Post by Gib on May 11, 2012 11:48:15 GMT -6
People want to root for me.
People want to stand up and pump their fist and remember.
They want to remember the days when men fought, when they battled like gladiators trying to prove themselves for no other reason then bragging rights. They want to remember the days that wrestling didn’t have anything to do with people screwing each others old ladies, they want to remember the days before wrestling became nothing more then a soap opera with brief fractions of wrestling in between.
Leonard Fox loved his soap operas, it is rumored that when he was in the hospital after being attacked that he watched the entire General Hospital boxed set in consecutive 20 hour marathons, only interrupted for his high colonic and occasional nap. He care about profits and bottom lines, he didn’t care about the big picture, he didn’t care about tradition and how this business used to be run.
The hierarchy that I am part of is here for that purpose. We joke and play games like friends I goof around on camera for the amusement of others but ultimately when it comes down to it, I am the most passionate wrestler that you will ever face, I have something to prove. I lived and prospered in an era when men were men, and so were the women. Men didn’t flit around talking about how pretty they are or how much money they had and after you were done killing each other in the ring you took them out for a beer after.
I care about this business.
Tag team wrestling has become a joke, something thrown together and kept alive by weak individuals getting together just because they couldn’t hack it in singles competition. I was happy at first with the Internationals, because at first I felt they were here for the right reasons, I felt they cared about tag team wrestling and were dedicated to it, they weren’t thrown together for the purpose of becoming something special.
Then they realized how bad they were, and how they are unable to win a match by the rules. They realized that to hold the titles and stay on top that they needed to cheat, then came the antics and then came the solution.
Simon and I are here for a very specific reason, we are a dedicated tag team who won’t allow you to go down in history as the longest reigning tag teams champions of all time. We won’t allow you to pass the record set out by my friend Adam and that other guy who talks about banging people all the time.
Bushido, whatever the **** the other guys name is, I am sure when you started wrestling you meant well and you cared about what this business meant, but at some point you lost your focus, you succumbed to becoming cartoon characters and not professionals. I am going to fix it, I am going to fix it by plastering bits and pieces of your faces all over the arena. I don’t think you understand how badly you pissed off Father Eagle.
Now, the talons are sharpened….
And the attack is imminent.
{Scene opens to Gib’s house, the events are obviously post the engagement as Gib is still wearing his full camouflage gear and there is a stick sticking out from behind his right ear. He leaves the front door, and looks to the left and right. He inhales deeply through his nose, smelling something. He reaches into the bushes on the right and pulls Simon Daye out from behind the bush by the nape of his neck.}
Gib: You son of a bitch, why didn’t you radio me, why did I get caught off guard?
Simon: Sorry, I tried to radio you but the radio didn’t seem to work.
Gib: What kind of moron do you have to be to not be able to figure out how to push a button?
Simon: Well, the person who gave me this walkie talky didn’t put any batteries in it.
{Gib holds his hand out, and Simon puts a child’s pink Barbie walkie talkie in his hand. Gib opens the back and sure enough, there are no batteries}
Gib: Who gave this to you private?
Simon: You did sir…
{Gib rears back and slaps Daye across the face.}
Gib: Good for you, it is that gumption that made me choose you as a tag team partner. The fact that you spit in the face of authority and don’t care that a greater stag is about to punch you in the face. You have done well in this tournament Simon, you have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that as a tag team partner, you can take an ass kicking with the best of them.
Simon: I mean, it would be cool to get a pin at some point?
Gib: Pinning a guy isn’t winning, taking a beating and allowing your partner to get the pin is what truly great sidekicks do. I am not going to say that you are robin, but I am also not going to say that you would look horrible in tights because you have very shapely legs and buttocks.
Simon: Well, you really know how to talk to a lady.
Gib: I have been told that before, but our mission was a near failure. I was lucky to catch them out of my abnormally large peripheral vision just as he was trying to do the whole “thing a man who has no balls would do.”
Simon: So, he didn’t ask her. Excellent work sir!
Gib: No, he asked her but then before she could answer I jumped from the tree much like a gazelle and descended upon them with the speed of a silverback gorilla running from his proctologist, I claimed there was an issue with security and that Jenny must come with me so that we can protect her when in actuality were protecting Xander from making the biggest mistake in his life.
Jenny: Yeah, marrying a ho!
{Gib reaches out and slaps Simon across the face}
Gib: I love Jenny. She is far from that word.
Simon: Sorry, I was trying to me cool.
Gib: Cool – 1, Simon – 0. Don’t let that happen again.
Simon: Yes Sir.
Gib: I love Jenny, also she is super hot, however, marriage is the devil. It rides you dry and leaves you wet.
Simon: But you had a great…..
{Another slap finds the side of Simon’s cheek.}
Gib: There is no more mentioning of my marriage.
{Simon reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cell phone, he looks at it and his face drains in color.}
Gib: What’s wrong boy. It looks like a cold handed witch just jerked your pecker until you were at the point of climax only to stop and dump ice water on your johnson.
{Simon holds the phone up to Gib. He looks and his face turns. He drops to his knees raising his hands towards the sky screaming}
Gib: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WHY GOD WHY!!! I AM A FAILURE AS A FATHER!
{Simon shakes his head and Gib crumbles into a heap as the camera pans up and shows the screen of the phone, a tweet from Jenny Williams mentioning her engagement. The scene fades on a truly mourning father.}
A two fronted assault.
Some random Asian country and some place where they speak the language in order to buy burritos and steal jobs from hard working Americans walk into a bar one night.
This could be the start of so many childish and hilarious jokes, jokes that I have shared with Simon and other members of my inner circle for the last few months, jokes that have made us laugh and smile throughout the months previous to this big epic showdown for the world tag team titles.
More then just titles and bragging rights are on the line here, because for a month now I have been talking about how this country is greater then all the others, and whether people agree with it or not doesn’t bother me, because I know it to be true. Why else would the so called Internationals even be here? Because if they were to wrestle in their countries they would have to wrestle on potato sacks on the ground in a ring held together with zip ties and twine, or in that random Asian dudes country some ring that was sewn together by a three year old who was working for a toothpick on three hours of sleep.
If you hate this country and if you truly think that we are backwards or horrible then why do you wrestle exclusively here? Why spend your time here?
You are hypocrites and imbeciles, and for me to call you that is truly an insult because I am normally the winner in both of those categories but I am also the winner in another category.
Standing up for what I believe in.
And I believe in the Good Old United State of America. I believe that we may not be in the best spot we have ever been in, our education system is falling behind, our industry is falling apart, corruption runs rampant throughout the political system but every country has problems. Every country has poor and rich, every county has grey areas that can’t be discussed but I firmly believe that when it comes down to it, there is no country greater then ours.
When the world is in trouble, we are there to help them.
But for you, you this week will find yourself in more trouble then you have ever been before. You will find yourself beaten, bloodied and unable to continue and I know when that happens, when I lift you in the air slap you in the camel clutch, break your back and humble you that you will stretch out your hand. You will beg and plead for the pain to stop. You will hope and pray that the normally forgiving United States representatives will be lenient in their punishment but this time, there will be no forgiveness, there will be no leniency this time.
There will be only punishment, destruction and power.
Because time for diplomacy is over, time for discussions and talking have ended and now, now in this very moment action is required, our judgments are swift and our punishments are severe.
This weekend random Asian man and third world country potato sack wrestler, we are going to finish what we started last month. We are going to prove that our run through the International Invitational was no fluke. We are going to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that America still is the most powerful country in the world.
And you will lie down, next to the broken and debilitated bodies of France, Canada and Australia, writing around in a sea of your own self doubt. And by self doubt I mean your urine and feces.
United we stand…
Because Team America, will not fall.
People want to stand up and pump their fist and remember.
They want to remember the days when men fought, when they battled like gladiators trying to prove themselves for no other reason then bragging rights. They want to remember the days that wrestling didn’t have anything to do with people screwing each others old ladies, they want to remember the days before wrestling became nothing more then a soap opera with brief fractions of wrestling in between.
Leonard Fox loved his soap operas, it is rumored that when he was in the hospital after being attacked that he watched the entire General Hospital boxed set in consecutive 20 hour marathons, only interrupted for his high colonic and occasional nap. He care about profits and bottom lines, he didn’t care about the big picture, he didn’t care about tradition and how this business used to be run.
The hierarchy that I am part of is here for that purpose. We joke and play games like friends I goof around on camera for the amusement of others but ultimately when it comes down to it, I am the most passionate wrestler that you will ever face, I have something to prove. I lived and prospered in an era when men were men, and so were the women. Men didn’t flit around talking about how pretty they are or how much money they had and after you were done killing each other in the ring you took them out for a beer after.
I care about this business.
Tag team wrestling has become a joke, something thrown together and kept alive by weak individuals getting together just because they couldn’t hack it in singles competition. I was happy at first with the Internationals, because at first I felt they were here for the right reasons, I felt they cared about tag team wrestling and were dedicated to it, they weren’t thrown together for the purpose of becoming something special.
Then they realized how bad they were, and how they are unable to win a match by the rules. They realized that to hold the titles and stay on top that they needed to cheat, then came the antics and then came the solution.
Simon and I are here for a very specific reason, we are a dedicated tag team who won’t allow you to go down in history as the longest reigning tag teams champions of all time. We won’t allow you to pass the record set out by my friend Adam and that other guy who talks about banging people all the time.
Bushido, whatever the **** the other guys name is, I am sure when you started wrestling you meant well and you cared about what this business meant, but at some point you lost your focus, you succumbed to becoming cartoon characters and not professionals. I am going to fix it, I am going to fix it by plastering bits and pieces of your faces all over the arena. I don’t think you understand how badly you pissed off Father Eagle.
Now, the talons are sharpened….
And the attack is imminent.
{Scene opens to Gib’s house, the events are obviously post the engagement as Gib is still wearing his full camouflage gear and there is a stick sticking out from behind his right ear. He leaves the front door, and looks to the left and right. He inhales deeply through his nose, smelling something. He reaches into the bushes on the right and pulls Simon Daye out from behind the bush by the nape of his neck.}
Gib: You son of a bitch, why didn’t you radio me, why did I get caught off guard?
Simon: Sorry, I tried to radio you but the radio didn’t seem to work.
Gib: What kind of moron do you have to be to not be able to figure out how to push a button?
Simon: Well, the person who gave me this walkie talky didn’t put any batteries in it.
{Gib holds his hand out, and Simon puts a child’s pink Barbie walkie talkie in his hand. Gib opens the back and sure enough, there are no batteries}
Gib: Who gave this to you private?
Simon: You did sir…
{Gib rears back and slaps Daye across the face.}
Gib: Good for you, it is that gumption that made me choose you as a tag team partner. The fact that you spit in the face of authority and don’t care that a greater stag is about to punch you in the face. You have done well in this tournament Simon, you have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that as a tag team partner, you can take an ass kicking with the best of them.
Simon: I mean, it would be cool to get a pin at some point?
Gib: Pinning a guy isn’t winning, taking a beating and allowing your partner to get the pin is what truly great sidekicks do. I am not going to say that you are robin, but I am also not going to say that you would look horrible in tights because you have very shapely legs and buttocks.
Simon: Well, you really know how to talk to a lady.
Gib: I have been told that before, but our mission was a near failure. I was lucky to catch them out of my abnormally large peripheral vision just as he was trying to do the whole “thing a man who has no balls would do.”
Simon: So, he didn’t ask her. Excellent work sir!
Gib: No, he asked her but then before she could answer I jumped from the tree much like a gazelle and descended upon them with the speed of a silverback gorilla running from his proctologist, I claimed there was an issue with security and that Jenny must come with me so that we can protect her when in actuality were protecting Xander from making the biggest mistake in his life.
Jenny: Yeah, marrying a ho!
{Gib reaches out and slaps Simon across the face}
Gib: I love Jenny. She is far from that word.
Simon: Sorry, I was trying to me cool.
Gib: Cool – 1, Simon – 0. Don’t let that happen again.
Simon: Yes Sir.
Gib: I love Jenny, also she is super hot, however, marriage is the devil. It rides you dry and leaves you wet.
Simon: But you had a great…..
{Another slap finds the side of Simon’s cheek.}
Gib: There is no more mentioning of my marriage.
{Simon reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cell phone, he looks at it and his face drains in color.}
Gib: What’s wrong boy. It looks like a cold handed witch just jerked your pecker until you were at the point of climax only to stop and dump ice water on your johnson.
{Simon holds the phone up to Gib. He looks and his face turns. He drops to his knees raising his hands towards the sky screaming}
Gib: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WHY GOD WHY!!! I AM A FAILURE AS A FATHER!
{Simon shakes his head and Gib crumbles into a heap as the camera pans up and shows the screen of the phone, a tweet from Jenny Williams mentioning her engagement. The scene fades on a truly mourning father.}
A two fronted assault.
Some random Asian country and some place where they speak the language in order to buy burritos and steal jobs from hard working Americans walk into a bar one night.
This could be the start of so many childish and hilarious jokes, jokes that I have shared with Simon and other members of my inner circle for the last few months, jokes that have made us laugh and smile throughout the months previous to this big epic showdown for the world tag team titles.
More then just titles and bragging rights are on the line here, because for a month now I have been talking about how this country is greater then all the others, and whether people agree with it or not doesn’t bother me, because I know it to be true. Why else would the so called Internationals even be here? Because if they were to wrestle in their countries they would have to wrestle on potato sacks on the ground in a ring held together with zip ties and twine, or in that random Asian dudes country some ring that was sewn together by a three year old who was working for a toothpick on three hours of sleep.
If you hate this country and if you truly think that we are backwards or horrible then why do you wrestle exclusively here? Why spend your time here?
You are hypocrites and imbeciles, and for me to call you that is truly an insult because I am normally the winner in both of those categories but I am also the winner in another category.
Standing up for what I believe in.
And I believe in the Good Old United State of America. I believe that we may not be in the best spot we have ever been in, our education system is falling behind, our industry is falling apart, corruption runs rampant throughout the political system but every country has problems. Every country has poor and rich, every county has grey areas that can’t be discussed but I firmly believe that when it comes down to it, there is no country greater then ours.
When the world is in trouble, we are there to help them.
But for you, you this week will find yourself in more trouble then you have ever been before. You will find yourself beaten, bloodied and unable to continue and I know when that happens, when I lift you in the air slap you in the camel clutch, break your back and humble you that you will stretch out your hand. You will beg and plead for the pain to stop. You will hope and pray that the normally forgiving United States representatives will be lenient in their punishment but this time, there will be no forgiveness, there will be no leniency this time.
There will be only punishment, destruction and power.
Because time for diplomacy is over, time for discussions and talking have ended and now, now in this very moment action is required, our judgments are swift and our punishments are severe.
This weekend random Asian man and third world country potato sack wrestler, we are going to finish what we started last month. We are going to prove that our run through the International Invitational was no fluke. We are going to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that America still is the most powerful country in the world.
And you will lie down, next to the broken and debilitated bodies of France, Canada and Australia, writing around in a sea of your own self doubt. And by self doubt I mean your urine and feces.
United we stand…
Because Team America, will not fall.
