Post by Clint Renner on Feb 3, 2012 15:27:21 GMT -6
So, Welcome nCw people, and all my fellow Bukkakemaniacs out there to something that nCw, has been trying to get me to do, for nearly seven months now, It wasn't until they decided to cut off my paycheck, that I had to summon the inner strength to do this.
Now some of you may not know me.
I have been with nCw for nearly 4 Years now, and was the winner of 2008 Match of the Year, at Crossroads against Roxi Johnson, where we engaged in a 75 minute classic, that ended up a submission disqualification, and laid the groundwork, for me, becoming the winniest male, in the entire Starlet's Division.
Suck That Zelda Knite, I'm still undefeated against Your Starlet's.
So, basically, nCw has like 75 years of history, and while we have had some classic moments, like me Dropkicking Damien Collins out of existance, and that I am also undefeated against members of the Kane Family, but not all nCw is about me, there have been some moments, we would all like to forget....Davey Boone Anyone?
So, Let's go back to 2007, I know what you're saying, do we really want to do that, when that means, we would have Davey Ortega headlining every pay per view.
Now, Does anyone remember, this guy?
Of course you do, it was just like four weeks ago, when he wrestled in a Tag Team Classic, that will surely be saved for a later introduction.
The year is 2007, and Vertigo Dirtmurder just emerged on the scene.
Do you know how he did that?
By killing babies!
No, seriously, in his first promo, he proceeded to kill some guy, and just to get the point across, that he was a mega Badass...He blew up a Children Hospital.
Say, what you want about Steve Awesome, Spike Kane and Adam Knite being the most evil sons of bitches, nCw has ever seen, they had nothing on this guy.
Speaking of which....
Adam Knite....Lost to this guy!
So clearly, nCw seeing that they had such a badass on their hands, I mean, he was a gold mine for ratings, Forget Spike Kane getting Lance Ryan wife pregenent, We had Vertigo Dirtmurder to draw in the ratings.
So what do you do, when you're a fairly new wrestling company, which a man, who is going to make you millions of dollars, by killing South Amercian Drug Lords and children alike!
Give Him a Wedding!
Now....I'm giving you fair warning right now.
I nearly stopped doing this introduction, after going back and re-watching this abomination that happened on December, 9th.
I should be given a medal for watching this, or atleast a gimmick, where Rob Diamond shoves his hand up my ass, again...another induction for another day.
So, here we go...
The wedding starts off, well, I mean, this is a wrestling wedding, we are talking about, and here comes Vertigo Dirtmurder, dressed in a nice suit, with Barbed Wire wrapped around him!
Yeah, That's what I'm talking about, Forget a Penguin Suit, when you can have a Penguin suit...With Barbed Wire wrapped around it!
So, here we comes, complete with his own entrance music...but wait, something is wrong, and for really no reason, He decides to come back out again....this time, some fan throws skittles at him...
Skittles? Yes Skittles, clearly that fan didn't realized who's wedding this was.
So let's just pretend, he was throwing Skittles....Wrapped In Barbed Wire!
So, let's continue shall we?
So, Vertigo, gets to the ring, for the second time for this wedding, but it's not good enough, because you know, Vertigo is such a super mega badass, He decides to Powerbomb the guy, playing the keyboard, thru the keyboard...atleast I will give this wedding Credit, for being innovated, if only Jennifer Lopez was as good at her job, as Vertigo was as a wedding planner, I could of enjoy that movie.
So luckily, after this...Vertigo yells about no music....Excuse me, what do you expected, you nearly murdered the guy, doing the music on live television....I'm suprised by this point, Vertigo didn't kill the priest...
Oh he may of...Who knows, as nCw quickly cut to commercial.
Thank You Leonard Fox, for realizing, how stupid this wedding already is!
Say, what you want about Leonard Fox, how he clearly is a evil bastard, he just saved us alot of time by..
What....We are back from Commercial Break and Vertigo Dirtmurder is still on my screen....
That Son Of A Bitch!
So, Now everything is set up now, so maybe we can get this wedding over, of a guy, who up to this point in nCw, has formed a Tag Team with Joe Everyman, and beat Adam Knite.
Now, I know, beating Adam Knite is a big deal, nowadays, but this was back when Adam Knite wasn't a former nCw Champion, Hall Of Famer, and the known ring of the entire cosmos.
Now, going back, looking at this, I have no idea, how Adam Knite, ever did any of theses things, when he lost to this guy.
Speaking of which, up to this point, I have no idea, Vertigo Dirtmurder, even had a girlfriend, or a living human being to have sex with, So maybe we are going to get a dead baby fetus or something here.
I could smell the ratings from that storyline....
Sadly, We get this.
Now....Do me a favor....
Look at Vertigo Dirtmurder above, and this picture I just posted.
Here just let me put them side by side.
Is it just me, or did Vertigo Dirtmurder, somehow clone himself, and made it a female, so he could have someone to marry?
Also, if you're still reading this, I also forgot to mention, Rob Zombie song Female Vertigo Clone to the ring, Now, I'm not sure if nCw was flowing in money at the time, I would assume, with Trent Helms, Spike Kane, Lance Ryan and The Punisher, on the payroll, they might be having money problems, cashing them checks, let alone, shelling out Money for a Rob Zombie apperance, during this crappy segment, which by my count, has taken 20 minutes!
So, this wedding, already has taken twenty minutes of a two hour show, and has lasted longer then some of theses moments.
Spike Kane v. Trent Helms in a match, that went to a 20 minute time-limit draw.
Jimmy Zane & Krisstoff Liam Bates Tag Team Title Reign.
The total match time for all of Joe Everyman matches in the month of January.
Yeah, nCw had to segment, go twenty minutes...and guess, what we're not done yet?
No...They still not married, also that, We get a commercial break....again!
So, I'm sure by now, if people haven't already tuned out, after the first commercial break, I beleive, when the show came back on a second time, and you saw, the two clones in the middle of the ring, and nCw seemingly shelling out more money, by having Marilyn Manson there, and with the viewers decreasing by a million with each passing second, I'm surprised nCw survived this segment...And it's not done yet...
So finally....after another 10 minutes....They are finally married....Yay, and I'm sure, with all the time and money, nCw has done to put together this caring moment, we would see Vertigo and Kira Dirtmurder getting pushed to the top of the promotion.
I could see it now....
Vertigo Dirtmurder burning a church down, as he is fueding with nCw Champion, Lance Ryan, who is a follower of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Or how about him, taking on Holland Brothers and digging up, their father, who, ironically enough, was told by the Kane brothers, their daddy, killed their daddy, I could imagine Vertigo bringing in ratings for nCw for defiling Castor Holland dead body...
So, what did Vertigo Dirtmurder do after this segment.
He would leave nCw Television a month later, after not doing anything, and Kira, or Vertigo 2 as I shall call her, was never seen again...
I guess this story, does indeed have a happy ending.
Now some of you may not know me.
I have been with nCw for nearly 4 Years now, and was the winner of 2008 Match of the Year, at Crossroads against Roxi Johnson, where we engaged in a 75 minute classic, that ended up a submission disqualification, and laid the groundwork, for me, becoming the winniest male, in the entire Starlet's Division.
Suck That Zelda Knite, I'm still undefeated against Your Starlet's.
So, basically, nCw has like 75 years of history, and while we have had some classic moments, like me Dropkicking Damien Collins out of existance, and that I am also undefeated against members of the Kane Family, but not all nCw is about me, there have been some moments, we would all like to forget....Davey Boone Anyone?
So, Let's go back to 2007, I know what you're saying, do we really want to do that, when that means, we would have Davey Ortega headlining every pay per view.
Now, Does anyone remember, this guy?
Of course you do, it was just like four weeks ago, when he wrestled in a Tag Team Classic, that will surely be saved for a later introduction.
The year is 2007, and Vertigo Dirtmurder just emerged on the scene.
Do you know how he did that?
By killing babies!
No, seriously, in his first promo, he proceeded to kill some guy, and just to get the point across, that he was a mega Badass...He blew up a Children Hospital.
Say, what you want about Steve Awesome, Spike Kane and Adam Knite being the most evil sons of bitches, nCw has ever seen, they had nothing on this guy.
Speaking of which....
Adam Knite....Lost to this guy!
So clearly, nCw seeing that they had such a badass on their hands, I mean, he was a gold mine for ratings, Forget Spike Kane getting Lance Ryan wife pregenent, We had Vertigo Dirtmurder to draw in the ratings.
So what do you do, when you're a fairly new wrestling company, which a man, who is going to make you millions of dollars, by killing South Amercian Drug Lords and children alike!
Give Him a Wedding!
Now....I'm giving you fair warning right now.
I nearly stopped doing this introduction, after going back and re-watching this abomination that happened on December, 9th.
I should be given a medal for watching this, or atleast a gimmick, where Rob Diamond shoves his hand up my ass, again...another induction for another day.
So, here we go...
The wedding starts off, well, I mean, this is a wrestling wedding, we are talking about, and here comes Vertigo Dirtmurder, dressed in a nice suit, with Barbed Wire wrapped around him!
Yeah, That's what I'm talking about, Forget a Penguin Suit, when you can have a Penguin suit...With Barbed Wire wrapped around it!
So, here we comes, complete with his own entrance music...but wait, something is wrong, and for really no reason, He decides to come back out again....this time, some fan throws skittles at him...
Skittles? Yes Skittles, clearly that fan didn't realized who's wedding this was.
So let's just pretend, he was throwing Skittles....Wrapped In Barbed Wire!
So, let's continue shall we?
So, Vertigo, gets to the ring, for the second time for this wedding, but it's not good enough, because you know, Vertigo is such a super mega badass, He decides to Powerbomb the guy, playing the keyboard, thru the keyboard...atleast I will give this wedding Credit, for being innovated, if only Jennifer Lopez was as good at her job, as Vertigo was as a wedding planner, I could of enjoy that movie.
So luckily, after this...Vertigo yells about no music....Excuse me, what do you expected, you nearly murdered the guy, doing the music on live television....I'm suprised by this point, Vertigo didn't kill the priest...
Oh he may of...Who knows, as nCw quickly cut to commercial.
Thank You Leonard Fox, for realizing, how stupid this wedding already is!
Say, what you want about Leonard Fox, how he clearly is a evil bastard, he just saved us alot of time by..
What....We are back from Commercial Break and Vertigo Dirtmurder is still on my screen....
That Son Of A Bitch!
So, Now everything is set up now, so maybe we can get this wedding over, of a guy, who up to this point in nCw, has formed a Tag Team with Joe Everyman, and beat Adam Knite.
Now, I know, beating Adam Knite is a big deal, nowadays, but this was back when Adam Knite wasn't a former nCw Champion, Hall Of Famer, and the known ring of the entire cosmos.
Now, going back, looking at this, I have no idea, how Adam Knite, ever did any of theses things, when he lost to this guy.
Speaking of which, up to this point, I have no idea, Vertigo Dirtmurder, even had a girlfriend, or a living human being to have sex with, So maybe we are going to get a dead baby fetus or something here.
I could smell the ratings from that storyline....
Sadly, We get this.
Now....Do me a favor....
Look at Vertigo Dirtmurder above, and this picture I just posted.
Here just let me put them side by side.
Is it just me, or did Vertigo Dirtmurder, somehow clone himself, and made it a female, so he could have someone to marry?
Also, if you're still reading this, I also forgot to mention, Rob Zombie song Female Vertigo Clone to the ring, Now, I'm not sure if nCw was flowing in money at the time, I would assume, with Trent Helms, Spike Kane, Lance Ryan and The Punisher, on the payroll, they might be having money problems, cashing them checks, let alone, shelling out Money for a Rob Zombie apperance, during this crappy segment, which by my count, has taken 20 minutes!
So, this wedding, already has taken twenty minutes of a two hour show, and has lasted longer then some of theses moments.
Spike Kane v. Trent Helms in a match, that went to a 20 minute time-limit draw.
Jimmy Zane & Krisstoff Liam Bates Tag Team Title Reign.
The total match time for all of Joe Everyman matches in the month of January.
Yeah, nCw had to segment, go twenty minutes...and guess, what we're not done yet?
No...They still not married, also that, We get a commercial break....again!
So, I'm sure by now, if people haven't already tuned out, after the first commercial break, I beleive, when the show came back on a second time, and you saw, the two clones in the middle of the ring, and nCw seemingly shelling out more money, by having Marilyn Manson there, and with the viewers decreasing by a million with each passing second, I'm surprised nCw survived this segment...And it's not done yet...
So finally....after another 10 minutes....They are finally married....Yay, and I'm sure, with all the time and money, nCw has done to put together this caring moment, we would see Vertigo and Kira Dirtmurder getting pushed to the top of the promotion.
I could see it now....
Vertigo Dirtmurder burning a church down, as he is fueding with nCw Champion, Lance Ryan, who is a follower of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Or how about him, taking on Holland Brothers and digging up, their father, who, ironically enough, was told by the Kane brothers, their daddy, killed their daddy, I could imagine Vertigo bringing in ratings for nCw for defiling Castor Holland dead body...
So, what did Vertigo Dirtmurder do after this segment.
He would leave nCw Television a month later, after not doing anything, and Kira, or Vertigo 2 as I shall call her, was never seen again...
I guess this story, does indeed have a happy ending.