Post by Alex Jones on Nov 22, 2011 17:11:09 GMT -6
So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide
As the music plays behind me I mouth the words as solemn thoughts run through my head. I was thrown far from grace and now I fall unto it. Falling is the last thing I feel, a distant voice echoes through my head, but for the first time it is my own. Along with my thoughts. Alone thinking about who I am and how I’ll be remembered. My relationships in the past, present and future. I need to feel this, I need to understand how this happened.
“Are you happy Spike?....”
The question itself evokes a knee jerk reaction and most will ponder if I’m sincere or was that some sort of veiled sarcasm?. In other words, am I an asshole or am I trying to do what a friend should do?. But what should a friend do?. I see someone who I care about suffering and turning into something, I see a friend becoming something he shouldn’t. I see a good man disappearing behind crimson eyes of hatred and jealousy. A good man disappearing into his own mind where he is a victim…..
“I’m serious Spike, are you happy?. You had your winning streak, you are climbing back up the rankings of NCW. You seem to be doing what you want. You have it in your head that this is some sort of revenge fantasy for how I apparently treated you in the past. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer eh Michael?.....”
Yes using the first name. That was to bring about a reaction. He knows that I know him better than he lets on. He knows he and I have a long LONG past. He knows that we were once closer than brothers. But it all fell apart, it all became nothing. And now I sit here being blamed for it all. Just call me a martyr…
“You paint me as a villain in your story. You the persecuted former champion who was spit on and betrayed b y friends. A man who has lost it all. A man whose own brother walked out on him, a man whose girlfriend is now different due to losing the title to my wife. And all of it is my fault right Spike?. I was never a friend to you am I right?. All I did was drag you down right man?. Made fun of you, betrayed you, used you for my own gain…that’s the score right Mikey?....”
I smile and my eyes sparkle. I know my own feelings on this, I know Spike’s but in the end it doesn’t matter. He has his fears, he has his anger, he seems to be paranoid and thinks that everyone is out to hold him down. How stupid….
“When you first walked in the doors of that other company I welcomed you as a friend. I shook your hand and for three and a half years through fights, through betrayals from us both we stayed friends. I always had your back Spike, I always stood behind you. Then when that other company folded you kept going, I retired, I walked away. Until that fire came back. That fire in my stomach that pushed me to compete. So I came to NCW and what did I find?. I found you as the world champion. I found you and Lance Ryan as the top two dogs in NCW and did you welcome me?. Did you embrace me as a brother?.....no…of course not….”
I seem bitter I suppose. I sigh deeply and shake my head. What do I know?. Maybe Spike was angry back then. Maybe he’s been angry all these years keeping feelings of anger and resentment. I don’t know anymore. What I do know is that Spike and I will come to blows, he and I will beat the hell out of each other and maybe, just maybe I can smack some sense into him…..
“You ignored me Spike, you didn’t even acknowledge we knew each other. You treated me as a leper, as a nobody. I understand coming to a new company and starting from the ground up, I’ve never had a problem with that. But everyone else I already knew and worked with, Joe Everyman, Mark “Evil” Reeves, Jake “The Ace” Conway, Steve Awesome, JFK, they all knew me and although they may not have welcomed me they atleast acknowledged my existence and the past….”
I sigh and think back to the past. My nine years in this business, my past relationships. He really believes it doesn’t he?. This sob story of anger he’s written for himself. His abandonment. He was my friend, he was my brother, but now that bond is gone, now I need to take him out. He threatened my family……MY…FAMILY….
“Those men faced me and remembered how good I really am. I’ve been in this business nine years Spike, almost a decade, you’ve been in this business fifteen years and we both know the score. We both know what we are capable of. I know you are a dangerous human being. But you should know how dangerous I am. You want to know what I’m capable of when I just let go?. When I decide to “pull the trigger”?.....”
An evil smirk comes across my face. Visions of the pain I caused Angel, a man who is now my friend. I remember turning his own daughter against him, I remember tieing him to a ring post and destroying him with a kendo stick. I remember breaking a fluorescent light tube over Angels back. Things I did but I wasn’t proud of. Imagine what I’d do to someone who threatened my family. Should I just snap?. Should I just let go?......
“I hurt people Mike. You grabbed my wife by the throat, you threatened her. And if I hadn’t of been there what would you have done Michael?. Would you have hurt her?, would you have tried to get revenge for what happened months ago?. Revenge for something my wife didn’t even do. Mercedes Lewis came back and took out Alysson because of what she did. Alysson walked out like a coward, so Mercedes took her revenge. Shelly won the match, Alysson got what was coming to her and now here you are her knight in shining armor taking revenge on the Jones family for the wrongs that Shelly and I have done against you and your girlfriend….”
I roll my eyes and sigh shaking my head. They deserve each other. Spike has to realize though, he threatened something dear to me, he threatened the most important people in my life. I swear to god, if he hurts my wife, my kids, I will murder him in cold blood and laugh all the way to death row. And what really scares me, is that I can think that..and know it’s gospel truth…..
“I know the real truth Spike. The fans see it to. See you’ve been in this business for fifteen years, you’ve been world champion everywhere you’ve been or close to it. You’ve been one of the best of the best, and now here you are in the twilight of your career and you believe you’ve been disrespected, you believe I’ve moved ahead of you on the roster, you’re just a man who is watching his career slip away and you started to lash out and hurt people…..”
It’s true he did. He caused pain, he tried to cause injury. This is what Spike has wanted. He hates me, he wants to end me, he can try, I welcome him to.
“You tried to injure other wrestlers and take their careers when they were doing nothing more than their job in that ring. Someone had to stop you so I decided it was my responsibility. I came down and tried to talk you into some kind of sanity and instead I got attacked. I keep getting attacked and screwed. And the worst part is I see you flushing your legacy, the legacy I watched build into a dynasty, right down the crapper. I’ve watched you go from being an honorable mans man and wrestler we all respected to being a whiny jealous little bitch…..”
I need to choose my words carefully. But at the same time they need to carry weight and truth. I need him to see. I need him to realize. I still think he had that same man inside him who I used to travel the roads with, my old friend has to be in there…..
“A man who now takes wins by kicking someone in the balls while a referee isn’t looking, a man who breaks the rules to get his hand raised and man who also brags about wins when it wasn’t even him who won the match. A man who is probably going to make excuses as to why he and his partner lost to myself and Xander, a man who will go on about Curtis being crazy and costing him the match. Is that who you are Spike?. You go on about who I am and what I’m about but you swing that judgmental pendulum back the other way and you take a good long hard look in a mirror and tell me if you like the person you see……”
Of course he will. An addict doesn’t know he’s an addict before it’s too late. Of course Spike knows this. He’ll look in the mirror, smile and see the god of extreme an all conquering hero out to restore himself to the top of NCW while taking out the man who has never been his “real friend”…..what a crock of ****…..
“You may ask the same questions of me. See I know there are things in my past that I’ve done that aren’t my finest moments. I know I’ve done horrible things. But I’ve tried to be a good man, I have my son, I have my wife, I love my step daughter, I live my happy life and I know you’re angry about it because that’s what you wanted with Aly and now you can’t because it’s just not the same. But that isn’t my wife’s fault and as for you and me?. Well you can keep spinning your lies like you’re mister innocent and I’m the big bad jerk in the end Spike, I need to beat you, not just for a money, not just for honor but because if I don’t I’ll have to see your smirking face and hear your boasts and bull**** for the rest of my life…….”
I shake my head and laugh to myself. What kind of hell is that?....
“So what are you gonna say Spike?. What are you gonna do?. Are you gonna talk about how awful I am?. Are you gonna talk about how you already beat me and I just make excuses as to why I lost?. Are you going to try and turn everything back on me and say that I’m just selfish prick?. Who knows, I wait with baited breathe Spike…..”
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide
As the music plays behind me I mouth the words as solemn thoughts run through my head. I was thrown far from grace and now I fall unto it. Falling is the last thing I feel, a distant voice echoes through my head, but for the first time it is my own. Along with my thoughts. Alone thinking about who I am and how I’ll be remembered. My relationships in the past, present and future. I need to feel this, I need to understand how this happened.
“Are you happy Spike?....”
The question itself evokes a knee jerk reaction and most will ponder if I’m sincere or was that some sort of veiled sarcasm?. In other words, am I an asshole or am I trying to do what a friend should do?. But what should a friend do?. I see someone who I care about suffering and turning into something, I see a friend becoming something he shouldn’t. I see a good man disappearing behind crimson eyes of hatred and jealousy. A good man disappearing into his own mind where he is a victim…..
“I’m serious Spike, are you happy?. You had your winning streak, you are climbing back up the rankings of NCW. You seem to be doing what you want. You have it in your head that this is some sort of revenge fantasy for how I apparently treated you in the past. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer eh Michael?.....”
Yes using the first name. That was to bring about a reaction. He knows that I know him better than he lets on. He knows he and I have a long LONG past. He knows that we were once closer than brothers. But it all fell apart, it all became nothing. And now I sit here being blamed for it all. Just call me a martyr…
“You paint me as a villain in your story. You the persecuted former champion who was spit on and betrayed b y friends. A man who has lost it all. A man whose own brother walked out on him, a man whose girlfriend is now different due to losing the title to my wife. And all of it is my fault right Spike?. I was never a friend to you am I right?. All I did was drag you down right man?. Made fun of you, betrayed you, used you for my own gain…that’s the score right Mikey?....”
I smile and my eyes sparkle. I know my own feelings on this, I know Spike’s but in the end it doesn’t matter. He has his fears, he has his anger, he seems to be paranoid and thinks that everyone is out to hold him down. How stupid….
“When you first walked in the doors of that other company I welcomed you as a friend. I shook your hand and for three and a half years through fights, through betrayals from us both we stayed friends. I always had your back Spike, I always stood behind you. Then when that other company folded you kept going, I retired, I walked away. Until that fire came back. That fire in my stomach that pushed me to compete. So I came to NCW and what did I find?. I found you as the world champion. I found you and Lance Ryan as the top two dogs in NCW and did you welcome me?. Did you embrace me as a brother?.....no…of course not….”
I seem bitter I suppose. I sigh deeply and shake my head. What do I know?. Maybe Spike was angry back then. Maybe he’s been angry all these years keeping feelings of anger and resentment. I don’t know anymore. What I do know is that Spike and I will come to blows, he and I will beat the hell out of each other and maybe, just maybe I can smack some sense into him…..
“You ignored me Spike, you didn’t even acknowledge we knew each other. You treated me as a leper, as a nobody. I understand coming to a new company and starting from the ground up, I’ve never had a problem with that. But everyone else I already knew and worked with, Joe Everyman, Mark “Evil” Reeves, Jake “The Ace” Conway, Steve Awesome, JFK, they all knew me and although they may not have welcomed me they atleast acknowledged my existence and the past….”
I sigh and think back to the past. My nine years in this business, my past relationships. He really believes it doesn’t he?. This sob story of anger he’s written for himself. His abandonment. He was my friend, he was my brother, but now that bond is gone, now I need to take him out. He threatened my family……MY…FAMILY….
“Those men faced me and remembered how good I really am. I’ve been in this business nine years Spike, almost a decade, you’ve been in this business fifteen years and we both know the score. We both know what we are capable of. I know you are a dangerous human being. But you should know how dangerous I am. You want to know what I’m capable of when I just let go?. When I decide to “pull the trigger”?.....”
An evil smirk comes across my face. Visions of the pain I caused Angel, a man who is now my friend. I remember turning his own daughter against him, I remember tieing him to a ring post and destroying him with a kendo stick. I remember breaking a fluorescent light tube over Angels back. Things I did but I wasn’t proud of. Imagine what I’d do to someone who threatened my family. Should I just snap?. Should I just let go?......
“I hurt people Mike. You grabbed my wife by the throat, you threatened her. And if I hadn’t of been there what would you have done Michael?. Would you have hurt her?, would you have tried to get revenge for what happened months ago?. Revenge for something my wife didn’t even do. Mercedes Lewis came back and took out Alysson because of what she did. Alysson walked out like a coward, so Mercedes took her revenge. Shelly won the match, Alysson got what was coming to her and now here you are her knight in shining armor taking revenge on the Jones family for the wrongs that Shelly and I have done against you and your girlfriend….”
I roll my eyes and sigh shaking my head. They deserve each other. Spike has to realize though, he threatened something dear to me, he threatened the most important people in my life. I swear to god, if he hurts my wife, my kids, I will murder him in cold blood and laugh all the way to death row. And what really scares me, is that I can think that..and know it’s gospel truth…..
“I know the real truth Spike. The fans see it to. See you’ve been in this business for fifteen years, you’ve been world champion everywhere you’ve been or close to it. You’ve been one of the best of the best, and now here you are in the twilight of your career and you believe you’ve been disrespected, you believe I’ve moved ahead of you on the roster, you’re just a man who is watching his career slip away and you started to lash out and hurt people…..”
It’s true he did. He caused pain, he tried to cause injury. This is what Spike has wanted. He hates me, he wants to end me, he can try, I welcome him to.
“You tried to injure other wrestlers and take their careers when they were doing nothing more than their job in that ring. Someone had to stop you so I decided it was my responsibility. I came down and tried to talk you into some kind of sanity and instead I got attacked. I keep getting attacked and screwed. And the worst part is I see you flushing your legacy, the legacy I watched build into a dynasty, right down the crapper. I’ve watched you go from being an honorable mans man and wrestler we all respected to being a whiny jealous little bitch…..”
I need to choose my words carefully. But at the same time they need to carry weight and truth. I need him to see. I need him to realize. I still think he had that same man inside him who I used to travel the roads with, my old friend has to be in there…..
“A man who now takes wins by kicking someone in the balls while a referee isn’t looking, a man who breaks the rules to get his hand raised and man who also brags about wins when it wasn’t even him who won the match. A man who is probably going to make excuses as to why he and his partner lost to myself and Xander, a man who will go on about Curtis being crazy and costing him the match. Is that who you are Spike?. You go on about who I am and what I’m about but you swing that judgmental pendulum back the other way and you take a good long hard look in a mirror and tell me if you like the person you see……”
Of course he will. An addict doesn’t know he’s an addict before it’s too late. Of course Spike knows this. He’ll look in the mirror, smile and see the god of extreme an all conquering hero out to restore himself to the top of NCW while taking out the man who has never been his “real friend”…..what a crock of ****…..
“You may ask the same questions of me. See I know there are things in my past that I’ve done that aren’t my finest moments. I know I’ve done horrible things. But I’ve tried to be a good man, I have my son, I have my wife, I love my step daughter, I live my happy life and I know you’re angry about it because that’s what you wanted with Aly and now you can’t because it’s just not the same. But that isn’t my wife’s fault and as for you and me?. Well you can keep spinning your lies like you’re mister innocent and I’m the big bad jerk in the end Spike, I need to beat you, not just for a money, not just for honor but because if I don’t I’ll have to see your smirking face and hear your boasts and bull**** for the rest of my life…….”
I shake my head and laugh to myself. What kind of hell is that?....
“So what are you gonna say Spike?. What are you gonna do?. Are you gonna talk about how awful I am?. Are you gonna talk about how you already beat me and I just make excuses as to why I lost?. Are you going to try and turn everything back on me and say that I’m just selfish prick?. Who knows, I wait with baited breathe Spike…..”