Post by Freya Davis on Nov 26, 2012 15:53:35 GMT -6
"You know this all seems really familiar to me. I chase after someone, pin them, and now here we are. Another NCW pay per view, Breaking Away, and I get my second Starlets Title shot in as many pay per views. Last month, I failed but I didn't fail because I lost to a better woman. No. As I kept pointing out I got my shoulder off of the mat before the three count. You can call it lag, the referee not paying a lot of attention but maybe my words rang true with someone.
Maybe when I pinned Jenny last night, someone saw something that decided that I would get another title shot instead of someone else. I mean it certainly wouldn't have been Mercedes Vargas. She hasn't won anything meaningful, on her own, in months. I think Sydney pointed out her flaws quite nicely last week. I really enjoyed that. I also enjoyed a lot of things this past week. I enjoyed pinning Jenny, proving that I can do it. I enjoyed Vargas getting destroyed. I enjoyed so many things about this past week.
I know Thanksgiving has past us but I have so many things to be thankful for. My friends, my family, my enemies, and about anything else I hold dear in my life. I am thankful that I am not alone and I don't need to align myself with anyone to get ahead in what I do. I am thankful that I believe I have made it on my own the past few months. This is why I do not go by Kane anymore. I always had this feeling that everything I got was a handout because of who my brothers were.
I never really got that feeling of accomplishment as Freya Kane. Everything felt so hollow, like they didn't want the Kane brothers breathing down their neck. So they gave me what I wanted. Since going by my married name, I feel more fulfilled with professional wrestling. For so long I just hated this business despite going into the ring. We know how I felt about the Kane name. Its something I hate. I hate the assumptions that go with that name. I wanted to restore honor to the name but how can I restore something that has been so badly damaged that nothing can ever fix that?
In the time since my return I have learned so many things about the wrestling business through the eyes of being Freya Davis. Instead I felt like when I won Road to the Gold, it was from my skills and no one cowering from the Kane name like I had once felt. It took me way too long to realize that in wrestling, I can't coast on a name. I did it for a year or two, expecting everything to be handed to me. When the harsh realization set in that it did not, I got mad and left.
Not even sure if I'm saying anything fresh or new or exciting. At this point everything is just blending together. One day simply flows to the next because that is how life goes. I wake up, kiss my husband, breakfast, work out, lunch, nap time, play with the kids, dinner, get the kids to bed, watch TV, maybe sex and then bed. This is what my life consists off. If I had to work a normal job, I think I would just kill myself from the mindnumbing boredom that would be my life.
This is why I enjoy wrestling despite how people think about me, how they feel about me. To most I am nothing more then a punch like. Freya's a flake. Freya loves black dong. Freya is only in wrestling because of her family. Freya only gets lucky from time to time and then leaves when she doesn't get her way. I've heard everything time after time and the words still hurt. I try to pass it off but they do. I hate how I've acted in the past. I hate that people think I am some mindless drone that slobbers on my husband's cock all day, every day.
I hate that people don't see me for what I am. In a way, I feel like I just go unnoticed unless I do something completely stupid. I wanted to be recognized for something, anything, just so I could get some of the spotlight away from my brothers. Now they are gone, basically, I feel like I can just let my wrestling do the talking. I don't need to worry about Brad or Spike having their big retirement send off for the tenth time. I don't need to worry about them rage quitting. Now its just me and Dexter.
The most level headed person I have ever seen in professional wrestling. He never really gets mad or down on himself. He views it as his creative outlet, a way to entertain people, and a reason to keep himself in shape. My husband has been my role model for wrestling the past few months and I like to thank him for allowing me to be in this position for a second time facing Jenny Williams for the Starlets Championship. Not Brad, not Spike, but Dexter has put me in my place when it comes to wrestling.
So Sunday night when I get into that ring against Jenny Williams again, as my opponent, I don't know what to expect. It seems like last month we put it all on the line and she supposedly won and retained her title. Now I get my second chance and maybe my last chance. I honestly thought after last month that would be it. As it turned out, it wasn't. Is this my time to finally capture the one thing I want in wrestling? I know I've won a title or two before but this is one of the biggest companies in the states.
I want this, badly. Its kept me going through the weeks of having to put up with Vargas. I proved myself this entire month that I was worthy of another shot at Jenny. Jenny, I love you. You are a friend, a great friend. Someone, as I've said before, that is not a fluke when you're facing most women. Like I've noted before and will probably say again, I will considered what happened last month to be a terrible decision.
I hope it doesn't happen again but if it does, aren't we all human anyways? We make mistakes. I've made numerous mistakes and I view this title as a way to fix those mistakes. This is my redemption for the past couple of years. My mistakes as a flake. My mistakes as a parent. My mistakes with my love life. I'm not saying if I don't win I'm going to be completely crushed but Jenny, I need this more then you could ever know.
If I know you, you'll do anything to keep yourself as champion to make your family proud of you. Your strong wrestling family. The strong wrestling family you're marrying into. Sometimes I think we're mirror images of one another. The families, the video games, people always thinking they knowing what we are. Sunday night, Jenny, let us prove everyone wrong yet again. That you're not a fluke and I'm not a fluke.
Nothing will ever change my friendship with you, Jenny. Not even if I am your Crystal to myself. I look forward to pinning you again. This time, it matters."
Maybe when I pinned Jenny last night, someone saw something that decided that I would get another title shot instead of someone else. I mean it certainly wouldn't have been Mercedes Vargas. She hasn't won anything meaningful, on her own, in months. I think Sydney pointed out her flaws quite nicely last week. I really enjoyed that. I also enjoyed a lot of things this past week. I enjoyed pinning Jenny, proving that I can do it. I enjoyed Vargas getting destroyed. I enjoyed so many things about this past week.
I know Thanksgiving has past us but I have so many things to be thankful for. My friends, my family, my enemies, and about anything else I hold dear in my life. I am thankful that I am not alone and I don't need to align myself with anyone to get ahead in what I do. I am thankful that I believe I have made it on my own the past few months. This is why I do not go by Kane anymore. I always had this feeling that everything I got was a handout because of who my brothers were.
I never really got that feeling of accomplishment as Freya Kane. Everything felt so hollow, like they didn't want the Kane brothers breathing down their neck. So they gave me what I wanted. Since going by my married name, I feel more fulfilled with professional wrestling. For so long I just hated this business despite going into the ring. We know how I felt about the Kane name. Its something I hate. I hate the assumptions that go with that name. I wanted to restore honor to the name but how can I restore something that has been so badly damaged that nothing can ever fix that?
In the time since my return I have learned so many things about the wrestling business through the eyes of being Freya Davis. Instead I felt like when I won Road to the Gold, it was from my skills and no one cowering from the Kane name like I had once felt. It took me way too long to realize that in wrestling, I can't coast on a name. I did it for a year or two, expecting everything to be handed to me. When the harsh realization set in that it did not, I got mad and left.
Not even sure if I'm saying anything fresh or new or exciting. At this point everything is just blending together. One day simply flows to the next because that is how life goes. I wake up, kiss my husband, breakfast, work out, lunch, nap time, play with the kids, dinner, get the kids to bed, watch TV, maybe sex and then bed. This is what my life consists off. If I had to work a normal job, I think I would just kill myself from the mindnumbing boredom that would be my life.
This is why I enjoy wrestling despite how people think about me, how they feel about me. To most I am nothing more then a punch like. Freya's a flake. Freya loves black dong. Freya is only in wrestling because of her family. Freya only gets lucky from time to time and then leaves when she doesn't get her way. I've heard everything time after time and the words still hurt. I try to pass it off but they do. I hate how I've acted in the past. I hate that people think I am some mindless drone that slobbers on my husband's cock all day, every day.
I hate that people don't see me for what I am. In a way, I feel like I just go unnoticed unless I do something completely stupid. I wanted to be recognized for something, anything, just so I could get some of the spotlight away from my brothers. Now they are gone, basically, I feel like I can just let my wrestling do the talking. I don't need to worry about Brad or Spike having their big retirement send off for the tenth time. I don't need to worry about them rage quitting. Now its just me and Dexter.
The most level headed person I have ever seen in professional wrestling. He never really gets mad or down on himself. He views it as his creative outlet, a way to entertain people, and a reason to keep himself in shape. My husband has been my role model for wrestling the past few months and I like to thank him for allowing me to be in this position for a second time facing Jenny Williams for the Starlets Championship. Not Brad, not Spike, but Dexter has put me in my place when it comes to wrestling.
So Sunday night when I get into that ring against Jenny Williams again, as my opponent, I don't know what to expect. It seems like last month we put it all on the line and she supposedly won and retained her title. Now I get my second chance and maybe my last chance. I honestly thought after last month that would be it. As it turned out, it wasn't. Is this my time to finally capture the one thing I want in wrestling? I know I've won a title or two before but this is one of the biggest companies in the states.
I want this, badly. Its kept me going through the weeks of having to put up with Vargas. I proved myself this entire month that I was worthy of another shot at Jenny. Jenny, I love you. You are a friend, a great friend. Someone, as I've said before, that is not a fluke when you're facing most women. Like I've noted before and will probably say again, I will considered what happened last month to be a terrible decision.
I hope it doesn't happen again but if it does, aren't we all human anyways? We make mistakes. I've made numerous mistakes and I view this title as a way to fix those mistakes. This is my redemption for the past couple of years. My mistakes as a flake. My mistakes as a parent. My mistakes with my love life. I'm not saying if I don't win I'm going to be completely crushed but Jenny, I need this more then you could ever know.
If I know you, you'll do anything to keep yourself as champion to make your family proud of you. Your strong wrestling family. The strong wrestling family you're marrying into. Sometimes I think we're mirror images of one another. The families, the video games, people always thinking they knowing what we are. Sunday night, Jenny, let us prove everyone wrong yet again. That you're not a fluke and I'm not a fluke.
Nothing will ever change my friendship with you, Jenny. Not even if I am your Crystal to myself. I look forward to pinning you again. This time, it matters."
-----
Sun is out by holy balls is it cold outside. I don't really like cold weather but it allows me to snuggle up at night next to Dexter to stay warm even if I am pajamas which I have to do now that Cecilia is living with us for a while. I hope she's able to find a good place pretty soon. Not to say I don't love her but sometimes she's cramping me and Dexter. Still she's a lifesaver when she takes care of the kiddos. Its just the two of right now. We both have a nice cup of tea though mine has like six sugars, cream and a shot of Red Bull.
Cecilia: Did you and Dexter have a nice weekend outside of wrestling in your match?
Freya: Yes we did, thank you. Had a nice lunch at a BBQ joint since we were in North Carolina. Dexter told me I had to have the ribs instead of a salad. Usually he tells me to get the salad while I have the ribs.
Cecilia chuckles while I take a sip of my tea. How I doctor it, tastes really good. I turn to face my mother in law, my only mother I've really ever had to be honest. I wish I could remember my birth mother but I was way too little when she passed away. I think about her sometimes. I wonder if she would be happy with me. With the kids and my husband.
Cecilia: You okay, dear?
Huh? Oh I guess she's asking me something. Got lost in my own thoughts and didn't really catch it. Time to be polite and ask.
Freya: What was that?
Cecilia: Are you okay, Freya? Something seems to be bothering you right now.
I didn't know mother's in law could pick up something a real mom can, when someone isn't having the greatest of times. I sigh before putting my cup of tea down on the table on the little plate for it. I don't know the correct name so get off of my back.
Cecilia: Come on now. I can tell something is on your mind right now. You can trust me. I know you haven't had many great female influences in your life. I can't imagine what it was like with how you grew up. When Megan was the only female in your life to give you advice for a long time.
Freya: It was pretty tough but hey, I came out alright, didn't I? I feel like I am a great mother and wife. I do well cleaning up the house and trying to cook for your son. I just...
And it hits me. I just start to cry. I don't know why but I can't shut it off. Maybe its a bad case of the Mondays or just sitting here makes me realize that I've had to fight my way to being something passable as a mom and wife. No real help outside of someone who wanted to mold me like a barbie doll into her own image.
Cecilia: Its okay honey. You got me now, okay? I know I'm not even close to what your mom would've been but I'm still learning things about being a mother. The job never ends. Look at me. I've moved in with you because New York got too expensive for me to keep living on my own. Its terrible, Freya. That I have to live with my son and his wife and his kids.
I can't find anything to say right now as I keep crying. I know she's trying to make me feel better. Just that it isn't working too well.
Cecilia: We all have struggle and pain in our lives. I had to raise Dexter and his brother by myself. It was tough but to see how Dexter came out and how he is now, do you know how rewarding it is. I'm sure if your mother was alive right now, she would be so damn proud of you. I know I am. I know you love my son, and your kids, and your family. You could've ended up badly with the right upbringing. Look at that Megan. She had every advantage she could hope for. Look at how she turned out.
Freya: Yeah...
Cecilia: So what I'm trying to say is, you do what you do on your own. You and Dexter had rough lives until now. Look at how its paying off. Great things happen to great people, Freya. You're a great person. Never let these women tell you differently, okay? I know you're friends with some of them but still, never let them tell you differently. You have flaws, we all do, but dammit, it takes a bigger person to ignore them.
I nod my head as the tears start to dry up. She's really good at these mom speeches. Must've been years of practice.
Cecilia: Don't you ever get down on yourself because you didn't have a mom growing up, okay? This is what I'm trying to say. You're fine. If you need help, I'm here.
Freya: Thank you.
Cecilia: You don't need to thank me. You just keep your head up. Keep being the best person you can be, and you'll be fine, alright?
I nod my head again as I take a drink of my tea. I give her a big hug right now. She pats my back while whispering to me. Dexter is so lucky to have this woman as his mom. I'm lucky to have her as my awesome mother in law too.
Cecilia: Now how about I show you how to cook a meatloaf without burning it half to death. Doesn't that sound good?
Freya: Yes, yes it does, Cecilia.
Cecilia smiles as she leads me up to the kitchen. This is one of the most handy things about her sometimes. Her cooking. She's an amazing cook and I hope she's able to turn me into one someday. Its a slow process but I'm just glad to be able to have someone show me something, just this once.
