Post by Steve Awesome on Sept 25, 2011 5:55:16 GMT -6
We open up on the lovely site of Steve Awesome and Crystal Hilton gazing into each others eyes. They both were under the same blanket and at the very least had no shirts on. I'm sure everyone out there is puking on themselves but screw you they love each other. Even when they just got done banging on a cot in the boiler room of the bar.
“Why would I wanna miss out on that for nine months?”
She bites her lip and they both laugh together.
“Oh don't worry, you won't miss a thing baby....”
Crystal sticks her tongue out.
“Eww, but I'd be all fat and bloated.....i'd be a whale....”
Steve shrugs with the shoulder he wasn't laying on.
“Thats okay....after banging Jacobsen's mom, I'm kind of into that sort of thing.”
Crystal nearly gags and rolls out of the bed.
“oh thats nasty!”
She quickly throws a shirt on before the camera can catch her topless and Steve just laughs and tries to catch her before she throws up everywhere.
“Baby, i'm kidding.”
She stops and looks at his goofy grin and his apologetic green eyes. He was somewhere far away from the cold womanizing Steve the rest of the world knew.
“That was a bad joke.”
She says as she walks back to Steve and sits down next to him.
“Why do you want to have a kid so bad anyway?”
“I'm not getting any younger Crystal.....my biological clock is ticking.....”
She stares at him, her eyes like lasers through his B.S.
“...I don't know.....I just know that some day in the future I'm actually going to have to step back from this company, when that happens I want to know that theres something there waiting for me when I get home. A son or daughter. A family. You.”
He grabs her hand in his and he looks at her, trying to read a response off her face before she even says a word. All she could do was smile.
“Wow...even in a room that smell like wet rags next to a steaming hot furnace.....you can still make me feel like the most special girl on the planet but......”
Steve's shoulders slumped. He hated but's......yet loved them so. Ironic?
“.....I'm just not ready to have another kid. I spent so much of my early life being pregnant and raising kids, now I need to focus on my career. I want to become a world champion like you some day.”
Awesome felt like crap, but a part of him understood where she was coming from. Maybe it would have been a bad idea afterall?
“I get it Crystal. I want you to win the strap too. “
He looks away at nothing but chipping paint. It really wasn't that exciting.
“but hey, just because I don't want to have your child yet, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. Or that I don't want to be with you. If you walked out tomorrow, i'd be right there with you. I chose you for a reason, Steve.”
And that right there eased his soul for the time being. He wasn't exactly positive.....but he thought she might be the one. He gets up and slides his pants on one leg at a time and then kisses her on the cheek.
“Thanks Crystal.....I love you too. I'm gonna go back to the party. See you out there?”
She nods her head and kisses him one more time on the lips this time.
“Yup, just gonna freshen up and I'll see you in a bit...see ya later champ.....”
As Awesome heads for the door Crystals phone starts to ring. Awesome stops at the door as she puts it up to her ear and answers it.
“oh hi Todd......”
“Bland and stale?”
Steve doesn't even wait to say something intense to rip his sunglasses from his face this time. He just does purely based on the sheer stupidity of it all.
“For realz?”
He has to check to see if he misherd the quote. Nope, he totally said it.
“I mean, I know I haven't done any hangover parodies or gone back in time lately, but I thought what I've been doing has at least got a chuckle out of you Lex. I was hoping you were at least interested in my life even just a little bit.....but then again, I guess everything seems a little bland and stale when your a seven foot monster with face paint and talking to ghosts all the time.”
He rolls his eyes and does the jerk off motion with his hand. All of a sudden a bolt of lightning flashes in the background and were transported to a scary cemetary with a full moon out and its raining. Steve looks around himself all scared and fearful like.
“Whats going on here?”
“MUAH HA HA HA HA!”
The evil laughter echoed from behind the world champion and he whipped around to face it and thats when an ominous blur creeps by while his back is turned. He turns back around and then something taps on his shoulder and it scares him so bad he leaps into scooby doos arms. Thats when the figure emerges from the shadows. His face rotting, his eyes, a solid white, and a bad ass handle bar mustache.
“It is I.....the ghost of your brother.....
The camera zooms in on this shocking development!
“.....'s, soccer coach's, niece's, ex-boyfriends, accountants, butchers, friends, son!.........Larry!”
Steve seems confused.
“um.......alright?”
The ghost steps forward waving its arms and using other theatre tactics to make himself look larger then life.
“I have come to give you a WARNING!!!”
Another bolt of lightning crashes into the hillside behind the creepy ghost.
“Never eat poultry or dairy if it's been sitting out in the son!”
Larry waves his arms back and forth and his voice trails off all ghost like.
“Or you'll get....”
Lightning strikes a tree and sets it on fire!
“SALMONELLA!”
Steve Awesome slaps his hands to his cheeks and screams at the top of his lungs when suddenly he finds himself right back where he started from. Safe in his own little promo area. He looks around and feels his body to make sure he was for real.
“Seriously.....what the hell just happened? I don't remember a thing.....one minute I'm talking about my promos being stale and bland and then nothing......oh well....i can't do anything about that. I'm just regular Steve Awesome, the Face of the Franchise, and Leonard Fox and the rest of the staff wrestle my matches for me and win me my world titles. I just stand in the back and some Mexican with a body odor problem comes down to the ring and does all my wrestling for me.”
Thats where Carlos went.
“Oh well, I'll just keep being the world champion Lex, the pinnacle of this buisness, and you and your boytoy Ricky Johnson can sit around and think up some more excuses as to why I just can't be beaten by you mortals. And you continue to create cutting edge promos, complete with special effects and a fog machine. I could never top that.”
He snaps his finger and shuffles his heels as he walks away. Before the scene cuts you can see Larry peering in through the window. Watching.....and waiting.......
Jimmy Zane is currently chatting it up with some females at the bar when suddenly Steve Awesome comes running up.
“DUDE!”
Steve looks frantic, like whatever was on his mind was more important then Jimmy making it with those girls he was chatting up.
“You'll never guess who I invited to the party!?”
Jimmy tells the ladies to hold on for one second.
“This better be freaking good Steve.”
Steve pauses for dramatic effect, and then underlines the word in the air when it comes rushing out of his lips.
“Jerry.”
Jimmy's nostril flares.
“Who the hell is Jerry and why do I care?”
“THE JERRY. Of Ben & Jerry! He's coming here.”
Jimmy suddenly starts to undergo a rapid change in mood.
“Wait.....Jerry is coming to our ice cream social!? Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod......wait what about Ben?”
Steve shrugs.
“Apparently Ben went crazy five years ago and lives in the forest. But JERRY dude! He's on his way.”
Jimmy starts to fan himself off like a teeny bopper meeting justin timberlake.
“oh man.....oh man.....dude...I'm hyperventilating! I think I might pass out.....”
“Don't worry, I know what to do....we need more alcohol...STAT!”
He walks Jimmy over to the bar and helps him take a seat.
“Just sit here and listen to my anecdote and try and get your act together.”
It's at this point in time that Andrew Jacobsen comes storming into the bar. Check out his promo to see what went down.
Ricky........
He sighs and rubs a palm down his face.
“You and I have been at each others throats for the past two months now. Ripping each others personal egos to shreds over the world title that currently hangs from my shoulder.”
He pats the golden face plate with the utmost pride.
“You don't think I deserve it and I could really care less what you think. You've told me all about your conspiracy theories, you've bitched and whined and moaned and complained for two straight months about poor wittle Ricky Johnson and quite frankly dude.....im sick to death of it all already. I'm tired of it. The entire roster whines because I'm the champ but at least there faces are different. This sunday when we step inside the warfare match.....it's now or never for you Ricky. The time has come for you to either **** or get off the pot. You have to win this match to make the four years you've waited for this moment seem worth it. You have to win or it's back to the obscure hell you lived in before the anniversary show took place.
He smiles and points at himself.
“But for me, it doesn't really matter.
He shrugs it off.
'”If I lose this Sunday...sure I miss out at some bragging rights and I have to deal with your mouth for awhile but i'll just go jerk off the boss and I'll get another title shot at the next pay per view, where I'll proceed to kick your scrawny punk ass without Andrew Jacobsen having the ability to screw things up for me. I'll win the title back, become a third time world champion and it will be like you never existed.”
he shuts his eyes and smiles big just like the smarmy douche he is.
“But if you lose Ricky...thats it your done. No more chances. No more excuses. No more what ifs. You lose, I win. End of story. And since we are so close to the end for you Ricky I'll let you in on a little secret.....
He cups the side of his mouth and whispers.
“There is a conspiracy.”
“And you can't stop it. It's bigger then the both us Ricky and this Sunday in the warfare it's going to swallow you hole and **** you out in the pit of obscurity where you belong.....when you see Ortega and Manson down there....tell them I said....
He throws them up.
“Deuces.”
We come back to the ice cream social and Jacobsen had just nailed Steve Awesome right between the eyes! He fell back over the bar rail and now the world champion was furious!
“That little sun of a whore! How dare he!”
Steve heads straight for the door that Andrew walked out of and he sees him walking toward hi car.
“HEY! Who in the hell do you think you are?”
Andrew spins around to see Steve Awesome running toward him like an angry bull.
“Oh, you wanna fight me? You wanna take out your partner for the match? Fine, lets freaking do this! I've been waiting way to long for this moment!”
Steve gets in Andrew's face and Rob Diamond rushes to try to separate them.
“GUYS! Don't do this!
He tries to get between them but Steve pushes Rob back.
“No Rob, it's time Andrew got what he deserved!”
Steve pulls his left fist back, but then extends his right hand for a handshake and then drops his left fist completely. Andrew, Rob and the crowd of people that have formed around Infamous all seem confused.
“You walked into my party, you punched me in the face, and you told me everything you really felt. And most importantly Andrew, you didn't give a **** while you did it.......”
He shrugs.
“Maybe your more infamous then I thought......”
Based on that alone Andrew grips Steve's hand and shakes it. But Andrew pulls Steve in.
“Me and you....were not done. Not by a long shot. I still owe you for wrecking my family and putting me through hell.....but this Sunday the three of us walk into the Warfare as Infamous.”
Rob puts his hand into the middle.
“And we walk out.....as champions.”
We fade on them all giving each other reassuring glances.
“They ask me if I'm willing to go to war over this world championship.....”
he holds it in his hands, cadling it like a child.
“......I ask them....when was I ever at peace?
He arrogantly drapes the world title over his shoulder.
“At Battlegrounds, I step into a warzone. No matter what happens, wether I survive and I retain my world title, or if I lose it all in the heat of battle, one thing is for sure, September Twenty Fifth, Two Thousand Eleven will live in INFAMY. Lex, Jimmy, Ricky........it's time for a war and we don't take no prisoners.”
he crotch chops.
“Suck it.”
“Why would I wanna miss out on that for nine months?”
She bites her lip and they both laugh together.
“Oh don't worry, you won't miss a thing baby....”
Crystal sticks her tongue out.
“Eww, but I'd be all fat and bloated.....i'd be a whale....”
Steve shrugs with the shoulder he wasn't laying on.
“Thats okay....after banging Jacobsen's mom, I'm kind of into that sort of thing.”
Crystal nearly gags and rolls out of the bed.
“oh thats nasty!”
She quickly throws a shirt on before the camera can catch her topless and Steve just laughs and tries to catch her before she throws up everywhere.
“Baby, i'm kidding.”
She stops and looks at his goofy grin and his apologetic green eyes. He was somewhere far away from the cold womanizing Steve the rest of the world knew.
“That was a bad joke.”
She says as she walks back to Steve and sits down next to him.
“Why do you want to have a kid so bad anyway?”
“I'm not getting any younger Crystal.....my biological clock is ticking.....”
She stares at him, her eyes like lasers through his B.S.
“...I don't know.....I just know that some day in the future I'm actually going to have to step back from this company, when that happens I want to know that theres something there waiting for me when I get home. A son or daughter. A family. You.”
He grabs her hand in his and he looks at her, trying to read a response off her face before she even says a word. All she could do was smile.
“Wow...even in a room that smell like wet rags next to a steaming hot furnace.....you can still make me feel like the most special girl on the planet but......”
Steve's shoulders slumped. He hated but's......yet loved them so. Ironic?
“.....I'm just not ready to have another kid. I spent so much of my early life being pregnant and raising kids, now I need to focus on my career. I want to become a world champion like you some day.”
Awesome felt like crap, but a part of him understood where she was coming from. Maybe it would have been a bad idea afterall?
“I get it Crystal. I want you to win the strap too. “
He looks away at nothing but chipping paint. It really wasn't that exciting.
“but hey, just because I don't want to have your child yet, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. Or that I don't want to be with you. If you walked out tomorrow, i'd be right there with you. I chose you for a reason, Steve.”
And that right there eased his soul for the time being. He wasn't exactly positive.....but he thought she might be the one. He gets up and slides his pants on one leg at a time and then kisses her on the cheek.
“Thanks Crystal.....I love you too. I'm gonna go back to the party. See you out there?”
She nods her head and kisses him one more time on the lips this time.
“Yup, just gonna freshen up and I'll see you in a bit...see ya later champ.....”
As Awesome heads for the door Crystals phone starts to ring. Awesome stops at the door as she puts it up to her ear and answers it.
“oh hi Todd......”
“Bland and stale?”
Steve doesn't even wait to say something intense to rip his sunglasses from his face this time. He just does purely based on the sheer stupidity of it all.
“For realz?”
He has to check to see if he misherd the quote. Nope, he totally said it.
“I mean, I know I haven't done any hangover parodies or gone back in time lately, but I thought what I've been doing has at least got a chuckle out of you Lex. I was hoping you were at least interested in my life even just a little bit.....but then again, I guess everything seems a little bland and stale when your a seven foot monster with face paint and talking to ghosts all the time.”
He rolls his eyes and does the jerk off motion with his hand. All of a sudden a bolt of lightning flashes in the background and were transported to a scary cemetary with a full moon out and its raining. Steve looks around himself all scared and fearful like.
“Whats going on here?”
“MUAH HA HA HA HA!”
The evil laughter echoed from behind the world champion and he whipped around to face it and thats when an ominous blur creeps by while his back is turned. He turns back around and then something taps on his shoulder and it scares him so bad he leaps into scooby doos arms. Thats when the figure emerges from the shadows. His face rotting, his eyes, a solid white, and a bad ass handle bar mustache.
“It is I.....the ghost of your brother.....
The camera zooms in on this shocking development!
“.....'s, soccer coach's, niece's, ex-boyfriends, accountants, butchers, friends, son!.........Larry!”
Steve seems confused.
“um.......alright?”
The ghost steps forward waving its arms and using other theatre tactics to make himself look larger then life.
“I have come to give you a WARNING!!!”
Another bolt of lightning crashes into the hillside behind the creepy ghost.
“Never eat poultry or dairy if it's been sitting out in the son!”
Larry waves his arms back and forth and his voice trails off all ghost like.
“Or you'll get....”
Lightning strikes a tree and sets it on fire!
“SALMONELLA!”
Steve Awesome slaps his hands to his cheeks and screams at the top of his lungs when suddenly he finds himself right back where he started from. Safe in his own little promo area. He looks around and feels his body to make sure he was for real.
“Seriously.....what the hell just happened? I don't remember a thing.....one minute I'm talking about my promos being stale and bland and then nothing......oh well....i can't do anything about that. I'm just regular Steve Awesome, the Face of the Franchise, and Leonard Fox and the rest of the staff wrestle my matches for me and win me my world titles. I just stand in the back and some Mexican with a body odor problem comes down to the ring and does all my wrestling for me.”
Thats where Carlos went.
“Oh well, I'll just keep being the world champion Lex, the pinnacle of this buisness, and you and your boytoy Ricky Johnson can sit around and think up some more excuses as to why I just can't be beaten by you mortals. And you continue to create cutting edge promos, complete with special effects and a fog machine. I could never top that.”
He snaps his finger and shuffles his heels as he walks away. Before the scene cuts you can see Larry peering in through the window. Watching.....and waiting.......
Jimmy Zane is currently chatting it up with some females at the bar when suddenly Steve Awesome comes running up.
“DUDE!”
Steve looks frantic, like whatever was on his mind was more important then Jimmy making it with those girls he was chatting up.
“You'll never guess who I invited to the party!?”
Jimmy tells the ladies to hold on for one second.
“This better be freaking good Steve.”
Steve pauses for dramatic effect, and then underlines the word in the air when it comes rushing out of his lips.
“Jerry.”
Jimmy's nostril flares.
“Who the hell is Jerry and why do I care?”
“THE JERRY. Of Ben & Jerry! He's coming here.”
Jimmy suddenly starts to undergo a rapid change in mood.
“Wait.....Jerry is coming to our ice cream social!? Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod......wait what about Ben?”
Steve shrugs.
“Apparently Ben went crazy five years ago and lives in the forest. But JERRY dude! He's on his way.”
Jimmy starts to fan himself off like a teeny bopper meeting justin timberlake.
“oh man.....oh man.....dude...I'm hyperventilating! I think I might pass out.....”
“Don't worry, I know what to do....we need more alcohol...STAT!”
He walks Jimmy over to the bar and helps him take a seat.
“Just sit here and listen to my anecdote and try and get your act together.”
It's at this point in time that Andrew Jacobsen comes storming into the bar. Check out his promo to see what went down.
Ricky........
He sighs and rubs a palm down his face.
“You and I have been at each others throats for the past two months now. Ripping each others personal egos to shreds over the world title that currently hangs from my shoulder.”
He pats the golden face plate with the utmost pride.
“You don't think I deserve it and I could really care less what you think. You've told me all about your conspiracy theories, you've bitched and whined and moaned and complained for two straight months about poor wittle Ricky Johnson and quite frankly dude.....im sick to death of it all already. I'm tired of it. The entire roster whines because I'm the champ but at least there faces are different. This sunday when we step inside the warfare match.....it's now or never for you Ricky. The time has come for you to either **** or get off the pot. You have to win this match to make the four years you've waited for this moment seem worth it. You have to win or it's back to the obscure hell you lived in before the anniversary show took place.
He smiles and points at himself.
“But for me, it doesn't really matter.
He shrugs it off.
'”If I lose this Sunday...sure I miss out at some bragging rights and I have to deal with your mouth for awhile but i'll just go jerk off the boss and I'll get another title shot at the next pay per view, where I'll proceed to kick your scrawny punk ass without Andrew Jacobsen having the ability to screw things up for me. I'll win the title back, become a third time world champion and it will be like you never existed.”
he shuts his eyes and smiles big just like the smarmy douche he is.
“But if you lose Ricky...thats it your done. No more chances. No more excuses. No more what ifs. You lose, I win. End of story. And since we are so close to the end for you Ricky I'll let you in on a little secret.....
He cups the side of his mouth and whispers.
“There is a conspiracy.”
“And you can't stop it. It's bigger then the both us Ricky and this Sunday in the warfare it's going to swallow you hole and **** you out in the pit of obscurity where you belong.....when you see Ortega and Manson down there....tell them I said....
He throws them up.
“Deuces.”
We come back to the ice cream social and Jacobsen had just nailed Steve Awesome right between the eyes! He fell back over the bar rail and now the world champion was furious!
“That little sun of a whore! How dare he!”
Steve heads straight for the door that Andrew walked out of and he sees him walking toward hi car.
“HEY! Who in the hell do you think you are?”
Andrew spins around to see Steve Awesome running toward him like an angry bull.
“Oh, you wanna fight me? You wanna take out your partner for the match? Fine, lets freaking do this! I've been waiting way to long for this moment!”
Steve gets in Andrew's face and Rob Diamond rushes to try to separate them.
“GUYS! Don't do this!
He tries to get between them but Steve pushes Rob back.
“No Rob, it's time Andrew got what he deserved!”
Steve pulls his left fist back, but then extends his right hand for a handshake and then drops his left fist completely. Andrew, Rob and the crowd of people that have formed around Infamous all seem confused.
“You walked into my party, you punched me in the face, and you told me everything you really felt. And most importantly Andrew, you didn't give a **** while you did it.......”
He shrugs.
“Maybe your more infamous then I thought......”
Based on that alone Andrew grips Steve's hand and shakes it. But Andrew pulls Steve in.
“Me and you....were not done. Not by a long shot. I still owe you for wrecking my family and putting me through hell.....but this Sunday the three of us walk into the Warfare as Infamous.”
Rob puts his hand into the middle.
“And we walk out.....as champions.”
We fade on them all giving each other reassuring glances.
“They ask me if I'm willing to go to war over this world championship.....”
he holds it in his hands, cadling it like a child.
“......I ask them....when was I ever at peace?
He arrogantly drapes the world title over his shoulder.
“At Battlegrounds, I step into a warzone. No matter what happens, wether I survive and I retain my world title, or if I lose it all in the heat of battle, one thing is for sure, September Twenty Fifth, Two Thousand Eleven will live in INFAMY. Lex, Jimmy, Ricky........it's time for a war and we don't take no prisoners.”
he crotch chops.
“Suck it.”