Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Feb 5, 2012 4:42:00 GMT -6
*We open in on a close up of Curtis D. Kanyon in the locker room. He's struggling to lift something. Like, lifting a really heavy dumbell kind of struggling. When his arm comes into camera view, it's a giant burrito! He takes a bite, gulps it down, then looks into the camera.*
Curtis: This Del Taco Macho Combo burrito is stuffed with so much deliciousness, it's just as good as lifting weights! And it BANG!s my appetite!
*Curtis smiles and winks.*
Director: Cut! that's a wrap!
*The camera zooms out to reveal Curtis is on a sound stage and crew members are all over the place.*
Director: Great job, fantastic work their champ!
Curtis: Ah, not yet, but after Sunday you can call me that.
Director: Of course, of course. Ha ha!
*Curtis gets up and walks off stage. The camera follows him. He goes into his dressing room.*
Curtis: Man, I hope my Burger King loyalists don't call me a sellout over this.
GQ: That's fine, it's gold baby! Gotta make that dolla dolla! See, I told you Ricky wasn't the only person getting TV offers.
*GQ hands Curtis a scotch on the rocks.*
Curtis: Yeah yeah, look, commercials aren't quite as big.
GQ: Hello! Endorsement deals are where it's at. Let him get his five minutes on a TV show and get his twenty cent royalty checks the rest of his life. You'll be getting thousands a month just for eating a certain food!
Curtis: True, but the exposure! My bro was getting movie deals left and right, along with TV and commercials.
GQ: Did you see Back to the Future 4? That would be better left not remembered.
Curtis: True, it wasn't that great. But it was the last movie he finished all his scenes for before he left us. I've just been doing everything in my power to measure up. I've won a few belts, I've main evented a few shows. But he, he held every title there was to hold in his federation. Even though I was there, I've been much more successful here. I feel like NCW is my federation. And I need to live up to the family name and win every title there is to hold here. That National title is my next step. Some said I was living in my brother's shadow, and it was a damn big shadow, but I don't think so. The last guy that did seem to think so, looks like he got "injured" again, just like I knew he would. I'm here to not just live up to the family name, but make it even bigger, even better! This Sunday, I add another milestone to my career, and another level of greatness to the name Kanyon.
GQ: Wow, I didn't realize it meant that much to you.
Curtis: Of course. I give off the crazy vibe, I know, but there is a method to the madness.
*Curtis sips his scotch. The scene fades. It cuts to Curtis staring into the camera.*
Curtis: Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. We've fought before. You've felt the pain that I can deliver. You know you don't want none of this. You want to hit me with some nerd knowledge? Did you not see me drop the name David Banner? The only reason they changed Bruce to the middle name was because the TV show in the 70's called him David! I know who Johnny Storm is. So good for you. Good for you.
*Curtis does a golf clap.*
Curtis: But this ain't Revenge of the Nerds, and this ain't Beat the Geek! This is wrestling, and this means I'm out for blood. We fought to a draw because I was having fun. I took out my own partner because he was a tool-bag. This Sunday, I beat you because I damn well please. I wanted a fight...I asked for one...now I'm getting it. So I think that means I took your challenge to fight you whenever I want, don't you? Unless you really want to fight in a bar or on a street with no cameras around for free, because I'll do that too, for the **** of it. But I would still have to fight you on TV, I'm a business man, I make ratings. You and me, toe to toe for the National title, that's ratings. So don't try to pull off that your the bad ass here, willing to get down and dirty whenever. You have long blond hair, you can't pull off that attitude you dork.
*Curtis nods his head in embarrassment for Ricky.*
Curtis: I don't want you to go down to that ring and lay down for a quick win. Far from it. I would understand if you did it, so you live to fight another day, so you don't get Lanced. So you can keep providing from your family. But there's no honor in that. I want a fight. I want you to be angry at me and ready to strike. That is when I thrive! That is for matches that go on highlight reels! That is where all the fun is! So bring your A-game, fight me until your last breath! Because at the end of the day, I will BANG! it out of you. Phoof!
*Curtis mimes being hit in the stomach and dramatizes his reaction of losing all his breath.*
Curtis: This match will be a smash figuratively and literally. It'll be so damn spectacular, it will be the first every match described as Smashtastic! I can make fun of your name, and I can make fun of your wiener kids, but I can't make fun of your ring work. It's damn good. I know this won't be a cake walk. But I know your still not as good as you say you are and I'm going to beat the stuffing out of you! If you piss me off enough, you will get Lanced! Then you can go off and retire and stay with your kids forever and ever, watching NCW and seeing me rise higher than any other. Your claim to fame will be to tell them how you were an important footnote in my career. You'll be signingten dollar autographs at conventions to people as "the man who lost the National title to Curtis D. Kanyon." I hope you're prepared for that life. I hope you're ready for your dreams to be destroyed. Trust me when I tell you Ricky, it will be Smashtastic! You will...feel...the BANG!
*And with that, the scene fades out.*
Curtis: This Del Taco Macho Combo burrito is stuffed with so much deliciousness, it's just as good as lifting weights! And it BANG!s my appetite!
*Curtis smiles and winks.*
Director: Cut! that's a wrap!
*The camera zooms out to reveal Curtis is on a sound stage and crew members are all over the place.*
Director: Great job, fantastic work their champ!
Curtis: Ah, not yet, but after Sunday you can call me that.
Director: Of course, of course. Ha ha!
*Curtis gets up and walks off stage. The camera follows him. He goes into his dressing room.*
Curtis: Man, I hope my Burger King loyalists don't call me a sellout over this.
GQ: That's fine, it's gold baby! Gotta make that dolla dolla! See, I told you Ricky wasn't the only person getting TV offers.
*GQ hands Curtis a scotch on the rocks.*
Curtis: Yeah yeah, look, commercials aren't quite as big.
GQ: Hello! Endorsement deals are where it's at. Let him get his five minutes on a TV show and get his twenty cent royalty checks the rest of his life. You'll be getting thousands a month just for eating a certain food!
Curtis: True, but the exposure! My bro was getting movie deals left and right, along with TV and commercials.
GQ: Did you see Back to the Future 4? That would be better left not remembered.
Curtis: True, it wasn't that great. But it was the last movie he finished all his scenes for before he left us. I've just been doing everything in my power to measure up. I've won a few belts, I've main evented a few shows. But he, he held every title there was to hold in his federation. Even though I was there, I've been much more successful here. I feel like NCW is my federation. And I need to live up to the family name and win every title there is to hold here. That National title is my next step. Some said I was living in my brother's shadow, and it was a damn big shadow, but I don't think so. The last guy that did seem to think so, looks like he got "injured" again, just like I knew he would. I'm here to not just live up to the family name, but make it even bigger, even better! This Sunday, I add another milestone to my career, and another level of greatness to the name Kanyon.
GQ: Wow, I didn't realize it meant that much to you.
Curtis: Of course. I give off the crazy vibe, I know, but there is a method to the madness.
*Curtis sips his scotch. The scene fades. It cuts to Curtis staring into the camera.*
Curtis: Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. We've fought before. You've felt the pain that I can deliver. You know you don't want none of this. You want to hit me with some nerd knowledge? Did you not see me drop the name David Banner? The only reason they changed Bruce to the middle name was because the TV show in the 70's called him David! I know who Johnny Storm is. So good for you. Good for you.
*Curtis does a golf clap.*
Curtis: But this ain't Revenge of the Nerds, and this ain't Beat the Geek! This is wrestling, and this means I'm out for blood. We fought to a draw because I was having fun. I took out my own partner because he was a tool-bag. This Sunday, I beat you because I damn well please. I wanted a fight...I asked for one...now I'm getting it. So I think that means I took your challenge to fight you whenever I want, don't you? Unless you really want to fight in a bar or on a street with no cameras around for free, because I'll do that too, for the **** of it. But I would still have to fight you on TV, I'm a business man, I make ratings. You and me, toe to toe for the National title, that's ratings. So don't try to pull off that your the bad ass here, willing to get down and dirty whenever. You have long blond hair, you can't pull off that attitude you dork.
*Curtis nods his head in embarrassment for Ricky.*
Curtis: I don't want you to go down to that ring and lay down for a quick win. Far from it. I would understand if you did it, so you live to fight another day, so you don't get Lanced. So you can keep providing from your family. But there's no honor in that. I want a fight. I want you to be angry at me and ready to strike. That is when I thrive! That is for matches that go on highlight reels! That is where all the fun is! So bring your A-game, fight me until your last breath! Because at the end of the day, I will BANG! it out of you. Phoof!
*Curtis mimes being hit in the stomach and dramatizes his reaction of losing all his breath.*
Curtis: This match will be a smash figuratively and literally. It'll be so damn spectacular, it will be the first every match described as Smashtastic! I can make fun of your name, and I can make fun of your wiener kids, but I can't make fun of your ring work. It's damn good. I know this won't be a cake walk. But I know your still not as good as you say you are and I'm going to beat the stuffing out of you! If you piss me off enough, you will get Lanced! Then you can go off and retire and stay with your kids forever and ever, watching NCW and seeing me rise higher than any other. Your claim to fame will be to tell them how you were an important footnote in my career. You'll be signingten dollar autographs at conventions to people as "the man who lost the National title to Curtis D. Kanyon." I hope you're prepared for that life. I hope you're ready for your dreams to be destroyed. Trust me when I tell you Ricky, it will be Smashtastic! You will...feel...the BANG!
*And with that, the scene fades out.*
