Post by Jabari Woodhead on Feb 3, 2013 0:11:50 GMT -6
The scene opens up with Jabari Woodhead sitting out on a lawn chair out by the pool. Suddenly a woman walks out.
La Toya: Honey, it's the Denver Broncos, they would like a word with you.
Jabari Woodhead: Tell them I'm busy.
La Toya: It sounds like it's pretty important.
Jabari Woodhead: Woman, tell them I will call them back! I need my motha****ing rest after that workout I just did.
The woman walks back inside and then walks back outside with a Red Bull and she sets it next to wear Jabari is sitting.
La Toya: They told me to have you call them back after the Super Bowl, they want to offer you a contract.
Jabari Woodhead: What do they need with me, they seem to have Linebackers out the ass there.
La Toya: They want to convert you from outside linebacker to middle. They want you to replace the aging Keith Brooking and Joe Mays
Jabari Woodhead: Damn right they do, they know that even since I haven't played football all season that I can still go out and bang with the best of them. I may just have to consider the offer. Did they say anything about how much they would pay me?
La Toya: Yeah, it was something like five million a year.
Jabari Woodhead: That's it? Do they not remember who the hell they are dealing with here? I know that I may be thirty years old but I'm still worth more than five million a year. I better get on the phone with my damn agent. Hell five million is still more than I'm currently making under the contract I just signed with New Championship Wrestling. Lucky bastards are only getting me for three and a half mill a year. They should be so happy that I gave them my friendly discount, I very easily could have signed somewhere else for way more money.
La Toya: When are you going to learn that it ain't all about the money?
Jabari Woodhead: You are going to tell me that it ain't all about the money? Look here bitch I guess you don't remember how we met? You had no ****ing clue who I was until my dumbass friend Jamal told you that I had a ton of money, you wanted nothing to do with me until he said that. In fact what the **** are you still doing here? I could have sworn I threw your gold digging bitch ass out weeks ago and yet here you are still in my ****ing presence. Get the **** out and let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.
La Toya gives Jabari the finger and walks out through a gate on the side the house. Just then Jamal walks in through the same gate and takes a seat next to Jabari.
Jamal: What was up with La Toya, she looked really pissed?
Jabari Woodhead: I just tossed her to the curb, we all know that she was only hear for my money.
The sound of glass breaking is heard
Jamal: Sounds like she is taking it out on your car.
Jabari Woodhead: Yeah, but luckily I remembered to put out the decoy car this morning.
Jamal: Decoy car?
Jabari Woohead: Yeah, it's not really a car, basically just the body of a car with windows and ****, then when I get rid of a bitch she goes and destroys it but it's no big deal because it isn't a real car.
Jamal: That is a great idea, how much do they cost?
Jabari Woodhead: Well I probably go through three or four of them a month so it probably costs about eight thousand a month I would guess.
Jamal: That isn't too bad specially since it's saving you tons of money in not having to buy new cars
Jabari Woodhead: Exactly, speaking of new cars I bought a new car and it is supposed to be arriving here in a little bit.
Jamal: Sweet, what did you get?
Jabari Woodhead: You will just have to wait and see. The only hint I'll give you is that imported it from Europe.
Jamal: Oh ****, that is going to be a sweet ride. When you taking me for a ride?
Jabari Woodhead: When you ****ing turn into a chick, only chicks are riding in that car man.
Jamal: That ****ed up man, you are like my best homie and that is how you gonna do me.
Jabari Woodhead: Yeah, pretty much. I think I hear the truck
Both men get up and walk out the gate and see a semi truck with a car trailer sitting in front of the house
Delivery Man: Are you Jabari Woodhead?
Jabari Woodhead: Yeah I am. Is this my car?
Delivery Man: Yeah it is. Want me to pull the cover off before we take it off the truck?
Jabari Woodhead: Nah, leave it on. Thanks for getting it here so quickly.
The Delivery guy and Jabari push the car off the trailer and shake hands, the delivery guy gets back into the cab of the truck and leaves.
Jamal: Can we look at it now?
Jabari Woodhead: Sure
Jabari pulls the car cover off the car to reveal a 2012 flat Camo Bentley Continental GT
Jamal: Who the hell did you buy this car off of?
Jabari Woodhead: Soccer player Mario Balotelli. He didn't want to import it from England to Italy when he got transfered this week. Pretty sweet car I must say and I picked it up for only forty-thousand plus import fees. Not too shabby I must say
Jamal: Let's go for a ride.
Jabari Woodhead: No way bro, I got to go pick up some honeys now that I got this awesome machine. I mean how hard can it be
Jabari winks at the camera as he enters the machine which quickly comes to a roar. The tires smoke and squeal as Jabari takes off down the road as the scene fades to black
Hammy, Hammy, Hammy, I guess I expected a lot more out of you. I guess everything I heard about you was actually a lie, you are not the man that you were oh lets say four year ago. I still can't believe I'm taking **** from someone like you who has come and gone more time than Markus Reeves. I'm sure this time will be no different, I'll walk out and give you the catagory 5 and send you back to Depressingham, England where you belong and can wash your cars and masturbate using your tears as lube and watch real athletes such as myself do what we do best and dominate everyone and everything our paths
Oh ****, I'm sorry Jack, I forgot I wasn't supposed to mention your cars or spout cliches and **** like that. I guess I might as well really make you sad and mention that you are the underdog since you wont allow me to do that too. Hate to break it to you mother****er but I don't have to listen to you, this ain't the ****ing eighteen-hundreds anymore. I can do and say whatever the **** I want because I'm not a ****ing slave to you.
Honestly Hammond, I don't give a **** what you say, I'm going to physically and mentally demolish you this Sunday. On the biggest sports day in America it will be my ****ing privledge to kick the **** out of some yellow teethed, warm beer drinking ****o in front of the greatest country in the world. When I knock your teeth down your throat everyone in the arena will instantly notice how much better your face looks afterwards. Sunday, I continue on my path of dominance and will start to make my mark as the greatest two sport athlete in the history of the world.
La Toya: Honey, it's the Denver Broncos, they would like a word with you.
Jabari Woodhead: Tell them I'm busy.
La Toya: It sounds like it's pretty important.
Jabari Woodhead: Woman, tell them I will call them back! I need my motha****ing rest after that workout I just did.
The woman walks back inside and then walks back outside with a Red Bull and she sets it next to wear Jabari is sitting.
La Toya: They told me to have you call them back after the Super Bowl, they want to offer you a contract.
Jabari Woodhead: What do they need with me, they seem to have Linebackers out the ass there.
La Toya: They want to convert you from outside linebacker to middle. They want you to replace the aging Keith Brooking and Joe Mays
Jabari Woodhead: Damn right they do, they know that even since I haven't played football all season that I can still go out and bang with the best of them. I may just have to consider the offer. Did they say anything about how much they would pay me?
La Toya: Yeah, it was something like five million a year.
Jabari Woodhead: That's it? Do they not remember who the hell they are dealing with here? I know that I may be thirty years old but I'm still worth more than five million a year. I better get on the phone with my damn agent. Hell five million is still more than I'm currently making under the contract I just signed with New Championship Wrestling. Lucky bastards are only getting me for three and a half mill a year. They should be so happy that I gave them my friendly discount, I very easily could have signed somewhere else for way more money.
La Toya: When are you going to learn that it ain't all about the money?
Jabari Woodhead: You are going to tell me that it ain't all about the money? Look here bitch I guess you don't remember how we met? You had no ****ing clue who I was until my dumbass friend Jamal told you that I had a ton of money, you wanted nothing to do with me until he said that. In fact what the **** are you still doing here? I could have sworn I threw your gold digging bitch ass out weeks ago and yet here you are still in my ****ing presence. Get the **** out and let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.
La Toya gives Jabari the finger and walks out through a gate on the side the house. Just then Jamal walks in through the same gate and takes a seat next to Jabari.
Jamal: What was up with La Toya, she looked really pissed?
Jabari Woodhead: I just tossed her to the curb, we all know that she was only hear for my money.
The sound of glass breaking is heard
Jamal: Sounds like she is taking it out on your car.
Jabari Woodhead: Yeah, but luckily I remembered to put out the decoy car this morning.
Jamal: Decoy car?
Jabari Woohead: Yeah, it's not really a car, basically just the body of a car with windows and ****, then when I get rid of a bitch she goes and destroys it but it's no big deal because it isn't a real car.
Jamal: That is a great idea, how much do they cost?
Jabari Woodhead: Well I probably go through three or four of them a month so it probably costs about eight thousand a month I would guess.
Jamal: That isn't too bad specially since it's saving you tons of money in not having to buy new cars
Jabari Woodhead: Exactly, speaking of new cars I bought a new car and it is supposed to be arriving here in a little bit.
Jamal: Sweet, what did you get?
Jabari Woodhead: You will just have to wait and see. The only hint I'll give you is that imported it from Europe.
Jamal: Oh ****, that is going to be a sweet ride. When you taking me for a ride?
Jabari Woodhead: When you ****ing turn into a chick, only chicks are riding in that car man.
Jamal: That ****ed up man, you are like my best homie and that is how you gonna do me.
Jabari Woodhead: Yeah, pretty much. I think I hear the truck
Both men get up and walk out the gate and see a semi truck with a car trailer sitting in front of the house
Delivery Man: Are you Jabari Woodhead?
Jabari Woodhead: Yeah I am. Is this my car?
Delivery Man: Yeah it is. Want me to pull the cover off before we take it off the truck?
Jabari Woodhead: Nah, leave it on. Thanks for getting it here so quickly.
The Delivery guy and Jabari push the car off the trailer and shake hands, the delivery guy gets back into the cab of the truck and leaves.
Jamal: Can we look at it now?
Jabari Woodhead: Sure
Jabari pulls the car cover off the car to reveal a 2012 flat Camo Bentley Continental GT
Jamal: Who the hell did you buy this car off of?
Jabari Woodhead: Soccer player Mario Balotelli. He didn't want to import it from England to Italy when he got transfered this week. Pretty sweet car I must say and I picked it up for only forty-thousand plus import fees. Not too shabby I must say
Jamal: Let's go for a ride.
Jabari Woodhead: No way bro, I got to go pick up some honeys now that I got this awesome machine. I mean how hard can it be
Jabari winks at the camera as he enters the machine which quickly comes to a roar. The tires smoke and squeal as Jabari takes off down the road as the scene fades to black
Hammy, Hammy, Hammy, I guess I expected a lot more out of you. I guess everything I heard about you was actually a lie, you are not the man that you were oh lets say four year ago. I still can't believe I'm taking **** from someone like you who has come and gone more time than Markus Reeves. I'm sure this time will be no different, I'll walk out and give you the catagory 5 and send you back to Depressingham, England where you belong and can wash your cars and masturbate using your tears as lube and watch real athletes such as myself do what we do best and dominate everyone and everything our paths
Oh ****, I'm sorry Jack, I forgot I wasn't supposed to mention your cars or spout cliches and **** like that. I guess I might as well really make you sad and mention that you are the underdog since you wont allow me to do that too. Hate to break it to you mother****er but I don't have to listen to you, this ain't the ****ing eighteen-hundreds anymore. I can do and say whatever the **** I want because I'm not a ****ing slave to you.
Honestly Hammond, I don't give a **** what you say, I'm going to physically and mentally demolish you this Sunday. On the biggest sports day in America it will be my ****ing privledge to kick the **** out of some yellow teethed, warm beer drinking ****o in front of the greatest country in the world. When I knock your teeth down your throat everyone in the arena will instantly notice how much better your face looks afterwards. Sunday, I continue on my path of dominance and will start to make my mark as the greatest two sport athlete in the history of the world.