Post by Lionheart on Jan 30, 2013 11:55:26 GMT -6
Chad takes his seat across from me and smiles. I feel uncomfortable, nervous even. It's not my place to be sitting here instead of a wrestler deserving of the attention.. not any more at least.
The studio light shining in my face makes me feel like I'm under interrigation. The cameras capturing the moment for ncw.com are starting to hurt my tired, ageing eyes. I used to love this. I loved the thrill of being in the spotlight. The chance to talk the talk and trade insults with the best in the business, and know full well that I at least had some kind of chance to back it up on a Sunday.
I lived for that adrenaline, for that test of character, for the pressure of success that followed me around like my very own Stan.
I lived for all of it.. until it ruined my life.
Chad: Shall we begin?
I nod. He takes a long look at the questions on the clipboard resting on his lap. I'm eager for him to start. I hate the waiting. Once I get going, the auto-pilot should take me back to that place.. the place where I can answer any question without once getting tongue tied.. the place where I know how to smile arrogantly to the camera and act better than I feel.. the place where I know how to pretend that the unrelenting pain in my spine that Andew Jacobsen inflicted upon me doesn't pulse with each passing second..
..stronger..
..and stronger..
Chad: So.. Doc. It's been a long time since the NCW audience has heard from you. Why don't you start off by telling us about your new role in the company and exactly how the whole thing came about?
It was as surprising to me as it was to anyone Chad. Over the festive period I got a phone call from the champ which I assumed was just to shoot the breeze and exchange festive greetings, but Roberto starting talking about the problems in the company-
Chad: Which problems are you referring to?
Jesus, at least let me finish the sentence.
The lack of competition - which, for the record, isn't my opinion. To be honest with you, I haven't seen enough of NCW over the past year or so to even have an opinion - but Verona felt like there wasn't enough talented young superstars breaking through to challenge him for the belt, you know? He said he wanted to take this company back to its glory days, and he needed someone capable of identifying young talent, and helping them achieve their potential.
Chad: One thing some of the NCW audience will be saying - and I mean this in the nicest possible way - is how can a man like Doc, a man who throughout the years showed an incredible appetite for self-destruction, hindering his own potential in not just one but two major companies possibly be the right choice for this kind of role?
I see it like this Chad. If you're a teenage kid hanging around the streets, drinking, fighting, getting in to trouble.. are you going to listen more to some silver-spooned, rich old man who comes to your high school and preaches about the morals of right and wrong, or to someone who's actually been through it, paid the price and advises you not to make the same mistakes that he made? The young wrestlers who come in to this company are all intelligent enough to make their own decisions. Sometimes it just helps them to have someone there when the stress of living out of a suitcase seems like less of a life than being at home with their wife and kids. Sometimes people get pissed off when they lose a match or don't get the title shot they deserve and say things which harm their career rather than help it. Me being around is just a buffer, someone to bitch and complain to without going crazy at the boss. I hope that nine times out of ten, I can let these guys get things off their chest, point them in the right direction and let them go and express themselves postively without me standing over their shoulder telling them to say this or do that.
Chad: It seems like you've been taking the role fairly seriously over the past month or so, and in fact we've seen you in and around quite a few recent shows talking with new recruits and taking notes on certain matches. For a man still in his early 30s, many people would say that you should still be out in the ring performing rather than working behind the scenes. Do you not retain any bitterness? Or do you really just relish your new role as much as it appears to the audience?
That's an interesting couple of questions you've rolled in to one there. I'll start by saying that of course I miss my career. I don't think any athlete involved in such a high adrenaline sport can honestly say otherwise. But it is what it is Chad. I'm just not capable of performing out there any more.. when I broke my neck, the experts said it was unlikely I would ever walk again. Less than a year down the line I pinned the same man who caused that injury.. one, two, three.. in an NCW ring. I've already extracted every ounce of fight I can from this body and even when I returned from that injury, I knew I would never be the same wrestler I was. I still struggle to lift my legs out of bed in the morning, and that's never going to go away. No doctor in their right mind would clear me to wrestle. So in answer to your second question, I am relishing this job. What else do I have without professional wrestling? Say what you like about the backstage drama and the drugs and the groupies and every other story that found its way on to the internet in the past ten years - I gave my life to this business. I never got married, never had kids, hardly saw my friends, never took up hobbies outside of training. And now I've got nothing. Living life in the fast lane was the lifestyle I'd always dreamed about, but I never thought about getting old. I never thought about the injuries catching up on you and the fans no longer caring and the sluts no longer spreading their legs every time you walk past. It leaves you an empty, lonely old man.. and if I can help one other wrestler.. just one other wrestler to avoid the mistakes I've made, and make the most of the career he has, then the satisfaction will be worth more than any Rolex I ever bought or sports car I ever drove. I promise you that.
Chad: I've obviously had the pleasure of sitting down with you several times in the past, and it seems pretty obvious that you have the same passion for this job as you did for competing in the first place. So with that in mind, let's bring Will Washington in to the picture. Now Will is a guy who you have a lot of history with..
Correct.
Chad: As far as I'm aware it all dates back to the formation of the Young Guns, and the night you and Venom teamed up to win the tag titles..
I wait for a second before answering, slightly emotional. The Young Guns.. Venom, my best friend in this business.. Having NCW gold around my waist and feeling like I could do anything in this company I wanted to. It feels like yesterday.. being in my prime, fit enough to wrestle two matches on one show and walk out successful..
I sigh under my breath. What I would do to go back..
Man, mentioning that really takes me back. When we formed the Young Guns, I think it's pretty safe to say that the entire company hated us. And I mean hated us. I don't think five individuals ever have or ever will make such an impact on this company again. There were at lot of reasons to hate us.. we were young, arrogant, successful, and quick to point out how pathetic everyone else on the roster was. So it wasn't just a Will Washington and Doc thing. In all honesty, I thought we had moved on from all that..
Chad: Well that brings me to my next question. Given your committment to your talent development role, you must have been outraged when you heard what Will Washington had to say about it.
Outraged isn't the word. I don't get it Chad - I mean I really, really, don't get it. Does he honestly still hate me that much that he can't bare to see me around backstage? Because let me tell you, this whole "Doc isn't a good role model" BS, give me a break. Since when did Will Washington care about anyone but himself? This is a man who walked out on his tag team partner and let Venom and I beat the hell out of him. Do you think anyone backstage trusts that Will Washington is looking out for the good of their careers? I don't know what his agenda is, whether he still hates me from back then or whether he has some other self centered motive for trying to drive me out of this company. But I do know one thing - I wont stand for it. I may be an over the hill cripple and Will Washington may be every bit as talented and athletic as he thinks he is but I'll you this right now, I've never backed away from a fight in my life, and that includes plenty bigger fights than Will Washington. So if you think I'm going to suddenly accept being spoken down to by some never was choke artist who went from being the Gladiator to headlining Trauma every other week, you can put your expectations on the end of a rubber glove and shove them up your ass.
I stop, reach out for the glass of water on the table in front of me and drink, not sure where that outburst came from. I can tell from Chad's momentary pause that he wasn't expecting it either.
Chad: Strong words.. but I have to put it to you, Doc.. that maybe Will Washington thinks you have been targetting him since you got back?
What?
I can feel the emotion that used to carry me through matches flowing through my veins as I snap back at Chad. I can see he's a little reluctant to continue with his line of questioning. Most interviewers would have moved on completely, but Chad always gets the story the fans want to hear. I respect that.
Chad: Well.. first there was the tag match where Will saw you talking with his partner before going out to compete..
I was giving the guy some encouragement, I thought that was my job?
Chad: And then there was an incident which Will Washington is on record as saying he feels was an attempt by you to cost him the match, when you went down to ringside and began taking notes during his bout with Xavier Williams. He also said that you are trying to use your influence backstage to ensure he doesn't reach the top..
That's ridiculous. Again, I was taking notes because it's my job to keep tabs on how people are doing. On one hand he's saying I'm trying to hold him down and on the other hand he's saying I'm not allowed to check on his progress. How else am I going to see if he's ready for a big title shot? I've got a job to do and I'll do it to the best of my ability - to suggest that I'm biased against anyone on the roster.. no, I'm not having it. You see Chad, I don't care what the doctors say any more. I know I'm not fit to wrestle, I don't need a PHD in physiotherapy to work it out. But life's about more than that. I'd rather be in a wheelchair the rest of my life than stay silent while Will Washington drags my name throught he mud every time he steps in front of camera. No.. this Sunday isn't about wrestling. It's about principle. It's about being the man I have been since I flew to America as a snot nosed kid with nothing but a dream and a set of balls. I can't promise the fans an epic encounter this Sunday - I can't promise anything with a run down body like this, except one thing. I'll survive in there long enough to make sure Will Washington tastes his own blood. And I guarentee.. if it's the last thing I ever do inside that ring.. he'll think twice before he ever picks a fight with this washed up junkie again.
Chad signals for the camera to cut, and the interview is over. He stands up and extends his hand for me to shake, and I try to get up to do so. I press down on the arms of my chair with both hands but can't quite pull myself to my feet. He helps, grabbing me up from underneath my arm, and I nod him my thanks. It's embarassing. Pathetic even. A man who should have done so much more in his career, hardly able to stand at the age of 31.
I shake hands with Chad, and turn to walk away.
You know what?
That wasn't so bad after all.
The studio light shining in my face makes me feel like I'm under interrigation. The cameras capturing the moment for ncw.com are starting to hurt my tired, ageing eyes. I used to love this. I loved the thrill of being in the spotlight. The chance to talk the talk and trade insults with the best in the business, and know full well that I at least had some kind of chance to back it up on a Sunday.
I lived for that adrenaline, for that test of character, for the pressure of success that followed me around like my very own Stan.
I lived for all of it.. until it ruined my life.
Chad: Shall we begin?
I nod. He takes a long look at the questions on the clipboard resting on his lap. I'm eager for him to start. I hate the waiting. Once I get going, the auto-pilot should take me back to that place.. the place where I can answer any question without once getting tongue tied.. the place where I know how to smile arrogantly to the camera and act better than I feel.. the place where I know how to pretend that the unrelenting pain in my spine that Andew Jacobsen inflicted upon me doesn't pulse with each passing second..
..stronger..
..and stronger..
Chad: So.. Doc. It's been a long time since the NCW audience has heard from you. Why don't you start off by telling us about your new role in the company and exactly how the whole thing came about?
It was as surprising to me as it was to anyone Chad. Over the festive period I got a phone call from the champ which I assumed was just to shoot the breeze and exchange festive greetings, but Roberto starting talking about the problems in the company-
Chad: Which problems are you referring to?
Jesus, at least let me finish the sentence.
The lack of competition - which, for the record, isn't my opinion. To be honest with you, I haven't seen enough of NCW over the past year or so to even have an opinion - but Verona felt like there wasn't enough talented young superstars breaking through to challenge him for the belt, you know? He said he wanted to take this company back to its glory days, and he needed someone capable of identifying young talent, and helping them achieve their potential.
Chad: One thing some of the NCW audience will be saying - and I mean this in the nicest possible way - is how can a man like Doc, a man who throughout the years showed an incredible appetite for self-destruction, hindering his own potential in not just one but two major companies possibly be the right choice for this kind of role?
I see it like this Chad. If you're a teenage kid hanging around the streets, drinking, fighting, getting in to trouble.. are you going to listen more to some silver-spooned, rich old man who comes to your high school and preaches about the morals of right and wrong, or to someone who's actually been through it, paid the price and advises you not to make the same mistakes that he made? The young wrestlers who come in to this company are all intelligent enough to make their own decisions. Sometimes it just helps them to have someone there when the stress of living out of a suitcase seems like less of a life than being at home with their wife and kids. Sometimes people get pissed off when they lose a match or don't get the title shot they deserve and say things which harm their career rather than help it. Me being around is just a buffer, someone to bitch and complain to without going crazy at the boss. I hope that nine times out of ten, I can let these guys get things off their chest, point them in the right direction and let them go and express themselves postively without me standing over their shoulder telling them to say this or do that.
Chad: It seems like you've been taking the role fairly seriously over the past month or so, and in fact we've seen you in and around quite a few recent shows talking with new recruits and taking notes on certain matches. For a man still in his early 30s, many people would say that you should still be out in the ring performing rather than working behind the scenes. Do you not retain any bitterness? Or do you really just relish your new role as much as it appears to the audience?
That's an interesting couple of questions you've rolled in to one there. I'll start by saying that of course I miss my career. I don't think any athlete involved in such a high adrenaline sport can honestly say otherwise. But it is what it is Chad. I'm just not capable of performing out there any more.. when I broke my neck, the experts said it was unlikely I would ever walk again. Less than a year down the line I pinned the same man who caused that injury.. one, two, three.. in an NCW ring. I've already extracted every ounce of fight I can from this body and even when I returned from that injury, I knew I would never be the same wrestler I was. I still struggle to lift my legs out of bed in the morning, and that's never going to go away. No doctor in their right mind would clear me to wrestle. So in answer to your second question, I am relishing this job. What else do I have without professional wrestling? Say what you like about the backstage drama and the drugs and the groupies and every other story that found its way on to the internet in the past ten years - I gave my life to this business. I never got married, never had kids, hardly saw my friends, never took up hobbies outside of training. And now I've got nothing. Living life in the fast lane was the lifestyle I'd always dreamed about, but I never thought about getting old. I never thought about the injuries catching up on you and the fans no longer caring and the sluts no longer spreading their legs every time you walk past. It leaves you an empty, lonely old man.. and if I can help one other wrestler.. just one other wrestler to avoid the mistakes I've made, and make the most of the career he has, then the satisfaction will be worth more than any Rolex I ever bought or sports car I ever drove. I promise you that.
Chad: I've obviously had the pleasure of sitting down with you several times in the past, and it seems pretty obvious that you have the same passion for this job as you did for competing in the first place. So with that in mind, let's bring Will Washington in to the picture. Now Will is a guy who you have a lot of history with..
Correct.
Chad: As far as I'm aware it all dates back to the formation of the Young Guns, and the night you and Venom teamed up to win the tag titles..
I wait for a second before answering, slightly emotional. The Young Guns.. Venom, my best friend in this business.. Having NCW gold around my waist and feeling like I could do anything in this company I wanted to. It feels like yesterday.. being in my prime, fit enough to wrestle two matches on one show and walk out successful..
I sigh under my breath. What I would do to go back..
Man, mentioning that really takes me back. When we formed the Young Guns, I think it's pretty safe to say that the entire company hated us. And I mean hated us. I don't think five individuals ever have or ever will make such an impact on this company again. There were at lot of reasons to hate us.. we were young, arrogant, successful, and quick to point out how pathetic everyone else on the roster was. So it wasn't just a Will Washington and Doc thing. In all honesty, I thought we had moved on from all that..
Chad: Well that brings me to my next question. Given your committment to your talent development role, you must have been outraged when you heard what Will Washington had to say about it.
Outraged isn't the word. I don't get it Chad - I mean I really, really, don't get it. Does he honestly still hate me that much that he can't bare to see me around backstage? Because let me tell you, this whole "Doc isn't a good role model" BS, give me a break. Since when did Will Washington care about anyone but himself? This is a man who walked out on his tag team partner and let Venom and I beat the hell out of him. Do you think anyone backstage trusts that Will Washington is looking out for the good of their careers? I don't know what his agenda is, whether he still hates me from back then or whether he has some other self centered motive for trying to drive me out of this company. But I do know one thing - I wont stand for it. I may be an over the hill cripple and Will Washington may be every bit as talented and athletic as he thinks he is but I'll you this right now, I've never backed away from a fight in my life, and that includes plenty bigger fights than Will Washington. So if you think I'm going to suddenly accept being spoken down to by some never was choke artist who went from being the Gladiator to headlining Trauma every other week, you can put your expectations on the end of a rubber glove and shove them up your ass.
I stop, reach out for the glass of water on the table in front of me and drink, not sure where that outburst came from. I can tell from Chad's momentary pause that he wasn't expecting it either.
Chad: Strong words.. but I have to put it to you, Doc.. that maybe Will Washington thinks you have been targetting him since you got back?
What?
I can feel the emotion that used to carry me through matches flowing through my veins as I snap back at Chad. I can see he's a little reluctant to continue with his line of questioning. Most interviewers would have moved on completely, but Chad always gets the story the fans want to hear. I respect that.
Chad: Well.. first there was the tag match where Will saw you talking with his partner before going out to compete..
I was giving the guy some encouragement, I thought that was my job?
Chad: And then there was an incident which Will Washington is on record as saying he feels was an attempt by you to cost him the match, when you went down to ringside and began taking notes during his bout with Xavier Williams. He also said that you are trying to use your influence backstage to ensure he doesn't reach the top..
That's ridiculous. Again, I was taking notes because it's my job to keep tabs on how people are doing. On one hand he's saying I'm trying to hold him down and on the other hand he's saying I'm not allowed to check on his progress. How else am I going to see if he's ready for a big title shot? I've got a job to do and I'll do it to the best of my ability - to suggest that I'm biased against anyone on the roster.. no, I'm not having it. You see Chad, I don't care what the doctors say any more. I know I'm not fit to wrestle, I don't need a PHD in physiotherapy to work it out. But life's about more than that. I'd rather be in a wheelchair the rest of my life than stay silent while Will Washington drags my name throught he mud every time he steps in front of camera. No.. this Sunday isn't about wrestling. It's about principle. It's about being the man I have been since I flew to America as a snot nosed kid with nothing but a dream and a set of balls. I can't promise the fans an epic encounter this Sunday - I can't promise anything with a run down body like this, except one thing. I'll survive in there long enough to make sure Will Washington tastes his own blood. And I guarentee.. if it's the last thing I ever do inside that ring.. he'll think twice before he ever picks a fight with this washed up junkie again.
Chad signals for the camera to cut, and the interview is over. He stands up and extends his hand for me to shake, and I try to get up to do so. I press down on the arms of my chair with both hands but can't quite pull myself to my feet. He helps, grabbing me up from underneath my arm, and I nod him my thanks. It's embarassing. Pathetic even. A man who should have done so much more in his career, hardly able to stand at the age of 31.
I shake hands with Chad, and turn to walk away.
You know what?
That wasn't so bad after all.