The Everyman Odyssey

[Joe Everyman]

Show me the way back home
Cause I've been out there runnin'
For way too long

The scene slowly opens up inside of the Joe Everyman locker room in the backstage area of the Reborn arena. Joe is seen standing in front of a large, flat screen television in the back. The ending remarks from the Todd Williams promo are showing. It finally ends, and Joe just shakes his head.

Joe Everyman: That was... that was...

Lex Sense: So f*cking stupid?

Joe Everyman: Why yes it was, special pay per view week guest star, Lex Sense!

Lex Sense: I mean... was he trying to parody one of your promos?

Joe Everyman: It looked like he was trying to, yes.

Lex Sense: A promo from like... early two thousand and nine?

Joe Everyman: I believe so, yeah.

Lex Sense: Was Aurora even born yet then?

Joe Everyman: She was not, no.

Lex Sense: So... Todd was just being a f*cking moron?

Joe Everyman: F*cking moron is the general consensus, yes.

Lex Sense: Have you asked anyone else's opinions yet? I mean... according to Todd, that's the only thing you ever do. Ever.

Joe Everyman: No, but I'm sure I could find someone...

Joe and Lex both turn around, looking around the locker room.

Lex Sense: Isn't this your personal locker room?

Joe Everyman: Yeah... why?

Lex Sense: Why are you looking around your own locker room for someone?

Joe Everyman: Because... I know he's in here somewhere.

Joe reaches into his pocket and pulls out his trusty private investigator novelty magnifying lens. He begins snooping around the room as Lex slowly follows him, sighing loud enough for Joe to know. After a few moments, Joe looks at the couch. He points his magnifying glass at it. He then drops it, and removes one of the cushions. Inside, lays a sleeping Curtis Kanyon.

Joe Everyman: Curtis!

Curtis Kanyon: I didn't steal that wheel of cheese, officer!

Lex Sense: The hell is he doing in your couch?

Curtis Kanyon: Why AREN'T you in the couch?

Lex Sense: Because... this isn't a Todd Williams promo?

Curtis Kanyon: How do you know?! What if this is Inception? Have you ever seen Inception?!

Lex Sense: ...yes?

Curtis Kanyon: Great flick, wasn't it?

Joe Everyman: Curtis, get out of my couch!

Curtis shimmies out of the couch and looks up at Joe, who is gazing down at the couch.

Joe Everyman: Where did all of the springs go?

Curtis Kanyon: Black market.

Lex then grabs Kanyon by the shoulders and gets close to his face.

Lex Sense: Look here, fat man! We don't have that much time! Did you see Todd Williams' promo?

Curtis Kanyon: Ye... yes, I did.

Joe Everyman: You saw it from inside the couch?

Curtis Kanyon: I have a television in here!

Lex Sense: WELL?!

Joe Everyman: Just calm down, Lex... Curtis, what did you think?

Curtis Kanyon: I thought... that he poorly parodied a promo of yours.

Joe Everyman: From when?

Curtis Kanyon: Early to mid two thousand and nine?

Lex Sense: Ah ha!

Curtis looks over at Lex.

Curtis Kanyon: What is he doing here anyway?

Joe Everyman: He's my special guest star for the pay per view week! Todd says that I do this for every pay per view, despite the fact that I've never done it... ever.

Curtis Kanyon: OH! Can I be that too? Please, Joe? Pleeeeeeas?

Lex Sense: Todd did say "special guest stars", he must want you to have at least two.

Joe ponders this for a moment, while looking at Curtis' sad puppy eyes.

Joe Everyman: How can I say no to that? You're in!

Curtis Kanyon: YES!

Curtis jumps up and down like a giddy school girl. He then stops and looks quizzically at Joe.

Curtis Kanyon: If his parody was of you from early two thousand and nine, why was Josie there?

Joe Everyman: I honestly don't know. I didn't even know she existed until last year.

Curtis Kanyon: Then... why did he have "Josie" in that?

Lex Sense: He's a f*cking moron.

Curtis Kanyon: That's it!!!

Joe then motions for Lex and Curtis to follow as he walks out of the locker room, where they both follow close. Then get to a corner right outside and peek around it. They all three see Will Washington standing by a refreshment table, getting a cup of coffee.

Joe Everyman: I think we should ask Will too, he may have an opinion on Todd's promo too.

Lex Sense: You sure? That sounds risky.

Joe Everyman: Will Washington... risky? Heh, please.

Curtis Kanyon: Should I go grab him?

Joe Everyman: Yes, you should.

Curtis Kanyon: Can I bang him?

Lex Sense: NO!

Curtis Kanyon: Aw man...

Curtis then sulks out from behind the wall and quickly grabs onto Will Washington. The refreshment table was only two feet away, and Will could hear everything.

Will Washington: I heard you guys talking. Why do the Avengers want to talk to me?

Joe looks down at his Captain America shirt that he had on from the day before.

Joe Everyman: Dibs on Captain America!

Curtis Kanyon: Dibs on Capta- shoot!

Joe Everyman: Ha ha!

Lex Sense: Can you people focus! We have a Todd Williams to insult here, not to form the Avengers. Also, dibs on The Hulk.

Curtis Kanyon: AW MAN!!

Will Washington: Dibs on Iron Man!

Curtis Kanyon: I'LL KILL YOU!!!

Joe Everyman: You can be Thor.

Curtis Kanyon: ...be right back!

Curtis then runs off down the hallway. Joe and Lex look confused, but then look back at Will.

Joe Everyman: There is a pressing matter here... two, in fact. First off, will you be my third special guest star that only show up on pay per view weeks and never any other time every because I'm a dumbass and only do my promos one way and one way only?

Will Washington: Yes... and that was a long description.

Joe Everyman: I said it like that to make sure any idiots listening to us would understand.

Will Washington: Like Andrew Jacobsen?

Joe Everyman: Exactly! You read my mind!

Lex Sense: Jacobsen is Hawkeye.

Will Washington: Seems fair. What was the second part, Joe?

Joe Everyman: You saw Todd Williams' promo, right?

Will Washington: Yeah, I did.

Joe Everyman: And?

Will Washington: Parody of a mid two thousand and ten Joe Everyman promo.

Lex Sense: Two thousand and ten?! Early two thousand and nine!

Will Washington: But, Aurora could talk in it. And Maria was still around.

Joe Everyman: Mid two thousand and ten, I'm pretty sure I was with Ashlie. And you all know how that turned out.

Lex Sense: Let's not talk about that...

Will Washington: Good idea.

Then, Curtis comes running back into the screen with his blonde wig and a toy Mjölnir. Lex, Will and Joe all sigh, and go back to their discussion.

Will Washington: So, let me just get all of this straight. Todd Williams, a man of ENDLESS TALENT AND CHARISMATIC SKILLS had to settle for a stupid parody promo to try to off set the first part of yours?

Joe Everyman: Yes.

Will Washington: And he completely no sold a solid three years of your career?

Joe Everyman: Yes.

Will Washington: And he no sold your divorce to Maria?

Joe Everyman: Yes.

Will Washington: And he thinks that your three year old daughter is like sixteen?

Joe Everyman: Pretty much, yes.

Will Washington: Does he really think you talk like that?

Joe Everyman: God, I hope not. I don't think I've ever used the word talent to describe Todd before.

Lex Sense: Nobody has.

Will Washington: He does know that you and Josie are still kind of at ends, right?

Joe Everyman: I thought so. I guess not though. I don't ever remember saying that I loved my sister on television.

Will Washington: And he does know that your lyrics fit the overhanging flow of your career, right?

Curtis Kanyon: He insulted the song lyrics!?

Lex Sense: He did.

Curtis Kanyon: That bastard! He can say anything about Joe. He can insult his family! He can insult his career!

Joe Everyman: Hey!!

Curtis Kanyon: But I'll be damned if he insults the song lyrics!

Will Washington: It seems like everyone does... it's like their go to thing now.

Lex Sense: Hopefully Joe's next opponent can actually think of something with context.

Joe Everyman: Yeah, that would be just swell.

Will Washington: But, let's please wrap up here. I think we've wasted these people's times enough. I do believe, without a shadow of a doubt... that Todd Williams is, indeed, a f*cking moron.

Lex Sense: See? I told you he would think that.

Joe Everyman: Yep, it's settled then. His promo was worthless. But that's ok. I think I got something up my sleeve...

Curtis Kanyon: Wasn't this part of your promo?

Joe Everyman: ...oh yeah, I guess it was. Great job, me!

Will Washington: Yes, cheers all around. Now, if you'll excuse me. Smell ya later, Joe.

Will then walks off proudly, with a swagger in his step.

Curtis Kanyon: Did he just "Gary" you?

Joe Everyman: I think he did... deep down, I hate that guy.

Lex Sense: Just be sure to hate Todd more, you'll need it.

Joe Everyman: You serious? We aren't afraid of Loki, right?

Curtis Kanyon: Todd Williams is not Loki!!

Joe Everyman: Then who is he?

Curtis twirls the hammer around for a few moments, trying to think.

Curtis Kanyon: Scarecrow?

Lex Sense: Not in the same universe.

Curtis Kanyon: I can't really think of anyone who has that little talent.

Lex Sense: I got it!

Joe Everyman: Who?

Lex Sense: Todd Williams, a man who there is no equal. There is nobody as bland, selfish, bitchy and predictable as him. Therefore, Todd Williams will be... Todd Williams.

Joe and Curtis gasp at the notion.

Curtis Kanyon: Brilliant!

Joe Everyman: You've done it again, Lex! Now, let's get out of here. We all have big matches on Reborn, and we will all win! Avengers, away!

Curtis and Joe turn down the hallway, mimicing their selected Avenger. Lex then walks slowly after them.

Lex Sense: Why do I hang out with these people...

The scene then slowly fades to black.

Todd Williams. Are you happy? You managed to insult my entire family, no sell the existence of my current girlfriend and pissed me off WAY too much in the matter of a short, few minute long promo. I hope you realize... this means war. I don't want some long, drawn out feud with you, Todd. This ends this week. I never want to see your stupid f*cking face again after this week. I never want to hear your whiny little voice again. I never want to see another one of your stupid t-shirts on a fan again. Honestly, I'm surprised they sell anyway. If the shirts are anything like you, which they are, they are whiny, pretentious and loud... my god... your shirts are hipsters! It all makes sense now.

And sorry for getting off topic, I was trying my best to insult one of your promos. But then again, I don't really need to do that. No, you see, you tasteless neanderthal, I don't need to do that. I know what to say to get to you. I don't have to spend an entire promo deciding to attack me personally with how I do my promos. I have a style I like to deliver them with. Everybody does. Are you going to go out and say that Ricky Johnson talks to much to Roxi in his? Or are you going to go say that Adam Knite doesn't talk enough? Or, maybe you could say that Trent Helms doesn't make any sense like a rambling idiot. I wouldn't do those things, because I have class. If I'm going to insult someone, I have to really get to them. Unlike you. You just do whatever you think is fun and hope it sticks. I can say, without much thought, that it didn't stick.

I don't want to say it, just because I may seem a little bias to it... but your promo was the worst thing this company has ever produced. And I know, I had to live through the Brown Eye. Hell, I made the damn hamster promo! I know what it's like to have utter failure. But yours Todd... why did you even attempt that? Why not just trash talk and get under my skin like your normal work? I hate you as a person, but sometimes, you speak the truth. In your match against Lex, you said some stuff to him that I knew was going to throw him off his game. And, it worked. You didn't have to do a parody of the Scrubs finale to get to him. You just had to speak from the heart. But now, you have to pull this. I'm not even really mad anymore... well, I take that back, I am still pissed at you. But in the grand scheme of things, it's almost comical.

You had promise Todd. Remember back when you were World Champion? Those were some fun times. You were pretty good back then. But now... nothing. And yes, you f*cking moron, I do know that was like a month ago. Does it look like I care? Ask me how many f*cks I give. I can tell you now, it's not many. None, in fact. Shocking, I know. You had the chance to continue to me a great champion, but you chocked. You know, like you said I kept doing. I guess the high and mighty Todd Williams isn't invincible after all, is he?

I will show you this week that you are not cut out to beat me, Todd. It's as simple as that. You have the skills, you have the determination, sure... but you do not have the heart it takes. I do. I come out here every single week, win or loss, and fight my heart out. I want to go into the record books as the guy who always would fight. Sure, I win and move up. I lose, and get buried. But that doesn't matter to me. I know what I do well, and that is show up. I'm out there every week. And if I win, I'll be proud of myself. If I lose, I won't go around backstage, bitching to anyone who will listen to my mindless drivel. But that's because I'm not an attention whore like you. I guess that's the best way to describe you... a whore.

I don't need to have the love and affection of everybody to be able to progress. I have my friends, I have my family, I have my fans and I have my girlfriend, they will all support me. But I don't need it from you or from anybody else. If you hate me, so be it. If you love me, great, buy a t-shirt or a hoodie and show your support for my career.

And Todd, I especially don't need to parody you to get a few laughs. What I did earlier was there to make a point. It was there to show to you and everyone else that you were, as spoken many times before, a f*cking moron to doing that. What did you accomplish by doing that? Oh yeah, I know... you lit a fire under my ass that is going to propel me so far into victory, I'll have to buy it breakfast in the morning.

But I don't really know why I'm saying any of this to you. You won't care. Call it you being oblivious, call it you being carefree, call it you just being yourself... whatever I say will just bounce off you. And that, my boy, is because you don't want to learn. You are so set in your ways of how you do things, you don't care what anyone else says, even if it could help you. If you fixed your ways and tried to help people instead of just trying to bury someone, you could so something greater with your career. But instead, you will fake injuries and attack people from behind because you NEED the crowd to react to you. You live for it, but not because you like it. You live for it, because you are addicted to the attention. If you don't have it, you'll cause unnecessary drama for everyone else, just hoping someone will notice you.

You crave it Todd. You need your fix. And if you don't get a reaction from the crowd, one of your cronies or just some random passer by, you'll start to convulse. You'll freak out until you get someone to compliment you on your success. You need it to survive in this business. Do you know what I need to survive? Or did you gloss over that like every single other fact about my career? All I need is a match. I need to be able to go out there and fight. I don't do it for the attention. I don't do it for championships. I do it because it's what my heart wants.

I've always said that nobody should question my heart, and Todd... that's exactly what you did. I go out there every single week and work my ass off. I spend my entire week preparing, working out, just getting ready. And win or loss, I will walk into the back knowing I did what I love to the best I could do it. So what if I never win the World Championship? I'll still go into the Hall of Fame due to my tenure here and my sure amount of matches. I go out to entertain the crowd, not force them to shower me with love, like you do. If I can give them their money's worth week in and week out, that is as good as any World Championship belt I could ever want. You though, Todd... you just can't do that. It eats you up inside, and you hate it. You have to have something physical to show everyone your efforts. You have to big the biggest fort. You have to have the fastest bike. You have to have the highest grades. You're that cocky asshole kid from elementary school everyone hated. I'm the kid who is just happy to be there.

I'm going to go out and do exactly what I do best this Sunday... I'm going to go out and entertain. I'm going to work my frustrations with you out on your face, but I will do it with a smile on my face, because I am entertaining at least one fan. And if I win, and I somehow get a championship shot for my efforts, great. If I don't get anything in return for it, then oh well. But I will tell you one thing, Todd... I'm not losing to you. I'm not losing to you now, I'm not losing to you ever. My pride is too big to allow something like that to happen. I have to beat you for the greatest good of the people.

And yes, Todd, I do want to live the American Dream. Do you dare to insult my country and it's morals too? You, of all people, should recognize the power of a dream. You dream for attention and wealth. I dream for happiness. Are our dreams truly that far apart? And they so far apart that you must attack me because you are so shallow and afraid? Or is it something deeper? Whatever it is, Todd... it ends this Sunday. I already know that my career will be reborn into a phoenix. Anybody who watches my matches and promos can tell you that. I needed to return to my roots to get what I truly needed. Where as you... you will just sit in a pool of your own filth and disgrace yourself even more, week after week. And don't say I didn't try to help you. I really did. But you had to turn into super jackass and completely turn away from any help I could have offered you this week. I could have put aside those attacks, I could have put aside the personal shots. But I cannot put aside someone as egotistical and petty that you are. You truly have my pity, Todd. If anybody is going to give it to you, it's best coming from the guy who's going to beat you this Sunday.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is my Odyssey. I live the American Dream every day, but it can only get me so far. I will walk this planet until the end of my days, completely my Odyssey. My adventures will be those of legend. And on my way, I will eventually find what my true meaning in life is, and how to accomplish it. But until then, I will continue to write the pages of my story. Todd, you will be in my Odyssey. But you will only be a small part. Reborn, two thousand and twelve will be your only part. After that, the pages will continue to me for my story. Not yours. I have my dream, and I will live it. I have my Odyssey to write, and I will complete it. You though, Todd... you have nothing. Nothing to fight for, nothing to gain. You can only destroy yourself and your career from here on out unless you're willing to change. But will you change? Of course not... you are far too stubborn to do that. In the mean time, fight me this Sunday with all of your might. I have already guaranteed victory for myself... and my heart will not allow me to break that. And as soon as I put you down, I will be able to sleep well again at night. Do not question my heart ever again, Todd. At Reborn, you will feel the full force of what my heart can do. Every inch of my heart will be on display for you and the whole world to see. I will gain more respect, more credit, more determination. And then... my Odyssey will continue.

And all that I've learned
And just when you think, you've chased down every last mile
There's always another one, I need someone
To show me the way back home