Post by Jasmine Barrera on Sept 1, 2012 4:16:01 GMT -6
For some reason, this song seems really appropriate right now. Honestly, I haven't had much to smile about lately. I haven't been doing so hot in New York, and the heat from the Circle was constantly over me like a dark cloud. Believe me when I say that it was hard to really enjoy life there. Going from the pent house to the outhouse based on a lie is really some heavy ****.
Outside of that, I haven't been winning a lot of matches lately, and it's also starting to take it's toll. It's painful to go out there everynight, and not being able to take advantage of the situation that's in front of you and come out with a win. Yet, for some reason, Jenny can make it look effortless. Sometimes I wonder just how see is able to do it, when she really is so confused all the time. Part of me thinks it's luck. But can it really be luck when all she seems to do is win all the time?
Moving out to California seemed to be a step in the right direction, a change of scenery, for obvious reasons. But even now, I'm not settled in just yet. I've tried. Lord knows I've tried. But it's just...it's like there's something missing. Like most everything I'm doing in Cali just...doesn't seem to fit. Something is off. Flash isn't here. None of the Circle is here. It's a gift and a curse. I'm forced to trust DLC's people and I don't know them that well. I don't know if what they give me to work with is any good or not. Most nights, I find myself staring out the window of my loft at the sky, wondering what's going on in New York.
Keep your friends close, as the old saying goes.
With everything so jumbled, I find myself in a match against...Natalya Demidov And while I'm sure she's focused, she's ready, and she'll be ready to go out there, I can just say honestly, That I'm not. I can be honest with myself, I am really unprepared for this. I've been trying to shake the feeling of dread and focus, but I just haven't been able to. Maybe if I tell her I'm going to kick her ass it's gonna make me feel better. But then I don't know who she is, or what she's capable off. Based on her one or two forgettable preformances, I'm not too worried, but still, I could be in for a long night. And that's not what I need right now.
Right now, I need Flash. But right now, he's not here. He's rotting in Rikers Island because of something he had no control over, and he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. No doubt in my mind that Rodney is behind all this, and yet, he continues to play the straight and narrow, and then accuse me. Flash knows the truth, and obviously Rodney doesn't want it getting out. So now, everything and everyone has seemingly left me to fend for myself in this business.
And I'm not talking about wrestling. Lord knows as crazy as Jenny can be sometimes, she's still a friend and I trust her. She's not the problem, but outside, it's getting harder and harder to build. I'm sure Nattie has no idea what I'm talking about, but who cares what she thinks. I don't think she's ever uttered a peep on camera for NCW anyway.
The question now becomes what do I do. What do I do when everything is just coming up empty? Everything is headed in the wrong direction? How does one build herself back up, and bring peace when it's sorely needed?
I guess a victory on Trauma is a good place to start.
From then, I guess I'll have to make due. I have to start from the ground up. From the bottom, and make it back to the top. It's gonna be hard work, and I know it, and I can do it. Maybe for the first time in a long time, there will be some sunshine in my life. Maybe this is the start I really need. Maybe this is what I was supposed to be doing.
And maybe, It'll lead me back to the spot that was wrongfully taken from me. And to the truth.