Post by Steve Awesome on Jul 30, 2011 13:23:01 GMT -6
I'll code the rest later, gotta work!
“The road is ****ing Hard
The Road is ****ing Tough
Ain’t no question bout it
It don’t take no gruff.
The road is a B-I-itch but it’s the only ****ing road I know”
The Yellow brick Road
The Long Road out of Eden
The Road to Ruin
The Road to Redemption.
You know I’m talking about the road.
And nobody ever said the road wasn’t bumpy. Hell, I know first hand. I’ve been walking down it’s path for a long time now. It’s funny how life can sway you in one direction or another but you know your truly determined, you know you can’t ultimately be stopped, if you always end up back on the beaten path.
I’ve fought too long….
…Too Hard….
….lost everything….
….Gained nothing.
And yet here I am, standing on this beaten path, this dusty trail, this worn clearing. Most people would have quit by now. Most people would have just given up and called it a day. Hell, even our big bad fearless world champion tried to kill himself because he couldn’t hack it, but me? What else is there? TV? Music? Hollywood?
This road I’m on…..these steps that I take, it’s the only true road I know. Everything else is a consolation prize. Everything else has always been, and will always be second best to me. That’s why throughout my whole entire life, I’ve hopped, skipped, ran, jogged, jumped, hobbled, limped, crawled and dragged myself down the road because it’s all I ever really wanted….
….to become the best…..
“Hey yous, yous guy.”
A bartender, kind of fat, smelled like sausage and he eyed the Face of the Franchise like a white guy in Lexus does when black guys are near by. Steve laid face first on the bar rail, shot glasses scattered around his head, obviously attempting to drown his sorrows inside them. Steve slowly picks up his head and looks up at the bar tender. He was gonna say something really smart ass like just as soon as all three bartenders turned back into one.
“Just….give me another shot.”
Anyone think that’s funny? Damn alcohol. Steve’s head falls back onto the bar rail with a thud. The Bartender looks reluctant and shakes his head. This guy was in zero shape to keep drinking.
“Another shot? No problem.
The Bartender, however, was in good shape to make more money. He goes to do his job but something Steve said makes him turn around.
“Had enough?”
His voice was muffled from underneath his arms.
“Uh…what?”
He slowly picks up his head again and glares at the poor bartender.
“You think I had enough?”
The Bartender glances around.
I uh....I didn't actually say anything.
He reaches out and snatches the mans tie in his grip and pulls him forward. Face to face. Nose to nose.
“I’ll TELL you when I had enough! Now get me a damn shot!”
Steve shoves the tie back into the bartenders chest and he stumbles back toward the other shot glasses and they all almost fall down because of it. Steve looks at his hands, they shook and got all tensed up. Then he pounds the bar rail with his fist.
“DON’T YOU SEE!?”
He screams, causing everyone in the bar to turn and look at his drunken outburst.
“I LOST ERRYTHANG!”
Randy Marsh, eat your heart out. He puts his hands against his face and slowly drags them down.
“That damn Rob Diamond……he made fun of me!”
His voice cracks from the pressure.
“He…made me cry tears of emotion! See? Watch!”
He tries to squeeze out a tear. I mean really tries, eye squints and grunts.
“Okay, well maybe not right now, but earlier…..man I was bawling like a little baby.”
He grabs a tuft of hair between his fingers.
“Plus I just lost my girlfriend. She cheated on me! She made me look like a FOOL!”
Steve tosses his head back and his hands in the air and he screams toward the heavens.
“WWWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYY!?”
“Dear God….it’s worse then I imagined.”
The bartender looks up and Steve spins around on the bar stool to see The Ace standing there with a duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. His digs into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet.
“Okay I’ll take it from here Barkeep, how much does he owe you?”
The Bartender spins around and checks the amount on the register.
“Three bucks.”
Ace nods and pulls out some money.
“Okay then. Here’s thre-what…pfft….Three bucks!?”
He glances at Steve who just lowers his head and fiddles with his fingers.
“I have a low tolerance….
The Ace slaps the singles on the bar rail and drags his friend to another more secluded table in the bar. They both are sitting across from each other and a waitress drops Ace a Jack and Coke.
“So you and Crystal are having some trouble eh?”
Steve nods.
“She thinks I cheated on her, but I totally didn’t.”
Ace stops him.
“Wait, hold on, is this one of those things where you lie and I just have to go with it to save your butt?”
“No! I seriously didn’t do anything wrong man. She’s the one who was out kissing dudes. How can somebody cheat on me?”
Ace shrugs.
“I’m not sure, but I am enjoying the poetic justice.
Steve glares at him.
“Okay, okay. You know, the more I think about it, the more it seems to me like you were both acting out to get the other’s attention. She kissed that guy, and you kissed Roxxxie to make each other mad. It’s obvious you both still have feelings for each other. If you want to be happy, you just need to let it go Steve. You just need to swallow your pride, be sure to chew it up properly because there is a lot of it, and just go back to her. Because honestly, you two really are perfect for each other.”
Steve thinks about it.
“You know, maybe your right. Anyways, what’s in the duffel bag?”
The Ace grins. That is fun to write.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
One day in the rip roarin wild west there lived two men who had nicknames based on playing cards. One had hair down to his shoulders and the others hair actually started near his shoulders. There names?
Stevie The Kid
And
Paverick.
And when they put there guns together they become…..
THE SMOKIN ACES!
“NO!”
Cut back to Ace and Steve sitting at the same table only this time there dressed in cowboy hats and tiny vests. And for some reason the screen has gone into a sepia tone.
“What? I figured you wanna do a crazy adventure to take your mind off of things.”
Steve shakes his head.
“No. Crazy adventures are what people do when they have nothing else important to say. And I have plenty of important things to say like….uh…..like……”
Ace digs in his duffel bag.
“We have guns.”
He sets two firearms on the table and Steve looks at them with a smile.
“Alright…we will do a crazy adventure.”
Steve picks up his gun and starts aiming it around the bar.
“Now of course they shoot blanks and-”
*Boom! WIIIZ!*
Ace’s gun goes off prematurely.
“I hate it when that happens. Okay, I guess yours is the one that shoots blanks.”
Steve aims and pulls the trigger.
*BOOM! WIIIZ!*
“WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOOTING ME!?”
They both look over to see Bad Luck Chuck leaning against a wall with bullet holes in his chest. The Ace’s both look at each other and decide it was time to bail. The pay the check and head for the door but suddenly…..
“Not so fast varmint!”
Standing in front of the door, blocking our heroes escape, Were two straight shooting villains and current “room mates“. Rob Spade and Spike Undertaker.
“Were a suicide statistic and a drug addict. We make the perfect team!”
Steve and Ace glance at each other. All they need now is someone with aids. Right? Amiright folks?
“And now were here to screw with you. Were just gonna do and say everything we think your gonna do before you can do it. Because were worried that it’s going to be way better then Rob’s story about someone else’s contractual disputes.”
Ace steps forward.
“How does that end?”
Rob shrugs.
“I don’t know. WWE hasn’t wrote the ending yet.”
*Rim-shot*
Everybody awkwardly looks over to the left to notice a random guy sitting at a drum set. He gives everyone a thumbs up and walks away.
“Well let me tell you something Rob Spade…..this town…it ain’t big enough for the two of us. Ya understand?”
Ace looks over at him.
“But there’s four of us.”
Steve sighs. He shoots Ace a “just let me handle this” type of glare. Spike steps forward.
“It doesn’t matter. Because we know your gonna try and pull your gun and shoot one of us. So technically you can’t because we ruined the surprise. Heh heh heh.”
Steve draws his gun at break neck speed and shoots Spike Undertaker in the knee cap. He goes down like a sack of bricks and screams in agony!
“OOOOOHHHHH GOD! THE PAIN!!!!! THAT TOTAALY TOOK ME BY SURPRISE!”
Spike rolls near Bad Luck Chuck who looks really pale from blood loss. Rob Spade looks at his fallen comrade then at the toughness and the awesomeness of Stevie The Kid and Paverick and he starts to get scared. Kind of like he already is, in real life because nothing he’s tried really seems to work out. Our heroes back the sniveling little GLAAD bag bitch into a corner.
“Hey look a cross dresser!”
Ace turns to look.
“Where!?”
And with that Rob ducks out of the bar with his life intact, leaving his drug addicted friend to cry and pain and hope for pain pills. Steve face palms and turns to look at Ace.
“Come on man, that was the oldest trick in the book. You really fell for that…oh look….there really was a cross dresser.”
They both look in the same direction and they notice Alex Jones sitting in a booth eating some chicken tenders. He notices them both staring at him and he just shrugs his shoulders like “what?” Steve pats Ace on the back.
“Well old buddy, I think that’s enough crazy adventure for one day.”
The Ace nods. Somehow, with Ace, that’s more then enough description.
“These fools should never mess with The Smokin Aces. And they should also know that where there’s smoke…..
Steve steps forward.
“There’s bound to be some fire.”
The two old friend high five and laugh as the walk through the saloon doors. Before we fade out the camera pans over to Spike, still writhing around on the ground and Bad Luck Chuck who isn’t moving at all.
“Is anybody gonna call an ambulance!?”
“I met a tasty baby in Michigan.
We screwed two times then I left.
Sometimes I think of my baby in Michigan
Why can’t I stay in one place?
For more then two days?
WHY!?
Because I’m talking about The Road!”
Life is a Highway.
Hit the Road Jack.
Peddle to the Metal and don’t look back.
I’ve been walking down this road for forever. Hoping that one day, I could get back everything that I lost all those years ago. But honestly Rob…..I don’t think I’ll be able to get back everything. I don’t think I deserve to have everything I want in this life, that’s why its so hard for me to keep a girlfriend. That’s why it’s so hard for me to be part of the team. That’s why it’s so hard for me to find the love I had lost.
But one out of two ain’t so bad.
I’ve lost so much just to be here Rob. It wasn’t as easy as it was for you, but I made it here regardless. I want my happy ending. I want my moment. This Sunday I either become the best…..
…or I’m beaten by the best.
Steve.
Alone.
In his big empty house.
He was watching an episode of Always Sunny when his phone suddenly rings.
He looks at it, and sees it was Crystal.
He wondered what that hell that two timing slut wanted?
He was gonna like telling her off.
But when he answered...
.....She was crying.
“I need you.....he hit me.....”
And at that point nothing else mattered.
“I’ll be there.”
Fade.
The Road is ****ing Tough
Ain’t no question bout it
It don’t take no gruff.
The road is a B-I-itch but it’s the only ****ing road I know”
The Yellow brick Road
The Long Road out of Eden
The Road to Ruin
The Road to Redemption.
You know I’m talking about the road.
And nobody ever said the road wasn’t bumpy. Hell, I know first hand. I’ve been walking down it’s path for a long time now. It’s funny how life can sway you in one direction or another but you know your truly determined, you know you can’t ultimately be stopped, if you always end up back on the beaten path.
I’ve fought too long….
…Too Hard….
….lost everything….
….Gained nothing.
And yet here I am, standing on this beaten path, this dusty trail, this worn clearing. Most people would have quit by now. Most people would have just given up and called it a day. Hell, even our big bad fearless world champion tried to kill himself because he couldn’t hack it, but me? What else is there? TV? Music? Hollywood?
This road I’m on…..these steps that I take, it’s the only true road I know. Everything else is a consolation prize. Everything else has always been, and will always be second best to me. That’s why throughout my whole entire life, I’ve hopped, skipped, ran, jogged, jumped, hobbled, limped, crawled and dragged myself down the road because it’s all I ever really wanted….
….to become the best…..
“Hey yous, yous guy.”
A bartender, kind of fat, smelled like sausage and he eyed the Face of the Franchise like a white guy in Lexus does when black guys are near by. Steve laid face first on the bar rail, shot glasses scattered around his head, obviously attempting to drown his sorrows inside them. Steve slowly picks up his head and looks up at the bar tender. He was gonna say something really smart ass like just as soon as all three bartenders turned back into one.
“Just….give me another shot.”
Anyone think that’s funny? Damn alcohol. Steve’s head falls back onto the bar rail with a thud. The Bartender looks reluctant and shakes his head. This guy was in zero shape to keep drinking.
“Another shot? No problem.
The Bartender, however, was in good shape to make more money. He goes to do his job but something Steve said makes him turn around.
“Had enough?”
His voice was muffled from underneath his arms.
“Uh…what?”
He slowly picks up his head again and glares at the poor bartender.
“You think I had enough?”
The Bartender glances around.
I uh....I didn't actually say anything.
He reaches out and snatches the mans tie in his grip and pulls him forward. Face to face. Nose to nose.
“I’ll TELL you when I had enough! Now get me a damn shot!”
Steve shoves the tie back into the bartenders chest and he stumbles back toward the other shot glasses and they all almost fall down because of it. Steve looks at his hands, they shook and got all tensed up. Then he pounds the bar rail with his fist.
“DON’T YOU SEE!?”
He screams, causing everyone in the bar to turn and look at his drunken outburst.
“I LOST ERRYTHANG!”
Randy Marsh, eat your heart out. He puts his hands against his face and slowly drags them down.
“That damn Rob Diamond……he made fun of me!”
His voice cracks from the pressure.
“He…made me cry tears of emotion! See? Watch!”
He tries to squeeze out a tear. I mean really tries, eye squints and grunts.
“Okay, well maybe not right now, but earlier…..man I was bawling like a little baby.”
He grabs a tuft of hair between his fingers.
“Plus I just lost my girlfriend. She cheated on me! She made me look like a FOOL!”
Steve tosses his head back and his hands in the air and he screams toward the heavens.
“WWWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYY!?”
“Dear God….it’s worse then I imagined.”
The bartender looks up and Steve spins around on the bar stool to see The Ace standing there with a duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. His digs into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet.
“Okay I’ll take it from here Barkeep, how much does he owe you?”
The Bartender spins around and checks the amount on the register.
“Three bucks.”
Ace nods and pulls out some money.
“Okay then. Here’s thre-what…pfft….Three bucks!?”
He glances at Steve who just lowers his head and fiddles with his fingers.
“I have a low tolerance….
The Ace slaps the singles on the bar rail and drags his friend to another more secluded table in the bar. They both are sitting across from each other and a waitress drops Ace a Jack and Coke.
“So you and Crystal are having some trouble eh?”
Steve nods.
“She thinks I cheated on her, but I totally didn’t.”
Ace stops him.
“Wait, hold on, is this one of those things where you lie and I just have to go with it to save your butt?”
“No! I seriously didn’t do anything wrong man. She’s the one who was out kissing dudes. How can somebody cheat on me?”
Ace shrugs.
“I’m not sure, but I am enjoying the poetic justice.
Steve glares at him.
“Okay, okay. You know, the more I think about it, the more it seems to me like you were both acting out to get the other’s attention. She kissed that guy, and you kissed Roxxxie to make each other mad. It’s obvious you both still have feelings for each other. If you want to be happy, you just need to let it go Steve. You just need to swallow your pride, be sure to chew it up properly because there is a lot of it, and just go back to her. Because honestly, you two really are perfect for each other.”
Steve thinks about it.
“You know, maybe your right. Anyways, what’s in the duffel bag?”
The Ace grins. That is fun to write.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
One day in the rip roarin wild west there lived two men who had nicknames based on playing cards. One had hair down to his shoulders and the others hair actually started near his shoulders. There names?
Stevie The Kid
And
Paverick.
And when they put there guns together they become…..
THE SMOKIN ACES!
“NO!”
Cut back to Ace and Steve sitting at the same table only this time there dressed in cowboy hats and tiny vests. And for some reason the screen has gone into a sepia tone.
“What? I figured you wanna do a crazy adventure to take your mind off of things.”
Steve shakes his head.
“No. Crazy adventures are what people do when they have nothing else important to say. And I have plenty of important things to say like….uh…..like……”
Ace digs in his duffel bag.
“We have guns.”
He sets two firearms on the table and Steve looks at them with a smile.
“Alright…we will do a crazy adventure.”
Steve picks up his gun and starts aiming it around the bar.
“Now of course they shoot blanks and-”
*Boom! WIIIZ!*
Ace’s gun goes off prematurely.
“I hate it when that happens. Okay, I guess yours is the one that shoots blanks.”
Steve aims and pulls the trigger.
*BOOM! WIIIZ!*
“WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOOTING ME!?”
They both look over to see Bad Luck Chuck leaning against a wall with bullet holes in his chest. The Ace’s both look at each other and decide it was time to bail. The pay the check and head for the door but suddenly…..
“Not so fast varmint!”
Standing in front of the door, blocking our heroes escape, Were two straight shooting villains and current “room mates“. Rob Spade and Spike Undertaker.
“Were a suicide statistic and a drug addict. We make the perfect team!”
Steve and Ace glance at each other. All they need now is someone with aids. Right? Amiright folks?
“And now were here to screw with you. Were just gonna do and say everything we think your gonna do before you can do it. Because were worried that it’s going to be way better then Rob’s story about someone else’s contractual disputes.”
Ace steps forward.
“How does that end?”
Rob shrugs.
“I don’t know. WWE hasn’t wrote the ending yet.”
*Rim-shot*
Everybody awkwardly looks over to the left to notice a random guy sitting at a drum set. He gives everyone a thumbs up and walks away.
“Well let me tell you something Rob Spade…..this town…it ain’t big enough for the two of us. Ya understand?”
Ace looks over at him.
“But there’s four of us.”
Steve sighs. He shoots Ace a “just let me handle this” type of glare. Spike steps forward.
“It doesn’t matter. Because we know your gonna try and pull your gun and shoot one of us. So technically you can’t because we ruined the surprise. Heh heh heh.”
Steve draws his gun at break neck speed and shoots Spike Undertaker in the knee cap. He goes down like a sack of bricks and screams in agony!
“OOOOOHHHHH GOD! THE PAIN!!!!! THAT TOTAALY TOOK ME BY SURPRISE!”
Spike rolls near Bad Luck Chuck who looks really pale from blood loss. Rob Spade looks at his fallen comrade then at the toughness and the awesomeness of Stevie The Kid and Paverick and he starts to get scared. Kind of like he already is, in real life because nothing he’s tried really seems to work out. Our heroes back the sniveling little GLAAD bag bitch into a corner.
“Hey look a cross dresser!”
Ace turns to look.
“Where!?”
And with that Rob ducks out of the bar with his life intact, leaving his drug addicted friend to cry and pain and hope for pain pills. Steve face palms and turns to look at Ace.
“Come on man, that was the oldest trick in the book. You really fell for that…oh look….there really was a cross dresser.”
They both look in the same direction and they notice Alex Jones sitting in a booth eating some chicken tenders. He notices them both staring at him and he just shrugs his shoulders like “what?” Steve pats Ace on the back.
“Well old buddy, I think that’s enough crazy adventure for one day.”
The Ace nods. Somehow, with Ace, that’s more then enough description.
“These fools should never mess with The Smokin Aces. And they should also know that where there’s smoke…..
Steve steps forward.
“There’s bound to be some fire.”
The two old friend high five and laugh as the walk through the saloon doors. Before we fade out the camera pans over to Spike, still writhing around on the ground and Bad Luck Chuck who isn’t moving at all.
“Is anybody gonna call an ambulance!?”
“I met a tasty baby in Michigan.
We screwed two times then I left.
Sometimes I think of my baby in Michigan
Why can’t I stay in one place?
For more then two days?
WHY!?
Because I’m talking about The Road!”
Life is a Highway.
Hit the Road Jack.
Peddle to the Metal and don’t look back.
I’ve been walking down this road for forever. Hoping that one day, I could get back everything that I lost all those years ago. But honestly Rob…..I don’t think I’ll be able to get back everything. I don’t think I deserve to have everything I want in this life, that’s why its so hard for me to keep a girlfriend. That’s why it’s so hard for me to be part of the team. That’s why it’s so hard for me to find the love I had lost.
But one out of two ain’t so bad.
I’ve lost so much just to be here Rob. It wasn’t as easy as it was for you, but I made it here regardless. I want my happy ending. I want my moment. This Sunday I either become the best…..
…or I’m beaten by the best.
Steve.
Alone.
In his big empty house.
He was watching an episode of Always Sunny when his phone suddenly rings.
He looks at it, and sees it was Crystal.
He wondered what that hell that two timing slut wanted?
He was gonna like telling her off.
But when he answered...
.....She was crying.
“I need you.....he hit me.....”
And at that point nothing else mattered.
“I’ll be there.”
Fade.