Post by Ricky Johnson on Mar 3, 2012 14:22:14 GMT -6
Ricky - Alright stop, collaborate, and Listen…
{*sigh* Yes, for some strange reason, Ricky is jamming “Ice, Ice, Baby” in his car while he drives around for his elusive barbeque joint.}
Ricky - I’m going to find you barbecue place.
{His cell phone rings, so he turns the music down, and answers it}
Ricky - Hey….No, I’m still looking…Well, I’m not going to get the banana split if I can’t find the place first, it’ll get all melty then I’d have to eat it…Well what else am I supposed to do with a melty banana split?...That was a hypothetical situation anyway….I’ll call you when I’m on my way home…Love you.
{He hangs up.}
Ricky - Now, where was I?
{He cranks the music back up.}
Ricky - Rollin, in my 5.0, with my rag-top down so my hair can blow.
{And he goes back to singing, before slamming on the brakes as he is cut off by another driver.}
Ricky - Holy crap! What an asshole.
{He slams on his horn which plays “La cucaracha” }
Ricky - Dammit. My juvenile sense of humor has ruined his serious moment. That horn cannot convey anger like a regular horn. But...it is hilarious.
{He hits the horn again, smiles, and looks around after starting to drive again.}
Ricky - Ah ha! JT’s Bone Shack BBQ! Open 24 hours. My prayers have been answered. This calls for victory music.
{He cranks the music again.}
Ricky - Ah, songs over. Oh well, what’s next?
{He pushes the next button on his ipad, connected to the stereo…the song comes up “hip to be square” by Huey Lewis and the news.
Ricky - Ah Huey Lewis and the news.Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humour. In '87, Huey released this, Fore!, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.
{And, he quoting American Psycho, we should probably fade}
{And fade back in. He walks into the rib joint, and an overl
Ricky - Good day, shopkeep. I’m here to partake of your delicious barbecued ribs. I will take an entire rack please.
Shop Keep - Actually, sir, we turn the grill and smokers off around 2am.
Ricky - Wait…
{He checks his watch: 2:13 am
Ricky - So, I can’t have any ribs?
Shop Keep - We’ve disposed on the uneaten meat already. All we have to serve at this point is meat pies.
Ricky - But…but I don’t want a meat pie. I want ribs.
Shop Keep - Sorry sir.
Ricky - Is there another place? Tell me!
Shop Keep - Not at 2 in the morning.
Ricky - No…No.. this can’t be happening. I want you to do something for me. Take a listen to my stomach.
Shop Keep - What?
Ricky - Go ahead. Humor me.
Shop Keep -I’d really rather not.
Ricky - Just, do it.
{The shop keep nervously learns over towards Ricky’s stomach.
Shop Keep - What am I…
Ricky - You hear that?
Shop Keep - Um…no?
Ricky -Yes you do. You know exactly what that is.
Shop Keep - …
Ricky - Yeah. Now you’re getting it.
Shop Keep - I…I can hear it.
Ricky -It’s unmistakable.
Shop Keep - The hankering.
Ricky - I have it. And you know as well as I do, it cannot be ignored.
Shop Keep - I really wish I could help, but I could get in trouble. But I may know a place.
Ricky - Now that’s more like it.
Shop Keep - It’s right down the road.
{he whispers in Ricky’s ear.}
Ricky - Thank you, you’ve been most helpful
{Ricky exits the eatery, and gets back in his car. He pulls off. Fade.}
Ricky - One McRib, please.
I know you’re expected some big promo right now, Jake, but you’re not going to get it.
That is how little I care about you and whatever it is you’ve said. Because I know what you are. Oh yes, I figured you out. Wait, I said it already didn't I? Oh wait, you don't know what I'm talking about even though I just laid it out for you.
Meh, I'll explain it later.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a delicious McRib to eat.
Ricky - What is it Edward?
Edward - That “Adam” gentlemen is here to see you.
Ricky - What does he want?
Edward - Something about your wrestling career.
Ricky - Whatever. Send him in.
Edward - Very well sir.
{Edward returns a moment later with Adam.}
Adam - Mr. Johnson?
Ricky - Adam.
Adam - I was taking a look at lot of your matches recently, and I showed them to the people I work with in Whiterun.
Ricky - And?
Adam - The people of Whiterun feel you should add a new move to your arsenal.
Ricky - Really?
Adam - Yes. They had an idea and wanted to run it by you.
Ricky - What is it?
Adam - A 3 quarter turn neckbreaker. Whatever that move is.
Ricky - …
Adam - Are you okay?
Ricky - You really want me to use that move?
Adam - It was a suggestion. According to the data, back in 1996, it was the most devastating finisher in wrestling.
Ricky - Back in 1996?
Adam - Yes, apparently there were a lot of innovative guys, but none more inventive that the guy who invented it.
Ricky - That was the single most ridiculous sentence. Ever. Of all time.
Adam - The people are really behind this.
Ricky - I tell you what Adam, I’ll give it some thought.
Adam - You will? wow, that’s great.
Ricky - Is there anything else the people at Whiterun need?
Adam - I think that was it.
Ricky - Are you sure? No one looking to do anything special?
Adam - There was a guy, but he messed up his knee.
Ricky - Right, anything else?
Adam - They said it might help you to carry a shield to the ring too.
Ricky - Shields are for losers.
Adam - There's just no reaching you is there?
Ricky - Not with what your using.
Adam - So, what do I tell the board?
Ricky - Whatever you like. I’ll think about the move, and I’ll call you.
Adam - The people really hope you do it. You can’t be a …a people’s champion.
Ricky - …
Adam - Just, think about it?
Ricky - Sure.
You want to open up the can of worms Jake? Fine, let's dive right in shall we? Now, I could go point by point and rebuke you, but I won't, that would be an "Ace" thing to do, and I don't want to be you, in fact, I don't think anybody does. Nor would they want to. But, I digress.
Let's talk about who's really living in the past.
Who is the guy show clips in his promo about his opponents past title wins and losses? Who is the guy talking about title swaps that happened two years ago? And who's the guy talking seemingly endlessly about Crossroads 2010?
The answer is, of course, you.
But no, you're not living in the past. I guess it's more like denial. And what it is in reality, is you making up excuses about why you're not where you think you should be on the NCW ladder. You lost to Du Lac and you walked away, I lost and moved on, and gained more titles. That's what champions do, whether or not they have an actual title belt that says so. They don't pick up their things and run away.
But you know, I think I really touched a nerve because I pointed out your collective "wins" over me, before you could get a chance to exploit them. I'm sorry, I know that just killed about 45 minutes of promo for you, but it needed to be said. But you know what else, Jake? There's another tiny nugget of info in those little matches:
In all those "wins" YOU have defeated ME a grand total of ONE time. In a Fatal Four way.
And THAT is what this is really about isn't it Jake. You want to prove to yourself that one win meant something. You want to prove to yourself that you are as good as you think you are. Because your jealous of what I've accomplished. I never thought you would feel the need to compare yourself to me, but that's really what you're doing. You, are sitting there saying to yourself "I'm every bit as good as he is, why am I not being recognized?" You are simply jealous, and that's why your'e trying to compare me to Joe Everyman.
You compare me, to Joe Everyman? You mean, the same Joe Everyman who beat Adam Knite twice in one match, one on one, clean in the middle of the ring? A feat YOU have never accomplished? Three-time National Champion Joe Everyman? That guy? I can see where this was supposed to be an insult, but that was hollow, even by your standards.
But really, that's the story of the Ace in a nutshell: Hollow.
Hollow title runs, hollow insults, hollow career, hollow life.
It's what you are Jake. Just like in this match. You are so hollow inside you've been trying to puff yourself up with false confidence. Only now, you're not so confident anymore are you Jake? No, even the words you say have been drenched in self-doubt. Last time, you KNEW you were going to beat me, and now, you're beginning to understand that that was just never the case, and those "wins" were just as hollow as you.
Well, I guess I just went ahead and burst that little bubble, didn't I?
You see Jake, what I've done this entire promo is show you exactly what you are: A novelty act. Something to be looked at, and exposed. Oh, what's that? You couldn't follow me? Let's go through the list.
Vanilla Ice: Novelty Act.
The "La Cucaracha" horn: Novelty Act
Patrick Bateman in American Psycho: Novelty Act.
The McRib: Novelty Act.
All of these things were eventually either exposed for what they were, or just faded away with time. Just like you will Jake. You're a prime example. Someone who have somehow convinced others he might actually be able to back up what he says, but usually, even he, himself does not believe it to be true.
But wait, there's more...
Ricky - I want to show you something, Jake. Come with me.
{we follow Ricky into the living room, where Roxi is relaxing listening to music.}
Ricky - You see, here's Roxi, totally not dead, and not having any issues.
{She politely smiles and waves.}
Ricky - What are you listening to?
Roxi - Lady Gaga.
{Ricky smirks at the camera.
Ricky - Well wouldn't you know, another novelty act, just like you Jake.
I hope this was eye opening for you Jake. I hope you learned something about yourself today. Actually, I'm sure you knew most of this all along didn't you? I'm sorry to have to bring this into the light, but you know, somebody had to do it.
Now Jake, I want you to also understand, that this is for your own good. Maybe the next time you try to belly up to the bar and shoot your mouth off, you'll remember this little conversation we're having. But for some reason, I have this feeling you won't. Because you're stubborn like that.
Sunday, I will prove what is pretty much common knowledge at this point: I'm better than you. I will beat you in the ring, one on one and defend my National title, and then you can prove your own point and join Curtis Kanyon as another irrelevant figure in NCW. Your words, not mine. But I won't beat you because I "have to" or "need to" because I don't. I could walk out in Arizona and just lay in the ring and let you pin me, but won't. I'm going to beat you. And I'm going to beat you because I am systematically wiping all possible contenders for the world title out of the picture, until there is only me and the champion. And sadly, you could possibly challenge for the title, but not after Sunday. No, I know you too well now.
Think of this as a poker game Jake, you like Poker right? you have to be able to read players to see if they're holding or bluffing. And I can read you like a book right now. You've got nothing and you know it. And yet, you're trying to convince me and yourself you're holding something amazing. Problem is, I know you've been bluffing this entire time. And now, you're going all in, based on pure, pig-headed pride. Sadly, for you, I'm calling your bluff Sunday.
And you can't read my poker face.
{*sigh* Yes, for some strange reason, Ricky is jamming “Ice, Ice, Baby” in his car while he drives around for his elusive barbeque joint.}
Ricky - I’m going to find you barbecue place.
{His cell phone rings, so he turns the music down, and answers it}
Ricky - Hey….No, I’m still looking…Well, I’m not going to get the banana split if I can’t find the place first, it’ll get all melty then I’d have to eat it…Well what else am I supposed to do with a melty banana split?...That was a hypothetical situation anyway….I’ll call you when I’m on my way home…Love you.
{He hangs up.}
Ricky - Now, where was I?
{He cranks the music back up.}
Ricky - Rollin, in my 5.0, with my rag-top down so my hair can blow.
{And he goes back to singing, before slamming on the brakes as he is cut off by another driver.}
Ricky - Holy crap! What an asshole.
{He slams on his horn which plays “La cucaracha” }
Ricky - Dammit. My juvenile sense of humor has ruined his serious moment. That horn cannot convey anger like a regular horn. But...it is hilarious.
{He hits the horn again, smiles, and looks around after starting to drive again.}
Ricky - Ah ha! JT’s Bone Shack BBQ! Open 24 hours. My prayers have been answered. This calls for victory music.
{He cranks the music again.}
Ricky - Ah, songs over. Oh well, what’s next?
{He pushes the next button on his ipad, connected to the stereo…the song comes up “hip to be square” by Huey Lewis and the news.
Ricky - Ah Huey Lewis and the news.Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humour. In '87, Huey released this, Fore!, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.
{And, he quoting American Psycho, we should probably fade}
{And fade back in. He walks into the rib joint, and an overl
Ricky - Good day, shopkeep. I’m here to partake of your delicious barbecued ribs. I will take an entire rack please.
Shop Keep - Actually, sir, we turn the grill and smokers off around 2am.
Ricky - Wait…
{He checks his watch: 2:13 am
Ricky - So, I can’t have any ribs?
Shop Keep - We’ve disposed on the uneaten meat already. All we have to serve at this point is meat pies.
Ricky - But…but I don’t want a meat pie. I want ribs.
Shop Keep - Sorry sir.
Ricky - Is there another place? Tell me!
Shop Keep - Not at 2 in the morning.
Ricky - No…No.. this can’t be happening. I want you to do something for me. Take a listen to my stomach.
Shop Keep - What?
Ricky - Go ahead. Humor me.
Shop Keep -I’d really rather not.
Ricky - Just, do it.
{The shop keep nervously learns over towards Ricky’s stomach.
Shop Keep - What am I…
Ricky - You hear that?
Shop Keep - Um…no?
Ricky -Yes you do. You know exactly what that is.
Shop Keep - …
Ricky - Yeah. Now you’re getting it.
Shop Keep - I…I can hear it.
Ricky -It’s unmistakable.
Shop Keep - The hankering.
Ricky - I have it. And you know as well as I do, it cannot be ignored.
Shop Keep - I really wish I could help, but I could get in trouble. But I may know a place.
Ricky - Now that’s more like it.
Shop Keep - It’s right down the road.
{he whispers in Ricky’s ear.}
Ricky - Thank you, you’ve been most helpful
{Ricky exits the eatery, and gets back in his car. He pulls off. Fade.}
Ricky - One McRib, please.
I know you’re expected some big promo right now, Jake, but you’re not going to get it.
That is how little I care about you and whatever it is you’ve said. Because I know what you are. Oh yes, I figured you out. Wait, I said it already didn't I? Oh wait, you don't know what I'm talking about even though I just laid it out for you.
Meh, I'll explain it later.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a delicious McRib to eat.
Ricky - What is it Edward?
Edward - That “Adam” gentlemen is here to see you.
Ricky - What does he want?
Edward - Something about your wrestling career.
Ricky - Whatever. Send him in.
Edward - Very well sir.
{Edward returns a moment later with Adam.}
Adam - Mr. Johnson?
Ricky - Adam.
Adam - I was taking a look at lot of your matches recently, and I showed them to the people I work with in Whiterun.
Ricky - And?
Adam - The people of Whiterun feel you should add a new move to your arsenal.
Ricky - Really?
Adam - Yes. They had an idea and wanted to run it by you.
Ricky - What is it?
Adam - A 3 quarter turn neckbreaker. Whatever that move is.
Ricky - …
Adam - Are you okay?
Ricky - You really want me to use that move?
Adam - It was a suggestion. According to the data, back in 1996, it was the most devastating finisher in wrestling.
Ricky - Back in 1996?
Adam - Yes, apparently there were a lot of innovative guys, but none more inventive that the guy who invented it.
Ricky - That was the single most ridiculous sentence. Ever. Of all time.
Adam - The people are really behind this.
Ricky - I tell you what Adam, I’ll give it some thought.
Adam - You will? wow, that’s great.
Ricky - Is there anything else the people at Whiterun need?
Adam - I think that was it.
Ricky - Are you sure? No one looking to do anything special?
Adam - There was a guy, but he messed up his knee.
Ricky - Right, anything else?
Adam - They said it might help you to carry a shield to the ring too.
Ricky - Shields are for losers.
Adam - There's just no reaching you is there?
Ricky - Not with what your using.
Adam - So, what do I tell the board?
Ricky - Whatever you like. I’ll think about the move, and I’ll call you.
Adam - The people really hope you do it. You can’t be a …a people’s champion.
Ricky - …
Adam - Just, think about it?
Ricky - Sure.
You want to open up the can of worms Jake? Fine, let's dive right in shall we? Now, I could go point by point and rebuke you, but I won't, that would be an "Ace" thing to do, and I don't want to be you, in fact, I don't think anybody does. Nor would they want to. But, I digress.
Let's talk about who's really living in the past.
Who is the guy show clips in his promo about his opponents past title wins and losses? Who is the guy talking about title swaps that happened two years ago? And who's the guy talking seemingly endlessly about Crossroads 2010?
The answer is, of course, you.
But no, you're not living in the past. I guess it's more like denial. And what it is in reality, is you making up excuses about why you're not where you think you should be on the NCW ladder. You lost to Du Lac and you walked away, I lost and moved on, and gained more titles. That's what champions do, whether or not they have an actual title belt that says so. They don't pick up their things and run away.
But you know, I think I really touched a nerve because I pointed out your collective "wins" over me, before you could get a chance to exploit them. I'm sorry, I know that just killed about 45 minutes of promo for you, but it needed to be said. But you know what else, Jake? There's another tiny nugget of info in those little matches:
In all those "wins" YOU have defeated ME a grand total of ONE time. In a Fatal Four way.
And THAT is what this is really about isn't it Jake. You want to prove to yourself that one win meant something. You want to prove to yourself that you are as good as you think you are. Because your jealous of what I've accomplished. I never thought you would feel the need to compare yourself to me, but that's really what you're doing. You, are sitting there saying to yourself "I'm every bit as good as he is, why am I not being recognized?" You are simply jealous, and that's why your'e trying to compare me to Joe Everyman.
You compare me, to Joe Everyman? You mean, the same Joe Everyman who beat Adam Knite twice in one match, one on one, clean in the middle of the ring? A feat YOU have never accomplished? Three-time National Champion Joe Everyman? That guy? I can see where this was supposed to be an insult, but that was hollow, even by your standards.
But really, that's the story of the Ace in a nutshell: Hollow.
Hollow title runs, hollow insults, hollow career, hollow life.
It's what you are Jake. Just like in this match. You are so hollow inside you've been trying to puff yourself up with false confidence. Only now, you're not so confident anymore are you Jake? No, even the words you say have been drenched in self-doubt. Last time, you KNEW you were going to beat me, and now, you're beginning to understand that that was just never the case, and those "wins" were just as hollow as you.
Well, I guess I just went ahead and burst that little bubble, didn't I?
You see Jake, what I've done this entire promo is show you exactly what you are: A novelty act. Something to be looked at, and exposed. Oh, what's that? You couldn't follow me? Let's go through the list.
Vanilla Ice: Novelty Act.
The "La Cucaracha" horn: Novelty Act
Patrick Bateman in American Psycho: Novelty Act.
The McRib: Novelty Act.
All of these things were eventually either exposed for what they were, or just faded away with time. Just like you will Jake. You're a prime example. Someone who have somehow convinced others he might actually be able to back up what he says, but usually, even he, himself does not believe it to be true.
But wait, there's more...
Ricky - I want to show you something, Jake. Come with me.
{we follow Ricky into the living room, where Roxi is relaxing listening to music.}
Ricky - You see, here's Roxi, totally not dead, and not having any issues.
{She politely smiles and waves.}
Ricky - What are you listening to?
Roxi - Lady Gaga.
{Ricky smirks at the camera.
Ricky - Well wouldn't you know, another novelty act, just like you Jake.
I hope this was eye opening for you Jake. I hope you learned something about yourself today. Actually, I'm sure you knew most of this all along didn't you? I'm sorry to have to bring this into the light, but you know, somebody had to do it.
Now Jake, I want you to also understand, that this is for your own good. Maybe the next time you try to belly up to the bar and shoot your mouth off, you'll remember this little conversation we're having. But for some reason, I have this feeling you won't. Because you're stubborn like that.
Sunday, I will prove what is pretty much common knowledge at this point: I'm better than you. I will beat you in the ring, one on one and defend my National title, and then you can prove your own point and join Curtis Kanyon as another irrelevant figure in NCW. Your words, not mine. But I won't beat you because I "have to" or "need to" because I don't. I could walk out in Arizona and just lay in the ring and let you pin me, but won't. I'm going to beat you. And I'm going to beat you because I am systematically wiping all possible contenders for the world title out of the picture, until there is only me and the champion. And sadly, you could possibly challenge for the title, but not after Sunday. No, I know you too well now.
Think of this as a poker game Jake, you like Poker right? you have to be able to read players to see if they're holding or bluffing. And I can read you like a book right now. You've got nothing and you know it. And yet, you're trying to convince me and yourself you're holding something amazing. Problem is, I know you've been bluffing this entire time. And now, you're going all in, based on pure, pig-headed pride. Sadly, for you, I'm calling your bluff Sunday.
And you can't read my poker face.
