Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Feb 4, 2012 0:49:59 GMT -6
*We open in on a children's park playground. Plenty of kids running around...and Obsidian. The camera pans until it comes across a bench. On that bench is none other than Curtis D. Kanyon. The camera gets closer to him until he looks at it.*
Curtis: What a beautiful day! The sun is shining. The kids are having fun. Isn't it great? You know, Ricky, or David, was talking about his kids and it got me all sentimental, and I figured, why not let you people follow me on my family day? I know it's not often, but why not? You know Ricky, or Hal, he and I have a lot in common. Hot babes for wives, a couple of kids, like to achieve what people tell us we can't, and we had a couple of world title shots last year. But while Ricky, or Michael, made more of a lateral move after trying to make it to the big time, I was trying to get back on top of the mountain I had been ruler of before. Whereas Ricky, or Jason, spent the year failing and failing before finally scrapping by and taking the National title off of Roberto and dragging it to new lows, I spent the year kicking ass in the most dominant tag team of 2011, fixed my brain, and became a legitimate threat to the world title.
*Curtis catches a frisbee flying right at him, then tosses it back.*
Curtis: Now Ricky, or Engleberg, I think it's well and good you're thinking about the family. I make sure to provide for mine. I let them know that with me around, they have nothing to worry about. Financially and physically. My oldest boy tells his little classmates all the time that his dad can beat their dads. It's cool, I'm a bad ass. But I also show my kids how to protect themselves. My boys are tough. My baby could easily beat your baby. If you want to go, we can let them go! I promise you Slut Banwala, my kids can beat up your kids. Just say the word. Although, honestly, the wives probably wouldn't approve, so maybe we should keep it between us. That's cool though, I'll just do what I do best, and that's beat you to a pulp. Because you know Slutty...can I call you Slutty? Slutty, I can talk all the smack I want, you can talk all the smack you want, but actions speak louder than words. Trust me, I will punch you so hard, the bones will be heard breaking two states over! Now that's actions you can hear!
*As Curtis is speaking, some cops are seen walking toward the playground. Obsidian is pushing a kid on the swings.*
Curtis: Slutty, I like your confidence. Confidence is key. However, when your as fu--
*Curtis looks around remembering children are present.*
Curtis: ...freaking awesome as I am, you don't need confidence. You are cool, you are violent, you are athletic. But what you need to get through your thick skull, is I'm better. I'm ratings gold, I'm vicious, and I'm pound for pound the best wrestler this business has ever seen. From the mic to the ring-work to the entertainment! I'm pumped up to eleven twenty-four seven! Mr. Banwala, you can't handle that. You think you can, you want to believe you can, but you can't. You'll see. This Sunday, I will prove my mettle, I will beat you, and I will take the National Championship to the greatest heights it's ever known!
*The cops are questioning Obsidian. Whilst explaining, he reaches out to a kid and the cops start attacking him with batons.*
Curtis: Oh, well that's not good. Hey guys.
Police 1: Please stand back civilian.
Curtis: Look, that dude is just playing with my kids.
Police 2: Oh. Sorry about that.
*They pick up Obsidian, who's bleeding, and leans him against a slide.*
Police 1: Uh...good day then.
*They dart off.*
Curtis: How you feeling dude?
Obsidian: Eeeeehhhhhhkkkkkk...
Curtis: Excellent buddy. So Slu--eh, Ricky, why not? Ricky, you can have your conspiracy theories, your confidence, and your acting roles. They're all bogus. I'll take the title. Also, how dare you use Joe Everyman to belittle another wrestler, the wold would be a better place if Joe was main eventing! I'll throw in an extra punch for that one! Right before the BANG!
*Curtis slaps Obsidian on the shoulder, he just falls over. Curtis's kids come over and start jumping on top of Obsidian. The scene fades.*
Curtis: What a beautiful day! The sun is shining. The kids are having fun. Isn't it great? You know, Ricky, or David, was talking about his kids and it got me all sentimental, and I figured, why not let you people follow me on my family day? I know it's not often, but why not? You know Ricky, or Hal, he and I have a lot in common. Hot babes for wives, a couple of kids, like to achieve what people tell us we can't, and we had a couple of world title shots last year. But while Ricky, or Michael, made more of a lateral move after trying to make it to the big time, I was trying to get back on top of the mountain I had been ruler of before. Whereas Ricky, or Jason, spent the year failing and failing before finally scrapping by and taking the National title off of Roberto and dragging it to new lows, I spent the year kicking ass in the most dominant tag team of 2011, fixed my brain, and became a legitimate threat to the world title.
*Curtis catches a frisbee flying right at him, then tosses it back.*
Curtis: Now Ricky, or Engleberg, I think it's well and good you're thinking about the family. I make sure to provide for mine. I let them know that with me around, they have nothing to worry about. Financially and physically. My oldest boy tells his little classmates all the time that his dad can beat their dads. It's cool, I'm a bad ass. But I also show my kids how to protect themselves. My boys are tough. My baby could easily beat your baby. If you want to go, we can let them go! I promise you Slut Banwala, my kids can beat up your kids. Just say the word. Although, honestly, the wives probably wouldn't approve, so maybe we should keep it between us. That's cool though, I'll just do what I do best, and that's beat you to a pulp. Because you know Slutty...can I call you Slutty? Slutty, I can talk all the smack I want, you can talk all the smack you want, but actions speak louder than words. Trust me, I will punch you so hard, the bones will be heard breaking two states over! Now that's actions you can hear!
*As Curtis is speaking, some cops are seen walking toward the playground. Obsidian is pushing a kid on the swings.*
Curtis: Slutty, I like your confidence. Confidence is key. However, when your as fu--
*Curtis looks around remembering children are present.*
Curtis: ...freaking awesome as I am, you don't need confidence. You are cool, you are violent, you are athletic. But what you need to get through your thick skull, is I'm better. I'm ratings gold, I'm vicious, and I'm pound for pound the best wrestler this business has ever seen. From the mic to the ring-work to the entertainment! I'm pumped up to eleven twenty-four seven! Mr. Banwala, you can't handle that. You think you can, you want to believe you can, but you can't. You'll see. This Sunday, I will prove my mettle, I will beat you, and I will take the National Championship to the greatest heights it's ever known!
*The cops are questioning Obsidian. Whilst explaining, he reaches out to a kid and the cops start attacking him with batons.*
Curtis: Oh, well that's not good. Hey guys.
Police 1: Please stand back civilian.
Curtis: Look, that dude is just playing with my kids.
Police 2: Oh. Sorry about that.
*They pick up Obsidian, who's bleeding, and leans him against a slide.*
Police 1: Uh...good day then.
*They dart off.*
Curtis: How you feeling dude?
Obsidian: Eeeeehhhhhhkkkkkk...
Curtis: Excellent buddy. So Slu--eh, Ricky, why not? Ricky, you can have your conspiracy theories, your confidence, and your acting roles. They're all bogus. I'll take the title. Also, how dare you use Joe Everyman to belittle another wrestler, the wold would be a better place if Joe was main eventing! I'll throw in an extra punch for that one! Right before the BANG!
*Curtis slaps Obsidian on the shoulder, he just falls over. Curtis's kids come over and start jumping on top of Obsidian. The scene fades.*
