Post by adm on Sept 20, 2011 8:48:44 GMT -6
Egoism is the very essence of a noble soul.
Friedrich Nietzsche
I am gay. There, I said it again. I said it on national television to the chagrin or relief of many people worldwide who were following my internal struggle. A struggle, Doctor Potter, that you helped aid last month by relieving me of that Championship.
Oh how the time has gone.
We come now, a month later, to Battlegrounds. After you had nothing to lose, it is now a war that is looming. The second match between us, and you have something to lose, and I have everything to gain.
First openly Gay nCw Champion, first two-time Honor Champion...but also losing my freedom.
So I lost to Venom, big deal. He's just a face, a human who took advantage of my thoughts not being on the match, but being on what transpired later that night. I was more concerned with my coming out of the proverbial closet, of letting the truth set me free of my own personal demons rather than allowing them to take over. I came close, Potter, to offing myself. I had the gun in my mouth. I tasted the cold steel. I could PRACTICALLY taste the hot lead spilling my thoughts out on the white walls of the hotel.
It would have been quite the mess, wouldn't it? And it would have been, in it's own way, a different kind of admission.
So we come to another week, another match, and another title shot for one of us. As if the back-and-forth from our last match were to fade from our memories so fast as to reveal little to nothing. This time, anything Honor Rules goes, submission or pinfall. That means, Potter, that the strategy is different. It isn't about going hold for hold, it's about wearing the opponent down for whatever finisher you feel suits you best. Be it submission, or high impact power move, either way works.
And trust me, after my coming out, I'd hate to know what you'd think while you're on your back. He, he he.
****
The "Sports Center" theme blares through the television speakers. The darkened room is illuminated by the flashing light of the television as it goes to the newscaster for this hour of the near-24 hour sports news of ESPN.
"This hour, we have the fallout from This week's games. Get all the recaps and scores along with the high and low lights of all the games right here on Sports Center. Also, is Tiger Woods going to retire? After falling behind the pack in the Masters, is he finally going to call it quits? But the top news at this hour..."
Kristoff Liam Bates rolls over, and sits up, half-clothed. His chiseled frame in stark contrast to the white walls behind him. On the television is the beginning of a clip from Sunday Night's Collision. Even on Tuesday morning, the whole world is still talking about it.
"I'm Gay." The voice of Bates over the television echoes through the television lighting in the room.
"Yes, it turns out that nCw superstar, former Honor, Xtreme, and Tag Champion Kristoff Liam Bates is a homosexual. Here with your analysis is wrestling critic, Dave Meltzer."
On the television another face appears, clad in a suit. He is someone the rap sheets know well, and obviously he looks surprised to even be broadcast.
"Hello there."
"Hi Dave, so, what is it that you have to say on this one. Being the king of the Wrestling News and all."
He adjusts in his seat, seeming uncomfortable. "Actually, this was a somewhat well-kept secret, despite the hints coming out of the woodwork for the last two months. Bates is a more private man than a lot of the other nCw wrestlers, and since his divorce last year, he's kind of been on the down-low as far as his personal life goes. It is rather surprising that we find out on Sunday that his marriage, his kids, all of it was a giant facade to keep his mother from finding out during her life that her only child was homosexual."
"Seems like something needed for an episode of Dr. Phil, am I right?'
"Definitely. You see, this is going to have huge ramifications not only for Bates himself, but for nCw. I mean, they have NEVER had an openly gay wrestler, and probably never even had a gay wrestler. No major federation has had openly gay wrestlers, people willing to come out and tell the world the truth. It's not only going to bring in the ratings, but it's going to bring to the forefront of the world, issues of the times like same-sex marriage and the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policies of the military. Whether he's really gay or not, this is something that will definitely work to the favor of nCw."
"Thank you, Dave. We look forward to hearing from you later this week on our special expose of this whole event. "Kristoff Liam Bates, Gay Wrestling Icon or Fraud"."
Bates shuts off the television, and begins to get out of bed. Another voice is heard, moaning as they roll over.
"Where are you going?"
"I just need to get up, get some air, go back to sleep."
The man in Bates' bed is half-clothed as well, but is someone we have not seen before. Muscular and hairy, he rolls over and goes back go sleep after Bates leans over and gently kisses him on the cheek. Bates...kissing another man, this is something to get used to.
Kristoff Liam Bates goes to the bathroom and looks in the mirror. Nothing about his reflection has changed, but his perception of himself has. He looks happier, relieved, yet still troubled. He struggles, as his eyes begin to become clouded with tears, to hold them back.
"I am gay...and this is my life now. No longer hiding the truth. No longer hiding behind lies. But is it...freedom? Am I free or am I just fooling myself?"
He sighs, and turns on the water to wash his face. He grabs a bar of Pears soap and lathers a wash cloth near the sink, exfoliating his skin and eliminating grease from the pores of his face. After washing, he looks back at the mirror again.
"Are they going to begin the jokes more adamantly now? Venom started it. Will Steve, or Rob, or Jimmy or Ace come at me? Will Potter say "I told you so."? Will Spike Kane get out of jail to beat me over the head with "You're a fag!"? Will Leo fire me? I don't know...but for now, I have my sanity. I have my freedom. I have my self. And I can be, myself."
He shuts off the light and walks back into the bedroom, getting his clothes ready for his trip to the gym, his first since coming out on Sunday. What awaits for him, and his new-found notoriety? Perhaps it is best left unsaid.
****
Doctor Potter, listen to me now. I don't give a flying **** if you make gay jokes, like I'm sure my "old friend" Jimmy Zane is bound to do if confronted with this. Hell, I'm sure I'm the laughing stock of nCw now. "Gay Bates will **** you in the ass" or some other bull****. I'm not like that, I'm not some giant Steve Awesome sized whore. So I have sex with men, I also know that in the ring, it is all business. It is me letting out a lifetime of anger, frustration, and hiding who I am come out against every last ****ing person across the ring from me. I don't always win, but I get my frustrations out. I get my sanity for a little while longer. I keep myself out of the mental institution for the burden I bear.
So let the jokes come, I'm ready for them. I have been preparing myself for this. For the jokes, the insults, the slurs. I'm ready for the "Fags" and "Homos" and "Bates walked into the locker room with wood while staring at a Sexy Jason poster". I'm ready. Because no matter what I hear, no matter what the fallout. At least I am FREE and able to BE MYSELF.
And that's all a man really can ask for, isn't it? Well that and being a Two-Time Honor Champ and the first openly gay nCw champion...but we'll get to that Sunday, won't we, Doctor? Trust me...I'm gay, and your sense of style is so nineties.
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings
Friedrich Nietzsche
I am gay. There, I said it again. I said it on national television to the chagrin or relief of many people worldwide who were following my internal struggle. A struggle, Doctor Potter, that you helped aid last month by relieving me of that Championship.
Oh how the time has gone.
We come now, a month later, to Battlegrounds. After you had nothing to lose, it is now a war that is looming. The second match between us, and you have something to lose, and I have everything to gain.
First openly Gay nCw Champion, first two-time Honor Champion...but also losing my freedom.
So I lost to Venom, big deal. He's just a face, a human who took advantage of my thoughts not being on the match, but being on what transpired later that night. I was more concerned with my coming out of the proverbial closet, of letting the truth set me free of my own personal demons rather than allowing them to take over. I came close, Potter, to offing myself. I had the gun in my mouth. I tasted the cold steel. I could PRACTICALLY taste the hot lead spilling my thoughts out on the white walls of the hotel.
It would have been quite the mess, wouldn't it? And it would have been, in it's own way, a different kind of admission.
So we come to another week, another match, and another title shot for one of us. As if the back-and-forth from our last match were to fade from our memories so fast as to reveal little to nothing. This time, anything Honor Rules goes, submission or pinfall. That means, Potter, that the strategy is different. It isn't about going hold for hold, it's about wearing the opponent down for whatever finisher you feel suits you best. Be it submission, or high impact power move, either way works.
And trust me, after my coming out, I'd hate to know what you'd think while you're on your back. He, he he.
****
The "Sports Center" theme blares through the television speakers. The darkened room is illuminated by the flashing light of the television as it goes to the newscaster for this hour of the near-24 hour sports news of ESPN.
"This hour, we have the fallout from This week's games. Get all the recaps and scores along with the high and low lights of all the games right here on Sports Center. Also, is Tiger Woods going to retire? After falling behind the pack in the Masters, is he finally going to call it quits? But the top news at this hour..."
Kristoff Liam Bates rolls over, and sits up, half-clothed. His chiseled frame in stark contrast to the white walls behind him. On the television is the beginning of a clip from Sunday Night's Collision. Even on Tuesday morning, the whole world is still talking about it.
"I'm Gay." The voice of Bates over the television echoes through the television lighting in the room.
"Yes, it turns out that nCw superstar, former Honor, Xtreme, and Tag Champion Kristoff Liam Bates is a homosexual. Here with your analysis is wrestling critic, Dave Meltzer."
On the television another face appears, clad in a suit. He is someone the rap sheets know well, and obviously he looks surprised to even be broadcast.
"Hello there."
"Hi Dave, so, what is it that you have to say on this one. Being the king of the Wrestling News and all."
He adjusts in his seat, seeming uncomfortable. "Actually, this was a somewhat well-kept secret, despite the hints coming out of the woodwork for the last two months. Bates is a more private man than a lot of the other nCw wrestlers, and since his divorce last year, he's kind of been on the down-low as far as his personal life goes. It is rather surprising that we find out on Sunday that his marriage, his kids, all of it was a giant facade to keep his mother from finding out during her life that her only child was homosexual."
"Seems like something needed for an episode of Dr. Phil, am I right?'
"Definitely. You see, this is going to have huge ramifications not only for Bates himself, but for nCw. I mean, they have NEVER had an openly gay wrestler, and probably never even had a gay wrestler. No major federation has had openly gay wrestlers, people willing to come out and tell the world the truth. It's not only going to bring in the ratings, but it's going to bring to the forefront of the world, issues of the times like same-sex marriage and the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policies of the military. Whether he's really gay or not, this is something that will definitely work to the favor of nCw."
"Thank you, Dave. We look forward to hearing from you later this week on our special expose of this whole event. "Kristoff Liam Bates, Gay Wrestling Icon or Fraud"."
Bates shuts off the television, and begins to get out of bed. Another voice is heard, moaning as they roll over.
"Where are you going?"
"I just need to get up, get some air, go back to sleep."
The man in Bates' bed is half-clothed as well, but is someone we have not seen before. Muscular and hairy, he rolls over and goes back go sleep after Bates leans over and gently kisses him on the cheek. Bates...kissing another man, this is something to get used to.
Kristoff Liam Bates goes to the bathroom and looks in the mirror. Nothing about his reflection has changed, but his perception of himself has. He looks happier, relieved, yet still troubled. He struggles, as his eyes begin to become clouded with tears, to hold them back.
"I am gay...and this is my life now. No longer hiding the truth. No longer hiding behind lies. But is it...freedom? Am I free or am I just fooling myself?"
He sighs, and turns on the water to wash his face. He grabs a bar of Pears soap and lathers a wash cloth near the sink, exfoliating his skin and eliminating grease from the pores of his face. After washing, he looks back at the mirror again.
"Are they going to begin the jokes more adamantly now? Venom started it. Will Steve, or Rob, or Jimmy or Ace come at me? Will Potter say "I told you so."? Will Spike Kane get out of jail to beat me over the head with "You're a fag!"? Will Leo fire me? I don't know...but for now, I have my sanity. I have my freedom. I have my self. And I can be, myself."
He shuts off the light and walks back into the bedroom, getting his clothes ready for his trip to the gym, his first since coming out on Sunday. What awaits for him, and his new-found notoriety? Perhaps it is best left unsaid.
****
Doctor Potter, listen to me now. I don't give a flying **** if you make gay jokes, like I'm sure my "old friend" Jimmy Zane is bound to do if confronted with this. Hell, I'm sure I'm the laughing stock of nCw now. "Gay Bates will **** you in the ass" or some other bull****. I'm not like that, I'm not some giant Steve Awesome sized whore. So I have sex with men, I also know that in the ring, it is all business. It is me letting out a lifetime of anger, frustration, and hiding who I am come out against every last ****ing person across the ring from me. I don't always win, but I get my frustrations out. I get my sanity for a little while longer. I keep myself out of the mental institution for the burden I bear.
So let the jokes come, I'm ready for them. I have been preparing myself for this. For the jokes, the insults, the slurs. I'm ready for the "Fags" and "Homos" and "Bates walked into the locker room with wood while staring at a Sexy Jason poster". I'm ready. Because no matter what I hear, no matter what the fallout. At least I am FREE and able to BE MYSELF.
And that's all a man really can ask for, isn't it? Well that and being a Two-Time Honor Champ and the first openly gay nCw champion...but we'll get to that Sunday, won't we, Doctor? Trust me...I'm gay, and your sense of style is so nineties.
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings