Post by JackHammer on Apr 3, 2008 23:14:45 GMT -6
Scene fades up to a shot of the living room in JackHammer’s Chicago house. Pizza boxes and bags of BBQ frito’s and Dorito’s are scrambled on the coffee table. Bottles of beer and mountain dew are empty laying on the floor and table. JackHammer is sitting in his rust colored recliner watching some wrestling from Puerto Rico. He is in town on some business and decided to half some people over to watch old tapes. He is the only one left from the crew.)
JackHammer: So much to say…so little time.
(JackHammer is dressed in his normal attire unlike the last time we saw him. He has on black and red converse all stars, Red Corduroy pants, a tight black JackHammer t-shirt…shamelessly shilling his merchandise, and has no hat on tonight…his long blonde hair is in a pony tail. He puts the chair in the upright position and takes a drink from a bottle of clear jolt, which is grape flavored, called white lightning. He pulls the bottle away from his lips and whips them. He then begins to speak.)
JackHammer: Matt Margera?
(The tone in his voice is sarcastic and questioning.)
JackHammer: Matt Margera? Are you alive?
(A brief smile appears on his lips…it’s hard to see under his goatee though)
JackHammer: Seriously kid…this is the BIGGEST match up of your math of your pathetic career and you have done NOTHING to hype it up! Not One promo yet! Not One boring ass promo yet? You have got to be kidding me right? No promo yet and you think that’s enough to get the fans interested in your match? Kid listen up! Promo’s are what helps generate fan interest…so that they purchase tickets to the event, order the event on pay per view and most importantly SO THEY GIVE A FU*K ABOUT YOU! Aren’t you tired of walking down the ring to pure silence? I swear to Christ I heard crickets the last time you wrestled. Maybe if you give them a reason to cheer you they will you stupid asshole! Fu*king rookie who has zero business being in the ring with me! You see Matt Margera there is a big….no….HUGE difference between me and you! You see I to have only done one promo on my own up to this time but you know what? I DO NOT NEED TO CUT PROMO’S! I am a veteran of this sport and fans know me worldwide my friend. They love me everywhere I go and I would have it no other way!
(JackHammer reaches for the jolt again to wet his mouth. He drinks some then places it back on the ground)
JackHammer: As for you Matt Margera….why? Why so angery? It will do little for you bro. How do I know this? I used to be the same way…I used to be pissed off twenty four seven….and you know what that got me? Actually it got me a lot of breaks and helped get me to where I am today…but you are not like me! You see anger is only good if you can control it…if you are in control of your rage then you are almost unstoppable. You can conquer almost anything or anyone. But you Matt Margera….you are not in control that anger of yours is controlling you! You are not thinking with a clear head are you? Can’t concentrate like you used to eh? Am I right? I bet I am Matt Margera….cause again I’ve been there. After a while the anger took over on me…it made me basically a nut case! I would go around busting people up for NO reason at all. One wrong look and KABLAMO! I’d knock them in the grill with my fist. One night did that to the wrong guy and almost got sent to jail. You see I punched the sheriff of Kane county right in the mush for giving me a strange look…it turns out he was in shock that he saw me and wanted a picture and autograph but instead he got his teeth kicked in. I paid for the hospital bill and gave him several autographs and old hard to find merchandise just to stay out of jail…it worked and after that I changed…don’t get me wrong…I’m still one bad man and I still have rages of anger that you wouldn’t believe but I have it all in check now! I know when to release my anger and when to store it in a little jar in the pit of my stomach.
(At this point JackHammer rambles on and on for what seems to be forever but is actually only one minute and thirty three seconds. After his tirade about anger he gets up and turns off the TV and DVD player. He grabs a slice of pizza with candian bacon,pineapple on it. He devours the pizza like a homeless guy who hasn’t eaten in three days would. He walks into the kitchen and you see a dog laying down on a dog bed. It is a boxer that is white with a few patches of rust colored fur that are in the shape of circles on his back. JackHammer bends down and pets the dog on the head and hands gives him the crust of the pizza. The dog places the crust between his paws holding it tightly as he begins to chew on it.)
JackHammer: What do I think of when I hear the name Matt Margera? Tough? Strong? Physical? Athletic? Insane? Hardcore? NO! Absolutely not! The first word that comes to my head when I hear the name Matt Margera is OBSESSED! The man has a serious obsession over the Xtreme Title. It is pretty scary if you ask me. There is nothing sadder than a man who doesn’t want but NEEDS a title! Needs it to feel that he is important…that he belongs in this profession. Matt Margera needs that title so he can feel that his eight or so years in this dirty business aren’t all for nothing. With that gold belt he will feel complete…like he has done something worthwhile in professional wrestling. That his career isn’t ****. If Matt Margera gets that Xtreme Title he will feel as if he is a somebody…that he is “The Man!” I used to be the same way dude. I once held the Xtreme title in a different federation longer than any man in that fed. Hell my Xtreme Title reign was the LONGEST reign of ANY title in that fed. Tag, NA, WORLD! All of those titles longest reigns PUT TOGTHER didn’t match My run! Why? Because I was Obsessed with that title. I would do what ever I had to to keep that belt. I would throw or spit fireballs in people’s faces…hit them with barbed wire…hell I even hung a man around the neck off the top of a steel cage with barbed wire to keep my belt! You see what I’m saying Matt Margera? I know where you are coming from…I know why you need that title so bad…you are Insecure. Maybe it is low self-esteem? Or maybe it is the fact that you are a raving looney? I vot for number two! I vote that you are an insane madman who had no common sense….but look who that’s coming from? JackHammer! So I guess my opinion doesn’t count for **** now does it?
(The phone rings….JackHammer puts it on speaker phone.)
JackHammer: JackHammer’s abortion clinic…you do‘em we scrape ‘em how can I help you?
(It’s JackHammer’s bud Saber on the other line)
Saber: Dude that is just wrong!
JackHammer: What’s up man? What the hell is that noise I can hardly hear you man.
(Sabers seems to be yelling on the phone…barely auditable.)
Saber: DUDE! It’s the 11th! Where the fu*k are you?!?! The concert has started man!
(JackHammer has a look of shock on his face.)
JackHammer: Fu*k! I’ll be right there man! AHHHHHHHHHHH
(Click)
JackHammer: I’m fu*king late! ARG!
(JackHammer grabs his keys and flys out the door…you hear him run down a few flight of stairs….and then you hear him run right back up them. He pops his head back in the doorway.)
JackHammer: Fu*k face!
(He isn’t talking directly to you but it sure feels that way eh? He is talking to the camera man)
JackHammer: Get the hell out of my place! Get in the Top Kick with me…we’ll finish this promo at the show.)
(Scene fades out.)
JackHammer: So much to say…so little time.
(JackHammer is dressed in his normal attire unlike the last time we saw him. He has on black and red converse all stars, Red Corduroy pants, a tight black JackHammer t-shirt…shamelessly shilling his merchandise, and has no hat on tonight…his long blonde hair is in a pony tail. He puts the chair in the upright position and takes a drink from a bottle of clear jolt, which is grape flavored, called white lightning. He pulls the bottle away from his lips and whips them. He then begins to speak.)
JackHammer: Matt Margera?
(The tone in his voice is sarcastic and questioning.)
JackHammer: Matt Margera? Are you alive?
(A brief smile appears on his lips…it’s hard to see under his goatee though)
JackHammer: Seriously kid…this is the BIGGEST match up of your math of your pathetic career and you have done NOTHING to hype it up! Not One promo yet! Not One boring ass promo yet? You have got to be kidding me right? No promo yet and you think that’s enough to get the fans interested in your match? Kid listen up! Promo’s are what helps generate fan interest…so that they purchase tickets to the event, order the event on pay per view and most importantly SO THEY GIVE A FU*K ABOUT YOU! Aren’t you tired of walking down the ring to pure silence? I swear to Christ I heard crickets the last time you wrestled. Maybe if you give them a reason to cheer you they will you stupid asshole! Fu*king rookie who has zero business being in the ring with me! You see Matt Margera there is a big….no….HUGE difference between me and you! You see I to have only done one promo on my own up to this time but you know what? I DO NOT NEED TO CUT PROMO’S! I am a veteran of this sport and fans know me worldwide my friend. They love me everywhere I go and I would have it no other way!
(JackHammer reaches for the jolt again to wet his mouth. He drinks some then places it back on the ground)
JackHammer: As for you Matt Margera….why? Why so angery? It will do little for you bro. How do I know this? I used to be the same way…I used to be pissed off twenty four seven….and you know what that got me? Actually it got me a lot of breaks and helped get me to where I am today…but you are not like me! You see anger is only good if you can control it…if you are in control of your rage then you are almost unstoppable. You can conquer almost anything or anyone. But you Matt Margera….you are not in control that anger of yours is controlling you! You are not thinking with a clear head are you? Can’t concentrate like you used to eh? Am I right? I bet I am Matt Margera….cause again I’ve been there. After a while the anger took over on me…it made me basically a nut case! I would go around busting people up for NO reason at all. One wrong look and KABLAMO! I’d knock them in the grill with my fist. One night did that to the wrong guy and almost got sent to jail. You see I punched the sheriff of Kane county right in the mush for giving me a strange look…it turns out he was in shock that he saw me and wanted a picture and autograph but instead he got his teeth kicked in. I paid for the hospital bill and gave him several autographs and old hard to find merchandise just to stay out of jail…it worked and after that I changed…don’t get me wrong…I’m still one bad man and I still have rages of anger that you wouldn’t believe but I have it all in check now! I know when to release my anger and when to store it in a little jar in the pit of my stomach.
(At this point JackHammer rambles on and on for what seems to be forever but is actually only one minute and thirty three seconds. After his tirade about anger he gets up and turns off the TV and DVD player. He grabs a slice of pizza with candian bacon,pineapple on it. He devours the pizza like a homeless guy who hasn’t eaten in three days would. He walks into the kitchen and you see a dog laying down on a dog bed. It is a boxer that is white with a few patches of rust colored fur that are in the shape of circles on his back. JackHammer bends down and pets the dog on the head and hands gives him the crust of the pizza. The dog places the crust between his paws holding it tightly as he begins to chew on it.)
JackHammer: What do I think of when I hear the name Matt Margera? Tough? Strong? Physical? Athletic? Insane? Hardcore? NO! Absolutely not! The first word that comes to my head when I hear the name Matt Margera is OBSESSED! The man has a serious obsession over the Xtreme Title. It is pretty scary if you ask me. There is nothing sadder than a man who doesn’t want but NEEDS a title! Needs it to feel that he is important…that he belongs in this profession. Matt Margera needs that title so he can feel that his eight or so years in this dirty business aren’t all for nothing. With that gold belt he will feel complete…like he has done something worthwhile in professional wrestling. That his career isn’t ****. If Matt Margera gets that Xtreme Title he will feel as if he is a somebody…that he is “The Man!” I used to be the same way dude. I once held the Xtreme title in a different federation longer than any man in that fed. Hell my Xtreme Title reign was the LONGEST reign of ANY title in that fed. Tag, NA, WORLD! All of those titles longest reigns PUT TOGTHER didn’t match My run! Why? Because I was Obsessed with that title. I would do what ever I had to to keep that belt. I would throw or spit fireballs in people’s faces…hit them with barbed wire…hell I even hung a man around the neck off the top of a steel cage with barbed wire to keep my belt! You see what I’m saying Matt Margera? I know where you are coming from…I know why you need that title so bad…you are Insecure. Maybe it is low self-esteem? Or maybe it is the fact that you are a raving looney? I vot for number two! I vote that you are an insane madman who had no common sense….but look who that’s coming from? JackHammer! So I guess my opinion doesn’t count for **** now does it?
(The phone rings….JackHammer puts it on speaker phone.)
JackHammer: JackHammer’s abortion clinic…you do‘em we scrape ‘em how can I help you?
(It’s JackHammer’s bud Saber on the other line)
Saber: Dude that is just wrong!
JackHammer: What’s up man? What the hell is that noise I can hardly hear you man.
(Sabers seems to be yelling on the phone…barely auditable.)
Saber: DUDE! It’s the 11th! Where the fu*k are you?!?! The concert has started man!
(JackHammer has a look of shock on his face.)
JackHammer: Fu*k! I’ll be right there man! AHHHHHHHHHHH
(Click)
JackHammer: I’m fu*king late! ARG!
(JackHammer grabs his keys and flys out the door…you hear him run down a few flight of stairs….and then you hear him run right back up them. He pops his head back in the doorway.)
JackHammer: Fu*k face!
(He isn’t talking directly to you but it sure feels that way eh? He is talking to the camera man)
JackHammer: Get the hell out of my place! Get in the Top Kick with me…we’ll finish this promo at the show.)
(Scene fades out.)