Post by Philip Burns on Aug 19, 2012 0:20:59 GMT -6
Let me tell you my story. I think the best way to tell this story is by starting at the end, briefly, then going back to the beginning; then periodically returning to the end, maybe giving different characters' perspectives throughout. Just to, you know, give it a bit of dynamism . Otherwise it's just sort of a linear story.
This week I face a man named Zero Tolerance. And while the hilarity that his name is just an expression is not lost on me I am certainly taking this challenge seriously. I did not accept this match because I believe I can beat him easily. In fact, I am hoping I come out of this looking like hell. I took it because in this sad state of affairs known as the present day nCw there was a good chance that if I did not then I would have been left of of the show entirely. A lot of people including Brent Sampson would have you believe that no matter what I accomplish it will amount to nothing. My World Championship run was during a time when the belt didn’t mean much, my tag team accomplishments were obviously none of my own doing, et cetera. Maybe one day if I am in the Hall of Fame Mr. Sampson can explain to you why it doesn’t mean as much because of this reason or that.
Revisionist history exists in every facet of life. History seldom remembers the real reasons wars were fought. Other than the outcomes it is almost impossible to tell what really went down. Our business is certainly no different. Why don't I care about his opinion? Because I know for a fact that if Sampson's lackey were on my side in a tag team match instead of this being a singles competition I would be hearing the praises of how I am a former World Champion, a Tag Team master, a true founding father of nCw. The narrative changes to fit the circumstance for snakes like Sampson. He can run down my past all he wants but the fact is that I don’t even know who Zero Tolerance is, yet Sampson seems to be well aware of every move I have ever made. I must be doing something right.
My thoughts could dwell on this all night but the simple fact remains that despite the outcome of our match I will still be moving forward. When I first came to this place I didn’t know what to expect. From Xander to Jimmy Zane to Spike Kane I had a lot of clashes with people who did big things here. Sampson was right about me being unreliable and coming and going. I have no excuse. There were times when it wasnt up to me and times when I just couldn’t do it. I look around and see how great some of these guys here are and today I strive to be in that league. I know that being a former World Champion doesn’t mean much. This business is ran entirely on the “what have you done lately” model. There were times in my life when I just wanted to give up and rest on what I had already done. But that is over now. There was a time when I was spiritually void and gave myself to Sol for guidance. Without the great star we would have no life and so I worshiped it's might and uncaring nature. But today it is apparent, thanks to my good friend James Novak, that I need only believe in myself.
I wish Zero (if that is his real name) the best of luck. I hope we put on a great show. This isn’t the part where I spiel catchphrases and make threats. That’s isn’t going to help either one of us. No matter what Samson has to say about me, the actual competitors will decide the outcome of this match.
{We open at a fan event the weekend of A New Dawn. Philip Burns is sitting at an autograph table, his white dress shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows. On his face are the signature aviator shades. James Novak sits next to him. Fans are lined up. Several of the wrestlers have their own table set up. Another fan approaches.}
Philip Burns: Hey buddy.
Fan: Hey Burns! Good to have you back man.
{Burns signs his program}
Philip Burns: Good to be back my friend. Hope to see you at the show.
{Burns takes a sip of water as the fan leaves. While drinking he is addressed by the next person in line.}
“You suck, Angel carried you, and nobody loves you.”
Philip Burns: Hey you prick let me tell yo-
{Philip looks up to see it is Will Washington.}
Will! How the hell are you?
{They chuckle for a moment.}
Will Washington: Good. Good. I just thought I would stop by. Saw the line over here and it got me thinking about old times. You and me on Up Late, you getting hit by a bus when we were walking down the street. We went through some stuff, Burnside.
Philip Burns: We did, we really did. I saw you were facing Joe Everyman at the show this week. How is that working for ya?
Will Washington: I’m ready my friend. Joe is all talk. You wouldn’t believe the run in I had with some fans of his.
Philip Burns: I heard. The People of Wal-Mart special. It doesn’t take long to figure out what wrong with people when their parents are around. Hey listen, I’m kinda stuck at this table for a little while but maybe we could catch up a little bit soon.
Will Washington: It would be nice to catch up and maybe work together in the future so holler at me. I think we are staying at the same hotel. I will probably be in the pool. I hope it is heated, but that is neither here nor there. Take care and I will be seeing you around.
Philip Burns: Later.
{Will walks away, trying to avoid rabid fans and get to an exit.}
James Novak: You are actually thinking of hanging out with that guy?
Philip Burns: Will? Yea he is good people. We used to have quite a few laughs.
James Novak: isn’t he the degenerate that once caused you to get hit by a bus?
Philip Burns: Well he didn’t really CAUSE it. He was just there when it happened. He was there when I was in a coma and went Further Down the Rabbit Hole and unlocked all these hidden memories.
James Novak: I don’t know what that mean... But you have got to start trusting me. All these people who are supposedly your friends are no good. You hung out with him and wound up in a coma. How in the world do you expect to win a championship in this company if you are in a coma? I don’t want to be the guy saying I told you so once a week so you just going to have to trust me. I want to be your agent like we talked about and I cannot do that if you don’t put a certain level of trust in my hands.
{a random fan in line has been listening in.}
Fan 2: James, you’re kinda creepy.
{Novak shoots him a death stare and stands up.}
James Novak: Well, you’re kinda NOBODY so get to stepping. No autographs for stupid punks today.
{Novak sits down as the man is escorted away.}
But like I was saying, you have to put your career in my hands.
Philip Burns: I know, I just have trouble trusting people in this business. We went from being acquaintances to now I see you all the time and you’re giving me so much advice.
James Novak: I would never steer you wrong, Philip. You take care of these autographs and I will be back soon. I have to return some video tapes.
Philip Burns: Sounds plausible for 1997.
James Novak: Whatever, I just have stuff to do.
{The exchange a hand shake and Novak leaves. The camera catches up with Novak later at the hotel pool. We see Will Washington is doing some laps.}
James Novak: Enjoying yourself?
{Washington looks up, startled.}
Will Washington: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Everyman! Where the hell did you come from?
{Novak walks to the edge of the pool where Will Washington is now resting. He kneels down.}
James Novak: Where I came from is not nearly important as where you are going. The answer to that is not near Philip Burns.
Will Washington: Who are you, his mom?
{James chuckles}
James Novak: No, no Will. I’m not his mother. What I am is a concerned citizen. I am very concerned that anyone in nCw, especially the Owner of this company would praise you and anything you have done. I am frightened at what the future of this company would look like with a degenerate like you serving as a role model. You push your “friend” Phillip Burns in front of a van two years ago and people are supposed to believe you embody what nCw is all about? A van, mind you, that was driven by an even bigger waste of space Mike Honcho. Sir, nCw cannot afford to continue to believe that YOU are an accurate representation of this company.
Will Washington: First of all creepy guy, I tried to save him from getting ran over. And he barely sustained any injuries. Not to mention that was well before you ever even showed your face here.
James Novak: Be that as it may, if the almighty William Washington really wanted to save Philip Burns don’t you think you could have? A real friend would have. Philip has only ONE true friend. It isn’t you, it isn’t Mike Honcho, and it certainly isn’t this thankless company.
{Washington reaches out of the pool and grabs James' tie and pulls him closer.}
Will Washington: Burns may not be on to you but I am. I’ve seen what you are up to. If you are thinking about trying to tell me who I can and can not talk to I have got news for you, I am not Mike Honcho. I am Will by God Washington and you cant intimidate me. If it wasnt for this pool being so cold I would get out and kick your ass. You are nobody and you are entering a world of pain. This isn’t 'Nam and you are out of your element so just walk away. Walk away now.
{Will and Novak have a stare down before Will lets go of his tie and Novak backs down.}
James Novak: Fine. Alright, Will. you’re right. I am overstepping my boundaries and I apologize.
Will Washington: Put your sorries in a sack mister. Now beat it.
{Novak walks away and pauses at the door. He stares back at Will Washington as he continues doing laps in the pool. One has to wonder what lengths James is willing to go to protect the interests of his “friend” Philip Burns. How much further will Burns be manipulated. He continues to stare with a scowl on his face. One thing is for sure, he did not swallow what Washington had to say very well and it is clear he hasn’t given up.}
I said get out of here creep!
{Novak is startled and quickly leaves. Fade out.}
This week I face a man named Zero Tolerance. And while the hilarity that his name is just an expression is not lost on me I am certainly taking this challenge seriously. I did not accept this match because I believe I can beat him easily. In fact, I am hoping I come out of this looking like hell. I took it because in this sad state of affairs known as the present day nCw there was a good chance that if I did not then I would have been left of of the show entirely. A lot of people including Brent Sampson would have you believe that no matter what I accomplish it will amount to nothing. My World Championship run was during a time when the belt didn’t mean much, my tag team accomplishments were obviously none of my own doing, et cetera. Maybe one day if I am in the Hall of Fame Mr. Sampson can explain to you why it doesn’t mean as much because of this reason or that.
Revisionist history exists in every facet of life. History seldom remembers the real reasons wars were fought. Other than the outcomes it is almost impossible to tell what really went down. Our business is certainly no different. Why don't I care about his opinion? Because I know for a fact that if Sampson's lackey were on my side in a tag team match instead of this being a singles competition I would be hearing the praises of how I am a former World Champion, a Tag Team master, a true founding father of nCw. The narrative changes to fit the circumstance for snakes like Sampson. He can run down my past all he wants but the fact is that I don’t even know who Zero Tolerance is, yet Sampson seems to be well aware of every move I have ever made. I must be doing something right.
My thoughts could dwell on this all night but the simple fact remains that despite the outcome of our match I will still be moving forward. When I first came to this place I didn’t know what to expect. From Xander to Jimmy Zane to Spike Kane I had a lot of clashes with people who did big things here. Sampson was right about me being unreliable and coming and going. I have no excuse. There were times when it wasnt up to me and times when I just couldn’t do it. I look around and see how great some of these guys here are and today I strive to be in that league. I know that being a former World Champion doesn’t mean much. This business is ran entirely on the “what have you done lately” model. There were times in my life when I just wanted to give up and rest on what I had already done. But that is over now. There was a time when I was spiritually void and gave myself to Sol for guidance. Without the great star we would have no life and so I worshiped it's might and uncaring nature. But today it is apparent, thanks to my good friend James Novak, that I need only believe in myself.
I wish Zero (if that is his real name) the best of luck. I hope we put on a great show. This isn’t the part where I spiel catchphrases and make threats. That’s isn’t going to help either one of us. No matter what Samson has to say about me, the actual competitors will decide the outcome of this match.
{We open at a fan event the weekend of A New Dawn. Philip Burns is sitting at an autograph table, his white dress shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows. On his face are the signature aviator shades. James Novak sits next to him. Fans are lined up. Several of the wrestlers have their own table set up. Another fan approaches.}
Philip Burns: Hey buddy.
Fan: Hey Burns! Good to have you back man.
{Burns signs his program}
Philip Burns: Good to be back my friend. Hope to see you at the show.
{Burns takes a sip of water as the fan leaves. While drinking he is addressed by the next person in line.}
“You suck, Angel carried you, and nobody loves you.”
Philip Burns: Hey you prick let me tell yo-
{Philip looks up to see it is Will Washington.}
Will! How the hell are you?
{They chuckle for a moment.}
Will Washington: Good. Good. I just thought I would stop by. Saw the line over here and it got me thinking about old times. You and me on Up Late, you getting hit by a bus when we were walking down the street. We went through some stuff, Burnside.
Philip Burns: We did, we really did. I saw you were facing Joe Everyman at the show this week. How is that working for ya?
Will Washington: I’m ready my friend. Joe is all talk. You wouldn’t believe the run in I had with some fans of his.
Philip Burns: I heard. The People of Wal-Mart special. It doesn’t take long to figure out what wrong with people when their parents are around. Hey listen, I’m kinda stuck at this table for a little while but maybe we could catch up a little bit soon.
Will Washington: It would be nice to catch up and maybe work together in the future so holler at me. I think we are staying at the same hotel. I will probably be in the pool. I hope it is heated, but that is neither here nor there. Take care and I will be seeing you around.
Philip Burns: Later.
{Will walks away, trying to avoid rabid fans and get to an exit.}
James Novak: You are actually thinking of hanging out with that guy?
Philip Burns: Will? Yea he is good people. We used to have quite a few laughs.
James Novak: isn’t he the degenerate that once caused you to get hit by a bus?
Philip Burns: Well he didn’t really CAUSE it. He was just there when it happened. He was there when I was in a coma and went Further Down the Rabbit Hole and unlocked all these hidden memories.
James Novak: I don’t know what that mean... But you have got to start trusting me. All these people who are supposedly your friends are no good. You hung out with him and wound up in a coma. How in the world do you expect to win a championship in this company if you are in a coma? I don’t want to be the guy saying I told you so once a week so you just going to have to trust me. I want to be your agent like we talked about and I cannot do that if you don’t put a certain level of trust in my hands.
{a random fan in line has been listening in.}
Fan 2: James, you’re kinda creepy.
{Novak shoots him a death stare and stands up.}
James Novak: Well, you’re kinda NOBODY so get to stepping. No autographs for stupid punks today.
{Novak sits down as the man is escorted away.}
But like I was saying, you have to put your career in my hands.
Philip Burns: I know, I just have trouble trusting people in this business. We went from being acquaintances to now I see you all the time and you’re giving me so much advice.
James Novak: I would never steer you wrong, Philip. You take care of these autographs and I will be back soon. I have to return some video tapes.
Philip Burns: Sounds plausible for 1997.
James Novak: Whatever, I just have stuff to do.
{The exchange a hand shake and Novak leaves. The camera catches up with Novak later at the hotel pool. We see Will Washington is doing some laps.}
James Novak: Enjoying yourself?
{Washington looks up, startled.}
Will Washington: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Everyman! Where the hell did you come from?
{Novak walks to the edge of the pool where Will Washington is now resting. He kneels down.}
James Novak: Where I came from is not nearly important as where you are going. The answer to that is not near Philip Burns.
Will Washington: Who are you, his mom?
{James chuckles}
James Novak: No, no Will. I’m not his mother. What I am is a concerned citizen. I am very concerned that anyone in nCw, especially the Owner of this company would praise you and anything you have done. I am frightened at what the future of this company would look like with a degenerate like you serving as a role model. You push your “friend” Phillip Burns in front of a van two years ago and people are supposed to believe you embody what nCw is all about? A van, mind you, that was driven by an even bigger waste of space Mike Honcho. Sir, nCw cannot afford to continue to believe that YOU are an accurate representation of this company.
Will Washington: First of all creepy guy, I tried to save him from getting ran over. And he barely sustained any injuries. Not to mention that was well before you ever even showed your face here.
James Novak: Be that as it may, if the almighty William Washington really wanted to save Philip Burns don’t you think you could have? A real friend would have. Philip has only ONE true friend. It isn’t you, it isn’t Mike Honcho, and it certainly isn’t this thankless company.
{Washington reaches out of the pool and grabs James' tie and pulls him closer.}
Will Washington: Burns may not be on to you but I am. I’ve seen what you are up to. If you are thinking about trying to tell me who I can and can not talk to I have got news for you, I am not Mike Honcho. I am Will by God Washington and you cant intimidate me. If it wasnt for this pool being so cold I would get out and kick your ass. You are nobody and you are entering a world of pain. This isn’t 'Nam and you are out of your element so just walk away. Walk away now.
{Will and Novak have a stare down before Will lets go of his tie and Novak backs down.}
James Novak: Fine. Alright, Will. you’re right. I am overstepping my boundaries and I apologize.
Will Washington: Put your sorries in a sack mister. Now beat it.
{Novak walks away and pauses at the door. He stares back at Will Washington as he continues doing laps in the pool. One has to wonder what lengths James is willing to go to protect the interests of his “friend” Philip Burns. How much further will Burns be manipulated. He continues to stare with a scowl on his face. One thing is for sure, he did not swallow what Washington had to say very well and it is clear he hasn’t given up.}
I said get out of here creep!
{Novak is startled and quickly leaves. Fade out.}
