jimmy. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Wolfe: Why?
Lex: To get to the other side....of Minneapolis!
(AJ glares at both men as they bust out laughing again.)
Wolfe: Hey Lex, why is it so easy for chickens to talk?
Lex: Why?
Wolfe: Because talk is cheep cheep!
Lex: HA HA HA
AJ: HA HA HA I got one, i got one! Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
(Lex and Wolfe look at each other and shake their heads indicating they don't know.)
AJ: Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
(Lex and Wolfe sit in bewilderment, stonefaced. They look at AJ like his head is on backwards.)
Lex: I don't get it.
Wolfe: Me either, Chickens can't drive.
AJ: Your missing the damn point.
Lex: No, he is right, chickens can't drive man, it doesn't make sense.
(Finally AJ flies up from the table angry as can be. He slams his sammich down on the table, jerks the napkin from his shirt and tosses it on the table.)
AJ: That's it! Look man, I didn't want to move. My mom made me! I would never leave my turf! This is my hood, holmes! I run **** up in hurrrr! I ain't skeered of nobody. I ain't skeered at all.
(Wolfe grabs his sammich and holds it up.)
Wolfe: So what you are saying is, your not.....(holding it to AJs face) Chicken?
(Lex and Wolfe laugh hysterically as AJ is now the one that's stone faced. They continue to laugh and finally AJ interrupts them.)
AJ: **** you! **** you! Peace! I'm out!
(AJ storms out the door as Lex and Wolfe continue to laugh. As he exits, Lex throws one last verbal barb.)
Lex: What did you EGGspect?
(Wolfe and Lex continue to laugh at the table as the scene fades to black.)
*BAM*
*SLAP*
{DUDE! Stop hitting it!}
*BAM BAM BAM*
{Shut up technogeek and make this piece of **** work!}
*THWACK*
(After a few fuzzy moments the screen clears up and again the empty chair sits there. ZaneoWolfe comes around the camera and sits back in the chair. He sits down with what appears to be a silver case in his lap. He puts his elbows on it, leaning forward toward the camera.)
Oh Todd. How your humor makes me laugh. Theodore Coyote! Man, that's pretty epic! I gotta admit. When I heard that I thought to myself..
{What? Could this be something different?}
And guess what!? As I waited, and waited, and waited for something epic to escape your lips. As I sat in wonderment with baited breath to see what epic comeback you had. I wondered if you were going to come up with something so awesome that it would make me go crazy for it! But at this point..
I'M
STILL
WAITING!
You see, Todd, I heard the same thing out of you that I heard from every other opponent for the last two months. The same worn out, blown up rhetoric. So, I have to say good job. Good job at making yourself look like the average, middle of the road, slacker who just goes along with the crowd because he is too afraid to come up with his own thing. Because he is too afraid to be an original.
LIKE ME!
Sure, I changed my gimmick a million times for no apparent reason. It hurt me more than it hurt anyone else. Hell, I forgot who I was because I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I was trying to be what "the man" wanted me to be. And it took all this time, all this heartache, embarrassment, drama, and downright frustration to make me realize one thing. The very idea that I had to change at all is absurd. You see, I wasn't comfortable with who I was because I wanted to fit in. I wanted to get in line with everyone else and be a part of the family.
Be a part of the harmony.
Be a part of the in crowd.
But now, after everything I have been through, at my own hands or otherwise, I have realized that I don't have to be anyone else but me. I don't care if Leonard Fox likes it, or Brent Sampson, or Angel, or Gib, or Wes Fox, or most importantly to my match this week...
YOU.
(Jimmy turns around in the chair as he places the case in front of him. What exactly is in the box is unviewable as its contents are blocked by Jimmy. He unsnaps the case and starts pulling things out as he leans forward. The only image on the screen is Jimmy's back. His hands move frantically around as he continues to talk.)
That's right, Todd. I have finally come to grips with the ultimate reality, and that reality is I don't have to be anything but me. I don't have to pretend anymore for anything. You see, I am at my best when I am just me. So say what you want about the past. You focus on that all you want, because I am focusing on the future. While you are busy looking backwards, I am looking and pushing forwards, and the more you try to be humorous and mock me, the further behind me you get. Your humor will only get you so far, but then actual skill and determination need to take over.
Just ask Gib!
His promos were hilarious for years. He had to become the monster known as Homeless Harold before he could reach the success he desired. He figured out that funny just doesn't cut it in this world. It just makes you the Santino Marella of NCW. A humor bit used to make the fans laugh because you aren't good enough for anything else. But I am. I always have been. I couldn't see it. And since I couldn't see it, I couldn't make anyone else see it. My ridiculousness is all they saw because I screwed myself by getting down and trying things I never should have tried. And right now, I am making another change. Yes, another change. But this change, Todd. Isn't good for anyone else but me. Because honestly,
I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS!
So strap up your chinstrap. Pull on your big boy pants and get ready for a fight at Picture Perfect because it's coming in spades. Your demise is already been written, and from this day forward, I am going to be just me.
The old me.
The REAL me.
And when its all said and done, its not only you I am beating. It's all of them. All of the assholes who made me feel not good enough. All the people who held me down because I couldn't decide who I was. Because I couldn't see that the real me is all I need. I am talented, driven, and I have more than enough skill to get the job done. They knew it, they just wanted me to figure it out on my own. And sadly, it took all these years to figure it out. But now that I have, nothing is going to be the same.
NOTHING!
The path before me used to be written for me. It was laid out in front of me as a path I just followed and I followed it to my own detriment. Now, the path is gone. My future is for my making. The future is based on my choices, and I choose to start by crushing you and your dreams come Sunday. And when I do, I will have set myself back on the righteous path. And when you lay down Sunday night after you have been beaten, and you are just about to close your eyes, one thing will go through your head over and over.
(Jimmy spins around real quick in the chair and looks directly into the camera.)
You just got your ass kicked by a
2ND GENERATION WRESTLER...
A 5 STAR ATHLETE..
AND SOMEONE WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN 10 TIMES BETTER THAN YOU!
(Jimmy stands up and kicks the camera over. He stands over it and begins to laugh hysterically as the screen goes fuzzy then fades to black.)