Post by Trent Helms on Jun 30, 2012 10:07:06 GMT -6
I'm not going to beat around the bush here, as I begin my blog, I know I made a big deal about it for about a month, how in two weeks, my contract expires, and even thru Ashlie, my lover and agent, has gone to great lengths to get a contract lined up for me, I have decided, it's time for Trent Helms to leave nCw for the foreseeable future, cause nCw doesn't have any fate in me, despite week after week, I go out there, show everyone why I am the most entertaining entity in this business, and I will receive nothing for me, I'm not bitter, there is no title shot in my future, I'm not sad, that I will be snuffed in the Hall Of Fame this year, I spent a year fighter, and while remarkable and memorable, was all in vein.
Doesn't matter, I will ride off in the sunset, and not like Angel and Rob Diamond, who were so pissed off, one thing didn't go their way, they took their ball, and went the hell home, me on the other hand, have amassed enough fortune, that I don't ever have to work again, nCw will survive without me, but will they be able to survive with me and Ricky leaving at the same time?
Doubt it.
Steve Awesome is retired for the most part, Lance Ryan yearly comeback tours, seem to have ended, Roberto Verona and Lex Sense are not quite ready for the amazing future they both share, and outside of Mike Laszlo, there seemingly is no future up and coming with a upside so amazing, could leave nCw in trouble...
But fear not....Kelly...I will allow you to keep me in nCw for a price, but it's going to take some effort on your part, you're going to need to do something, you're not used to doing, fishing for my wants, as opposed to throwing a big number at me, to keep some other promotion from signing me.
But regardless, I more then likely will be leaving nCw, so guess what, I'm not going to hold back, out of fear of being punished, I mean, what could nCw do to me at this point, Keep me out of the hall of fame? They done that enough already, that the sting from that insult has becoming nothing more then a tickling numbing feeling....keep titles away from me? Please...
So feed me Kelly, feed my over sized ego, and keep me here, or I will leave, maybe I'll go to a fed full of pretentious assholes, maybe I'll take my star-power to Pride, and sit on my ass for big bucks, just to sell some t-shirts and feed catchphrases to the fans, and wiggle around my over sized penis, and prepare to engage in nightly orgies with the big tittled females that reside there.
Regardless of what I do, I win, that's what I do, Win in life, and in making the big dollars, I don't need a over inflated win to loss ratio to land the big money, and you know that Kelly, so I must ask, what are you going to offer me? More Money, not that I need it? A Promise for a World Title? If I wanted that, I would just go to RPW, and bitch slap some guy named Captain Howdy with my penis, and seventeen seconds later, I would be a world champion.
But enough about that, It's my favorite time of the year, where I get to lay into Joe Everyman for being a complete failure in his life, I love facing Everyman, I get to half-ass it, and still pick up a win.
Joey, why are you here, I mean, not living, I know why that is, I'm just more wondering, how you even have a job here? But oh well, I don't really care, I mean, I usually only have to deal with you twice a year, when you go back to wrestling a match on the Collision web-show against whoever, while I go on, and do what I always do, Tear the ****ing roof off any building that we're in.
Joe, I'm so not looking forward to facing you, that I don't even have any witty remarks, and pop culture references to throw at you, to cause your head to explode like the closet Trekkie fan that I know you are, I don't have anything for you, hell, I barely have anything for nCw at the time.
Why should I? I'm leaving the company, unless things change in the next two weeks, I'll be walking into Picture Perfect, and will look the world in the eye, and throw some speech out, that will be epic, I might even fake cry, pretend that I love it here, and then beam myself back to the far reaches of space, or as we call it on this planet, Canada, cause you know, Planet Helms was destroyed by the Reapers back in March, them sons of bitches.
But for now, I'll just do what Trent Helms does, which is entertain the fans, even if some of them are idiots who turned against me, and still don't support me after all the epic moments, all the memorable matches, all the amazing multicolored eyesore t-shirts that nCw has shilled out back on my personality, I'll sit back, with my millions of dollars, boning my hot Fiancee in ways, that make your more then likely, usual Missionary position that I'm sure you throw out in a nightly basis for Melanie, while she lies there for thirty two seconds, pretending it to be amazing.
Joe just face it, I'm better then you, always will be, with your now depleting potential.
I'm the better man on the stick promoting matches
I'm the better man with a stick, boning chicks
And I'm the better man, because my monthly intake completely dwarfs whatever money you're making, working three feds.
Because I am Trent Helms
And I'm better then you.
I'm Trent Helms, and not that I would want too, I'm not into awkward looking blondes with weird teeth, but if I wanted too, I would take your girlfriend for a ride on Space Mountain.
But I won't...
Cause yeah, My girlfriend is hotter then yours.
As you can tell, I'm really stretching for material here, you know, to get my word count up.
Yeah...Kinda stumped now...
So who knows, maybe some really cool Character Development will come up.
Which proves I'm stretching now, cause I hate Character Development...
Damn you Joe, for making me use it you son of a bitch..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The scene opens up, as Trent is seen sitting at a table, his colored hair covered up by a bright orange Clemson Tigers beanie, and a white Dragonball Z shirt, he is seen signing a autographed picture for a fan, who he thanks, suddenly a group of people quickly approach him.
You are Trent Helms, the being of great power, who fought the reapers, the most feared being in the galaxy by himself, and survived...
Ummm....Yeah, I really didn't think anyone viewed that promo....But I am, you must be a big fan of my action special effects
The group look at each other.
We need you to come with us.
Um, will there be chicks there?
The group looks at each other again.
Please come with us, you are our only hope..
Fine....But my price is ten grand for 2 hours.
Suddenly, the group, begins to De-materialized, as Trent looks around.
I wasn't aware of any computer generated special ef..
Before he finishes, he disappears as well, before reappearing, as he looks around...
What the hell just happened?
Trent begins to look around, as four other people are seen around him, he looks at a person sitting at a table, taking a drink, before Trent walks over to talk to him.
Dave Holland, it's been a long time since I've seen you, sorry, about you know, hurting your back during that whole hall of fame thing.
The person, who looks just like Dave Holland looks offended.
Don't you know, I am Nathan Fillion, why doesn't anyone recognize me, it's always, Malcolm Reynolds, or Castle, why doesn't anyone ever call me Nathan, and who is Dave Holland?
Never mind then.....
Trent looks around and notices, another group of people, he goes over to a African American Gentlemen, before breaking out into song.
Butterfly in the Sky, I can go twice as high...
Suddenly, Lavar Burton takes off his sunglasses, and begins to sing.
Take a look, it's in a book, Reading Rainbow.
Trent and Lavar fist bump each other.
So do you know why were here, but more importantly, are you getting paid more then me?
I don't know, I took me and Shatner and took us here without telling us anything.
Trent look goes to disgust, as suddenly, the man himself appears, wearing his Captain Kirk suit, as the two look at each other..
SHATNER!!!
Son....
What the hell are you doing here Dad?
I don't know, I was about to go to dinner with your Finance's, then I'm teleported here...
Suddenly, Trent punches Shatner right in the Jaw...
(To Be Continued)
Doesn't matter, I will ride off in the sunset, and not like Angel and Rob Diamond, who were so pissed off, one thing didn't go their way, they took their ball, and went the hell home, me on the other hand, have amassed enough fortune, that I don't ever have to work again, nCw will survive without me, but will they be able to survive with me and Ricky leaving at the same time?
Doubt it.
Steve Awesome is retired for the most part, Lance Ryan yearly comeback tours, seem to have ended, Roberto Verona and Lex Sense are not quite ready for the amazing future they both share, and outside of Mike Laszlo, there seemingly is no future up and coming with a upside so amazing, could leave nCw in trouble...
But fear not....Kelly...I will allow you to keep me in nCw for a price, but it's going to take some effort on your part, you're going to need to do something, you're not used to doing, fishing for my wants, as opposed to throwing a big number at me, to keep some other promotion from signing me.
But regardless, I more then likely will be leaving nCw, so guess what, I'm not going to hold back, out of fear of being punished, I mean, what could nCw do to me at this point, Keep me out of the hall of fame? They done that enough already, that the sting from that insult has becoming nothing more then a tickling numbing feeling....keep titles away from me? Please...
So feed me Kelly, feed my over sized ego, and keep me here, or I will leave, maybe I'll go to a fed full of pretentious assholes, maybe I'll take my star-power to Pride, and sit on my ass for big bucks, just to sell some t-shirts and feed catchphrases to the fans, and wiggle around my over sized penis, and prepare to engage in nightly orgies with the big tittled females that reside there.
Regardless of what I do, I win, that's what I do, Win in life, and in making the big dollars, I don't need a over inflated win to loss ratio to land the big money, and you know that Kelly, so I must ask, what are you going to offer me? More Money, not that I need it? A Promise for a World Title? If I wanted that, I would just go to RPW, and bitch slap some guy named Captain Howdy with my penis, and seventeen seconds later, I would be a world champion.
But enough about that, It's my favorite time of the year, where I get to lay into Joe Everyman for being a complete failure in his life, I love facing Everyman, I get to half-ass it, and still pick up a win.
Joey, why are you here, I mean, not living, I know why that is, I'm just more wondering, how you even have a job here? But oh well, I don't really care, I mean, I usually only have to deal with you twice a year, when you go back to wrestling a match on the Collision web-show against whoever, while I go on, and do what I always do, Tear the ****ing roof off any building that we're in.
Joe, I'm so not looking forward to facing you, that I don't even have any witty remarks, and pop culture references to throw at you, to cause your head to explode like the closet Trekkie fan that I know you are, I don't have anything for you, hell, I barely have anything for nCw at the time.
Why should I? I'm leaving the company, unless things change in the next two weeks, I'll be walking into Picture Perfect, and will look the world in the eye, and throw some speech out, that will be epic, I might even fake cry, pretend that I love it here, and then beam myself back to the far reaches of space, or as we call it on this planet, Canada, cause you know, Planet Helms was destroyed by the Reapers back in March, them sons of bitches.
But for now, I'll just do what Trent Helms does, which is entertain the fans, even if some of them are idiots who turned against me, and still don't support me after all the epic moments, all the memorable matches, all the amazing multicolored eyesore t-shirts that nCw has shilled out back on my personality, I'll sit back, with my millions of dollars, boning my hot Fiancee in ways, that make your more then likely, usual Missionary position that I'm sure you throw out in a nightly basis for Melanie, while she lies there for thirty two seconds, pretending it to be amazing.
Joe just face it, I'm better then you, always will be, with your now depleting potential.
I'm the better man on the stick promoting matches
I'm the better man with a stick, boning chicks
And I'm the better man, because my monthly intake completely dwarfs whatever money you're making, working three feds.
Because I am Trent Helms
And I'm better then you.
I'm Trent Helms, and not that I would want too, I'm not into awkward looking blondes with weird teeth, but if I wanted too, I would take your girlfriend for a ride on Space Mountain.
But I won't...
Cause yeah, My girlfriend is hotter then yours.
As you can tell, I'm really stretching for material here, you know, to get my word count up.
Yeah...Kinda stumped now...
So who knows, maybe some really cool Character Development will come up.
Which proves I'm stretching now, cause I hate Character Development...
Damn you Joe, for making me use it you son of a bitch..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The scene opens up, as Trent is seen sitting at a table, his colored hair covered up by a bright orange Clemson Tigers beanie, and a white Dragonball Z shirt, he is seen signing a autographed picture for a fan, who he thanks, suddenly a group of people quickly approach him.
You are Trent Helms, the being of great power, who fought the reapers, the most feared being in the galaxy by himself, and survived...
Ummm....Yeah, I really didn't think anyone viewed that promo....But I am, you must be a big fan of my action special effects
The group look at each other.
We need you to come with us.
Um, will there be chicks there?
The group looks at each other again.
Please come with us, you are our only hope..
Fine....But my price is ten grand for 2 hours.
Suddenly, the group, begins to De-materialized, as Trent looks around.
I wasn't aware of any computer generated special ef..
Before he finishes, he disappears as well, before reappearing, as he looks around...
What the hell just happened?
Trent begins to look around, as four other people are seen around him, he looks at a person sitting at a table, taking a drink, before Trent walks over to talk to him.
Dave Holland, it's been a long time since I've seen you, sorry, about you know, hurting your back during that whole hall of fame thing.
The person, who looks just like Dave Holland looks offended.
Don't you know, I am Nathan Fillion, why doesn't anyone recognize me, it's always, Malcolm Reynolds, or Castle, why doesn't anyone ever call me Nathan, and who is Dave Holland?
Never mind then.....
Trent looks around and notices, another group of people, he goes over to a African American Gentlemen, before breaking out into song.
Butterfly in the Sky, I can go twice as high...
Suddenly, Lavar Burton takes off his sunglasses, and begins to sing.
Take a look, it's in a book, Reading Rainbow.
Trent and Lavar fist bump each other.
So do you know why were here, but more importantly, are you getting paid more then me?
I don't know, I took me and Shatner and took us here without telling us anything.
Trent look goes to disgust, as suddenly, the man himself appears, wearing his Captain Kirk suit, as the two look at each other..
SHATNER!!!
Son....
What the hell are you doing here Dad?
I don't know, I was about to go to dinner with your Finance's, then I'm teleported here...
Suddenly, Trent punches Shatner right in the Jaw...
(To Be Continued)