Post by Xander Famularo on Aug 18, 2012 20:25:58 GMT -6
We all struggle, there is no doubt about that. For my life I always
have desired to be the very best I could be at everything I could be,
regardless of what avenue I traveled on, it wasn’t about just making it
by or finding moderate success it was simply about being the absolute
best, being the person that everyone else looked up to. Maybe it was
because I had big shoes to fill, maybe it was because I was always
searching for acceptance from my father or I wanted to be loved by the
masses, but regardless of what caused the desire, whatever fuels my need
to excel it is something that right now, is a crutch.
For over a yeare title I was the absolute best. I was there number one
guy in the wrestling world, I was beating everyone, winning tournaments
making history. I was unstoppable when I entered the ring, and what
happened? The powers that be decided that I had enough of being at the
top, they decided that they were going to put me in a cluster**** of a
match to take the title off my waist, and go figure. Jimmy Zane gets
pinned and I lose my title to one of my best friends.
It didn’t seem right then, and it doesn’t sit well with me now, but this
title, the champion I have now certainly doesn’t feel like I am getting
some sort of retribution for not actually losing the title. It isn’t
like I am proudly holding this title above my head as something I
deserve. I jumped the line, others, so many others deserved to be in
the title picture, but I am the one that was chosen by Kelly to hold the
title. I was the one that she put in the match to help the federation
stay on top.
And now I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I feel
that what I have is undeserved, I feel that what I have isn’t something
I should be proud of, and every week that I go to the ring now, every
week that I stand with this title one I feel that I need to validate the
fact that I am the world champion. I need to validate the fact that I
hold a title that I didn’t earn through winning a tournament or
defeating all comers.
I was sent to the ring to retrieve the title from a man that went
through a war.
And Andrew, this is something that keeps me up at night, this is
something that I can’t seem to put to rest. I know, I was forced, it
isn’t my fault but really what is stopping me from saying no. What is
stopping me from telling Kelly to go **** herself, what is stopping my
sister and I from simply taking our brand of wrestling dominance to some
other federation, some other place to wreak havoc and show the world
that what happens here isn’t some solitary rift in the universe, but a
real living and breathing entity?
Because this is our home. This is the place that accepted up based on
name alone because when we came here we weren’t polished superstars, she
was a rookie attempting to try something new and I was, well, you all
know I was the Hatebreeder.
And how do I go forth Andrew? What am I to do. I say this to you as
Xander because the monster is away, I say this to you as a man searching
for advice, searching for a way to make right the wrongs that I have
committed the last month. What would you do? Would you pack your bags
and run for the hills? Would you throw in the towel and leave the
business that has given you everything?
Or would you play your role? Would you wait, stalking, biding your time
until the opening exists? That is my plan Andrew. I won’t be a servant
forever, at some point Kelly will make a mistake because mistakes are
inherent in human nature. Mistakes are the only fighting hope I have
Andrew, the only light at the end of this tunnel, a tunnel which I find
myself spiraling down, a tunnel which I believe ends in the darkest
place imaginable.
A place I don’t want to be anymore, a place I tried to close down. And
I have to find a way out, I have to find a way to get things straight
before I am stuck there for good.
And that isn’t just for my good, that is for the good of the entire
federation.{Xander, clad in his Harold attire walks into the office of Kelly Knite,
she sits behind her desk looking annoyed.}
Kelly: And where were you? I don’t remember giving you any time off.
{Xander looks at her, his eyes proclaiming unwritten things that he
wishes he could say, desires he wishes that he could take out but is
unable to, unable to because of the hold Kelly has over his sister}
Kelly: If you have something to say, I suggest you say it now. I am a
very busy woman and don’t need to deal with the help.
{Harold looks down at her cocking his head, he then turns, Herald is at
the door, her blue eyes tell a sad story from behind her mask. Harold
walks over to her and puts his and on her shoulder, and she
instinctively puts her head down on it. She holds it there for a second
before Harold removes his hand, opening the door in front of him}
{He walks out of the room and stands in front of the office, he crosses
his arms in front of the chest and you see the most intimidating bouncer
in the history of bouncing. As the camera pans to his face you see the
pain and suffering in his eyes, the feeling one gets when he is a
servant with no obvious way out.}
When I saw Adam, with his new status and his new office so close to his wife, the one who currently holds my sister and I under her command I couldn’t believe it. I was unable to process the fact that I was so naïve, that I was such a close minded fool. Andrew, I sat here and helped to overturn the powers of nCw, I thought that I was doing it for the right reasons and perhaps I was…
But what happened isn’t exactly what I planned. I never thought that Adam would become a partner and I would be nothing more then a torchbearer, a hired muscle, an indentured servant. I talk to my father about it and he tells me that I need to open my eyes, that everyone has an agenda.
What is your agenda Andrew? Do you want the glitz and glamour that come along with the world title? Do you want to have the status and the power?
Because let me tell you something, it isn’t all it is cracked up to be.
It is stressful, it is challenging, it is like the weight of the world it on your shoulders… When all you wanted to do is prove yourself, and I will tell you this Andrew, if somehow you are able to get out of the arena this week, if somehow you are able to put my shoulder to the mat for the three count then I will happily hand this title to you. I will happily allow you the opportunity to feel the stress and the pressure that go along with the belt.
And I almost want you to win, I almost want this weight lifted from my shoulders but unfortunately I am the only stakeholder that is in control of this. There is Kelly, there is also Adam and of course.
There is Harold…
{Scene opens again and Xander walks into the front door of his father’s house, he slams the door and the camera pans to a confused looking Gib who is placing an Italian sausage on top of a lamp}
Gib: Hey, calm down boy.
Xander: What are you doing?
Gib: I was just playing a little hide the salami with Simon and I don’t think he will ever find it here.
Xander: I can’t comment on this… Did you see what Kelly did, did you see that she made Adam co-owner?
Gib: Sure did, I am awfully proud of him, he is a hard worker.
Xander: What the hell, that isn’t why we started the hierarchy, we weren’t supposed to be the controlling factor in the federation we were supposed to help with a transition, Kelly was supposed to be a just leader.
Gib: Oh and she has done such a wonderful job.
Xander: I know, and now Adam is playing into it…
Gib: Oh come on now, you know Adam better then that. He is getting some power, he should the man has paid his dues and here is the thing. He can be level headed. This is working out, the hierarchy was meant to transition not take over. Sometimes I wonder if you have been drinking too much of Sydney’s Kool-Aid…
Xander: Jesus… You are right.
Gib: I am a smart man…
{Simon bursts into the room and looks immediately on top of the lamp where the sausage sits}
Simon: You suck at hiding the salami.
Gib: I know, I know… Someday I will find a dark crevice to place it in where it won’t be so easily found…
{Xander shakes his head and descends the stairs to the basement as the scene fades. When we reopen, the mask is on Xander’s head and he looks into the camera}
I guess things all work out eventually. Things are going well, change is occurring and that was my desire and hope. Sure, things aren’t going the exact way I wanted them too, but when do they, we as humans have to be able to hope and adapt.
That is what I can do. I adapt and change. Andrew, you are lined up for a night unlike any other night you have faced in your life. You are going to be facing a persona unlike any other you have ever encountered. You may have faced larger and meaner people in the past but you have never faced a person who can mix the subtle brutality of my ways with the ultimate in technical prowess.
My strength doesn’t just lie in physical power… It lies in resistance…
It doesn’t just lie in resistance… It lies in intellect…
It doesn’t just lie in intellect… It lies in resolve…
It doesn’t just lie in resolve… It lies in brutality.
Those are the things you have to overcome, you have to overcome a machine, a person who has time and time again proven that he is on a different level. A person who now has the added benefit of something to fight for, a desire to win, a need.
If I lose this match, if I drop this title there is no end to the suffering that will come to my sister and I can promise you this.
If my sister suffers…
This whole place will suffer. So Andrew, you have to decide if what you are fighting for is big enough, you have to understand and realize that I am as of this point able to control the monster that lies deep waiting to crawl out but if too many things happen, if too much suffering is brought to the people that I care about the most.
Then the monster will be unleashed on the world. The monster will crave nothing but wanton destruction and chaos… There will be nothing and no one left in my wake.
Andrew, you are not the knight on this chessboard, you aren’t fighting for a cause. You are simply a pawn, a sacrificial lamb, an example of what will happen when someone steps out of line.
Perhaps I am truly beginning to understand what my role in the grand scheme of things is.
Perhaps I am beginning embrace this role.
And that is what scares me the most.
And that is what should scare you, and the rest of the nCw.
have desired to be the very best I could be at everything I could be,
regardless of what avenue I traveled on, it wasn’t about just making it
by or finding moderate success it was simply about being the absolute
best, being the person that everyone else looked up to. Maybe it was
because I had big shoes to fill, maybe it was because I was always
searching for acceptance from my father or I wanted to be loved by the
masses, but regardless of what caused the desire, whatever fuels my need
to excel it is something that right now, is a crutch.
For over a yeare title I was the absolute best. I was there number one
guy in the wrestling world, I was beating everyone, winning tournaments
making history. I was unstoppable when I entered the ring, and what
happened? The powers that be decided that I had enough of being at the
top, they decided that they were going to put me in a cluster**** of a
match to take the title off my waist, and go figure. Jimmy Zane gets
pinned and I lose my title to one of my best friends.
It didn’t seem right then, and it doesn’t sit well with me now, but this
title, the champion I have now certainly doesn’t feel like I am getting
some sort of retribution for not actually losing the title. It isn’t
like I am proudly holding this title above my head as something I
deserve. I jumped the line, others, so many others deserved to be in
the title picture, but I am the one that was chosen by Kelly to hold the
title. I was the one that she put in the match to help the federation
stay on top.
And now I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I feel
that what I have is undeserved, I feel that what I have isn’t something
I should be proud of, and every week that I go to the ring now, every
week that I stand with this title one I feel that I need to validate the
fact that I am the world champion. I need to validate the fact that I
hold a title that I didn’t earn through winning a tournament or
defeating all comers.
I was sent to the ring to retrieve the title from a man that went
through a war.
And Andrew, this is something that keeps me up at night, this is
something that I can’t seem to put to rest. I know, I was forced, it
isn’t my fault but really what is stopping me from saying no. What is
stopping me from telling Kelly to go **** herself, what is stopping my
sister and I from simply taking our brand of wrestling dominance to some
other federation, some other place to wreak havoc and show the world
that what happens here isn’t some solitary rift in the universe, but a
real living and breathing entity?
Because this is our home. This is the place that accepted up based on
name alone because when we came here we weren’t polished superstars, she
was a rookie attempting to try something new and I was, well, you all
know I was the Hatebreeder.
And how do I go forth Andrew? What am I to do. I say this to you as
Xander because the monster is away, I say this to you as a man searching
for advice, searching for a way to make right the wrongs that I have
committed the last month. What would you do? Would you pack your bags
and run for the hills? Would you throw in the towel and leave the
business that has given you everything?
Or would you play your role? Would you wait, stalking, biding your time
until the opening exists? That is my plan Andrew. I won’t be a servant
forever, at some point Kelly will make a mistake because mistakes are
inherent in human nature. Mistakes are the only fighting hope I have
Andrew, the only light at the end of this tunnel, a tunnel which I find
myself spiraling down, a tunnel which I believe ends in the darkest
place imaginable.
A place I don’t want to be anymore, a place I tried to close down. And
I have to find a way out, I have to find a way to get things straight
before I am stuck there for good.
And that isn’t just for my good, that is for the good of the entire
federation.{Xander, clad in his Harold attire walks into the office of Kelly Knite,
she sits behind her desk looking annoyed.}
Kelly: And where were you? I don’t remember giving you any time off.
{Xander looks at her, his eyes proclaiming unwritten things that he
wishes he could say, desires he wishes that he could take out but is
unable to, unable to because of the hold Kelly has over his sister}
Kelly: If you have something to say, I suggest you say it now. I am a
very busy woman and don’t need to deal with the help.
{Harold looks down at her cocking his head, he then turns, Herald is at
the door, her blue eyes tell a sad story from behind her mask. Harold
walks over to her and puts his and on her shoulder, and she
instinctively puts her head down on it. She holds it there for a second
before Harold removes his hand, opening the door in front of him}
{He walks out of the room and stands in front of the office, he crosses
his arms in front of the chest and you see the most intimidating bouncer
in the history of bouncing. As the camera pans to his face you see the
pain and suffering in his eyes, the feeling one gets when he is a
servant with no obvious way out.}
When I saw Adam, with his new status and his new office so close to his wife, the one who currently holds my sister and I under her command I couldn’t believe it. I was unable to process the fact that I was so naïve, that I was such a close minded fool. Andrew, I sat here and helped to overturn the powers of nCw, I thought that I was doing it for the right reasons and perhaps I was…
But what happened isn’t exactly what I planned. I never thought that Adam would become a partner and I would be nothing more then a torchbearer, a hired muscle, an indentured servant. I talk to my father about it and he tells me that I need to open my eyes, that everyone has an agenda.
What is your agenda Andrew? Do you want the glitz and glamour that come along with the world title? Do you want to have the status and the power?
Because let me tell you something, it isn’t all it is cracked up to be.
It is stressful, it is challenging, it is like the weight of the world it on your shoulders… When all you wanted to do is prove yourself, and I will tell you this Andrew, if somehow you are able to get out of the arena this week, if somehow you are able to put my shoulder to the mat for the three count then I will happily hand this title to you. I will happily allow you the opportunity to feel the stress and the pressure that go along with the belt.
And I almost want you to win, I almost want this weight lifted from my shoulders but unfortunately I am the only stakeholder that is in control of this. There is Kelly, there is also Adam and of course.
There is Harold…
{Scene opens again and Xander walks into the front door of his father’s house, he slams the door and the camera pans to a confused looking Gib who is placing an Italian sausage on top of a lamp}
Gib: Hey, calm down boy.
Xander: What are you doing?
Gib: I was just playing a little hide the salami with Simon and I don’t think he will ever find it here.
Xander: I can’t comment on this… Did you see what Kelly did, did you see that she made Adam co-owner?
Gib: Sure did, I am awfully proud of him, he is a hard worker.
Xander: What the hell, that isn’t why we started the hierarchy, we weren’t supposed to be the controlling factor in the federation we were supposed to help with a transition, Kelly was supposed to be a just leader.
Gib: Oh and she has done such a wonderful job.
Xander: I know, and now Adam is playing into it…
Gib: Oh come on now, you know Adam better then that. He is getting some power, he should the man has paid his dues and here is the thing. He can be level headed. This is working out, the hierarchy was meant to transition not take over. Sometimes I wonder if you have been drinking too much of Sydney’s Kool-Aid…
Xander: Jesus… You are right.
Gib: I am a smart man…
{Simon bursts into the room and looks immediately on top of the lamp where the sausage sits}
Simon: You suck at hiding the salami.
Gib: I know, I know… Someday I will find a dark crevice to place it in where it won’t be so easily found…
{Xander shakes his head and descends the stairs to the basement as the scene fades. When we reopen, the mask is on Xander’s head and he looks into the camera}
I guess things all work out eventually. Things are going well, change is occurring and that was my desire and hope. Sure, things aren’t going the exact way I wanted them too, but when do they, we as humans have to be able to hope and adapt.
That is what I can do. I adapt and change. Andrew, you are lined up for a night unlike any other night you have faced in your life. You are going to be facing a persona unlike any other you have ever encountered. You may have faced larger and meaner people in the past but you have never faced a person who can mix the subtle brutality of my ways with the ultimate in technical prowess.
My strength doesn’t just lie in physical power… It lies in resistance…
It doesn’t just lie in resistance… It lies in intellect…
It doesn’t just lie in intellect… It lies in resolve…
It doesn’t just lie in resolve… It lies in brutality.
Those are the things you have to overcome, you have to overcome a machine, a person who has time and time again proven that he is on a different level. A person who now has the added benefit of something to fight for, a desire to win, a need.
If I lose this match, if I drop this title there is no end to the suffering that will come to my sister and I can promise you this.
If my sister suffers…
This whole place will suffer. So Andrew, you have to decide if what you are fighting for is big enough, you have to understand and realize that I am as of this point able to control the monster that lies deep waiting to crawl out but if too many things happen, if too much suffering is brought to the people that I care about the most.
Then the monster will be unleashed on the world. The monster will crave nothing but wanton destruction and chaos… There will be nothing and no one left in my wake.
Andrew, you are not the knight on this chessboard, you aren’t fighting for a cause. You are simply a pawn, a sacrificial lamb, an example of what will happen when someone steps out of line.
Perhaps I am truly beginning to understand what my role in the grand scheme of things is.
Perhaps I am beginning embrace this role.
And that is what scares me the most.
And that is what should scare you, and the rest of the nCw.
