Post by Caleb Lockwood on Sept 23, 2011 16:11:30 GMT -6
The camera flashes to life, the banner’s in the background, and I’m here, grinning as always. Tired, yes. But I’m here, and I’m forcing myself to remain as game as I can. This is my moment. This is my chance to shine. I can’t let myself down. I can’t give up. Not here, not now, not ever…straight into the jaws of the beast it is.
“Well well…Xander Famularo, son of the legendary Gib, the Millennium Icon. Two-time X Champion, 2011 Gladiator, competed in the MAIN EVENT at A Night To Remember…and the man whose title I have an opportunity at. See, X, I was completely ready to come in here and treat you with the respect a man of your statue, accomplishment and pedigree deserves. But then you opened your mouth and I realized that you’re no better than the Rob Diamonds or Ricky Johnsons or Alex Joneses of this world. You, unlike your father, have no sense of humility. You have no respect. Yes, you’re talented. You’re damn talented, moreso than many men I’ve seen. But you’ve got no respect for anyone that steps into that ring with you.”
Yeah, yeah, I know: him and everyone else in this fed. But hey, I’ve got to focus on something.
“I mean, you insulted an entire nation’s wrestling output because of what your father did over there. You decided to make the focal point of your attacks on Jason Evans allegations about his sexuality. Not that I’m denying that any man like Evans has to be a little imbalanced in the head, but really, dude? A horde of Internet-dwellers called, they want their catchphrase back. Not to mention the fact that you seem to think Seth doesn’t give a damn about the X Title…and what do you mean, ‘playing the homeless card’? My appeal has NEVER been ‘hey, I’m a bum.’ It’s something about me, yes, but I have always prided myself on being the best damn high-flyer in the world. That’s why people love me, and that’s what got me to the big dance in the first place. Yeah, I can flip, but more importantly, I can move, and in this match it’s all about who can get up and down the fastest…there’s a joke in there…”
I’ll let someone with worse taste in comedy make that joke…like Todd Williams…or Trent Helms. What’s that? They’re not in this match? I’ll pin it on Jason and let it be, then.
“I’d be remiss if I let Xander occupy all my attention. Biggest threat in the match though he may be, I’ve still got to contend with three other men. Well, two men and…uh…Jason Evans. Mr. Sexy himself. Let’s start with you, shall we? Oh boy, Jay-bo. You are a real piece of work. I mean, I feel for you over the whole wife thing, I really do. But you want to know why people think you’re a joke, Jason? For one, you’ve got a look that screams ‘eighties’. From the terrible perm to the chest that gets PETA up in arms every time you take off your shirt, it’s simply repulsive. And for two…”
I hold up two fingers. No, not those ones. No, not those ones either. Jesus, you people are depraved. It’s my middle and index fingers. Who the hell do you think I am, Steve Awesome? …I wish.
“You honestly think that Gjenrei’s wearing a mask because he’s UGLY? That’s your other problem: vanity. Your pure, unfiltered vanity. You think that this is a bodybuilding contest, that it’s all about looking immaculately ripped. News flash: our X Champion looks like a million miles of rough road, our Tag Team Champions are a Day-Glo nightmare and a seven-foot cautionary tale regarding facepainting. You don’t need to look good to win. You just have to be the best. And no matter how much you think you are…you’re not the best, Jason. Not even close.”
And that’s the bottom line, because I said so…that’s not right. That’s not right at all. Oh Lord, I’m going to be kicking myself for that one in the morning…
“Speaking of Gjenrei, I know exactly what I’m in for. This is going to be grueling. Blood will be shed. Injuries will happen. And once you’re up on that X, scrambling for the title, you can’t afford a single mistake lest it all come crashing down around you like a house of cards. Why, I ask, did you feel the need to belittle me and insult my intelligence? I didn’t attack you, so…seriously, man, what the hell? I don’t get you. I just don’t get you. Then again, I was always more of a tactile learner…maybe I’ll get to understand you between those ropes.”
A bit cliché, but true. The best way to get to understand another man’s in-ring style isn’t to watch tapes of him. Tapes are static, fixed…in the ring, you get to feel the way it builds, actually experience everything…it’s more than a learning experience, it’s almost an enlightenment.
“And we come to the last man on the list, but certainly not the least…Seth Evans. Seth, you and I have a lot in common. We both don’t get the respect we deserve, we both need that one big win to establish ourselves…the difference between us is that you’ve got your mentor, Alex Jones, and a history in nCw. Me? I’m out here all alone, with the only thing backing me up being my athletic ability. Not the best place in the world to be, but…there’s only so much one can do, ya know? You don’t understand me because you haven’t seen me in action…once you do, you’ll never forget the Master of Gravity.”
I wink at the camera, suddenly feeling kind of scummy for doing so. Why does that happen so often now? Maybe I should talk to Wesker about it…
“Even being in contention for this title…I mean, I’ve held belts in local and regional feds before, but this…this is a title in the most prestigious company in the world, and I’m competing for it on pay-per-view in front of a crowd of thousands in our nation’s capital. This is the sort of thing that people dream their entire careers of doing and get lucky if they ever pull it off. Getting the chance to compete for nCw’s amazing fans…and for the X Title no less…I dreamed this day would come a long time, but I never thought it would actually happen. This is the culmination of years of hard work, and I’m praying that it’ll pay off. So to the rest of the men in this match…don’t blink. You might miss something.”
Another cheeky grin, and the camera cuts off on another…questionably successful promo. Don’t like the way I do things? So sue me. Bastards.
“Well well…Xander Famularo, son of the legendary Gib, the Millennium Icon. Two-time X Champion, 2011 Gladiator, competed in the MAIN EVENT at A Night To Remember…and the man whose title I have an opportunity at. See, X, I was completely ready to come in here and treat you with the respect a man of your statue, accomplishment and pedigree deserves. But then you opened your mouth and I realized that you’re no better than the Rob Diamonds or Ricky Johnsons or Alex Joneses of this world. You, unlike your father, have no sense of humility. You have no respect. Yes, you’re talented. You’re damn talented, moreso than many men I’ve seen. But you’ve got no respect for anyone that steps into that ring with you.”
Yeah, yeah, I know: him and everyone else in this fed. But hey, I’ve got to focus on something.
“I mean, you insulted an entire nation’s wrestling output because of what your father did over there. You decided to make the focal point of your attacks on Jason Evans allegations about his sexuality. Not that I’m denying that any man like Evans has to be a little imbalanced in the head, but really, dude? A horde of Internet-dwellers called, they want their catchphrase back. Not to mention the fact that you seem to think Seth doesn’t give a damn about the X Title…and what do you mean, ‘playing the homeless card’? My appeal has NEVER been ‘hey, I’m a bum.’ It’s something about me, yes, but I have always prided myself on being the best damn high-flyer in the world. That’s why people love me, and that’s what got me to the big dance in the first place. Yeah, I can flip, but more importantly, I can move, and in this match it’s all about who can get up and down the fastest…there’s a joke in there…”
I’ll let someone with worse taste in comedy make that joke…like Todd Williams…or Trent Helms. What’s that? They’re not in this match? I’ll pin it on Jason and let it be, then.
“I’d be remiss if I let Xander occupy all my attention. Biggest threat in the match though he may be, I’ve still got to contend with three other men. Well, two men and…uh…Jason Evans. Mr. Sexy himself. Let’s start with you, shall we? Oh boy, Jay-bo. You are a real piece of work. I mean, I feel for you over the whole wife thing, I really do. But you want to know why people think you’re a joke, Jason? For one, you’ve got a look that screams ‘eighties’. From the terrible perm to the chest that gets PETA up in arms every time you take off your shirt, it’s simply repulsive. And for two…”
I hold up two fingers. No, not those ones. No, not those ones either. Jesus, you people are depraved. It’s my middle and index fingers. Who the hell do you think I am, Steve Awesome? …I wish.
“You honestly think that Gjenrei’s wearing a mask because he’s UGLY? That’s your other problem: vanity. Your pure, unfiltered vanity. You think that this is a bodybuilding contest, that it’s all about looking immaculately ripped. News flash: our X Champion looks like a million miles of rough road, our Tag Team Champions are a Day-Glo nightmare and a seven-foot cautionary tale regarding facepainting. You don’t need to look good to win. You just have to be the best. And no matter how much you think you are…you’re not the best, Jason. Not even close.”
And that’s the bottom line, because I said so…that’s not right. That’s not right at all. Oh Lord, I’m going to be kicking myself for that one in the morning…
“Speaking of Gjenrei, I know exactly what I’m in for. This is going to be grueling. Blood will be shed. Injuries will happen. And once you’re up on that X, scrambling for the title, you can’t afford a single mistake lest it all come crashing down around you like a house of cards. Why, I ask, did you feel the need to belittle me and insult my intelligence? I didn’t attack you, so…seriously, man, what the hell? I don’t get you. I just don’t get you. Then again, I was always more of a tactile learner…maybe I’ll get to understand you between those ropes.”
A bit cliché, but true. The best way to get to understand another man’s in-ring style isn’t to watch tapes of him. Tapes are static, fixed…in the ring, you get to feel the way it builds, actually experience everything…it’s more than a learning experience, it’s almost an enlightenment.
“And we come to the last man on the list, but certainly not the least…Seth Evans. Seth, you and I have a lot in common. We both don’t get the respect we deserve, we both need that one big win to establish ourselves…the difference between us is that you’ve got your mentor, Alex Jones, and a history in nCw. Me? I’m out here all alone, with the only thing backing me up being my athletic ability. Not the best place in the world to be, but…there’s only so much one can do, ya know? You don’t understand me because you haven’t seen me in action…once you do, you’ll never forget the Master of Gravity.”
I wink at the camera, suddenly feeling kind of scummy for doing so. Why does that happen so often now? Maybe I should talk to Wesker about it…
“Even being in contention for this title…I mean, I’ve held belts in local and regional feds before, but this…this is a title in the most prestigious company in the world, and I’m competing for it on pay-per-view in front of a crowd of thousands in our nation’s capital. This is the sort of thing that people dream their entire careers of doing and get lucky if they ever pull it off. Getting the chance to compete for nCw’s amazing fans…and for the X Title no less…I dreamed this day would come a long time, but I never thought it would actually happen. This is the culmination of years of hard work, and I’m praying that it’ll pay off. So to the rest of the men in this match…don’t blink. You might miss something.”
Another cheeky grin, and the camera cuts off on another…questionably successful promo. Don’t like the way I do things? So sue me. Bastards.