Post by Steve Awesome on Mar 3, 2012 1:20:16 GMT -6
We open up on a man you’ve barely seen over the past month or so. Last time you saw him he was a depressed, tired, burn out with a nappy beard. I’ll give it to you, he was depressed. He went through a bad break up and he took a few losses that really hit him hard….he was in dark times make no bones about it. But that was the past.
Now my friends, it’s a new day. The dark times have past and the sun as risen again. The smile is back, the beard is gone. This is the lip pouting, hair flipping, abs of steel having, naked from the waste down Face of the whole entire freaking Franchise that you all have come to know and love. There he was in all his glory, the tight jeans, the barely buttoned up shirt. The aviator sunglasses a cowboy hat over his shoulder length black hair. He flashed that Infamous cocky smirk and all the ladies’ and some of the guy’s pants all got a little wet.
“Miss me?”
He reaches up and pulls his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose and peers those piercing green eyes over the top. Seemingly stopping you in your tracks before you could even think of an answer.
“I know you did. You don’t have to lie. Everything gets just that much better when The Face of the Franchise comes to town. I’m the panty moistener baby. I’m the blast of class, the prettiest player in the game, the only one that matters, I entertain the masses, and kick ALLLLLLLLL the asses, I’m the lady killer, the fat chick thriller, the kick ass ass kicker, one cool dude with attitude the best dressed at the ball, the two time world champion, the hall of famer, the face of the franchise, the heart and soul of new championship wrestling…..”
He inhales deep after saying that last part all in one breath.
“STEVEN……EFFING……AWESOME……”
He holds up two fingers and turns his head away from the camera.
“…..the second.”
His head snaps back toward the camera lens.
“Everybody loves a sequel baby.”
He lets it all sink in for a moment before continuing.
“And I know, I know exactly what your all thinking right now. Where have I been? Where has old Steve Awesome been doing while he was away. And I’ll tell you, I was here in this amazingly placed condo in the middle of nowhere just thinking. I needed some time to get my head on straight. All the years of being everywhere all at once had left me with no time to really just stop and think. And that’s what I did…..over there in that hammock.”
He grabs the camera and spins it toward the a hammock set up between two trees. There was a table next to it with coconuts filled with some sort of liquid and hot chicks holding giant leaves. Nearby, a radio plays the most amazing music you’ve ever herd. and grapes.
“That’s right, I’ve been laying in a hammock, drinking rum from a coconut, being fanned and fed grapes by extremely hot chicks and I listened to Steve Winwood.”
Steve sniffles and wipes a tear from his eye.
“Paradise.”
“And I laid there and I thought about all the things I’ve done in my career and what I had left to do. I could finally win the Riot. I could try to become a third time world champion, I could try and become a grand slam champion but all those things would just be one more dot on my already long list of accomplishments. I sat there and I thought about how much I loved entertaining the fans and putting on a show. And then I thought about how amazing huge the blondes cans were and I banged her. Then after that, I thought about a ham sandwich….so I made the brunette make me one. Then after that I took a nap. Then when I woke up I started thinking about how I really loved being able to think for a change. I didn’t have to be anywhere, I didn’t have to do anything at all if I didn’t want too. And I weighed it all out in my mind and I thought about it for a couple days and I realized……I’m done.”
He reaches up and pulls the sunglasses off his face. Revealing a pair of green eyes that meant everything they were saying.
“I could never wrestle another match and be perfectly happy with my career. I could go hang up the old boots forever and never look back. I’ve done way more then just win a bunch of titles and become revered as a legend…..I created a legacy. Cemented in stone for everyone to see. The names Steve Awesome and NCW are forever intertwined, because we made each other what we are today. That’s something that most men only dream of achieving. What else could possibly be better? So that’s why, effective immediately….I want to announce my official retirement from the sport of professional wrestling.
He takes the sunglasses that were in his hand and tosses them to the ground somewhere in front of him.
“March Fourth…..or any other day…..I will NOT be wrestling any match……
“Damn him! Damn HIM!”
The scene opens up just as Brent Sampson’s furious fist slams onto his desk in a fit of rage. Right when that happened, his coffee mug tipped over, his framed picture of his wife and children, all black, and his eye glasses with the broken arm slipped off his nose and down to the floor. Not only was he upset but now he felt like a clumsy oaf on top of it all. He reaches down to grab his glasses from the depths of the hard wood floor and bumps his head on the desk in the process, generating a loud thud. He growls in frustration and rubs his forehead while retrieving his glasses with the next. He fixes his cheap wal-mart tie and shoots up from his chair like a bottle rocket.
“He didn’t show up again! Steve Awesome missed the damn contract signing for his match at Crossroads!”
When Sampson slammed the door of his office the gust of wind that came from it blew the strands of his balding comb-over out of place but he didn’t care at this point, he was mad! And you could tell by how red his wrinkled face had gotten.
“Why does this guy think he can just come and go as he pleases?”
Sampson mutters to himself as he paces back forth inside the front lobby of his arena office for Collision.
“He doesn’t appear at all when I tell him too, but shows up whenever unannounced and just thinks it’s all right because he’s some kind of superstar! I have…..
He stops in mid pace. His lower lip snarled and a scowl so bad you’d think he was eating lemons.
“….ZERO TOLERANCE….”
He pounds out each word with his fist on his palm.
..for such blatant insubordination. And what’s worse?”
He stops in mid pace again. This time he puts his palm over his mouth as a sudden fear comes over himself.
“What if Steve just skips out on the pay per view altogether?”
Brent loosens his tie as he starts to sweat.
“It would ruin me!”
Brent’s face goes eggshell white as he thinks about the shear torment and humiliation should Steve Awesome never show up at the event. They would call Brent a liar, a cheat, they’d ridicule him and make fun of him. He imagines there warped faces laughing and teasing the head of talent relations. Throwing garbage at him as he cries in fear in the middle of a ring surrounded by millions of fans. Kelly Knite would fire him on the spot and he’d be forced to live on the street scrounging for food! He’s almost fifty years old, he can’t survive on the streets. He imagines himself shivering cold in an alley way, trying to hid hardest to create a fire with arthritis stricken finger tips. His family would grow up without a father…..he imagines his wife and daughters forced to work as women of the night, pleasuring men for money.
The thoughts frightened him.
He couldn’t allow that to happen.
He steps out into the main hallway of the arena and scans the hallway for some sort of way out. Some way that could somehow connect him to that elusive face of the franchise! That’s when he spotted Mandi Matthews folding up some ring gear and putting it in the trunks so they could carry it on there way. Brent Sampson grows an evil grin and oozes his way on over to the young starlet.
“Mandi Matthews……”
Brent says in the sweetest voice he could possibly muster.
“….I didn’t know you worked on the road crew.”
There was that voice again. Brent was trying to be innocent, but Mandi could see right through it.
“Yeah, it’s the only way I can make some money around here since I can’t get myself out of development.”
“Wellllll now……I think I might have something that you’d be interested in……”
Mandi sets down a pair of sequined tights onto a stack of others somewhat like it and gave her attention to Sampson.
“…..You find me Steve Awesome…..and I just might be able to get you rolling again on the main show…..”
Mandi blinked a couple of times.
“What makes you think I know where he is?”
Mandi could tell Brent was a slime ball right away, but on the flipside, Brent could read Mandi like a book and he could tell that she wasn’t telling him everything. Sampson played it cool.
“Oh well…..I guess your no use to me then. Go back to folding gym shorts or whatever it is you do these days.”
Brent turns away and goes to leave, but Mandi reluctantly calls after him.
“…ugh…..wait.”
And Brent smiled, and when Brent smiled….no one else did.
We cut back to the hall of famer laying back on his hammock not really giving a care about anything. He’s got Higher Love playing in the background, and just relaxing.
“So I suppose the next question on everyone’s minds is, if Steve’s not wrestling at Crossroads….what happens to Alex Jones? What of Alex Jone’s precious career? And his quest to prove his worth here in this company. What about the match where Alex challenges the great and almighty Steve Awesome to a match so he can finally prove to the world that he’s good….or something like that…..I don’t know I honestly wasn’t really paying attention. Something about how he’s never won the world title and that he should quit or whatever and how wrestling me in a match and beating me will somehow give his career meaning……or something…….I have a hard time paying attention to anything that wears a dress for more then like two minutes……..
He flashes that smirk and somehow drills the jokes deeper under his opponents skin. He goes to say something else but quickly stops and holds up his index finger.
“That’s only the first of many dress jokes…..”
“….but first of all….I’m actually pretty flattered. You decided to berate me on twitter, put on your big girl dress and challenge me, drag my face in the mud on national tv and pretty much piss me the hell off for weeks all so that we could have this amazing match and you beat me and then everyone in the stands storms the ring and the hoist you up on there shoulders and confetti and streamers all come falling down and there’s this great big happy ending and everyone finally accepts you as a main event talent and everyone lives happily ever after and the credits role…..
Steve grits his teeth and breathes in through them.
“shhhh…..yeahhhhhh…..um…..do you have any idea how lazy I am now? I mean seriously…even if I wanted to come in there and bust out a five star with you and make you look like a million bucks…..I think there’s like a new episode of family guy on that night but yeah….sorry about your so called legacy alex, sorry about your dreams but im not your ticket to the big time.”
Steve goes to turn around but quickly spins back around on one heel.
“bbbbbbbut…..I’ll tell you whats going to happen emo swoop…..since you decided to get your panties all in a bunch and talk all that crap and drag me out of this here hammock to come whip your ass…..”
He leans forward and smiles.
“I’m gonna come whip your ass. See I may be done actively competing in the sport of professional wrestling….it don’t mean I can’t step between those ropes and proceed to bitch slap the tampon out of some little girl pants wearing wannabe that was at his best five years ago. You challenged me to a fight well lets do this then. You’ve been begging for this moment for years Alex. Dreaming of the day you could come punch me in the mouth and claim your empire…..
Steve leans forward and taps himself on his chin.
“…now’s your chance. You wanna know where you stand? Well you know Alex…..why don’t you go down to the mall, pick out the fanciest dress…wear it to crossroads and I’ll be more then happy to put you in your place.”
He throws them up.
“deuces!”
and then he hits play on the radio.
Now my friends, it’s a new day. The dark times have past and the sun as risen again. The smile is back, the beard is gone. This is the lip pouting, hair flipping, abs of steel having, naked from the waste down Face of the whole entire freaking Franchise that you all have come to know and love. There he was in all his glory, the tight jeans, the barely buttoned up shirt. The aviator sunglasses a cowboy hat over his shoulder length black hair. He flashed that Infamous cocky smirk and all the ladies’ and some of the guy’s pants all got a little wet.
“Miss me?”
He reaches up and pulls his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose and peers those piercing green eyes over the top. Seemingly stopping you in your tracks before you could even think of an answer.
“I know you did. You don’t have to lie. Everything gets just that much better when The Face of the Franchise comes to town. I’m the panty moistener baby. I’m the blast of class, the prettiest player in the game, the only one that matters, I entertain the masses, and kick ALLLLLLLLL the asses, I’m the lady killer, the fat chick thriller, the kick ass ass kicker, one cool dude with attitude the best dressed at the ball, the two time world champion, the hall of famer, the face of the franchise, the heart and soul of new championship wrestling…..”
He inhales deep after saying that last part all in one breath.
“STEVEN……EFFING……AWESOME……”
He holds up two fingers and turns his head away from the camera.
“…..the second.”
His head snaps back toward the camera lens.
“Everybody loves a sequel baby.”
He lets it all sink in for a moment before continuing.
“And I know, I know exactly what your all thinking right now. Where have I been? Where has old Steve Awesome been doing while he was away. And I’ll tell you, I was here in this amazingly placed condo in the middle of nowhere just thinking. I needed some time to get my head on straight. All the years of being everywhere all at once had left me with no time to really just stop and think. And that’s what I did…..over there in that hammock.”
He grabs the camera and spins it toward the a hammock set up between two trees. There was a table next to it with coconuts filled with some sort of liquid and hot chicks holding giant leaves. Nearby, a radio plays the most amazing music you’ve ever herd. and grapes.
“That’s right, I’ve been laying in a hammock, drinking rum from a coconut, being fanned and fed grapes by extremely hot chicks and I listened to Steve Winwood.”
Steve sniffles and wipes a tear from his eye.
“Paradise.”
“And I laid there and I thought about all the things I’ve done in my career and what I had left to do. I could finally win the Riot. I could try to become a third time world champion, I could try and become a grand slam champion but all those things would just be one more dot on my already long list of accomplishments. I sat there and I thought about how much I loved entertaining the fans and putting on a show. And then I thought about how amazing huge the blondes cans were and I banged her. Then after that, I thought about a ham sandwich….so I made the brunette make me one. Then after that I took a nap. Then when I woke up I started thinking about how I really loved being able to think for a change. I didn’t have to be anywhere, I didn’t have to do anything at all if I didn’t want too. And I weighed it all out in my mind and I thought about it for a couple days and I realized……I’m done.”
He reaches up and pulls the sunglasses off his face. Revealing a pair of green eyes that meant everything they were saying.
“I could never wrestle another match and be perfectly happy with my career. I could go hang up the old boots forever and never look back. I’ve done way more then just win a bunch of titles and become revered as a legend…..I created a legacy. Cemented in stone for everyone to see. The names Steve Awesome and NCW are forever intertwined, because we made each other what we are today. That’s something that most men only dream of achieving. What else could possibly be better? So that’s why, effective immediately….I want to announce my official retirement from the sport of professional wrestling.
He takes the sunglasses that were in his hand and tosses them to the ground somewhere in front of him.
“March Fourth…..or any other day…..I will NOT be wrestling any match……
“Damn him! Damn HIM!”
The scene opens up just as Brent Sampson’s furious fist slams onto his desk in a fit of rage. Right when that happened, his coffee mug tipped over, his framed picture of his wife and children, all black, and his eye glasses with the broken arm slipped off his nose and down to the floor. Not only was he upset but now he felt like a clumsy oaf on top of it all. He reaches down to grab his glasses from the depths of the hard wood floor and bumps his head on the desk in the process, generating a loud thud. He growls in frustration and rubs his forehead while retrieving his glasses with the next. He fixes his cheap wal-mart tie and shoots up from his chair like a bottle rocket.
“He didn’t show up again! Steve Awesome missed the damn contract signing for his match at Crossroads!”
When Sampson slammed the door of his office the gust of wind that came from it blew the strands of his balding comb-over out of place but he didn’t care at this point, he was mad! And you could tell by how red his wrinkled face had gotten.
“Why does this guy think he can just come and go as he pleases?”
Sampson mutters to himself as he paces back forth inside the front lobby of his arena office for Collision.
“He doesn’t appear at all when I tell him too, but shows up whenever unannounced and just thinks it’s all right because he’s some kind of superstar! I have…..
He stops in mid pace. His lower lip snarled and a scowl so bad you’d think he was eating lemons.
“….ZERO TOLERANCE….”
He pounds out each word with his fist on his palm.
..for such blatant insubordination. And what’s worse?”
He stops in mid pace again. This time he puts his palm over his mouth as a sudden fear comes over himself.
“What if Steve just skips out on the pay per view altogether?”
Brent loosens his tie as he starts to sweat.
“It would ruin me!”
Brent’s face goes eggshell white as he thinks about the shear torment and humiliation should Steve Awesome never show up at the event. They would call Brent a liar, a cheat, they’d ridicule him and make fun of him. He imagines there warped faces laughing and teasing the head of talent relations. Throwing garbage at him as he cries in fear in the middle of a ring surrounded by millions of fans. Kelly Knite would fire him on the spot and he’d be forced to live on the street scrounging for food! He’s almost fifty years old, he can’t survive on the streets. He imagines himself shivering cold in an alley way, trying to hid hardest to create a fire with arthritis stricken finger tips. His family would grow up without a father…..he imagines his wife and daughters forced to work as women of the night, pleasuring men for money.
The thoughts frightened him.
He couldn’t allow that to happen.
He steps out into the main hallway of the arena and scans the hallway for some sort of way out. Some way that could somehow connect him to that elusive face of the franchise! That’s when he spotted Mandi Matthews folding up some ring gear and putting it in the trunks so they could carry it on there way. Brent Sampson grows an evil grin and oozes his way on over to the young starlet.
“Mandi Matthews……”
Brent says in the sweetest voice he could possibly muster.
“….I didn’t know you worked on the road crew.”
There was that voice again. Brent was trying to be innocent, but Mandi could see right through it.
“Yeah, it’s the only way I can make some money around here since I can’t get myself out of development.”
“Wellllll now……I think I might have something that you’d be interested in……”
Mandi sets down a pair of sequined tights onto a stack of others somewhat like it and gave her attention to Sampson.
“…..You find me Steve Awesome…..and I just might be able to get you rolling again on the main show…..”
Mandi blinked a couple of times.
“What makes you think I know where he is?”
Mandi could tell Brent was a slime ball right away, but on the flipside, Brent could read Mandi like a book and he could tell that she wasn’t telling him everything. Sampson played it cool.
“Oh well…..I guess your no use to me then. Go back to folding gym shorts or whatever it is you do these days.”
Brent turns away and goes to leave, but Mandi reluctantly calls after him.
“…ugh…..wait.”
And Brent smiled, and when Brent smiled….no one else did.
We cut back to the hall of famer laying back on his hammock not really giving a care about anything. He’s got Higher Love playing in the background, and just relaxing.
“So I suppose the next question on everyone’s minds is, if Steve’s not wrestling at Crossroads….what happens to Alex Jones? What of Alex Jone’s precious career? And his quest to prove his worth here in this company. What about the match where Alex challenges the great and almighty Steve Awesome to a match so he can finally prove to the world that he’s good….or something like that…..I don’t know I honestly wasn’t really paying attention. Something about how he’s never won the world title and that he should quit or whatever and how wrestling me in a match and beating me will somehow give his career meaning……or something…….I have a hard time paying attention to anything that wears a dress for more then like two minutes……..
He flashes that smirk and somehow drills the jokes deeper under his opponents skin. He goes to say something else but quickly stops and holds up his index finger.
“That’s only the first of many dress jokes…..”
“….but first of all….I’m actually pretty flattered. You decided to berate me on twitter, put on your big girl dress and challenge me, drag my face in the mud on national tv and pretty much piss me the hell off for weeks all so that we could have this amazing match and you beat me and then everyone in the stands storms the ring and the hoist you up on there shoulders and confetti and streamers all come falling down and there’s this great big happy ending and everyone finally accepts you as a main event talent and everyone lives happily ever after and the credits role…..
Steve grits his teeth and breathes in through them.
“shhhh…..yeahhhhhh…..um…..do you have any idea how lazy I am now? I mean seriously…even if I wanted to come in there and bust out a five star with you and make you look like a million bucks…..I think there’s like a new episode of family guy on that night but yeah….sorry about your so called legacy alex, sorry about your dreams but im not your ticket to the big time.”
Steve goes to turn around but quickly spins back around on one heel.
“bbbbbbbut…..I’ll tell you whats going to happen emo swoop…..since you decided to get your panties all in a bunch and talk all that crap and drag me out of this here hammock to come whip your ass…..”
He leans forward and smiles.
“I’m gonna come whip your ass. See I may be done actively competing in the sport of professional wrestling….it don’t mean I can’t step between those ropes and proceed to bitch slap the tampon out of some little girl pants wearing wannabe that was at his best five years ago. You challenged me to a fight well lets do this then. You’ve been begging for this moment for years Alex. Dreaming of the day you could come punch me in the mouth and claim your empire…..
Steve leans forward and taps himself on his chin.
“…now’s your chance. You wanna know where you stand? Well you know Alex…..why don’t you go down to the mall, pick out the fanciest dress…wear it to crossroads and I’ll be more then happy to put you in your place.”
He throws them up.
“deuces!”
and then he hits play on the radio.
