Post by Alysson Gardner on Jul 19, 2012 0:57:33 GMT -6
Monday afternoon. It's usually an inconspicuous day, but for me, it's special. Time to make the final adjustments to my wedding dress. I'm getting married to Michael Kane next week, and I want to arrive there beautiful and be the awesome, mind-blowing girl he knows me for being.
... damn, next week. How far we've come, huh?
Even Christian, who has found his peace in good ole Pennsylvania with Linda, came to Boston for our marriage, and the whole family is with us. As a matter of fact, part of the family is together right now, as Chris just parks in front of the tailor's so I can do the final touches in the dress. And by part of the family, please read my sister in law Linda Gardner, my niece "Poison Rose" Gladys Gardner, my future sister in law Freya Kane and my bestest friend in Ayla Saint James. You can obviously tell it's a girl stuff.
Christian: And since this is girl stuff, I'm not going to interrupt. Call me whenever you're done, sis.
Alysson: Okay.
Ayla: Oh, and don't worry about your sister, Chris boo. I'll take Aly-cakes to my place when we're done.
Christian: Gotcha. See you all later. Bye, girls!
Poison: Bye, dad!
Linda: Bye, Chris.
Ayla just waves, and before I can even say goodbye to my own brother, he's already left. Obviously, Ayla is hiding something from me.
Alysson: Um, Ayla? Not that I don't want to go to your place, I love being with you, yanno... But is Mike doing something?
Linda: Pft, don't over think about it, Alysson. Marriage is like this. I remember Chris hid a lot of stuff from me before we got married for good.
Ayla: Don't worry, Red, it's just a bachelor's part--
And Ayla brings her hands to her mouth, like the cat that ate the bird. Of course she knew about the party, because Falcon would be there, and there are no secrets between these two, or are there? And... Why would Michael hide a bachelor's night from me?! What the hell!...
... I just shrug.
Alysson: Alright then. It's not like they're gonna be doing anything bad, hmm? I bet they're only gonna play videogames, drink and be their usual dorkish selves.
Ayla sighs with relief, noticing that I don't really care. Linda, on the other hand, seems a bit distraught.
Linda: ... would Chris be hiding a bachelor's party from me?
Freya pats my sis in law on the shoulders.
Freya: Don't over think about it, Linda.
With a snicker, Freya leads the way, and I can't help laughing with her. Linda shakes her head, as she holds tight to Gladdy's hand. I enter secondly, closely followed by Ayla, and then Linda and Gladdy. We quickly meet up with the seamstress that's taking care of my dress, and she welcomes us with a smile, immediately stopping to seam another dress, which probably has nothing to do with mine. I mean, mine was white, and she's sewing a blue one... Oh well, whatever.
Seamstress: You're Alysson Gardner, huh?
Alysson: Yes I am, ma'am! Do you have the dress?
Seamstress: Of course I do. Just wait up a minute right here, I'll bring it.
And as the seamstress walks out, I can't help but feel electric. My heart is already beating faster. Especially knowing Ayla hasn't seen the dress yet, as well as my sisters in law. Gladdy would probably not get it, she's only 12, but what do I know? The anticipation is clearly in the air, and it's interrupted when Ayla gets closer to me and with a sexy, sultry hug, she whispers in my ear...
Ayla: Kyle told me you started a sex strike?
My eyes go wide as I'm weirded by the inquiry. I look at Ayla, as Freya giggles. Knowing how her mind is always in the gutter, she probably understood something way worse than it already is.
Alysson: How com-... Mike tells Kyle about THIS kind of things?!
Ayla: Whoopsies. Heh. I just meant to ask what happened. Did he f*** up or something?
Alysson: Eh? Oh, no, no. I just want to make our nuptials something special, you know? I mean... It's not like we haven't had sex already but I want it to be special.
Ayla: Like it is with me?
She winks playfully, and I giggle. A bit of silence follows, as Linda is now giving attention to little Poison, and Freya is blatantly trying to overhear our conversation. Ayla keeps hugging me as again she whispers.
Ayla: Does this strike include me, too?
Alysson: C'mon, girl! Of course n--
Seamstress: I'm sorry for the delay, here it is.
Our conversation is broken by the seamstress, who brings out a mannequin with the dress I'm supposed to wear at the big night. I giggle at the fact that it has big foam... balls in the place of the breasts, because the mannequin is probably not as busty as I am. The rest of the girls "aww" collectively. Gladdy is playing her 3DS.
Linda: THIS is the dress? Alysson, it's stunning!
Ayla: It is! I wish it was me and not Michael!-- Ow!
I playfully elbow Ayla.
Alysson: C'mon!
Freya: Honestly, with a dress like that, any man would like to be with you, Alysson.
Ayla: Well, don't they already?
I feel myself blushing as Ayla bubbly hugs and hops around me again. Linda puts a sisterly hand over my shoulder and smiles.
Linda: We NEED to see you in it.
Alysson: Eh? AH-- Of course! I'll get to dress it! I mean... Can I?
I ask the seamstress... Who gives me this "are you s***ting me?" look.
Seamstress: Of course! I need to see if the adjustments I made in the mannequin work for you.
Alysson: Oh, of course! I'll do it right away!
And off I am with the dress, leaving the chatter of the rest of the girls behind. I'm so blessed to have them, and Michael in my life.
(As we open this promo, we see a girl with an obvious yellow and pink wig and fake pointy teeth coming out of her smile, thanks to this plastic vampire teeth. She smiles like a dork to the camera and winks.)
Helloooooo everybody! Do you know who I am?
I am Alice, the Playful Lynx! And I am here to entertain you! So here's my question: HOWWWWW are you doing?! Me, I'm doing pretty fine, thanks for asking! And do you know what we're gonna do right now, huh? No? Well, I don't know about you but I'm about to TAKE ALL THIS CRAP OFF!!!
(And all of a sudden she takes off the wig and the fake teeth, revealing the obvious - it's Alysson Gardner. Her expression of disgust as she takes the costume off is obvious, as she is tired of acting stupid... Even though she only did 15 seconds of it.)
This... utter stupidity... is what I see from you whenever you’re inside the ring. Doing your stupid stunts that you ripped off from your own brother, trying to make you believe you can become funnier and more fan-friendly by banging your head against the wall like the dork you are. But then again... I'm sorry for ripping YOU off so miserably - only you can be as stupid as that. But then again, you're the master of ripping people off, because you can't come up with a single thing for yourself. This lame, half-assed attempt of mine was just an example of how retarded you looked like when you decided that "Jeanette Wolverine" was a good idea; which was already something your brother in Todd Williams, who just so happens to be the grandmaster of mocking people up, came up with after ripping the g**damned schtick of Jimmy f***ing Zane in the first g** forsaken place!
Or then maybe you were just paying an homage to the oh-so-great man that is Todd Williams. Exactly the way you paid homage to Sydney Knight when you came up with the incredibly original thing of being a geeky gamer girl, so people wouldn't get in your tail to tell you that you don't need this wrestling crap because you're a company owner. The same way you pay homage to your boyfriend Xander Famularo whenever you come out to his RETIRED "Hatebreeder" shirt for a pajama every time you come down to the ring. Oh, the very same way you again pay homage to your brother when you punch in "your" catchphrase every time you feel smart enough to mumble anything in understandable standard English.
Wow, what a kind person are you. Did you come with all those "homage" ideas yourself? Let me see, what comes next - you're gonna come out in a mask and call yourself the "Homeless Ho" or something? So much for giving me a #1 contender based on wrestling.
You are a disgusting parasite, Jennifer. A slithering ass kisser who sucks up to people higher than you to see if you can get anywhere. Always associating yourself with the big dogs. The champions, the smart managers, the Royal Family itself. And I won't be the one to question why you do it, because obviously you've always had a hard time trying to become something by yourself, so you have to use others as steps, but I'll give you this much to think about... Do you really think it's going to work forever?
Let's face the facts... You're the number 1 in the rankings, congratulations, a good wrestler is you... But I was the #1 before you, and I'll eventually be back to that seed sooner than later, but there's something you haven't taken... The Women's Championship. Oh, my, my, why could that be? Ah, that's right - because it doesn't mean a FLYING CRAP. You can enjoy being the #1 for having incredibly important wins over the likes of Miyoko Reeves or kicking Mercedes Vargas' head in for the gazillionth time, I don't care. You're still not the one the fans want to see at the top, and you will NEVER BE. And there's a SIMPLE reason for that, a reason that even a simple minded, unoriginal leech like you can assimilate...
Things will remain exactly the way they are after our match, and you will not have achieved a single g**damn thing. Even if you beat me for the championship - what will you have achieved? Will you have become the most controversial female of NCW? Will you be the one people love to boo at? Will you be the one people will sit in front of the TV to watch her antics and discuss whether she should or not be screwed around by Steve Awesome with his sexist crap? Will you be the one the young hopefuls will look up to and try to defeat for being a big shot?
It's very simple, Jennifer: NO. You will not. I'll be that one, and for a long time. And I didn't get at the top by sucking up to other people, or being a bother alerting everybody and their brothers about the Power Rankings... Even because I was already at the top BEFORE the Power Rankings came up. I got to the top by working hard and doing what I do the best.
Whoops! Sorry! Long word. You don't know what "working" is, after all you're a CEO and everything is handed to you... Even your gimmick... So let me break it to you: while you were sitting comfortably in your CEO-salary-money-bought couch, playing Pokémon in your Nintendo 3DS while your maids were cleaning your bathroom and sending fabric to the seamstresses that live in your basement so they can make you a new cosplay, I was working out and studying the best ways to be a better wrestler at the same time I tick pissants like YOU off. And I'm sorry for giving you the sad news - teaching your Charmander how to Bite won't make you a stronger wrestler. It can even help you beat a gym or two; not me.
And no matter how many nerdy gaming jokes you throw at me, no matter how many times you poke fun at me for the stunning looks that you DON'T have, how how much you sycophatize to the people higher in the food chain, YOU will be the one swimming in the marsh of mediocrity, not me.
But here's for some heads-up, just in case you do win - you WEAR the belt, you don't BITE it. It's meant to go around your waist, you know. Since you're so unaccustomed at being something successful, I thought it would be nice of me to let you in. You're welcome.
And since you missed the memo, like you always seem to do, since you'd rather waste your time leveling up on World of Warcraft instead of taking notice of the REAL world that surrounds you... I fight my own battles. I'm not doing this for Spike. I'm not doing this for Ayla. Not for Kelly either... Hell, I'm not even doing this for the fans anymore. It's all about myself now. Michael is fighting an entirely different battle and he doesn't need me interfering in his business. But of course, you're just like the rest of the acephalous low-life goofballs out there that think I only am where I am because I'm f***ing a Hall of Famer or because I rubbed off on Sydney Knight's star shine during our time in the EMF.
And just like all the others, after I'm done with you, you'll go back to the end of the line, crying that "it's not fair", while I shall remain at the place that all the bitches and have-beens will long to be one day: at the very. F***ing. TOP. Hey, with any luck, you can claim your success being the new low-mid-card wonder, because we sure need someone there. Or you can take Amy Marshall's place and be the curtain jerker, give the newbies their proper NCW hissy fit welcome. Don't worry about the top of the hill - I'll do everybody the favor of being there all by myself, because after I'm done with you... You can bitch, moan, bark and suck up as much as you may want... You'll still be the woman people will look at and see a curtain-jerker, a mid-card wonder, doing her playful stunts while they eventually compare you to all of the others you ripped off. Me? I'll be right there. At the top.
It's better this way. You, of all #1 contenders that could have come up, wouldn't know what to do if it were you leading the way.
You think I'm being a jerk? I haven't even gotten started. So go ahead and give me the best you can come up with. Which probably means Final Fantasy jokes, nerdy gags, some inane crap about how you're the embodiment of a dream come true. I dare you break the mold. But before you begin, allow me to introduce myself.
The name is Alysson Marianne Gardner-Kane. NCW Woman's World Champion.
Your worst f***ing nightmare.
... damn, next week. How far we've come, huh?
Even Christian, who has found his peace in good ole Pennsylvania with Linda, came to Boston for our marriage, and the whole family is with us. As a matter of fact, part of the family is together right now, as Chris just parks in front of the tailor's so I can do the final touches in the dress. And by part of the family, please read my sister in law Linda Gardner, my niece "Poison Rose" Gladys Gardner, my future sister in law Freya Kane and my bestest friend in Ayla Saint James. You can obviously tell it's a girl stuff.
Christian: And since this is girl stuff, I'm not going to interrupt. Call me whenever you're done, sis.
Alysson: Okay.
Ayla: Oh, and don't worry about your sister, Chris boo. I'll take Aly-cakes to my place when we're done.
Christian: Gotcha. See you all later. Bye, girls!
Poison: Bye, dad!
Linda: Bye, Chris.
Ayla just waves, and before I can even say goodbye to my own brother, he's already left. Obviously, Ayla is hiding something from me.
Alysson: Um, Ayla? Not that I don't want to go to your place, I love being with you, yanno... But is Mike doing something?
Linda: Pft, don't over think about it, Alysson. Marriage is like this. I remember Chris hid a lot of stuff from me before we got married for good.
Ayla: Don't worry, Red, it's just a bachelor's part--
And Ayla brings her hands to her mouth, like the cat that ate the bird. Of course she knew about the party, because Falcon would be there, and there are no secrets between these two, or are there? And... Why would Michael hide a bachelor's night from me?! What the hell!...
... I just shrug.
Alysson: Alright then. It's not like they're gonna be doing anything bad, hmm? I bet they're only gonna play videogames, drink and be their usual dorkish selves.
Ayla sighs with relief, noticing that I don't really care. Linda, on the other hand, seems a bit distraught.
Linda: ... would Chris be hiding a bachelor's party from me?
Freya pats my sis in law on the shoulders.
Freya: Don't over think about it, Linda.
With a snicker, Freya leads the way, and I can't help laughing with her. Linda shakes her head, as she holds tight to Gladdy's hand. I enter secondly, closely followed by Ayla, and then Linda and Gladdy. We quickly meet up with the seamstress that's taking care of my dress, and she welcomes us with a smile, immediately stopping to seam another dress, which probably has nothing to do with mine. I mean, mine was white, and she's sewing a blue one... Oh well, whatever.
Seamstress: You're Alysson Gardner, huh?
Alysson: Yes I am, ma'am! Do you have the dress?
Seamstress: Of course I do. Just wait up a minute right here, I'll bring it.
And as the seamstress walks out, I can't help but feel electric. My heart is already beating faster. Especially knowing Ayla hasn't seen the dress yet, as well as my sisters in law. Gladdy would probably not get it, she's only 12, but what do I know? The anticipation is clearly in the air, and it's interrupted when Ayla gets closer to me and with a sexy, sultry hug, she whispers in my ear...
Ayla: Kyle told me you started a sex strike?
My eyes go wide as I'm weirded by the inquiry. I look at Ayla, as Freya giggles. Knowing how her mind is always in the gutter, she probably understood something way worse than it already is.
Alysson: How com-... Mike tells Kyle about THIS kind of things?!
Ayla: Whoopsies. Heh. I just meant to ask what happened. Did he f*** up or something?
Alysson: Eh? Oh, no, no. I just want to make our nuptials something special, you know? I mean... It's not like we haven't had sex already but I want it to be special.
Ayla: Like it is with me?
She winks playfully, and I giggle. A bit of silence follows, as Linda is now giving attention to little Poison, and Freya is blatantly trying to overhear our conversation. Ayla keeps hugging me as again she whispers.
Ayla: Does this strike include me, too?
Alysson: C'mon, girl! Of course n--
Seamstress: I'm sorry for the delay, here it is.
Our conversation is broken by the seamstress, who brings out a mannequin with the dress I'm supposed to wear at the big night. I giggle at the fact that it has big foam... balls in the place of the breasts, because the mannequin is probably not as busty as I am. The rest of the girls "aww" collectively. Gladdy is playing her 3DS.
Linda: THIS is the dress? Alysson, it's stunning!
Ayla: It is! I wish it was me and not Michael!-- Ow!
I playfully elbow Ayla.
Alysson: C'mon!
Freya: Honestly, with a dress like that, any man would like to be with you, Alysson.
Ayla: Well, don't they already?
I feel myself blushing as Ayla bubbly hugs and hops around me again. Linda puts a sisterly hand over my shoulder and smiles.
Linda: We NEED to see you in it.
Alysson: Eh? AH-- Of course! I'll get to dress it! I mean... Can I?
I ask the seamstress... Who gives me this "are you s***ting me?" look.
Seamstress: Of course! I need to see if the adjustments I made in the mannequin work for you.
Alysson: Oh, of course! I'll do it right away!
And off I am with the dress, leaving the chatter of the rest of the girls behind. I'm so blessed to have them, and Michael in my life.
(As we open this promo, we see a girl with an obvious yellow and pink wig and fake pointy teeth coming out of her smile, thanks to this plastic vampire teeth. She smiles like a dork to the camera and winks.)
Helloooooo everybody! Do you know who I am?
I am Alice, the Playful Lynx! And I am here to entertain you! So here's my question: HOWWWWW are you doing?! Me, I'm doing pretty fine, thanks for asking! And do you know what we're gonna do right now, huh? No? Well, I don't know about you but I'm about to TAKE ALL THIS CRAP OFF!!!
(And all of a sudden she takes off the wig and the fake teeth, revealing the obvious - it's Alysson Gardner. Her expression of disgust as she takes the costume off is obvious, as she is tired of acting stupid... Even though she only did 15 seconds of it.)
This... utter stupidity... is what I see from you whenever you’re inside the ring. Doing your stupid stunts that you ripped off from your own brother, trying to make you believe you can become funnier and more fan-friendly by banging your head against the wall like the dork you are. But then again... I'm sorry for ripping YOU off so miserably - only you can be as stupid as that. But then again, you're the master of ripping people off, because you can't come up with a single thing for yourself. This lame, half-assed attempt of mine was just an example of how retarded you looked like when you decided that "Jeanette Wolverine" was a good idea; which was already something your brother in Todd Williams, who just so happens to be the grandmaster of mocking people up, came up with after ripping the g**damned schtick of Jimmy f***ing Zane in the first g** forsaken place!
Or then maybe you were just paying an homage to the oh-so-great man that is Todd Williams. Exactly the way you paid homage to Sydney Knight when you came up with the incredibly original thing of being a geeky gamer girl, so people wouldn't get in your tail to tell you that you don't need this wrestling crap because you're a company owner. The same way you pay homage to your boyfriend Xander Famularo whenever you come out to his RETIRED "Hatebreeder" shirt for a pajama every time you come down to the ring. Oh, the very same way you again pay homage to your brother when you punch in "your" catchphrase every time you feel smart enough to mumble anything in understandable standard English.
Wow, what a kind person are you. Did you come with all those "homage" ideas yourself? Let me see, what comes next - you're gonna come out in a mask and call yourself the "Homeless Ho" or something? So much for giving me a #1 contender based on wrestling.
You are a disgusting parasite, Jennifer. A slithering ass kisser who sucks up to people higher than you to see if you can get anywhere. Always associating yourself with the big dogs. The champions, the smart managers, the Royal Family itself. And I won't be the one to question why you do it, because obviously you've always had a hard time trying to become something by yourself, so you have to use others as steps, but I'll give you this much to think about... Do you really think it's going to work forever?
Let's face the facts... You're the number 1 in the rankings, congratulations, a good wrestler is you... But I was the #1 before you, and I'll eventually be back to that seed sooner than later, but there's something you haven't taken... The Women's Championship. Oh, my, my, why could that be? Ah, that's right - because it doesn't mean a FLYING CRAP. You can enjoy being the #1 for having incredibly important wins over the likes of Miyoko Reeves or kicking Mercedes Vargas' head in for the gazillionth time, I don't care. You're still not the one the fans want to see at the top, and you will NEVER BE. And there's a SIMPLE reason for that, a reason that even a simple minded, unoriginal leech like you can assimilate...
Things will remain exactly the way they are after our match, and you will not have achieved a single g**damn thing. Even if you beat me for the championship - what will you have achieved? Will you have become the most controversial female of NCW? Will you be the one people love to boo at? Will you be the one people will sit in front of the TV to watch her antics and discuss whether she should or not be screwed around by Steve Awesome with his sexist crap? Will you be the one the young hopefuls will look up to and try to defeat for being a big shot?
It's very simple, Jennifer: NO. You will not. I'll be that one, and for a long time. And I didn't get at the top by sucking up to other people, or being a bother alerting everybody and their brothers about the Power Rankings... Even because I was already at the top BEFORE the Power Rankings came up. I got to the top by working hard and doing what I do the best.
Whoops! Sorry! Long word. You don't know what "working" is, after all you're a CEO and everything is handed to you... Even your gimmick... So let me break it to you: while you were sitting comfortably in your CEO-salary-money-bought couch, playing Pokémon in your Nintendo 3DS while your maids were cleaning your bathroom and sending fabric to the seamstresses that live in your basement so they can make you a new cosplay, I was working out and studying the best ways to be a better wrestler at the same time I tick pissants like YOU off. And I'm sorry for giving you the sad news - teaching your Charmander how to Bite won't make you a stronger wrestler. It can even help you beat a gym or two; not me.
And no matter how many nerdy gaming jokes you throw at me, no matter how many times you poke fun at me for the stunning looks that you DON'T have, how how much you sycophatize to the people higher in the food chain, YOU will be the one swimming in the marsh of mediocrity, not me.
But here's for some heads-up, just in case you do win - you WEAR the belt, you don't BITE it. It's meant to go around your waist, you know. Since you're so unaccustomed at being something successful, I thought it would be nice of me to let you in. You're welcome.
And since you missed the memo, like you always seem to do, since you'd rather waste your time leveling up on World of Warcraft instead of taking notice of the REAL world that surrounds you... I fight my own battles. I'm not doing this for Spike. I'm not doing this for Ayla. Not for Kelly either... Hell, I'm not even doing this for the fans anymore. It's all about myself now. Michael is fighting an entirely different battle and he doesn't need me interfering in his business. But of course, you're just like the rest of the acephalous low-life goofballs out there that think I only am where I am because I'm f***ing a Hall of Famer or because I rubbed off on Sydney Knight's star shine during our time in the EMF.
And just like all the others, after I'm done with you, you'll go back to the end of the line, crying that "it's not fair", while I shall remain at the place that all the bitches and have-beens will long to be one day: at the very. F***ing. TOP. Hey, with any luck, you can claim your success being the new low-mid-card wonder, because we sure need someone there. Or you can take Amy Marshall's place and be the curtain jerker, give the newbies their proper NCW hissy fit welcome. Don't worry about the top of the hill - I'll do everybody the favor of being there all by myself, because after I'm done with you... You can bitch, moan, bark and suck up as much as you may want... You'll still be the woman people will look at and see a curtain-jerker, a mid-card wonder, doing her playful stunts while they eventually compare you to all of the others you ripped off. Me? I'll be right there. At the top.
It's better this way. You, of all #1 contenders that could have come up, wouldn't know what to do if it were you leading the way.
You think I'm being a jerk? I haven't even gotten started. So go ahead and give me the best you can come up with. Which probably means Final Fantasy jokes, nerdy gags, some inane crap about how you're the embodiment of a dream come true. I dare you break the mold. But before you begin, allow me to introduce myself.
The name is Alysson Marianne Gardner-Kane. NCW Woman's World Champion.
Your worst f***ing nightmare.
