Post by Gjenrei on Nov 27, 2011 2:16:41 GMT -6
Win or lose, you're going to give me everything I can handle? Here is a thought.
No, you are not.
Because you, do not even understand what you are capable of. You do not even understand why you are fighting. You say you love this sport, fine.. I accept that. What I will not, and will never accept is a man telling me that he is going to give me everything he can muster, when a few moments ago he simply stated that this was not important enough to him. That the very fact that it is "fun and enjoyable" meant that it was not worth the right kind of sacrifice.
Color me, entirely disapointed.
I am not asking you to walk out to that ring and lay your life down. The point that you failed to grasp over these last two excursions was not the effect, but the means. Not to simply die, but to have lived a life where when that final breath is exhaled, everything is at peace with your soul.
No regrets about not having won this trinket, or that accolade.
No self loathing about wishing you had not hurt a certain person, or betrayed an ideal.
A simple peace that knowing with your final bow before the curtain falls for good, that every step you took was one you could call your own. Imagine two Samurai walking down the street, and one mutters a curse under his breath, whether for honor or clan. One of those men will soon die, but do you think that either of them will find tears in their final eyes as a lament to a lost life? No, absolutely not. They live in the invariable assertion that all men one day will perish, and that your life is not meant to be looking forward, but to be looking down, for you never know when that scythe will find your mark.
You say you have all these things to fight for, and for you, that seems like enough. For a man like me, it is simply not good enough. You fight for life, or you fight for nothing.
I do not expect you to understand. It was rather foolish of me to think that you could. You were taught that the future is what matters. You were told that you could be anything that you put your mind to. You were told that tomorrow was a new day and it was always darkest just before the dawn.
Rarely, were you told the cost.
I harbor no desire to take your life from you. This is not an arena where only one man must remain standing before the doors are open and he is allowed to leave with his life. But assuming that as a truth means this is any less serious, only means that you lack the real capacity to appreciate what you have. You see your daughter in front of you, and think to take a picture, so you can "remember" this moment when she is older. You dream of her in a graduation parade, or taking an oath of office, never realizing that the one thing you should be focusing on is that you have this moment with her.
You worry that I take things too seriously.. I worry that you do not take things seriously enough.
But, this is merely a difference in opinion. The last man who told me that I was a mere construct before him, that he was going to give me his all and defeat me. Has found himself spending more and more time encased in a video game to escape his dismal realization that his hopes for the future require more effort than he was willing to expend.
You are human, after all. I cannot prevent you from making a mistake, only warn you of the pitfalls.
The fact remains, that I desire to prove nothing to anyone. I make my peace with myself, and everyone will either accept it or not, neither of which outcomes affect me. So, the question remains for you to ponder...
What is it exactly that you have to prove so badly?
And who are you trying to prove it to?
I will await you and your answer, on the battlefield.
That.. was amazing... I feel, light.. tingly.. like I'm not even laying on these soft sheets. Man.. the things he can do.. must be a Japan thing I guess. [/i]
You are sufficiently pleased?
I can't do anything but nod. My voice won't work. My limbs won't move. I can't even roll my head to look his way. He sees my nod, and suddenly he's up and out of bed. [/i]
I am glad that you enjoyed it.
How could he just do that? Bring me to cloud nine, steal my breath away, take me to heaven.. hell any other euphmism for a great **** you want, and then he simply walks away. I didn't need to him to sit and cuddle and snuggle and tell me everything was alright, but at least having the common decency to sit next to me would be nice...
And he's gone, into the other room of the suite. Oh what the **** did you get yourself into this time Deanna? You spent weeks in hotel rooms with this guy, then one of his little "side missions" goes by and you try to **** him. Just great, exactly what we need in our lives.
I don't hear anything from the other room as I pull myself up to my feet. I don't care if this is a man I'd seen before in the ring as a child. I don't care if he was a pretty big deal in Japan before his first retirement. Freakin Brad Kane wannabe is all he is. I should spill his name out on camera, just to piss off him and this stupid company. **** this ****.
I walk over to the bathroom, and start a shower. I don't give a rats ass that it's two thirty in the morning. I let the hot water run over my naked body, a body that I just let a total douchebag stranger ravish for all the wrong reasons. Geez, how could I be so *** damn naive? Oh what to do...
Quit..? Then who would hire me?
Run? Just stay away from him while I quietly collected my paycheck? He won't complain, I know it... but.. they'd catch on.
Oh.. whatever. I'm just gonna take a long shower, and go to freakin bed. Hopefully I won't want to kill him when I wake up tomorrow. [/i]
The problem with most human beings is that they believe they know what they want in the heat of the moment. When the heat passes, they suffer for their actions. This was a lesson she had to learn the hard way.
I am, after all, a professional.[/i]
No, you are not.
Because you, do not even understand what you are capable of. You do not even understand why you are fighting. You say you love this sport, fine.. I accept that. What I will not, and will never accept is a man telling me that he is going to give me everything he can muster, when a few moments ago he simply stated that this was not important enough to him. That the very fact that it is "fun and enjoyable" meant that it was not worth the right kind of sacrifice.
Color me, entirely disapointed.
I am not asking you to walk out to that ring and lay your life down. The point that you failed to grasp over these last two excursions was not the effect, but the means. Not to simply die, but to have lived a life where when that final breath is exhaled, everything is at peace with your soul.
No regrets about not having won this trinket, or that accolade.
No self loathing about wishing you had not hurt a certain person, or betrayed an ideal.
A simple peace that knowing with your final bow before the curtain falls for good, that every step you took was one you could call your own. Imagine two Samurai walking down the street, and one mutters a curse under his breath, whether for honor or clan. One of those men will soon die, but do you think that either of them will find tears in their final eyes as a lament to a lost life? No, absolutely not. They live in the invariable assertion that all men one day will perish, and that your life is not meant to be looking forward, but to be looking down, for you never know when that scythe will find your mark.
You say you have all these things to fight for, and for you, that seems like enough. For a man like me, it is simply not good enough. You fight for life, or you fight for nothing.
I do not expect you to understand. It was rather foolish of me to think that you could. You were taught that the future is what matters. You were told that you could be anything that you put your mind to. You were told that tomorrow was a new day and it was always darkest just before the dawn.
Rarely, were you told the cost.
I harbor no desire to take your life from you. This is not an arena where only one man must remain standing before the doors are open and he is allowed to leave with his life. But assuming that as a truth means this is any less serious, only means that you lack the real capacity to appreciate what you have. You see your daughter in front of you, and think to take a picture, so you can "remember" this moment when she is older. You dream of her in a graduation parade, or taking an oath of office, never realizing that the one thing you should be focusing on is that you have this moment with her.
You worry that I take things too seriously.. I worry that you do not take things seriously enough.
But, this is merely a difference in opinion. The last man who told me that I was a mere construct before him, that he was going to give me his all and defeat me. Has found himself spending more and more time encased in a video game to escape his dismal realization that his hopes for the future require more effort than he was willing to expend.
You are human, after all. I cannot prevent you from making a mistake, only warn you of the pitfalls.
The fact remains, that I desire to prove nothing to anyone. I make my peace with myself, and everyone will either accept it or not, neither of which outcomes affect me. So, the question remains for you to ponder...
What is it exactly that you have to prove so badly?
And who are you trying to prove it to?
I will await you and your answer, on the battlefield.
That.. was amazing... I feel, light.. tingly.. like I'm not even laying on these soft sheets. Man.. the things he can do.. must be a Japan thing I guess. [/i]
You are sufficiently pleased?
I can't do anything but nod. My voice won't work. My limbs won't move. I can't even roll my head to look his way. He sees my nod, and suddenly he's up and out of bed. [/i]
I am glad that you enjoyed it.
How could he just do that? Bring me to cloud nine, steal my breath away, take me to heaven.. hell any other euphmism for a great **** you want, and then he simply walks away. I didn't need to him to sit and cuddle and snuggle and tell me everything was alright, but at least having the common decency to sit next to me would be nice...
And he's gone, into the other room of the suite. Oh what the **** did you get yourself into this time Deanna? You spent weeks in hotel rooms with this guy, then one of his little "side missions" goes by and you try to **** him. Just great, exactly what we need in our lives.
I don't hear anything from the other room as I pull myself up to my feet. I don't care if this is a man I'd seen before in the ring as a child. I don't care if he was a pretty big deal in Japan before his first retirement. Freakin Brad Kane wannabe is all he is. I should spill his name out on camera, just to piss off him and this stupid company. **** this ****.
I walk over to the bathroom, and start a shower. I don't give a rats ass that it's two thirty in the morning. I let the hot water run over my naked body, a body that I just let a total douchebag stranger ravish for all the wrong reasons. Geez, how could I be so *** damn naive? Oh what to do...
Quit..? Then who would hire me?
Run? Just stay away from him while I quietly collected my paycheck? He won't complain, I know it... but.. they'd catch on.
Oh.. whatever. I'm just gonna take a long shower, and go to freakin bed. Hopefully I won't want to kill him when I wake up tomorrow. [/i]
The problem with most human beings is that they believe they know what they want in the heat of the moment. When the heat passes, they suffer for their actions. This was a lesson she had to learn the hard way.
I am, after all, a professional.[/i]
